A/N

Hi guys. Here we are with the first chapter of a new ff. I think this will be not longer than 3 or 4 chapter.
Now... this is kind of sweet and crazy and ridiculous I guess. But those are things that really had happened in my life when I was young and I thought it would be 'funny' to use my 'strange' experiences to write a Quincest story. I put Sara in my shoes, so most of her thoughts are thinks I actually thought at the time, and all the physical situations are as they had happened. The other things are fictional, like Tegan thoughts, twins things and stuff. I don't have a twin so for me it was a little different but it's still awkward. Plus, all of that happened when I was really young, but I made things happen to them when they were 15 years old, an age I'm comfortable with XD.
This chapter is kinda of sweet and not big things happen but I hope you will enjoy it.

Chapter 1: Softness

[1995, February]

Sara POV:

We are just come back from school. I just want to be alone, I had a rough day. I had a big fight with my best friend, she said that I'm behaving strangely lately. I don't know what her meant. She is the one who find a boyfriend and left me behind. I just started to hang out with other people. I think she's jealous. Maybe she misses me like I miss her. But it's ok. It's not the first time we have a fight, and I know that probably tomorrow we will be ok again, even if she said strange things to me, and that hurts. I'm tired, maybe I just need a nap.

"Are you ok, Sara?" the voice of my twin sister reaches me from behind. She closes the door behind us.
"Yeah, it's just... I had a little fight with Caren," I say to her. She smiles at me.
"That bitch," she says, doing a funny face. I know she doesn't mean that, she's trying to cheer me up. She knows that I love Caren and she's my best friend.
"Yeah, next time I'll kick her ass," I say grinning.
"Do you wonna watch a movie with me?" she asks to me, with a large smile on her face.
"No thanks, I had headache, I'm going to take a nap," I say smiling back at her.
"You're so boring. You're getting old, sis" she says, pushing me.
"Oh yeah, but you are older than me, remember that," I say pushing her back.
"Nah, I'm just wiser," she gives me a gummy smile. It always makes me laugh.
"See you later, Methuselah," I mock her. She gives me a middle finger, laughing.

I see her jump heavily on the couch, and turn on the television. She takes the remote and starts to switch channels. I go to take two glasses of water and give one to her. She thanks me as I go toward the stairs.

"If you need something, just scream," Tegan's shoot over her shoulder.
"Sure," I say back.

