Coming to Terms
By: Athrun Yuy
Summary: McShep 1st time PG: Post Sunday: John has been waiting for this moment to come.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGA
Rodney paced just outside of Sheppard's door debating going in or not. After arguing with himself he finally waved a hand over the sensor opening the door. John sat on his bed reading once again War and Peace. "Oh, um, um I, I um, see that your busy. I'll come back." Rodney nervously stuttered planning for a quick exit.
John swung his legs to the side of the bed closing his book quick to stop Rodney's retreat. "NO! I've read the book six or seven times already. Not important. Come in." He pleaded still shocked by how many words that were actually coming out of McKay's mouth after being silent for days now since their return from Carson's funeral.
"I don't…"
"Never. Have a seat." John cut him off moving over a bit to give him some room to do just that. "What do you have on your mind?"
Rodney was fumbling with his hands trying to disguise the trembling that wouldn't cease. He stared at the floor hoping for some strength to formulate words. John kept silent, afraid of scaring Rodney off now that he is finally speaking again. "My heart won't slow down." He laughed to himself. "Like it's has been on a run." John nodded in encouragement for him to go on when his gaze left the floor to look at him for just a second. "Funny how things work." He added nervously. John placed a hand on his friends to still them. Finally, Rodney looked up almost at eye contact. Seeing the tears that swelled on the brim of his eyes nearly broke John. Rodney took a few shuddered breaths trying desperately to hold back his feelings. Moments pasted like years while Rodney collected his thoughts.
At this point the tears were streaming down his face and his whole body quivered as the dam started to break. John couldn't take it anymore. He reached out with his other hand pulling Rodney to him by the back of the neck into a hug. As soon as Rodneys face was in the curve of John's neck he burst into long awaited tears. "I can't believe he's gone!" He cried clinging onto John's shirt for dear life. "John, he's gone. He's really gone."
"I know buddy." John replied clenching his friend harder, his own tears forming against his will from the amount of emotion now in the room. Rodney couldn't remember a time he had cried so hard. For it to come out now in front of John he was a little embarrassed but also relieved at the same time. "It's going to be ok." John said trying to reassure the both of them. "I've got you. I've got you."
Rodney's sobbing went on and on, but John had no desire to stop him any time soon. They all have been waiting for this moment. The moment where the pain caught up to him and Rodney would finally let some of his grief come out and allow him to mourn. Denial had always gripped its self to Rodney, being a poor way of coping, but it was his way. John collected his emotions enough to move them to a better position on the bed where now he could hold his friend as he lied next to him.
As time went by, the sobbing quieted to nearly a halt. John looked down at his friends' distressed face lying against his chest. Rodney had cried himself to sleep from pure exhaustion. John released his grip on his hand to reach down and grab the blankets to cover them. After tucking Rodney in, he couldn't help to leave a gentle kiss on the top of his head and reclaiming the hand he had left on his stomach. "This is a start." He proclaimed burrowing closer so get comfortable, falling asleep soon after.
