Disclaimer: I wouldn't be here if I owned HP; all my fics would be in the books!
A/N
Creatress: Alright, here's number 3!! But it was probably posted as number 2… Long story, I'll explain in the ending author's note :P
Sev: This one is by far the most embarrassing…
Mione: Even I'll have to agree this time.
Creatress: So what? Every SSHG fan thought of this at least ONCE!! And we know you two did, too!
Sev:…
Mione:…
Creatress: Exactly.
luv
Creatress
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Some Things Never Change… Ever
It was a Friday afternoon in July and when most people were relaxing, this afternoon found Severus, Hermione, and Remus working feverishly in the Snape household's backyard, which was infested with gnomes. The place had been gnome-free ever since Severus and Hermione had bought the house, and, according to Severus, they'd just appeared out of nowhere and wanted a home… and the Snapes had gotten unlucky. Hermione, however, blamed the new herbs Severus was trying to grow in the yard.
In either case, they had gnomes and needed to get rid of them.
Severus had originally set about the task of cleansing the backyard himself, when his neighbour, Remus Lupin, had decided to help.
Now, Severus used to be the potions professor at Hogwarts, but he now taught DADA. Remus had taught the subject at the school once and now worked at a research facility that was funded by the Ministry of Magic and was trying develop counter hexes to dangerous curses. He had convinced Severus to join the facility for the summer and lead another team in developing counter curses. So between these two highly educated and experienced men, they should have been able to take care of a few measly gnomes, right? … Right???
If it was right, we wouldn't we be here right now, so obviously: wrong.
When the war between the two men and the gnomes had entered its second bloody hour, Severus' wife had looked through the window, shook her head in disbelief, and had come out into the yard to help. Her assistance helped the humans' side… Not by much though.
Severus and Hermione never had that much in common… Three of the few similarities they did share were: 1) Both prided themselves on their high levels of intelligence and shared a belief that they were smarter than a bunch of gnomes. 2) Because of the first belief, there was a second shared belief that they should not be having such a hard time degnoming a garden. 3) A tendency of getting quite frustrated and moody when things with such low IQs keep thwarting their attempts to outsmart them.
It was because of these three things that, at around hour four during the standoff, things were starting to get ugly.
Hermione fired a binding spell at a gnome and, in her frustration, missed. The gnome leapt at her and landed on her right shoulder. As it was about to sink its sharp teeth into her skin, Hermione shrieked. "Aaaaahhh! Get it off!! Get it off!" she screamed while trying to swat at it with her wand.
Just then, the gnome was knocked swiftly off her shoulder and over the fence by spell from Severus. Hermione sighed in relief and turned to thank her saviour, but Severus just gave her a small smirk and turned back to his group of gnomes before she could say anything.
Hermione should be thankful… And she was, mind you; she found gnome-teeth quite dangerous and yucky-looking in all their sharpness and yellowness. But she was a little unnerved by the look in Severus' eyes when he'd smirked at her a second ago. It was the same look she'd received as a child who had done something wrong to her potion or wrote something wrong down on a test – it didn't happen very often, so when it did, he laid it on extra thick when he had the chance to chastise her.
So of course, his ability, even now after years of being in a relationship with her, to make her feel like a small first-year made Hermione shiver. For a second, she thought that it wasn't quite an unpleasant shiver… He looked good when smirked…
Anyways… Screaming and swatting at gnome probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation she'd been in. She had, in short, acted like a child who was degnoming a garden in the summer between first and second years at Hogwarts. She prayed that Severus would just forget about the incident, but it was unlikely that he would.
Hermione knew… She'll be in for it later.
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And in for it later, she was.
The humans had finally come out victorious around hour six. By then, it was almost eight at night. They'd used some spells to heal any wounds and clean themselves up and sat down in the sitting room for some rest and a drink.
Severus and Remus had both chosen a glass of scotch after that embarrassment. Hermione, not being one to drink away feelings of humiliation, settled down on the couch with a tall glass of lemonade. She was just starting to relax when -
"Would you like some scotch in that?" Severus asked. "After that traumatic incident…"
Hermione sat up, instantly alert. He sounded concerned, yes, but she'd known him long enough to pick up on sarcasm behind his words.
She turned and glared at him, daring him to go on.
