"Maybe I'll come back as somebody else. I'll be the wild-haired girl Adam meets in his first week at university.
'Hi, are you on the horticultural course as well?'" ― Jenny Downham, Before I Die
Adam couldn't take it any more, living next to that house. Whenever he woke up and looked out of the window, it was there. A constant reminder of the girl he had loved so dearly. Of all the memories that the two of them had made together before... Before she passed. Tessa was gone, but the pain remained. Just simple things would trigger a flashback to the way it was. He couldn't ride his bike anymore; it felt wrong not having her fragile body pressed against him. He couldn't go back to the bench on the cliff. That had been their spot, and now that it was just him, it was too painful. And God, he couldn't even look at the back garden without wanting to cry. That first day where she'd come to use his bonfire. When they'd kissed in the shed. Where he'd sat with her in the snow with a blanket when she couldn't walk by herself.
It killed him. His heart ached for her and he couldn't have her. Rather than come to terms with his loss, Adam had to completely erase his past. He left home. It was difficult to do that to his mother, as she needed him, and it was even harder to put her in the care home. But she couldn't look after himself and neither could he, and he knew he had to get a grip. It was selfish, but Adam could not live there any longer. He had to get out before he ended up on anti-depressants like his mother after his dad left.
Adam went to university. Tessa hadn't wanted that, but Tessa wasn't fucking there anymore. It was just him now, just fucking Adam on his fucking own again. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was fucking angry. Fucking angry at himself for being so fucking stupid and fucking fucking fuck. Fucking angry at Tessa. So fucking angry at Tessa. She fucking left him, she fucking said they'd fucking grow up together and she fucking left him.
Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Calm. Tessa had done nothing wrong. It wasn't Tessa's fault. It wasn't her fault that she's gotten cancer, not her fault that she'd suffered for so long.
He missed her so much. No amount of lying to himself and to others could cover that up. He wanted her back. He needed her back.
Adam was falling apart.
{A/N: Short chapter! Just to introduce things. Chapter two should be up soon... ish. In which Adam will meet the title character, who, as you may have guessed, is 'the wild-haired girl Adam meets in his first week at university'. I've not published anything I've written for over a year I think, so feedback would be much appreciated!}
