The usual disclaimers apply. I own nothing, just writing for fun. Enjoy.
"Clary!"
She stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of his voice. She'd know it anywhere; her brother. Clary still chocked on the word, even in her thoughts. As often as she willed the cold, hard truth away, it was still there to stare her in the face. Jace was her brother, and what she felt for him was wrong. What he felt for her was wrong. And yet….
And yet the sight of him kissing that girl had made her sick to her stomach. In that single instant, Clary finally knew what the phrase "seeing red" was all about. Jace had left her back in New York while he'd gone off to Idris and she'd followed only to catch him kissing some girl who wasn't her.
Some girl who wasn't his sister.
"What?" she asked, whirling around, her cold glare stopping Jace in his tracks. "What more could you possibly have to say to me?"
Jace approached her slowly, meeting her at the lamppost she'd been leaning on moments ago. Normally, the sight of him filled her with joy, even if it shouldn't have. But now, seeing him like this, with his shirt rumpled and his lips swollen from some other girl's kisses, she couldn't stand the sight of him.
"Clary," he said again, softer this time, reaching out slowly for her hand. She could have moved away but she didn't. She could never really help herself around Jace. "You caught me off guard back there. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? That's it? Jace I… I can't. I can't do this or anything else with you right now." Clary turned to go, but Jace wouldn't relinquish her hand. "Jace, please?"
"She kissed me, Clary," he said, tugging gently on her hand to get her to turn around. She did, slowly. "Aline kissed me first and I kissed her back because… well… I thought you wanted this. You wanted to be brother and sister. I'm just doing what you wanted me to do."
Clary knew it was true. Jace had wanted everything with her, and all she could allow herself to offer him was to be his sister. Anything else would be so wrong. She couldn't meet his eyes. Tears clouded her vision. It was all so unfair. She felt Jace's fingers move under her chin, tilting her head up. Green met gold and Clary couldn't hold them anymore. Her tears fell softly down her cheeks as Jace gathered her in his arms and held her tightly.
"Tell me that's still what you want, Clary," Jace whispered into her hair as she cried into his shirt. "Please, tell me it's still what you want."
"I…," Clary trailed off as she met his eyes again. And she knew in her heart. She knew what she wanted, more than anything. Leaning upon her tip toes, Clary gently pressed her lips against Jace's. She was struck by how right it felt for him to be holding her this way, how right it felt when he deepened the kiss, his tongue begging for access to her mouth which she quickly granted. If this was wrong, then by the Angel, Clary never wanted to be right again.
Clary plunged her fingers into Jace's hair, trying desperately to be closer to him. Jace, in turn, was probably going to leave bruises on her hips for as tightly as he was holding her, but Clary didn't care. After far too long, and admittedly by her own doing, Jace was finally kissing her again.
"I didn't mean it," Jace whispered hotly against her neck when Clary pulled back for air, peppering tender kisses along her throat. "You don't mess everything up, Clary. You're not a disaster."
Clary pulled away to meet his eyes and was met with nothing but sincerity in his golden orbs. She gently brushed a lock of hair away from his face and took a steadying breath.
"Maybe we have to talk," she replied. He nodded and took her hand again, leading her off the path towards a small cluster of trees. Behind the trees was part of the winding stream that went throughout the city. Clary settled on a rock by the water and Jace stood before her, waiting for her to begin.
"I was wrong," Clary started, playing with one of Jace's hands. "I thought I could do this, Jace, I really did. I thought I could be your sister but I can't. I don't want to. But I don't know where to go from here. Because kissing you doesn't feel wrong. It feels like the only right thing in my life. I've never felt this way… I would do anything to change things."
"We can't, though. This is the way things are. We're… siblings, and we can't change that. I'll do whatever you want me to do, Clary. You must know by now that'd I literally do anything under the sun to make you happy. But whatever we decide right now has to be it. You can't keep changing your mind. I'll be your brother, if it's what it takes, but that will be it."
"Jace, I don't want that," she said quickly, panic taking over her eyes as she gripped his hand tightly. "We tried, and I can't do it anymore than you can. I can't pretend anymore," Clary said as fresh tears filled her eyes. Jace wiped her tears away softly, his thumb following the curve of her cheek down to her lips. Clary kissed his thumb lightly and he sighed.
