My Cliche Bingo entry for "Canon AU"
Inspired by a George Lucas quote "Jedi Knights aren't celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships."
Pairings: Carth/Morgana, Carth/female Revan
Warning: contains marital infidelity
Part 1: Revan
Carth looked at the partying people around him, and wondered about the change the Jedi had brought to the war effort.
They could celebrate victories, now, instead of always mourning their losses.
This particular party was arranged in one of the larger ships to celebrate yet another victory over the Mandalorians, yet another planet saved. Someone had had the idea of making it a masquerade, but Carth noticed he wasn't the only one who hadn't bothered. The intention must have been the wish for the Jedi to be able to mingle with the Fleet personnel without the aura of mystery but he found he could still easily pick out the Jedi.
It was something in their stance, their expression—or maybe there actually was aura around them, he couldn't tell.
He walked aimlessly around the ship, not really in a mood to party. He missed home and his family. Now, if his wife was here they could dance the night away as they had done, many times, before the birth of their first child.
A child. The though still took his breath away, even after a few years; he had a son. Son, whose first laugh he'd missed, whose first step he'd missed... for whom he was fighting, far away from home.
He downed another drink, and looked at the dancing for another moment before turning around to look for some peace and quiet. He had taken a shuttle over with some friends and couldn't leave before they were ready.
He opened a door in random, and almost walked through before realising it wasn't empty.
"Oh, sorry," he muttered to the dark form in front of the window before turning.
"It's okay. You looking for some privacy, too?" woman's voice answered him, stopping his retreat.
"Yes."
"You are welcome to share my hideaway," the woman said, and he turned to see her smile.
"Thank you," he said, smiling back and closing the door.
Maybe he should have asked himself why he chose company instead of the solitude he had thought he wanted.
The woman looked younger than him, her body hidden by a dark cloak, and her dark hair in a simple bun at the back of her head. She was beautiful, but in a subtle way.
She gestured at the bench and he sat down next to her. She moved a bit and he could see the lightsaber peeking from under the cloth. He wasn't really surprised, something in her serene form had already led him to the conclusion.
"You're one of the Jedi," he said.
"Yes."
"Then I should say 'thank you' for your help. We were losing before you people joined in," he said casually but honestly.
"I… we felt the Council was… wrong, in denying you help," she replied, turning to look out of the window again.
Her profile against the stars was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, and it took him a while to gather his thoughts.
"Trust me, we appreciate you for it," he finally said, then grinned. "I doubt you hid from the party to talk shop."
"I just... don't feel comfortable in the crowds. I find it hard to connect," she explained, facing him again.
He smiled. "Me too. I'm too old for this crowd."
She raised an eyebrow and he explained, "I've been a soldier too long to see romance in our profession, and I have a family back home. Two things that separate me from most of that lot," he finished, nodding towards the door, indicating the party that was still in full swing.
"Do you have children?"
"A son," he said, simply. As much as he loved his family, he didn't want to talk about them.
He told himself it was only because that would make him miss them more.
She smiled, and seemed to sense his reluctance. Well, for all he knew, she could actually read his mind.
Could the Jedi do that? Suddenly he wasn't sure what all he'd learnt about them during the campaign. He saw no reason not to make use of this situation to learn more.
She laughed at his question. "No. Sometimes I wish we could—it would make life so much easier. Some of us can sense emotions, moods, but other than that we're on the same line as everyone else, having to decipher clues from gestures, looks and behaviour."
"I'm glad," he said, turning to look at the stars.
"Oh?" Was her tone flirtatious?
He shot her a smile. "I don't think you'd like to hear my thoughts now."
"Are you sure of that?" she asked, with playful challenge, and he had his answer. She was flirting with him. "I could make you tell."
And she said she found it hard to connect? She was connecting a little too well, here.
"I'm sure you could, Beautiful, I'm sure you could," he replied, keeping his own tone light.
The conversation went on along similar lines; they talked, laughed, and kept up the light flirting. Light enough to be completely innocent, casual enough to be completely safe.
In theory.
Carth had no idea how much time had passed when suddenly there was noise at the door. It opened, and a man peeked in.
"Here you are!" he exclaimed, seeing the woman. "Come on, you're missing all the… fun"
"I'm fine as I am," his companion stated dismissively.
