Hello again everyone. Thanks so much to everyone who has been giving me feedback on my other one shots on these two. This particular fic will be in two parts since it was getting too long for it to be all written in one chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter One
"A letter for you sir." Cullen cursed under his breath. Not because of the letter. But the fact that the scout had to enter while he was in a throe of a particularly bad withdrawal. He tightened his grip on his desk as he tried to straighten back up. His head pounded and it was so difficult to catch his breath as he felt particularly light headed. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing his body to function only for just a moment so he could grab the letter. He could hear the scout shuffle awkwardly a few feet from him and he exhaled sharply through his nose. He hated the scout had to see him so weak, so devoid of composure and control on his own mind and body. Finally he opened his eyes and quickly snatched the letter from the scout's grip.
"Thank you that would be all." He managed to croak out before turning away from the man. Once he heard the door shut he quickly grabbed a chair and sat down heavily before his legs gave out. With shaking fingers he ripped the wax seal and unfolded the letter.
Amatus,
I'm so sorry I'm taking so long to return back to Skyhold but as you know Tevinter is not a land that is going to change so easily. My father is still the Ambassador of course but he is trying his best to listen to my opinions on matters. It really seems like he is trying to make an effort to get to know the true Dorian. The Dorian he tried to change into something else with disgusting blood magic. I appreciate his effort but I of course am not going to forgive him so easily, if ever. My mother is the same as ever, a imperious presence strong enough to even make men of higher status uncomfortable.
Enough with family matters I worry everyday about you. How bad are the withdrawals? I strongly despise the fact that I won't be there to comfort you in your nights of constant nightmares. I hope however that Cassandra is keeping an eye on you in my stead. Stay strong Amatus and stay safe. Who knows when the Elder One will return to finish what he started in Haven. I give you my word that I will be leaving this place in at least three weeks time, whether or not I leave things unsettled. I just need to see you just as bad as I'm sure you need to see me.
Forever yours,
Dorian
Cullen put down the letter with a sigh. Dorian had already been gone for a month. It was all because of his father paying an unexpected visit and mother Giselle tried to keep it under wraps. Thankfully the Inquisitor was a great women and would not keep Dorian in the dark until they went to the tavern. After their discussion Dorian just felt the need to return to his homeland.
"I have to be the one to pave the way for change Amatus." Dorian had insisted after a tense night of arguing as the time for Dorian to leave got closer and closer. Now there was nothing to do but wait. He made a mental note to send a correspondence back by the end of the day and returned back to his daily duties. The withdrawals were always the worst at night and he found himself sitting at his desk trying for the third time to write a letter back to Dorian. His hand tried to make words across the page but it was shaking so bad that all the letters got all muddled. He slammed down the quill with more force than necessary and put his head in his hands. It's like his body was purposefully rebelling more than usual now that Dorian was not there to vanquish the pain. How he was going to make it through another four weeks or more...maker knows. But the best thing was just to sleep some time away. He still had a vial of potion left that Dorian had Vivienne make to quell the nightmares as much as possible. Lighting a candle he left the office to make his way to Dorian chamber's. He had his own bed of course but he preferred to sleep in a bed and room that still has the lingering smell of Dorian. It made his absence less hard to bear. He practically fell into the sea of silks and furs that made up his lover's bed. He wrapped himself in as many as possible and fell into a sleep faster than usual. Unfortunately that was to be the last night he would fall into a deep sleep with nightmares being abated by magic.
Four weeks later, or more Cullen had lost track. The nightmares that could no longer be held back prevented him from wanting to sleep a wink. It was so relentless he felt his eyes linger towards the chest that held the thing that could be his salvation several times. He had taken the wooden case out a few times, staring at the contents inside. It was all there, the materials he needed to mix the lyrium into a drinkable form. So easy to drink it here and now and feel the sweet relief. But he forced himself to slam the lid of the case closed and put it away out of sight.
"You are stronger than you give yourself credit Cullen." Cassandra said with confidence one night when he asked her to meet him for a talk.
"I can't take it much longer Cassandra, it's relentless, I can't…" His voice trailed off. Talking was even exhausting.
"You can and you will. I will not hear otherwise Commander or maker help me." Her words were like steel but her brown eyes were filled with obvious concern for her friend. He looked away, rubbing his neck more roughly than usual as his mind continued to be in turmoil.
"You know very well too that Dorian would want the same thing." Those words seem to cut through him like a blade but he just sighed in defeat.
"Thank you Cassandra. I will now return to my duties." He strode out of the armory before his mind could change and break him. It would take him back to where he was just an hour ago, begging for Cassandra to help him resign his duty as Commander of the Inquisition.
