Life Began When I Saw Your Face
(Mostly) pure fluff, that I needed to desperately get out of my head in anticipation of writing something with a little more angst.
Five seconds after Anna Scott enters the world, she lets out a piercing wail, her tiny fists clenched tightly to her side, and it's the greatest sound Lucas and Peyton have ever heard.
*
Five minutes after Anna Scott is born, she is swaddled in a pink blanket and placed gently into Peyton's waiting arms.
Her fingers brush over the faint wisps of pale hair, the soft skin of her tiny hands, the curve of her ear, the slope of her nose, and she can't help the faint sob that escapes from deep in her throat.
"She's so perfect." Peyton breathes, trails of fresh tears staining her cheeks.
Lucas is next to her on the hospital bed, running his fingers through her damp hair, and placing soft kisses to the flushed skin of her temple, before turning all his attention to his daughter. His fingerstips trail over her in awe, following the path his wife's fingers took only seconds before.
"Five minutes old, and I already can't imagine my life without her." His finger traces the arch of her cheek, and then her eyes open slowly, the lids fluttering and hesitating before exposing the most brilliant shade of blue either of them has ever seen. A laugh catches in his throat, and when Peyton looks over at him, his eyes are glassy, teeming with wonder and love, as he holds tight to Anna's small fingers.
Anna's eyes dance from Lucas to Peyton, and when mother and daughter's eyes meet for the first time, Peyton feels her heart swell in a way that it never has before. She leans in close, smelling the sweet skin of her little girl, before whispering softly to her, "I'm your mama." A single tear slips from beneath her eye, and falls softly onto the baby's cheek, stirring her just slightly.
"I would do it all again for you." Peyton whispers into her ear. "Every moment, if it meant getting you in the end."
*
Five days after Anna Scott is born, Peyton wakes to an empty side of the bed.
Before a newborn entered their lives, Peyton used to believe that the sleepless nights they brought with them were a great exaggeration, and that their baby would be different. She quickly learned that Anna was no different from the rest of needy newborns, her cries penetrating the quiet air whenever she requires attention or food or a mix of both.
It's early morning when she wakes, the sky a light shade of purple, a color she has become increasingly familiar with in the last few days. She shifts in bed, to search for her husband, and finds him sitting on the end of their bed, his shoulders hunched over the bassinet that holds their sleeping baby.
She watches him, the way he stares down at Anna, his body still, arms flexed as they tightly grip the edge of their bed. He's deep in thought, and even in the dark of the early morning, she can see anguish painted across the features of his face.
He turns his head just slightly, and she knows that he knows he's being watched. He turns back towards the baby, relinquishing his grip on the mattress to drag his hands across his face. "I look at her now, how happy she makes you, how complete she makes me feel, and I can't believe I ever considered..." He trails off, but she knows exactly what he's thinking, flashing back to broken plates and angry words birthed by fear and the great potential for loss.
"Hey," she whispers, crossing the expanse of their bed to sit behind him, her chest pressed into his back, her long legs wrapped around his waist, "You remember what you told me that day? That the universe doesn't punish us for being afraid? A moment of fear doesn't make you unworthy of being a father, it just makes you human."
She feels him inhale, her face buried in his back and her hands running along his ribs. "I love her so much." He whispers.
"I know you do, honey. And she knows that too." She watches over his shoulder as he holds onto Anna's small hand, brushing his thumb across her fingers. "You're a good man, Luke, and you're a good father. That's all that matters now."
"Come back to bed now, ok?" She kisses the warm skin on the back of his neck, before slipping away to her side of the bed and tucking her bare legs beneath a sea of blankets. "I think she might stay asleep for a while, and we could get a whole hours worth of sleep ourselves."
"Oh, don't tease me about that." He sighs, slipping back under the sheets and pulling her body flush against his.
"Sixty whole minutes of sleep." She mumbles against his skin. He pulls her closer and whispers that he loves her against the crown of her forehead, and she mutters something back, her body already succumbing to the temptation of sleep.
And then Anna starts to cry.
*
Five weeks after Anna Scott is born, she almost meets Dan Scott, for the first and last time of her life.
She's strapped and zipped and tied into a baby harness that pulls her tight into Peyton's chest, so close that Peyton can feel her gentle heartbeat flickering steadily against her sternum.
The sidewalks are bustling with weekend shoppers, people ducking into little boutiques and coffee shops, their arms weighed down by shopping bags. It's a perfect Saturday, and it's the first time in almost a week that the sun is out and shining. Anna stirs against her chest, and Peyton runs her fingers absentmindedly through the blonde wisps of hair, her free hand tucked firmly into Lucas's, their interlocked fingers swinging in synch with each assured step.
There is a destination on this day, the little bookstore around the corner from what used to be his mother's cafe. He wants to buy Anna new books, the ones his mother used to read to him when he was a boy.
