We at Mumsnet have been completely drawn in by the recent Our Girl series and everything Molly Dawes/Captain James. We felt frustrated at the time lapse between episodes 3 and 4, at which point it was apparent to the viewers that Molly and the Captain had admitted their attraction to each other but had agreed to "wait out". All we had seen was Captain James resting his forehead against Molly's in the final scene at the hospital in episode 3. As a group, we agreed there was so much left unsaid on screen that we wanted to try and fill in the missing details between the two.
We have kept within the plot lines so that our two alternative chapters fit neatly (we think) between episodes 3 and 4.
It is our first foray into the world of fanfiction. A few of us have joined forces to write these chapters and if you like them, it may well inspire us to do more.
The characters belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC although we really wish they did belong to us!
They were face to face, eventually, in the relative privacy of a hospital room, and they could talk, but all the words that he had formed in his head before, all of the speeches he tried, whilst thinking night after night, all if his preparation suddenly failed him. He was looking into her eyes, and feeling her sorrow. Sohail's injuries were horrific, and his dignity to the end was like a weight resting on his heart. He was dying, if he wasn't dead already, and he did it to protect a woman he despised, but that HE loved.
Molly's face was still showing the strikes of teardrops falling on her cheeks, like pain marks in the afghan dust.
He had to start, somehow, but he knew that if he left the gates open his soul would pour out, and he had to thread carefully.
"Molly, look at me. It isn't your fault. Please. Look at me."
Oh, Gosh, that was going to be difficult.
"Will you believe me if I say I know exactly how you feel? Will you?"
She raised her eyes, startled somehow by the tone of his voice.
"Molly, I have been through terrible things in this war, I thought I knew hate, I thought I knew love, I thought I was above all of this and in control, but that wasn't true. I look at you and my stomach tightens and my fists hurt...because I do love you, and I feel your pain and I would do anything, anything now, to make it go away."
There. The truth was out. The expression on her face was unreadable. He had to go on:
"Army regulations forbid it, so I am NOT pulling you close, Molly. I am not tracing that tiny scar on your forehead and kissing it.
Army regulations forbid it, Molly, so I am not sliding my hands under that plait of yours and pulling your face up to kiss you. As much as I would want to, as long as I dreamt of, I am not allowed to take you somewhere and make love to you in every possible way. But this is only for now.
If you can wait for me, I can wait for you.
We have to keep it under control, Molly, I don't want to risk your career, just as much I can't risk mine. And more importantly, I don't want to risk losing focus on the mission, whilst we still are in a danger zone. That would be unforgivable. Do you understand? Do you?"
Of course she did. She was simply still taking in his first few words. He had actually said "I love you". It was true. It was bloody true. She thought she had made herself ridiculous and read all the signs wrong. She thought it could not be true, that a man like this could look at a girl like herself.
But he did.
As Molly took in his words the captain walked to the door, leaving it open so anyone passing could see in. He was struggling not to act on what he said and thought they both needed some help to get back on a professional ground.
He watched her collecting herself, wiping the tears from her cheeks, smudging the dirt and grime from her beautiful face. She took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, then another. He watched her, drinking her in. Her hair was escaping from its plait, her clothes thick with dust but she looked wonderful to him. This is all he had. All he could take to see him through the long weeks ahead as they worked out the rest of the tour. Sometimes the army was a cruel mistress.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stirrings began in Two Section's tent, exactly thirty minutes before morning PT at 0530. Molly glanced at her bleary-eyed compatriots as they grumbled their way out of bed. She'd been ready for a couple of hours - PT kit this time; they were on the soft slide now that they'd returned to Bastion, although Captain James and Kinders had made certain yesterday that they'd remembered they were still the British army, by putting them through a punishing 10k run in the unrelenting Afghan heat.
The physical exertion helped. She hadn't been able to sleep most of the night - first she'd had a nightmare, filled with Sohail's staring, glassy dead eyes, seeing herself being shot by the Taliban after Sohail had given her up, and then bleeding out in the dust as Captain James screamed at her to stay the fuck with him.
Captain James. After the nightmare had passed and she'd woken to find herself lying there on her camp bed in between Smurf and Dangles, the night punctuated by the occasional snort and scratch, she'd wished for sleep to overtake her again so she could dream of him, but instead she'd started worrying.
Captain James. Brown, warm eyes filled with the things that perhaps shouldn't have been said, but were out in the open now between the two of them. she'd found herself drowning in the embrace of Captain James' gaze.
I love you.
Army regulations forbid it, so I am NOT pulling you close, Molly. I am not sliding my hands under that plait of yours and pulling your face up to kiss you. I am not allowed to take you somewhere and make love to you in every possible way.
If you can wait for me, I can wait for you.
Molly shuddered with the hot flush of recollection. She knew she'd been overwhelmed with the sheer emotion of knowing that she'd cheated death, but the force of his conviction - and yes, admission of love for her - had had her insides in knots, although he'd barely touched her. The atmosphere between them had been so charged she'd had goosebumps, and she'd felt the rest of her body responding to him - she'd only just been able not to fall into him and bury her face in the musky comfort of his broad chest. How the hell was she going to make sure no one discovered what had happened between them? She flushed again at the thought of how unguardedly she had left her own heart open when they'd been approaching that tarp in the road and all that she would have offered him if he'd chosen to take it from her.
Nothing is stronger than army regulations. Despite the physical restraint, his thoughts had found expression through words that had stripped away his rank, their situation, the uncertainty of the months at the FOB.
"Molls, you ok?"
She started.
"Shit, Smurf. Sorry, I was miles away."
"PT at 0530, make sure you're hydrated. Don't think bossman's gonna give us an easy ride today either."
"Yeah, alright mate. I'm ready."
She exited the tent ahead of the rest of Two Section and stopped short as she came face to face with Captain James.
They stared at each other for a long moment.
He bit his lip before a half-laugh escaped him.
"Dawes. I have to say, I only saw you six hours ago, but you're a sight for sore eyes."
He smiled at her, an intimate look passing between them, and suddenly the worry left her. They'd make this work. They'd wait out.