He walked across the battlements, his office door just a few feet in front of him. He looked down into the courtyard where the people of the Inquisition milled about. He and everyone else was startled when the iron gate of the entrance lifted up suddenly to allow a figure on horseback to enter. Even at a distance he would recognize those white robes with silver accents anywhere. They glinted in the sun and the staff on his back glowed brightly. It felt like a fist had closed around Cullen's heart.
Dorian's horse went at a easy canter toward the stables. His gaze went up toward the battlements but he would not see Cullen there. He had already unfrozen from his spot and was barreling toward the courtyard, propriety be damned.
Dorian had barely dismounted his horse before strong hands wrapped around him and lifted him into the air. He yelped with surprise that quickly turned into a laugh as he looked down to see Cullen smile up at him as he spun him in the air before being setting him on his feet.
"Maker's breath did I miss you." Cullen's breath tickled his ear as he was wrapped in a tight hug.
"As did I miss you Amatus." He drew Cullen back and he felt his heart give a sharp jolt in his chest. To say Cullen looked haggard would be an understatement. His golden hair, usually short and well kempt had grown out a bit to the collar of his armor, making his curls naturally come more out and wild than before. It was pretty sexy Dorian thought but the dark circles bruising the skin under his eyes was certainly not. Out of reflex, Dorian's hand went up to cup Cullen's face, feeling the beginnings of a beard underneath his fingertips. Cullen's hand closed on his own and his eyes momentarily closed at the feel of the familiar touch he missed so much.
"You look awful Cullen. Missed me that much?" Dorian said, trying to sound light and teasing with a chuckle but it sounded hollow, even to him.
But Cullen spared him a small snort "Of course."
But Dorian could not withdraw his hand. The more he studied his lover's appearance the more it concerned him. And the more it made guilt bury itself into his heart for leaving him to deal with his demons on his own.
"I'm fine Dorian, truly." Cullen said after many beats of Dorian not taking his hand off of him.
"Your appearance says otherwise Amatus, have you been sleeping at all?"
Cullen rolled his eyes. "I'm fine stop fretting over me I get enough of that from Amelie."
Dorian smiled at the mention of the Inquisitor's name. "Glad to hear it. Where is our dear Inquisitor anyway?"
"She's out in the Forbidden Oasis with Bull, Blackwall, and Vivienne."
That made Dorian pout "Kaffas I really wanted to go on that mission."
Cullen chuckled "Then don't spend a month or two in Tevinter. A week would have sufficed."
Dorian just rolled his eyes and shook his head in answer. They both made their way out of the courtyard and to Dorian's quarters to "unpack his belongings" so to speak since right when the chests were all put down Cullen had the door barred and started to strip himself out of his armor. Dorian just raised an eyebrow and with a chuckle followed suit until they were both bare. The chill of the autumn air seemed to seep right down to the bone and Dorian shivered. But he wasn't sure it was just the cold making him shudder as Cullen approached slowly. Dorian has seen him naked several times but the sight of him never failed to make his cock swell with pleasure and his breath to hitch. How he was able to score a blonde god as his lover was something he could not fathom. He always seemed to have a weak spot for that type.
Dorian felt the back of his legs touch the furs of his bed and he let himself fall backward into the soft comfort of it. Cullen was on top of him in an instant, capturing his mouth and being careful not to crush him under his weight. He opened his mouth with a groan and let Cullen explore with his tongue. Dorian took his bottom lip and gently sucked it until Cullen let out a growl of pleasure from deep within his throat. It was a primal sound and it never ceased to make Dorian's cock pulse and throb mercilessly. The pressure was starting to get too much but Cullen purposefully took his time, letting his lips linger on his then trailing down his neck. He gently sucked on the vulnerable area right in the cavity of his collarbone and he audibly gasped:
"Festis bei umo canavarum"
He could feel Cullen smile as he kissed more lines up the side of the throat and the edge of his jaw. As he did this his hand crept lower and lower until his fingers were caressing the hair right below the navel. Insufferable tease Dorian thought as his breath caught once again as tingles traveled all along his body. Having enough Dorian took Cullen's cock in his hand when both hands and arms were out of the way. His amber eyes seemed to widen as another groan was released from inside him.
"Maker Dorian don't stop." He pleaded as he stroked the folds of skin up and down slowly then a little faster. He only let go to flip Cullen onto his back. He went down with a grunt then a chuckle. Dorian got on his knees, taking hold again of Cullen's cock.
"Is this ok or would you rather fuck me?" Dorian purred. Cullen couldn't respond for a moment, his chest heaving as he tried to regain his breath.