"Explain to me again what is wrong with the dozens of books this baby already has?" Peyton asks, already knowing the answer.
"Because, my baby is too smart for those cardboard books with one word on each page. She needs some books with substance, she needs Where the Wild Things Are, and Harold and the Purple Crayon." He leans over and kisses Anna on the forehead, and coos to her in a gentle voice, one that never fails to make Peyton's heart melt just a little, "My Anna is too smart for those books, huh? Isn't she?"
She laughs, brushing her hand across his cheek, then wrapping her arm around his waist, pulling him closer, feeling his lips brush against her head. He kisses her quick, his arms draping across her shoulders, pulling his lips tighter onto her temple. He whispers something into her ear, something that makes her laugh and maybe blush just a little, and then they round the corner and she freezes, dropping her hand from Anna's soft hair and bracing it on Lucas' arm, her fingers wrapping around his forearm, warning him.
Dan Scott stands in the center of the sidewalk, a coffee in one hand, a shopping bag from the baby boutique down the street in his other. He looks their way, and she's surprised at how apprehensive he seems, this great hulk of a man, a convict, a murderer, reduced to a timid stranger in the presence of his forgotten son, and the sleeping granddaughter he's never met.
They stand across the sidewalk from each other, with Peyton silently hoping that Dan will just walk away, for the sake of all of them. Instead he steps forward, extending his hand out towards Lucas, offering his congratulations. It's seamless the way Lucas slides in front of Peyton and Anna, blocking Dan's access to his wife and baby girl.
Dan's hand hangs between them, before he drops it slowly and shrinks back. "I'm sorry Lucas, I shouldn't have been so forward." He peers around Luke's shoulder, catching Peyton's eye before gazing down at Anna. Peyton surprises herself when she moves her hand towards Anna's head, shielding her face from him, unable to stand the fact that he might be able to lay his eyes on her. She watches the older man's face fall, and she imagines that if it were anyone else she might feel bad, but she won't for this man, because when she looks at him all she can see is the pain he has caused her husband, Karen, and she swears to herself that he will never be able to cause pain to her daughter. So she turns away from him, disappearing further behind Lucas's back, further away from him.
"I just..." Peyton hears Dan hesitate. "She's my granddaughter, Lucas."
This time it's Lucas that steps forward, squaring his shoulders, and leaning in closer so his voice and his message are clear. "She isn't your granddaughter." He says slowly. "You will never know her, and she will never know you. Do you understand that, Dan? You stay far away from her."
"I understand, Lucas." He says softly, his words laced with a lifetime of regret. He holds out the small shopping bag, offering it to Lucas, who reluctantly takes the bag. "It's just a little something for Anna, you don't ever have to tell her who it's from, I just wanted to get her something. I'm sorry for bothering you."
And then he's gone, disappearing amongst the small crowds of people still littering the sidewalk. Lucas turns to his girls, and Peyton brushes a hand across his cheek and asks him if he's ok. He nods, and she watches him lean in close to Anna, brushing a kiss against her forehead before he cups his hand behind her head and touches his forehead softly to hers. "I'll never let anyone hurt you." he promises.
They walk again towards the bookstore, both quiet this time, his fingers laced tightly through hers. And when they pass a trash can along the sidewalk, he doesn't hesitate when he throws the bag from Dan inside.
A month later, when Dan Scott's heart finally gives out, Lucas spends the day at Keith's grave, sitting in the lush green grass that suddenly surrounds his uncle's headstone, while Anna sleeps peacefully in his lap.
*
Five months after Anna Scott is born, Peyton spends three nights away from her for the very first time.
It's four days of label business in sunny LA, conference calls and budget meetings with the big shots in flashy suits wanting to know how their investment in her booming label is faring. She used to live for this, talking business and music, proving to guys like John that she knew more than they ever could, but anymore all she wants is to be home.
She books the earliest flight back to Tree Hill that she can find, and practically sleeps in the airport to make sure she's on time for her flight. Lucas calls when she's boarding, double-checking on her arrival time, promising to meet her at the gate. Then he holds the phone up to Anna so Peyton can hear her gentle babbling, which only increases when Peyton coos her name softly into the phone.
She gives him thirty minutes before she starts to worry, and five unanswered phone calls before she starts to panic. She's standing at the curbside check-in, a suitcase near her feet, and Lucas nowhere to be found. After forty-five minutes of waiting she flags down a cab, and spends the entire ride home trying his cell phone again and again. The sinking feeling in her gut only gets worse the closer the cab gets to her home, and when he pulls to a stop in front of her house she throws a handful of bills at the cab driver and charges inside.
The house is hauntingly quiet when she steps inside. The kitchen is empty, as is Anna's bedroom, and it's only when she gets closer to their bedroom and she hears the soft music playing that her heartbeat starts to slow. She pushes open the bedroom door and finds Lucas and Anna asleep on the bed.