"You're sure?" he asked with thinly veiled hope in his eyes.
"Seeing you with that girl made me realize I don't want to have to see you with anyone who isn't me. I don't care what wanting you makes me. I don't care what it will mean if we do this. I don't even care if we have to keep things secret, Jace… I just don't care. I want you and I need you and I'm tired of denying myself."
"I do love you, Clary. Fuck, you know that, don't you?" A desperate look overcame Jace's features as she nodded her reply. "It's more than anything else I've ever felt. And I wish I had more to offer you than what I can."
"What you offer me is everything. It's more than I could have asked for," Clary replied on a whisper, wrapping her arms around his waist to bring him closer. "I love you, Jace, and I won't let anyone take that away from me."
Jace gave her a small smile before leaning down and taking her lips up in a sweet, tender kiss. His hands held her face gently. Clary ran her fingers into Jace's hair as the kiss deepened, and she felt more at peace than she had in a long while. Their tongues battled for dominance, an enticing fight, which neither was willing to lose. Clary broke from the kiss first, panting for air, a smile permanently glued to her face.
"Clary… In the end, you know it's going to come down between me and Valentine, right?"Jace asked, his hand resting lightly against her cheek.
"No, Jace, not just you. The Clave-," she began but he cut her off.
"The Clave can't get close to him like I can. You know it's true; no one can."
"Maybe that's true, but you don't have to do it alone, Jace. I can help."
"You know I can't let you do that, Clary. You haven't even been trained yet. There's no way I'm going to let you be anywhere near that final battle. Not if I can help it," he replied passionately. Looking into his eyes, Clary saw fear, an odd emotion on Jace's face. But she knew it wasn't a fear for himself, but a fear for her own safety.
"What are you saying, Jace?" Clary asked in a whisper. She felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, about to dive off into the unknown. She only wished she knew what the future would hold, to make her fears unfounded.
"Right now, this moment… Clary, this could be all we get. And if this is the only chapter in our story I have to make it count." His hands slid down her body and came to rest on her thighs. She could feel the heat from his hands through her pants, and Clary realized he was right.
"Jace, I…," she trailed off. What could she say? Everyone knew Valentine's next focus would be Idris. There was still one more Mortal Instrument to acquire before all else. Jace was perhaps the only person who stood a chance at stopping him. Breathing deeply, Clary looked deep in Jace's eyes, and nodded.
"Do you trust me, Clary?" he whispered.
"With my life," she whispered back. Without another word, Jace stood, lifted Clary from her perch on the rock, and, kneeling down gently, settled her down in the grass by the stream. Leaning over her, Jace pushed some hair aside that had fallen in Clary's face in their shuffle.
"I just have to know," he said quietly, "at least one time. Clary… I just have to know how you feel." His hands slid down to the clasp at her jean, the zipper a foreign sound as their heated gazes clashed in the bright sunshine. Clary lifted her hips as Jace began pulling her jeans down and soon they were off and hastily thrown aside. Jace brought his lips to Clary's leaving a light kiss on her lips. "This is your last chance, Clary. There's no going back from this."
"I don't want to go back, Jace. I want you."
"This should feel so fucking wrong but I finally feel, for the first time, I'm exactly where I should be. I belong with you, Clary."
Clary slid her arms around Jace's neck and crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss. Suddenly she couldn't be close enough to him. Ten minutes ago Clary had wanted nothing more than to be back in New York, curled up on Luke's couch watching Trinity Blood if only to put miles between herself and Jace, and now she was suffocating in her clothing for the want of him. Their lips broke apart as Clary wrenched Jace's shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly aside as his hands fisted the hem of her own shirt. She was nervous for only a moment as more of her body was exposed to him, but his smile was so genuine as he took all of her in that Clary relaxed quickly under his gaze.
"You're so beautiful, Clary. You're everything."
And then they were kissing again, and air didn't matter. Clary would gladly give up breathing all together if it meant more of this; more of Jace falling gracefully between her open legs. More of Jace's sinfully delicious kisses. More of his hands cupping her breasts as if she was a goddess fallen at his feet, and his sole purpose in life was to worship her.