"But…" the man said, staring at Carth with a calculating frown.
"Later," she said, decisively, and the man left, with a final, searching look at Carth, who had stilled.
"That… was Malak," he said quietly after he was gone.
"Yes?"
"Lady, I've spent my life in the Fleet. I recognise hierarchy even when it's not spoken out loud. There is only one person Malak would be subservient to… Revan."
She merely nodded, and looked away.
"Does it matter?" she asked quietly, all playfulness gone.
"Does it matter that you are the reason we are winning? I can only thank you again," he said, already more formal.
"Don't… please," she begged, turning to look at him again. "It has been… nice, to be able to forget that I am a leader, for a while, and just… enjoy myself."
He didn't know what to say, and felt awkward. He had been flirting with Jedi Revan? Damn.
She seemed to read his mood easily enough.
"Damned Malak. You see me differently, now. Why did he have to show up?"she asked from the universe but Carth had an answer for her.
"He wanted to party with you," he said dryly, and the tone of 'party' left no doubt of what he really meant.
Revan frowned and turned to him. "What?"
"What, you didn't know?"
"But we're not…"
"Well, you may not be, but he is," Carth said, her confusion clearing some of the awe from his head. She was just a woman again, not an all-powerful warrior.
"How did I not know this?"
"Isn't that forbidden for you Jedi?" he asked, curious.
"We are not celibate," she said, smiling. "We are just not allowed to form… attachments."
"Good thing you don't advertise it—it would make you guys the dream of every partying soldier: guaranteed no-strings sex!" he couldn't stop his exclamation.
"Every soldier?" she asked, shooting him a look from the corner of her eye.
He swallowed, looking away.
"Yeah," he replied, then cleared his throat because his voice had sounded uncommonly hoarse.
"Even the married ones?" she asked quietly.
"Maybe especially theirs," he replied in near whisper, unable to look at her.
There was no denying it—he had wanted her from the moment he had seen her face, and it had just grown while they had been talking. It had made him flirt, even though it wasn't his habit… and every thought of Morgana had left his head.
He had known he should leave but he had been unable to, determined to enjoy her company for as long as he could. Maybe the idea of the untouchability of the Jedi had kept him… safe. From straying. He'd never cheated on Morgana, not during all his long absences, and now here, with her…
Revan touched his arm lightly, and he turned his head to look at her, as if he couldn't help himself.
She looked as unsure of herself as he did, and that eased his mind. This was new to her, too.
But she was feeling it as well.
He lowered his head slowly, to leave her time to escape. She met him halfway, and then he could feel her soft lips against his, and the sweetness of the feeling warred with the explosive desire that awoke inside him.
There was no time for tenderness when the hunger overtook them. He was forcing her mouth open, desperate to taste her, and she was sucking on his tongue, touching it with hers, stroking the flames even higher.
He pulled her closer, she helped, ending up on his lap, resting her weight just where he wanted her, needed her… Her hands were tugging at his clothes, he was helping her to discard her cloak, her robes, and her saber clanked loudly when it hit the floor.
It was madness; had it ever felt like this before? He couldn't remember ever being this hungry, this desperate, and it felt so, so, good… Her hands were everywhere, her lips, her teeth, biting down on his neck, his shoulder, his chest, and everywhere she wasn't touching him physically… was she… using the Force on him? To caress him? Or was he imagining it?
They were too desperate to last long but still the whole experience was more intense than anything he had ever felt.
How could he ever go back to Morgana after this? How could he ever touch her, knowing he had betrayed her, knowing he would forever be comparing her to this woman, knowing it could never be enough, now.
He wanted to hate himself, but when Revan raised her head to kiss him lightly he knew he never could. This moment of insanity was too precious to taint with self-discrimination.
"I suppose I should apologise," she was whispering against his neck. "But I cannot. That was too beautiful."
Yes, beautiful. Like her, like everything she made him feel.
How could he ever let her go?
And yet he knew it would never happen again, he would never even see her again. Because she was a Jedi, and they weren't allowed to form attachments.
And yet, somehow, he knew he wasn't the only one who had been affected deeply by the experience. Knew she wasn't in the habit of doing this.
"I don't even know your name," she whispered quietly, meeting his gaze, wonder and… something soft, tender, in her eyes.
"Carth. My name is Carth."
