Great characters and stories are able to move effortlessly between genres. To prove this point the CJ collective has created the following zomromcom which relates the untold events of the night following episode 3 of Our Girl. We sincerely hope Tony Grounds will forgive us for what we have done to his creations and that he realises our motives are grounded in a sincere love and respect for his work.

You will find that this story has been written with tongue firmly in cheek and we hope it makes you laugh. There are a number of in jokes which those of you who are following the mumsnet OG/CJ thread will understand. If you are not following that thread then stop reading this and go find it! We think its one of the best things on the internet!

Chapter 1

As the hospital bed carrying Sohail disappeared through the double -doors of the ward and the urgent voices of the medical staff gradually became fainter, Captain James raised his head to look directly into Molly's eyes. He bit his lip then swallowed hard.. a patient on one of the beds behind him started to moan softly...

"Molly, listen. There is so much I want to say..."

The moaning grew louder and changed into a gasping retching sound

"Since the debrief on that first patrol I knew that you were special..."

The gasping/retching turned into a grunting...

" I have watched you grow into..."

...grunting into a hoarse barking

" Oh for goodness sake man will you pipe down, I've completely lost my train of thought!"

Molly looked around Captain James, a concerned look on her face.

"I better check on him Boss"

She walked over to the bed. The man was now sitting up, breathing heavily with his head in his hands. She touched his shoulder and he looked up at her. Molly gasped and stepped back. His eyes were bright red orbs while a green pungent mucus dribbled from his nose and mouth.

"Blimey you pen and ink mate." gasped Molly.

"You really smell like you've gone off" then raising her voice to attract the attention of a nurse she repeated "He's gone off!"

By now the man had risen slowly from the bed and was taking short shuffling steps towards Molly. Meanwhile a low moaning had started from the other beds in the ward.

Molly backed away slowly while Captain James came to join her, a look of disgust on his handsome face.

"Sir" she said "he looks just like..."

"I know" he said "like Mansfield Mike doing the 50 sausage challenge, but it can't be, he doesn't do that until episode 4" The man lurched towards them and Captain James grabbed a chair to fend him off. The ward was filled with a cacophony of sound as other patients started to rise from their beds, red eyes staring and snot flowing.

One patient made a grab for Molly and Captain James swung the chair, the plastic seat breaking away from the legs as it landed full on the patients head. The man lurched backwards and then came on again, teeth bared in an inhuman snarl.

Captain James raised the legs of the chair and brought them down onto the man's head, leaving them embedded in his skull. The patient swayed on the spot, the chair legs protruding like antlers from his head before he toppled over like a poleaxed stag.

James grabbed Molly's hand. "Come on private we need to get out of here."

They turned towards the door, but found it blocked by Sohail, or at least what used to be Sohail. As the Afghan lurched forward his medical gown caught on the door handle and slowly fell away, Molly screamed as the full horror of his transformation became clear. James too recoiled.

"What is that" said Molly pointing with trembling hands at Sohail's midriff.

"I've seen something like that only once before" said James, "at Dangleberries birthday bash just before we flew out, except then it was shaped like a reindeer and had a flashing nose. It put me right off my fruit salad"

James swept the room, desperately looking for an escape route. Windows looked out onto a service area behind them.

"Through here" he ordered, as he wrenched the window open then helped Molly up onto the sill. She jumped down and he quickly followed.

"We need to find 2 section" he said as they sprinted away...