She didn't notice when his pants and boxers came off, but Clary was suddenly aware that the only thing between herself and Jace was her cotton panties and bra. His lips were distracting her, and soon her bra followed the rest of the clothing around them.
Jace pulled back, kneeling between her legs as his hands slowly slid to her panties, searching her eyes for uncertainty, giving her one last out before they really crossed that line. Clary nodded once, trying desperately to catch her breath as Jace slowly slid them down her legs and tossed them aside.
She thought this moment would be more life altering, being naked in front of a man for the first time. And maybe with anyone else, her stomach would have twisted in knots with nerves and doubts and fears. But this was Jace, and this was where she was supposed to be, regardless of what anyone else might say about their situation. She felt excitement fluttering in her stomach, and a sense of rightness washed over as he gave a smile and gently brought his hand to her most intimate place, stroking her tenderly.
Clary threw her head back immediately, moaning softly at the sensation of his hand on her. She needed more; more of Jace, more of this feeling. She needed his weight pressing her down into the cool grass; she needed him pumping in and out of her sweetly. She needed him to whisper how much he loved her in her ear as she cried out in pleasure. Looking in his eyes, Clary could see Jace needed it, too. Jace bent down, kissing her lips quickly before looking into Clary's eyes as he positioned himself at her entrance.
"I love you, Clarissa."
"I love you, too, Jace."
Slowly, Jace began pushing into Clary, reveling in her tightness. He was ever mindful of her, and stopped when he reached her barrier. Clary nodded, to let him know she was ready, and in a quick jerk, Jace was completely inside. Clary gasped, digging her nails into his arms as her eyes squeezed shut.
"I know it hurts," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," she whispered breathlessly as the pain slowly receded. "I'm fine."
Clary kissed him sweetly to prove her point, and Jace took that as his cue to begin moving. He set a steady pace, afraid of hurting Clary more, but as her moans began to increase, so did his speed.
"Clary," he moaned softly as he pumped in and out, "you feel so good."
"Oh, Jace, so do you," she moaned back quietly, mindful of their surroundings.
"So tight."
"Oh…. Yes."
They moved as one, as if this was a practiced dance and not just the first time. He could feel her, how close she was, and Jace needed to feel her release before all else. As he continued to move in and out, Jace reached his hand between their warring bodies and stroked Clary in time with his thrusts.
"Oh by the Angel, yes Jace," she sighed. Clary closed her eyes as she was finally pushed off the ledge into an explosion of bliss the likes of which she had never imagined.
"Clary," Jace moaned as she tightened further around him, and he exploded inside her in the most intense pleasure he had ever known. He continued to rub her gently as she rode out the waves of her orgasm, sighing deeply at the feeling of content that washed over his body. Jace fell to his side, pulling Clary to lie on his chest as their breathing evened out.
"That was amazing," she whispered as Jace gazed down on her lovingly.
"Of course it was," Jace replied, the hints of a cocky grin playing at the corners of his lips.
"So full of yourself," Clary laughed, lightly swatting at his chest. She knew they would have to get up soon, but her legs felt like a combination of jell-o and lead.
"This coming from the woman who was actually full of me a minute ago."
She swatted at his chest again, but made no comment. Jace could feel her smile against his chest, and let their stolen moment linger on a little longer before he sat up, pulling her with him.
"I want you to know how much this meant to me, and that I'd lie here with you all day if I could."
Clary nodded and sighed as Jace reached around for her clothes, handing them to her before getting up to retrieve his own, which she'd managed to throw further than he'd thrown hers. They dressed in silence, knowing this moment would have to last them for a while. Knowing this could be all they got.
"I love you, Clarissa Fray." Clary smiled and reached for his hand, squeezing it in her own.
"I love you, Jace Wayland." A sad, wistful look came into his eyes at that, but he said nothing, pulling her close for a kiss before they parted ways.
They walked back to the road together, and Jace too her hand as he walked her back to Amatis's house. The walk took less time than either would have liked.
"Promise me something," Clary said as he watched her walk up the small steps to the front door.
"Anything."
"Just… Please, don't do anything stupid. Don't be noble, Jace. Try to come back to me."
From his place below her, Jace smiled at her kindly, a loving look in his eyes.
"By the Angel, Clary, it's all I've ever wanted."