She's stretched out across his chest, her head tucked under his chin and her small fist clenched tightly around the collar of his t-shirt. She leans against the doorway, watching quietly as the two greatest loves of her life breathe in perfect sync before her. There's a hitch in her throat as Anna stirs softly, burying her face further into Lucas' chest, his hand unconsciously coming to rest on her back, keeping her secure, safe.
Peyton crosses the room, draping her jacket over his desk, and kicking her shoes off near the foot of her bed before she crawls in next to them, pulling in as tightly to his side as she can manage. She peppers his jawline with gentle kisses, nudging his face softly, trying to wake him.
When he finally stirs awake, he looks over at Peyton lying next to him and his eyes go wide. "Oh shit." he say, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. "I just meant to lay down for a minute, how did you get home, you must have been totally freaked when we didn't show up. I'm sorry, Peyt."
"It's fine." She smiles. "I took a cab home. And I wasn't panicked at all." Off his look, she corrects herself. "Alright, I was a little panicked."
"She was up all last night with a cough." He rubs his hand along her back. "And then she finally fell asleep this morning, and I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore." He stifles a yawn against the back of his hand, and then leans over towards her and kisses her softly. "I'm glad you're home."
"Me too." She kisses him again, before trailing her slender fingers through Anna's baby soft hair, and across her warm cheeks. "I missed my babies."
Eventually Anna stirs awake, and she turns to face Peyton, staring at her through a slow blink, but unmoving. Peyton leans her face in close, and whispers "Hey, baby. Mama's home." And then Anna's arms are outstretched and reaching for Peyton, who pulls her from her spot on top of Lucas and into the space between her and her husband. Peyton buries her face in Anna's neck, breathing in that perfect baby scent of tear-free shampoo and baby lotion, while Anna wraps her mother's loose curls around her fingers and tugs softly.
Lucas drapes his arm across her waist, pulling himself closer to his girls, and Anna has that happy baby noise in the back of her throat, and sometimes Peyton still can't believe that this is her life.
*
Five years after Anna Scott is born, another baby enters their lives.
Noah Michael Scott enters the world kicking and hollering, a head full of dark hair just like his father's. Haley holds him close, while Nathan sits next to her on the hospital bed, tracing his finger along the baby boy's tightly clenched fist.
Peyton knocks softly on the hospital room door, before entering quietly, Lucas close behind her. She smiles at the sight of the newborn baby in Haley's arms, at how happy her friends look. Then she takes a deep breath, and feels Lucas' reassuring touch on her elbow, before they cross the room to stand near Haley's bedside, admiring the newest Scott.
"You want to hold him." Haley smiles, looking at Peyton.
"Yeah." Peyton nods. She can feel Lucas' eyes on her, and she glances at him, smiling just enough to let him know that she's ok, and he nods softly, watching wordlessly, his brow slightly furrowed, as she takes Noah gently into her arms.
They'd tried for another baby a year or two after Anna was born. There'd been a miscarriage and then the doctor's warning that the risk was too great for Peyton, and that she'd most likely never be able to carry a baby to term again. The drive home from the doctor's office had been quiet, and then they'd spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on the porch swing, Anna nestled between them, Luke's hand in hers.
They stay with Nathan and Haley for a few minutes, Lucas holding Noah briefly, before they head back to the waiting room to relieve Brooke of Anna-duty, giving her a chance to go see Noah. Anna's sitting in the chair next to Brooke, reading Where the Wild Things Are without looking at the pages, having memorized the words long ago.
"How are you feeling mama?" Brooke asks as she crosses the waiting room, grabbing Peyton's hand.
"I'm fine, Brooke." Peyton smiles. "Go see the baby."
Peyton takes the seat that Brooke vacated, and listens to Anna finish up the ending to her book before the little girl climbs into Peyton's lap. Anna stares up at her mother with those familiar big green eyes. "Can I see the baby now?" She asks Peyton.
"Daddy will take you down to the nursery in a little bit, and you can look at baby Noah through the window." Peyton promises.
Lucas walks over with two cups of coffee and takes the seat next to Peyton, he hands her a cup and kisses Anna on the forehead. "Are you ok?" He asks slowly.
"I wish everyone would stop asking me that." She says, a slight smile on her face. "It's just hitting me a little harder than I thought it would."
Anna stares up at Peyton, a look of concern on her small face. "Are you sad, Mama?"
"No, baby. I'm not sad." She runs her fingers through her daughter's blonde hair, pin-straight locks that no one expected, and pulls her in a little tighter. "Everything I've ever wanted is right here with me. I have you and I have your daddy, and that makes me happier than anything else in the whole world."
She kisses the top of Anna's head, Luke's arm around her shoulders, and listens to Anna read about Max and his monsters.