I really love my sister. She's so funny and gentle. Sometime she acts crazy, but is one of the things people love the most about her. One of the things I love the most about her. You never get bored around Tegan. We fight a lot, but she's always near me when I need her, and she always makes me smile and laugh. She's also a very sweet person. I'm so lucky to have Tegan.
I go straight to my bed, and close my eyes taking a deep breath. After a couple of minutes, I take the book I'm reading. It helps me to distract myself from my thoughts. After half an hour, I give up. My headache it's killing me. I turn on my side and close my eyes. I know I'll not able to fall asleep right now, but to rest my eyes looks like a great idea.
I'm starting to relax when I hear Tegan footsteps. It surprises me when I realize she's not going to her room. I hear her steps coming closer to my door. She opens my door quietly and enter the room. I don't move, I just lay still on the bed. I hear a little sigh escaping her, and I can feel her smiling. I smile too because I know she can't see me. She goes back, and a few seconds later I hear her close the door.
She starts to play with her guitar few minutes later. She's getting better at it, and I know she's working on a couple of songs.
It relaxes me to listen to her music. She's working on a melody that seems a little bit melancholic, she's been working on it for few days now. After something like twenty minutes, she starts to play the melody entirely. It's the first time I hear the whole thing. I feel kinda sad. I mean, I always see her smiling at people, have fun. It's so strange to hear something that somber coming from her. I'm such a bad sister, how could I be so blind as not to see her anguish? But I don't know, maybe it's just a song. I don't want to think about that.
I hear the music stops, and then the door. She's coming to my room again. I hear the door handle turn and her bare foot reaching my bed. She walks around my bed, and I feel the mattress sags under Tegan's weight.
I hold my breath for a moment, but I don't open my eyes. I don't know why. This is so new, she never snuck into my room like this. I'm a little nervous. I don't know what she wants, but in a way, I like to have Tegan here right now, close to me. I feel the mattress move as she comes closer. Now I can feel her breath. I thought she could be high, but she's not, no trace of anything in her breath. I can feel my heart pumping faster, but I don't want to open my eyes. I'm scared, and excited at the same time, and that's strange. She touches my cheek with her fingers, and I know I'm blushing. I hope she doesn't notice. It's the lightest touch I've ever felt. Her fingers are studying my face, giving me shivers. When her fingers reach my lips, my heart jumps into my chest. She's softly rubbing her middle finger on my lips. She's bending on me, and I feel her short breath. I know she's more scared and anxious than me. I don't know if I want this, I can't think if I'm comfortable with this or not, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know how to feel. But I don't want her to feel bad about this. I don't want to feel bad because I'm letting her do this. Something rips all of my thoughts away. The feeling of Tegan lips on mine. I freeze. I can't breath, I can't think. I just feel... her lips are so soft on mine, she's so gentle as she doesn't want to wake me. I don't know if she knows that I'm awake, or if we are both pretending I am to feel less guilty, to have the chance, later, to pretend this isn't happening. I don't want her to feel guilty about this. This is why I don't move. But maybe it's not just that. Maybe I know that if I had been awake, she would have expected me to scream at her, but I don't want to do it, and I can't admit to Tegan that I... I'm enjoying this moment of intimacy. I don't kiss her back. I know I can't if we want to keep this illusion. She sucks gently on my bottom lip, just for a moment, before break the kiss. It lasted just a few second, but it seems a lifetime.
I feel her fingertips again as she gently moves a strand of hair away from my face.

"You're so beautiful," she whispers in my ear.

And then she goes away, leaving me alone in my room. I trace mi lips with my fingers. My face is on fire and my heart is running. I can't believe it's happened. I can't believe I let it happen. I can't believe Tegan could be so sweet to me. I can't believe I missed the touch of her lips already.

Tegan POV:

The images I see on the screen doesn't really enter my mind. I'm watching them to distract myself, but my thoughts are elsewhere.
I saw Sara upset at school. I saw her fighting with her best friend, and I know now she needs a little time alone to process the day. She's so logical. Sometimes it scares me. I mean, she seems always so quite and calm and kinda emotionless. Even when she's going through something that really bothers her.
I'm concerned about this. I don't know how she deals with her emotions, and I don't want to think she's doing something stupid. But maybe I should go to check out on her.
I shut off the television and go upstairs. I go straight to her room. Time had passed since the last time I did a thing like that. It was like a silent agreement since now we are grown, and we need some privacy. We've never talked about this, we simply stopped to go one in the room of the other without permission. But I just want to know if she's Ok.
I open her door trying to be silent. I see her figure on her bed. I take a few steps into her room, she's facing the window giving me her back. I can't say if she's asleep, but I think she is, or probably she would have screamed at me to go away. I smile as a little sighs escape my lips.
Maybe I was concerned about nothing. She seems to be Ok.
I exit her room to reach my own.

I fall heavily on my bed. I don't know, but I'm thinking a lot about my sister lately. I don't know why. I care a lot about her, and it hurt me to see her upset. I just want her to be happy. But it not just that. I saw her change. Her body changed, her mind changed, her behavior changed. And it's kinda of attractive because physically we are still almost identical, but our inner selves are changed, and it's fascinating to look at her. It's like looking at something I could have been, but something I will never be. It's so strange.
Sometimes I just reach out my hand to touch her, to feel what it's like to touch me. It's something that twist my mind. But... I know it's strange, maybe it's something that have to do with hormones but... I have strange feelings and thoughts when she is around me. I think it started when I noticed her new attitude around girls. It's as if she's tries to draw their attention, and she want them to appreciate her. Maybe it's all in my mind, but when she acts like that, in my presence, I feel something. Surely she gets my attention.
I don't really know what to think. But sometimes it makes me feel strange and kinda of sad, and I don't know even why.

