Years. It had been years since they ended their friendship. Years since he had tried almost every day for the summer after their OWLs to see her. To tell her how deeply sorry he really was. Years since he had watched her fall in love with the man he hated more than anything. The day the left Hogwarts he sent her an owl, saying how much he missed her, how he need her in his life in some way. He never received a response. He had come so close in that letter to telling her how much he loved her. Although he felt that she could tell, and at this point he was hoping he would forget her.
But how could he do that? How could he forget the only thing in his life he ever really wanted? She was, to him, perfection in every way. He didn't deserve her, he never did, and he knew that. Still he couldn't help but love her. It was all consuming, all powerful and sometimes all too much.
Like the day he saw the engagement announcement in the Prophet. He had not been aware that it was possible to hurt as much as he did at that moment.
He had been trying, trying so hard to be a better person. After they had left Hogwarts he had no idea what he wanted to do. For almost a year now he had been avoiding Lucius and any other of his so called friends from Hogwarts. He didn't want to be a death eater. To have to bow down and basically warship a men who was just as mortal as the rest of them was not something that appealed to him.
No, Severus Snape didn't care about the dark arts, or blood status or any of that any more. All he cared about and all he had cared about, for what seemed like a life time now, was her. The way her red hair shone so bright in the sun light. Her laugher that was sweeter than any song he had ever heard. And of course there were her eyes. Her bight, big, beautiful eyes had always been his favorite thing about her. Severus had always found comfort in her gaze. There was something in her look that made everything and anything just met away. He knew deep down there she was the only one for him.
But, there it was in black and white. She had chosen Potter. Severus decided then and there that it didn't matter anymore. Nothing matter anymore. Everything he had been trying to be become was for not. He had lost her, more completely than ever before.
The same day that the announcement had ran, so did he. Straight to the people he had been avoiding. Straight into the life he did not want.
As he looked at the Mark that was now on his left arm, he knew there was no going back.