Severus was unfazed and continued. "I mean you had to deal with a tiny gnome, armed with no more than… Well, your wand. But what good could a little stick do?"
From the three-seater couch, Remus watched this with a small smile. No week was complete without watching Severus and Hermione go at it at least once… Their spats were always entertaining. He leant back and got comfortable.
Hermione snarled. "Well, if you hadn't noticed, it was on my shoulder," she snapped. "So sue me for not responding well."
"I know it was on your shoulder; I was there," Severus pointed out calmly. "I'm saying that it may do you some good to act a little more mature next time." Hermione's mouth dropped open a little, and Severus inwardly smirked. One point for him – she absolutely hated it when he called her little, especially because, despite their age difference, she was wise beyond her years.
Hermione had just recovered from the blow. "Are you trying to accuse me of acting like a child?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.
"Acting? Were you acting?" Severus asked, feigning surprise as he raised an eye-brow.
Hermione flushed in anger.
Severus 2; Hermione 0… Severus quirked an eye-brow at her response. She was usually so quick-witted and ready with her replies during their arguments. Also, she usually knew that he was trying to anger her and for that reason alone, contained her anger well. What was wrong with her today? Must've been the gnome war, Severus decided.
"You know, I hate it when you do that, Sev," Hermione pointed out, her voice rising a bit. "Seriously, sometimes I feel like you're still my professor at first-year."
Severus wasn't expecting this and did not have a reply. Fortunately for him, his friend popped a question at this point.
"What? Really?" Remus asked her. "How… interesting."
Severus gave him a questioning look, and if Remus had noticed it, he did not show that he had.
Hermione raised her eye-brows in confusion at Remus. "Interesting?" she asked. "Hardly."
Severus, after having combed through his brain and finding a good response, spoke up at this time. "On that, I'll have to concur." He turned to Hermione. "As for you, perhaps you feel that way because you're one of those people who know how memorize and regurgitate everything they read, but find it too difficult to actually learn, expand and grow their minds."
Hermione blinked. "You're saying I haven't progressed since first year?!" she asked, now thoroughly pissed off.
Severus tilted his head as he pretended to observe her. Then, he nodded. "See? You simply repeated the fact I just stated. … Speaking of which, is that skirt not uniform?"
Hermione glanced down at the gray, pleated skirt she was wearing. "Yes, but I got that during seventh-year," she snapped. "And I haven't grown much since then – which is okay because it is scientifically proven that a majority of women stop growing around the ages of seventeen and eighteen."
"And where did you read that, Hermione?"
Hermione was at a loss for words, but was saved by another interruption from Remus.
"Wow," Remus said, his eyes wide.
Hermione whipped around and glared at him. Severus simply threw him another questioning glance – Severus had known this man for a very long time and this is not how he usually responded to things.
"Now, Hermione, I know you're angry and would like to reply to what Severus just said, but may I ask him something first?" Remus asked. He turned to Severus without waiting for a reply and regarded him with a curious look on his face. "Now, Severus, if what you're saying is true – and let's assume that it's true because of your remarkable ability to figure people out - " this drew an angry sound out of Hermione which both men decided to ignore "- and Hermione has not exactly grown, mentally, intellectually, since her first year… Then, why are you here?"
There was a silence in the room for a few moments. Hermione suddenly looked confused, as did Severus, though he hid it a bit better. Remus continued to stare at Severus as if waiting for a reply.
"What?" Severus finally asked him.
"Yes, Severus, why are you here? If she's really just a first-year student of yours at heart…" Remus let his words trail off for a second, then asked. "Why in the hell did you marry her?"
Severus blinked, and was at a loss for words. He needn't have even tried replying because Remus then rounded on Hermione, who looked utterly bewildered.
"And Hermione, if he still rouses the same feelings now as he did when he was your mean, scary, domineering, authoritative professor… Why are you here?" Remus asked. He then leaned back into the couch with a serious look on his face and observed them curiously.
Another silence fell upon the room and this one was quite uncomfortable. Remus continued to stare at Severus and Hermione, who both felt a little sick. They stared at the floor, the walls, the drapery… anything but each other.
A moment later, Remus finally decided to speak up. "Perhaps…" he said, as if he was thinking out loud. Severus and Hermione instantly turned their attentions toward him, both praying that his next words will negate everything he's said so far and everything would go back to being normal.