I take my guitar. Since those feelings came out, I've started to write a melody that somehow reflects those feelings. Yeah, it's not that good, I think. But I'm working on it. Maybe I could work on it now, it could be helpful. I almost finished, and the whole thing don't sound that bad. But it's kinda of sad. I think I'm getting better with my guitar, but playing this make me think about her even more.
I want to talk with her a little, maybe I can help her with her problem with Caren, so I could feel better about myself, and I can spend a little time with her.

I go toward her door again. I open it as quietly as the first time. I want to talk with her but I don't want to wake her. If she's still asleep I will let it go. I took a few steps into her room again. She's still facing the window so I guess she's sleeping.
Seeing that I'm already here and that I've broke a silent rule, maybe I could just take a look around. I look at her room's walls. Maybe we are changed, but we have similar taste in music. There are a few posters of people I don't know, but the most of them are bands that I know and love too. I walk around her bed to look at her. Oh God, she so sweet when she's asleep. She seems so relaxed. I sit on her bed, and for a moment I freeze. I really don't want to wake her, I know she would be mad at me.
I bend to get a little closer. I think it's the first time that I can do a thing like this. Study her face at this close distance. It easier to see the little differences between us now. I look at the little scar near her left eyebrow. She had chicken pox a couple of years ago, and a couple of scars are still there. But that makes her even more beautiful. I mean... yeah, I meant that, I've never realized that before, but Sara is really beautiful. I always thought she was a nice girl, like I am. Maybe I thought that only because we are so similar and if I'm nice, she has to be too. Right? But looking at her as I am doing now, noticing all the little differences I've never noticed before, I can say that she's really beautiful. And to think like that about Sara, make me feel strange.
I look at her even closer. I think it's just my imagination but... there is a little hint of pink on her cheeks? No it can't be. I know that if she had been awake, she would have screamed at the top of her lungs. I can't help myself, I want to touch her. So I do. I'm so scared to wake her that I barely touch her skin, I don't even know if I'm actually touching her. I move my hand slowly, her skin it's so soft that every time my fingertips make contact, I feel like a shock everywhere in my body. I can feel the heat radiating from her body, and it's strange. Or maybe it's my hand. I don't really know. My hand slowly reaches her mouth. I let my middle finger trace her bottom lip. I can't believe how soft it is. It's the softest thing I've ever touched. I touch my own lips with the other hand. My lips are soft but not like hers.
Before I can stop myself, my lips are touching hers. It's not like I've never kissed someone before, but I never felt like this. I think it's because I'm so scared that she could wake up, I'm so scared that I'm doing something really wrong. But the feelings that this little touch gives to me, are incredible. Our lips are barely touching, and I'm shivering. I press a little more just to suck a little at her bottom lip. Just a little. Just to feel the softness of that lip. I don't even touch her lip with my tongue, I'm too scared. I'm so lost in my thoughts and sensations that the few seconds have passed, seems like hours to me.
I broke the kiss. If we can call it a kiss. I look at her for a moment. She's now red in her face. I don't want to think she is awake. It's not possible, I refuse to believe that she can be awake. She would never let me do a thing like that. No, she's not awake. I touch her face again, just to move a strand of hair away from her face.
I bend again, and I whisper in her ear, "You're beautiful," then I go away.

As soon as I am in my room, I bury my head into the pillow. I feel something in my chest. My heart beats so fast. I feel guilty and scared. I kissed my own sister. I kissed her whilst she was asleep. I know it's wrong. It's wrong that I'd kissed my sister. It's wrong that I did it when she was 'unconscious'. This is the thing that make me feel sad the most. I mean, she would have fought me if she had been awake. Or better, probably I would have never tried to do such a thing if she had been awake. I stole a kiss from my own twin sister. That should not have happened. It's not like I didn't ever do things that I should not have done. But Jesus, she's my sister. She would hate me. And the worst thing is that if I could go back, I would do it again.