Hey. So uhm, this is the first fanfic I wrote, I'm new and obviously in need of guidance * bows* I've had lots of ideas but I was just too lazy. Can I please get some reviews? I've had this thing in my head for a while now. I just want to know if I should continue or whatever. Harmful or not, I just want your comments.
It was just something that came in mind while scribbling stuff on the back of my chemistry notebook. :)
Reagan
You felt it. Again. That hurt you feel when you know, just know, that you're losing someone. And it hurts a bit more that you're definitely sure she's drifting away but you're still there, hanging onto it, to whatever's left of your relationship because you can't just leave it like that way. It seems like shallow reasoning at first, but, you just know.
"Life's too short to chase someone, whose chasing someone else."
You said so yourself. But, then you ask yourself, why couldn't you just reach up to your own words? It's not like you love her enough to go through that pain, again, right? Wrong.
You love her enough to fight for her, even when you have no chance of winning her back. You love her enough to let yourself lose and let her be happy, for whatever decision she would have to make. You love her enough to admit that maybe, you should have just let go. But you didn't, because you love her enough to just wait, to just hold on still.
You never doubted it for a second when she said those words, "I love you, Rae." In fact, you trust her well enough, even before then, that night when you poured your heart out, when you told her about that one relationship that caused you much, much pain. 'Just a phase.' You knew you had her. And you still do, it's just that, you didn't expect her to run, no, walk back to Karma, cause the hurting process is just painfully slow, just when you thought she loved you as much as you did.
But you know it all too well. You know the pain too well. And it stings like a bitch.
-
It kinda bit you in the ass that night, when you first felt it, when she was apologizing over the phone debating whether or not she would just cancel out your plans for the evening or she could deal with some Karma drama. You didn't know what came over you but you told her, with all your confidence, that it's ok and you could just have her for yourself the next day. She said she'd call you back and you said you'd wait.
And so you waited, and waited, and waited. "It's ok, Reagan, she probably just slept it off. No biggie."
You try and tell yourself just that.
When she did call, which was 37 hours later, instead of being upset, you just clutched and held on to the phone and waited for her to explain what took her so long or just say something because the silence between you two is kind of unnerving. Though you think that your brain had stopped working because your mind could not form coherent thoughts you could've said, you just blurted out "Hey, I missed you." And being met by a quiet "I miss you too."
You can feel that she meant it, but not the way you wanted to hear; the way she said it just kind of made your heart heavier and you just know something isn't right.
"Rae.. I.. I'm terribly sorry I didn't call you back. I swear, I didn't forget about our supposed date.. It just.. Karma was-" You cut her off.
"No, I understand, though, I'm a little upset because, for a minute I actually thought I was ditched and jealousy came over me and I thought of stuff." you say. "Like, for a second I thought you forgot about me"
"No, Reagan, I'm sorry. I really am. I promise I'll make it up to you." She says, followed by a 10-second-like pause. "I love you."
You hesitate for a moment, not because you don't want to say it back, but you just missed her saying that. Not like it was 37 hours ago or whatever. "I love you, too, Shrimps." You say with a not-so-happy chuckle, heart banging out of your chest. "Can I take you out for coffee? There's this new shop with donuts and a lot of baked goods." You say casually, not hinting that there's this thing in your chest that stings just as it beats, which was fast, really, and somewhat familiar.
"Sounds good, pick me up at 7." Then she hangs up.
That evening, sure she was smiling, she accepted those flowers you bought and referred to as 'the symbol of my love for you' jokingly, she held your hand, and laughed, flirted and just be couple-y, but you weren't that dumb to not notice the way she zones out and seems to be in deep thought, which doesn't happen usually when you are together, and come on, there are donuts. So yeah, there seems to be some thing.
"Hey, are you alright? You've been kinda swooped away a lot tonight." You say as you lead her to your truck.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I think. Maybe, I'm just tired." She said, barely taking glances over you as she climbs in the door you just opened for her.
"Oh. Ok." You mumble with your lips a bit tucked.
It was past 9 when you got to their driveway.
You have a lot of things, like a lot, running through your mind as you pull up. Both of you stayed silent for a minute, which seemed like forever. You look at her, deciding to speak up.
"Amy." You say softly. You have no idea what to tell her. "You know you can tell me if something is wrong, right?" she nods.
"I know, it's nothing. Walk me to the door?" she said and smiled weakly. You can just feel this thing that keeps squeezing your heart.
"Of course."
You opened the door for her, and before you could even close it after her, she leaned in to you and kissed you slowly and passionately, like it was her last and just savoring the moment. You kiss her back.
Your hands stayed on her hips and hers lazily grazing your neck. You pull away, eyes still half closed. She leaned her forehead on yours and she sighs. A long one.
"Am-"
"Sshh." She cuts you off, and bumps your noses together. She pulled you into a hug, tight, and buries her face in your neck. You hug her back, sliding your arms around her waist. After what seemed like an eternity. You broke the silence and told her "I wish I knew why you're sad."
"Am I hurting you?" she asked . "I'm sorry if I'm acting this way. There's just stuff that I shouldn't be paying attention to at the moment that's keeping me from the one thing I should really care about noticing." She kissed you on your cheek, lingering, but you don't mind her breath tickling your cheek.
"I love you. I love you." she whispered, you feel the tight contours of her fingertips on your shoulder.
You pull away from your embrace, and caress her cheek with the back of your hand, and she leans into the contact, you lift her face so your eyes could pierce through hers.
"And I love you. I could say it over and over and over again." You say softly. "Now let's get you inside, I know you're cold." And touch her nose, to which she giggles half-heartedly.
You've said your goodnights, a peck on the lips, and a rather depressing wave from Amy as you walk towards your truck, still feeling that tug on her chest that you just can't get rid of.
She's there, but half of her wasn't.
er, thoughts? ; - ; i think it went horrible. im sorryyyyyyy. but, hey, that's why i need comments, right? let. me. know. how i sucked. XD