"Yes." He breathed and Dorian let himself slide inside, feeling for the prostate. Once he found it he pressed against it, thrusting in and out over and over. Cullen's head snapped back in ecstacy and he couldn't stifle a loud moan. Dorian grinned and kept going, needing to release the pressure that was getting more than uncomfortable. Cullen's cock had precum already on his tip and Dorian leaned forward to lick it off with his tongue. He pulled away just as Cullen came, his seed spewing all over Dorian's chest and stomach. He didn't mind as he was in his own throe of an orgasm as he came inside Cullen's rectum. They both collapsed, completely boneless and shaking with the aftermath of the orgasm.
.
"I love you Amatus." Dorian breathed as he snuggled up to Cullen, Putting his head on his chest. He didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling.
"You were the first one to admit those words."
Dorian rolled his eyes "Yes yes I know I won't live down such sentimentality. To be fair though we were in a situation that was starting to look like I would not make it out alive." That brought back brief flashes of memories. There was the Shrine of Dumat, destroyed by Samson and the red templars. There were so many of them including behemoths. Dorian got a pretty deep stab wound in the stomach. Cullen had to push those memories aside before the emotions could come back.
Dorian could feel Cullen's body go tense so he trailed his fingers over his chest and stomach until he relaxed. Once he did Dorian pulled himself up with a groan.
"Why don't we wash up before bed?" Cullen just grunted in agreement and they both made their way to the private bath attached to Dorian's chamber. They took turns washing each other, the copper tub too small for two grown men.
"Maker do I love it when you massage my head." Cullen breathed as Dorian put oils on his hands and massaged it into Cullen's scalp as he lounged in the tub. Dorian grinned and enjoyed the feel of his hands running through Cullen's golden locks.
"I like your hair this long it's quite sexy."
Cullen snorted "More like harder to maintain."
"I can help with that." Dorian purred before they elapsed into comfortable silence.
All clean and smelling fresher, the two returned to the bedroom and removed the soiled linens and furs.
"I'm feeling a little peckish after such exercise. Anything you want from the kitchens my dear?"
Cullen shook his head "I'm alright you go on ahead. Try not to take too long."
Dorian leaned down to give a quick peck on Cullen's lips in answer before throwing on a loose tunic and breeches. Making his way through the stone halls and looking out the windows, he could estimate it was just nightfall. Maker how long were they at it? He chuckled and made it to the kitchens. Trying to stay out of the cook's way he grabbed a bottle of wine, a chuck of cheese, and half a loaf of bread. A lot of food for one person but he was already making a plan of coaxing some bits of food and drink into Cullen before retiring for the night. The man still looked dreadful and Dorian couldn't help but worry what he was doing to himself while he was away. He was about to open his door to his chambers when Leliana seemed to appear beside him. He yelped and just managed to catch the bottle of wine before it shattered on the floor.
"Sorry to startle you Dorian." She said evenly but her eyes contained a glint of amusement.
"Fasta vass you made me practically jump out of my skin." He hissed back at her.
"Dorian are you alright?" Cullen's muffled voice came through the door.
"Yes I'm quite alright it's just-" He made the next words die in his throat when Leliana put a gloved finger to her lips.
"I just almost tripped on my own two feet silly me. I dropped some food in the process so I need to return to the kitchens. I won't be long." Dorian didn't wait for a response since Leliana was already making her way back in the direction he came so he had to follow, leaving the wine and food outside the door.
"One of my raven's delivered a message a few minutes ago. I think you would like to read it in private first." She said before Dorian could express his annoyance. An unease started to creep into him at her words. But he continued to follow in silence to Leliana's personal office, her birds flying around or squawking in iron cages. She handed him the piece of parchment that was sitting on her desk.
"You should go read this where no one can disturb you." He raised an eyebrow but did what she suggested. He lit a small flame in his hand and could barely keep himself from looking at the words on the page until he got there. From the brief glimpse he gave it he could see it was the neat cursive of his mother's penmanship. It made his stomach twist itself into knots at what she could be possibly writing to him about. The two of them have not made a habit of writing to each other in the time he was away from home so it had to be important. He finally sat down on the cold stone of a bench in the vacant garden and raised his hand to the paper. His eyes quickly roved the page and with every word he felt sicker and sicker. At one point he lost focus and the fire went out. Dorian quickly summoned it back to life with shaking hands until he was finished. Once he did the fire abruptly extinguished and the paper fluttered to the ground for his hands couldn't seem to function anymore. He sat there barely able to breathe and stay calm. But once the meaning of the words started to sink inside him he put his head in his hands and sobbed. He cried and cried and it wasn't for what the letter told him. It was because of what it meant for him and Cullen.
I'm sorry I just can't resist cliffhangers. You will not be waiting for the last chapter for long though it is almost done and I will have it posted by Friday eastern standard time. Until then please review I appreciate the feedback so much.
