"Sure thing," Claudia said.
She walked down the halls looking at the artifacts when she noticed a toilet.
"Well, what do we have here?" she said. Just as a joke, she pulled her pants down and sat on the toilet. Then she got up and continued her little job, at first thinking nothing of it.
It was just hours later that she began feeling the effects.
"Have we found any artifacts lately?" Artie asked.
"Nothing's showing up on..." Claudia's bowels suddenly weren't feeling so great.
"Are you okay?"
"Just great. Now, as for the computer, I guess there's nothing going on right -"
Claudia doubled over for a moment, then rushed out of the room. Artie caught up to her, only to find that she'd ran into the bathroom. She didn't come out for several minutes.
"You've looked better," Artie said.
"I've felt better," Claudia replied.
Her innards didn't calm down one bit. She made a few more emergency runs to the bathroom that afternoon.
Artie began to suspect what had happened. "Earlier that day, did you mess with any of the artifacts?"
"No," Claudia, "not that I recall."
"Claudia, the truth." Artie wasn't kidding around anymore.
"Okay, fine, I sat on a toilet I found along with way."
"A toilet?" Artie had a shocked look on his face. "THAT toilet? Claudia, you fool!"
"I don't get it."
"That's the first toilet Thomas Crapper ever made. These days, anyone who sits on it is struck with severe and eventually fatal diarrhea!"
"That's a nasty artif-" Which is as far as Claudia got with her reply before rushing to the bathroom again.
"This is bad!" Artie said. "I have to neutralize the toilet now!"
He ran out into the hallways looking for the deadly toilet.
"Okay, you Crapper," he said, "where are you hiding?"
He looked all over the place for what felt like an hour before he found the artifact.
"Time for you to get flushed," said Artie, before spraying the toilet with neutralizer.
Claudia was soon feeling better, although she had to do some serious rehydrating.
"Speaking of toilets," Artie said, "your punishment for being so careless is to clean the bathrooms for the next month. Starting now."
Claudia groaned, but got the cleaning supplies to get started.
THE END
