Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Spoiler: From Vol. 14 of the manga on.


Chapter 1/2

Pain

"Touya Akira - sensei?" The police officer asked politely with a grave expression on his face.

"Yes?" Akira stepped aside to allow the handsome, uniform-clad person into the house. He was feeling a vague unease at the sudden and unexpected visit, especially since there was nothing he had done wrong.

A small crowd of scorpions appeared in his stomach as he closed the door behind the policeman who was taking off his cap and awkwardly brushed some snowflakes from it. For some moments, when the man didn't say anything, Akira carefully, apprehensively studied his face, his mind racing, searching for reason of this disturbing appearance. For some reason, Akira couldn't put his finger on it – was it the man's posture, his tone or his visible unease? – the visitor's oppressing presence dramatically increased the number scorpions assembling in his stomach. Suddenly they were emerging from the pits of his belly in thousands, crawling into his stomach, one tumbling over the other, each of them on the hunt, their stings poised to strike - only the prey had yet to be found.

And suddenly, Akira felt that something was very, very wrong.

As the policemen opened his mouth, Akira's heart stopped for a moment and time stood still as the scorpions in a concerted movement tore back their stings, ready to strike. Akira saw the lips of the man move and the scorpion's stings approached.

They hit hard.

As soon as he realised what the policeman's words had meant, hot pain rushed through his body.

No, he thought in denial, Seiji Ogata, his friend, could never…

Suddenly, Akira's time rushed forward like a torrential river, himself not being able to withstand it. He was washed away… time washed him away in a future where all normality and sanity dissolved in the raging waters.

As the policeman went on talking, nervously, yet earnestly presenting his condolences, Akira's world slowly changed. He was no longer in the water, he only heard the roaring stream passing by his ears, deafening him, but not being able to drown out the man's words. He slowly turned into chalk, before proceeding to become hard, grey stone.

He stood petrified, thankfully aware that he couldn't faint or fall down in shock, because stone statues didn't topple. Absent-mindedly, he wondered, how he then was able to calmly nod in response to the policeman's words and give him the desired answers. He didn't break down in tears and he even thanked the policeman politely for his concern and the innocently white letter that now rested in his hands.

Some hours passed unknown until reality finally kicked in through Akira's numbness.

The telephone rang. Automatically Akira took up the receiver and wondered slightly that his voice sounded almost as normal as ever.

"Touya-Akira speaking."

He knew the teary voice well that resounded out of the receiver. "Akira-kun… I just heard that… and I… it's so tragic… do you need me, shall I come by? You must be feeling terrible… and your parents aren't…"

Ichikawa, the receptionist of his go salon, was as nice and as helpful as ever, trying to take care of him. But right row, he didn't feel he could bear any company.

His own voice was sober and cool, the exact contrast to Ichikawa's as he answered. "I'm well, Ichikawa-san. You don't need to worry about me."

"But… but… Ogata-san… Ogata-san is…" The receptionist of the Go salon sobbed. Before she could finish her sentence though, the connection broke. In wonder Akira looked at his hand that had pushed the receiver on the telephone in such a fierce gesture. He found his feelings remounting through his numbness and subsequently understood his own desperate need to end the conversation. He had needed to kill that voice that had been about to speak aloud what Akira couldn't bear to hear.

When half an hour later the telephone rang again it was a different voice but with the same concern. Again Akira simply broke the connection, but he was no longer able to disregard the truth.

Akira crouched down on the floor, his whole body shaking violently, yet it was nothing compared to the tremor in his soul.

And suddenly he knew he was completely alone. All alone.

The house was empty, save of him. A big, hollow house. One of the entities usually occupying it had just been forcefully torn out of reality. Yes, Akira definitely felt the hole the loss of a soul had left in the house. A big, huge, gigantic empty space that would never be alive again.

With a desperate, piercing cry Akira started up, his eyes pressed together in a futile attempt to not see the huge, black monster approaching the house, battering his claws into the damageable wood and rice-paper organism. And tearing the piece out and devouring it with its sharp-toothed mouth.

Akira ran. Akira fled. As far as he could, he stormed out of the door onto the streets. Only as he had brought a safety distance between him and the monster, he dared to turn around and look back.

There was no monster.

The house looked as elegant, as calm and as beautiful as ever.

And then Akira understood.

There wouldn't be an irreparable hole in the house.

It was in his soul where the hole would forever be.

Before he started shaking again, Akira ran. Running had always helped when something had disturbed him. When he had been beaten for the first time by a boy his own age he had run after him, trying to catch up. When suddenly then his valuable first rival had turned into the most beating letdown, he had run forward. As the rival suddenly learned to play Go again, he ran away.

Insofar it only seemed logical that when he ran, today, he would end up at his rival's house.


