AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I wrote this because for some reason I have some kind of fascination with self mutilation… weird I guess...

Disclaimer: I don't own Pretear, duh.

Lost In Cuts

Himeno held the blood-stained piece of metal in her hands nervously. It seemed almost sinister, sitting in her palm glinting dangerously in the bathroom light. She saw her face's reflection distorted in the lifeless surface. She couldn't put a finger on it, but something felt wrong. She wasn't scared… what could this feeling be? Maybe she was nervous that one of the Leafe knights being the idiots they are would walk in on her or something.

Himeno stood again for the fifth or sixth time and assured herself the door was locked. She shrugged off the strange sensation nonchalantly. She walked back over to the bathtub and sat down on the edge. Slowly she pulled up her long, white sleeve. Himeno looked at her arm but barely gave any sign of recognition to the scars leading a little more than halfway up her arm. Without hesitation she slid the razor across her arm gracefully. She whimpered softly at the welcome, yet familiar stab of pain.

She thought about Hayate. 'He is such an ass, always pushing me away and calling me names like that. How could I love him?' Himeno thought as she pushed the blade down harder than she intended. "Damn." She said quietly. Blood began to pour down her arm in a steady flow. Her mind seemed to scream out for her to move. She grabbed a small towel from a rack by the toilet and applied pressure to the deep wound. All she could think about was her and Hayate's argument earlier that day. Himeno then hastily dropped the towel and unpredictably became extremely violent. She jumped up quickly and knocked several items off the counter. She threw her purple hairdryer at the mirror and it promptly shattered deafeningly. Himeno screamed and grabbed the blade roughly managing to cut her palm. Then raising the blade to her arm, she sliced again and again. Pushing the razor even harder while thinking about how complicated her life has become, she kicked the bathroom door with tremendous vigor, causing it to crack. Himeno felt unbearable pain everywhere, both emotionally and physically. Then as quickly as the vicious spell began, it stopped as she realized what appalling damage she was doing to herself. "Oh my god…" she whispered as she came crashing back to Earth.

Himeno began to feel weak and lightheaded. 'If I keep losing it like that I will kill myself… not that I care...' Himeno swayed a bit and looked at the blood on the floor. She gasped loudly. Her pale arm was almost leaking with brilliant scarlet droplets. 'How bad am I bleeding? Oh no…' She quietly looked at the lacerations and stared horrified at the blood gushing from the self inflicted gashes.

There was a knock on the door. "Who… is… it?" Himeno stammered as she grasped the sink for support. "Are you all right in there Himeno? I heard you scream… and loud noises…" The voice of Hayate said worriedly. "It's okay…I'm…all…" Himeno couldn't speak anymore. It felt as if all the air was being sucked out of her by a super powered vacuum cleaner. She was barely able to move at all. She gripped the sink even tighter as she gasped for air "Help me… please…" She panted. Hayate heard this and immediately blasted the bathroom door down with an enormous burst of wind. "What the…" He began but froze when he saw the pool of crimson blood at Himeno's feet. "Himeno! What the hell…" He croaked. All Himeno could do was silently mouth the words I'm sorry I'm such a failure, Hayate... Himeno let out a deep breath as her eyes went blank and her face went emotionless as she sank to the floor. Hayate finally regained movement and sprang forward to catch her.

"No… Himeno, what have you done to yourself?" Hayate sobbed quietly as he held her while he knelt in her blood. Hayate looked down at her arms with the numerous scars and the many fresh incisions. "Why?" He whispered into her fiery orangish-pink hair. He hurriedly stood up as he realized she was bleeding to death. Hayate and Himeno disappeared in a flash of blue light.

A few seconds later

Hayate appeared in front of the Awayuki Hospital holding Himeno in his arms gently. "Don't worry Himeno I'll save you, I promise." Hayate said solemnly. He ran to the hospital's glass doors and kicked them open. "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" he shouted. A bunch of doctors bustled over with a stretcher. Hayate delicately placed Himeno on it and noticed the solid trail of blood that she left leading from the entrance. Hayate also noticed the ghastly burgundy stains that now decorated the formerly white sheet on the stretcher. One doctor looked at Himeno's arms, another hooked her up to a machine, and yet another told Hayate to wait in the lobby. "Sir, please take a seat over there." said a short and balding doctor. "no." replied Hayate sternly. "I assure you, she will be fine." The man stated blankly.

"I have to be there for her now…. I never even knew." Hayate said more to himself than to the doctor. The man sighed, "Alright you can stay then." The doctors wheeled Himeno through a set of large doors with small windows and signs marked: "KEEP DOORS CLOSED". Hayate followed cautiously. "Wait in the hall while we change her clothes, examine her, and bandage her up. You can sit in one of those chairs." said the same man from before as he pointed a finger to some small chairs. Hayate nodded and sat in an orange chair opposite from the room Himeno was taken into. He sighed softly and remembered the harsh words he said to her earlier. 'Baka.' He thought.

FLASHBACK

Himeno skipped through the garden happily. She suddenly tripped over a branch and fell down with a thud. "Oops! Oh, hello Hayate!" She chirped loudly and giggled. Hayate stood on the path in front of her. "Baka. You can't even walk without messing up." He declared blankly. "I tripped that's all…" She said the smile quickly fading from her delicate features. "You're such an idiot Tulip head. You are a complete failure." He said angrily and smirked. Himeno mistook his smirk and thought he was kidding. "Hayate you shouldn't play such cruel jokes on me, oh and by the way, DON'T CALL ME TULIP HEAD!" She said loudly. "It wasn't a joke Tulip head. You really are a failure, both as pretear and as a human being. Why can't you just disappear, maybe the whole world could have a small breath of relief that way!" Himeno's eyes began to swim with large tears as she turned silently and walked away. Hayate could hear her hushed sobbing. And mentally cursed himself.

END FLASHBACK

'I shouldn't have taken my anger out on her. I was just in a bad mood because Sessame had been bugging me about confessing my love to her. I'm such an asshole.' Hayate thought. The doctor Hayate had spoken with previously waved his hand in front of his face. "You know, the psyche ward is the next building over to the left." The man chuckled softly. Hayate glared at him severely. The man cleared his throat and murmured an apology. "You can see her now… she just woke up from unconsciousness, so she may seem a tad strange."

TBC?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So… let me know if I should keep going. I'm debating if I should continue with Himeno angst or if I should let her be hyperactively happy… Let me know, Kay? R&R plz.