"Ogata-sensei is… dead?" Shindo's voice ended in an incredulous, high stutter. His eyes were wide open in shock, staring at Akira, as if he couldn't comprehend what his rival had been telling him. "But…but… how? Why?" Shindo's voice wavered dangerously as if slipping on a skating rink. "An accident? Murder?"

Akira stemmed his clenched fists against his knees, pressing them into the carpet that covered the floor in Shindo's room, his spine arching backwards and his head tipping forward.

With eyelids pressed together and through clenched teeth Akira whispered that one word he with his entire being wished didn't exist.

"Suicide…?" Hikaru echoed in a shocked yell that bit in Akira's ears. "No! That's not possible!" The denial in Hikaru's voice sounded too hopeful to be believable, "You're joking, right? Right, Akira?"

"No, I'm not!" Akira cried facing Hikaru for the first time eye to eye. From his sharp movement his hair swished furiously around his face, as helpless as he was.

Shindo was very, very quiet for a moment and the stillness in the room pooled around Akira like a night-black lake and everything he felt, everyone he knew speedily glided away from him, while he was unable to move.

Seiji Ogata's face flashed up in his mind, his sharp, amber eyes glittering in merry of some silly joke between them and an honest smile, one of those rare kinds he only shared with Akira and a few others, graced his handsome features.

Akira thumped his fist in a sudden movement on the floor, not caring about the noise it made.

"Damn him! Some things are not supposed to happen…" Akira felt his throat drying and his words were hard to strangle out. "Shindo…" Akira bit on his lip as his eyes fixed on Hikaru. "Some things shouldn't be allowed to happen, should they? Shindo!" Finally he felt his windpipe clenching and for the first time there were tears welling up in his eyes. "Parents and best friends belong to the persons that aren't supposed to die!" Akira almost shouted, before the water in his eyes was blurring his view and his breath was coming in short, pressed hiccups.

He felt so very alone, his parents were away, and Ogata… Ogata… Ogata was…

"How could he go away?" Akira yelled with breaking voice, before he buried his face in his hands. "I have known him all my life! He… he was like a father or a big brother to me… and… at the same time… my friend." Akira's fingers clenched around some strands of hair. "That's not fair!"

Suddenly there was a soft touch on Akira shoulder and a gentle pull on his body, which he unthinkingly followed. He ended up in an embrace of the other's timid arms. The soft warm flesh around his distracted him for a moment from his grief and a gentle hand caressed his tense back in a comforting movement. Desperately, Akira threw his arms around the other's torso and clutched to him fiercely, hoping he had finally found a saving stone in the black lake.

After a seemingly long time, when he had finally calmed down, his face buried in the other's chest, he felt the body supporting him shaking as well.

"No… it's not fair…" Hikaru whispered as Akira worriedly unclenched his arms from the other's torso, straightening up, which caused an unexpected response from the blonde boy. The caresses on Akira's back ended, because Shindo's arms suddenly wandered around his body and he felt the other's clutching to him with the same fierce neediness as himself beforehand had done.

Unthinkingly Akira let him do so, because even through his own grief he had heard the choked tone in the other's voice. It had been so thick with anguish that Akira couldn't help but turning his head towards him.

After seeing his face he sat completely still.

"How…?" he whispered, shocked away from his grief, because he had found the other's face caught in a tight grimace. If it had been a mask of pain it would have suited himself like a second skin.

"How…?" Akira asked again, not ready to believe what his intuition told him, "I barely understand what I'm feeling myself, then how… how can you?" with every word the tone in Akira's voice became more desperate.

Hikaru's voice was barely audible as he whispered with his face against Akira's chest. "How could I not understand you?" His eyes closed in pain as he said what Akira had spoken before. "Some things are not supposed to happen… oh, how much I know it…" Akira winced and buried his face in Hikaru's hair when upon hearing his own words repeated, he felt the anguish mounting in him renewed. "Parents and friends are not supposed to die…" Hikaru stopped to draw a shaking breath. "I know exactly how you feel… because…" a sob interrupted his words. "They… are… not supposed… to disappear… from… this… world…"


"I have to tell you something." Hikaru said after a long silence.

Akira's grief no longer felt like blinding white needles, jutting out from his heart in all directions like needles from a pincushion, but it had been diminished to silent thumps, a dark-brown desperation heaving down through his veins with every heartbeat.

"Ah?" They lay on their backs in Hikaru's bed, staring at the silent ceiling. Night had already fallen over the city and only the streets lamps cast their weak glow into Hikaru's room.

"I… I know that maybe now is not the appropriate moment, but…"

"Hm?"

"I want to tell you about Sai."


Next chapter: How Hikaru tells Akira about Sai, how Ogata-sensei died, and why, and how it all ends.