If the gnome war hadn't pointed it out to you already, I, the author, shall do so now: Luck was not on the Snapes' side today.
"Perhaps," Remus repeated, fighting to hold back the grin that was starting to spread across his face. He looked at the two people before him. "Do you guys find something incredibly kinky about having had a student-teacher relationship?"
"Oh, dear God." Hermione buried her red face in her hands and turned away.
"Remus…" Severus said, his tone low with warning.
"No, no, think about it!" Remus argued. "Did you two ever have any… I don't know… Detention fantasies?"
And that was when Severus kicked Remus out. Remus, for his part, was quite glad because he was sure he was about to burst out laughing. He did when he had gotten home, and Tonks, who'd missed out on the gnome-war due to her pregnancy, was afraid for a second that he would run out of breath and die because he was laughing so hard.
Anyways, back at the Snape household…
Now that Remus was gone, the tension between Severus and Hermione intensified ten fold. Hermione was starting to wish that she'd taken Severus up on the offer to stick something strong into her lemonade.
Awkward minutes passed by in silence. Severus, being a spy who used to deal with a lot of tough situations in which he would have to find the perfect thing to say or risk losing lives, spoke up first. "He's an idiot. Stupid Remus."
"Yes!" Hermione quickly agreed, nodding, still not able to meet his gaze. "He had no idea what he was talking about."
"Absolutely!"
"Of course," Hermione said, nodding.
There was another uncomfortable silence. This was interrupted by Hermione.
"I should get started on dinner," she said.
"Yes, you do that."
Thankful for the excuse to leave the room, Hermione got up and left as quickly as possible. As soon as she was in the kitchen and started cooking, she started thinking. Not only did she have on her hands a very embarrassing and awkward situation with her husband, but also a risk of losing who she was to herself. She'd always prided herself on being intelligent, smart – not just having an ability to read, memorize, and repeat material. Now, it turns out that she may not really be that smart anyway?
Hermione mentally kicked herself. Of course, not. Not, not, not. She had grown intellectually and mentally – she was not a damn eleven-year-old!
Okay, now that that was out of the way…
Time to face the second problem. Her husband. Right. Detention fantasies?
Hermione stopped to think. She never even had detention with him more than once. And that one time was nothing special – she'd been too busy cleaning cauldrons to pay any attention to him.
So, okay, detention fantasies were out of the question. She never had and never would have a detention fantasy about him. So, there.
Hermione then looked through the window and gazed at the sky. Thank the gods that Remus didn't know she used to have a crush on her husband. Hermione shuddered to think what would happen if Severus ever found out - he would never let her live it down.
Hermione rolled her eyes. It had been a simple crush and that was it. It probably was not anything important – one day, she'd just sat in third-year class, glowering at him because of some odd comment he made to Neville and thought to herself: 'why is he so mean? Why? Why in his warped, yet highly developed and intelligent mind... So mysterious… He's kind of good-looking, too, in a tall, dark and mysterious sense, but not that good-looking; I mean, he's so old. He's my professor… So, why can't I stop staring at him?... … … Crap.'
Once again, Hermione forced herself to brush it off. It wasn't special and it definitely wasn't because she wanted something… kinky… It's just that the wrong hormone was released in the wrong part of her brain at the worst possible time. Yeah, that was it. Totally… unkinky.
There. Two problems solved. Of course, it was hormones.
Nevertheless, dinner was very awkward. In his defense, Severus had tried to make the situation better, but ended up throwing more egg shells on the floor…
In his desperate attempt to make her say something, anything, he remarked, "The meat looks a little… more… brown today."
Hermione, who'd been daydreaming about where that first crush had come from (she couldn't convince herself it was hormones), was, in her mind, back at third-year wondering what was so different about that day that made her stare at him. And, back then, she'd gotten used to his comments about her potions being off-colour and never tried to defend herself. So, it wasn't completely her fault that she absent-mindedly replied, "Sorry, I'll try to do better next time, sir."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Hermione was snapped back to reality. Her eyes widened and she clapped both her hands over her mouth.
On the other side of the table, Severus was just as shocked, but only raised an eye-brow and refused to allow himself to show any more emotion at the statement.
"Sev! I meant to say Sev – your name. Yes. I meant to say sir – no, Sev," Hermione corrected herself. In her frustration, she got up and took a few steps around the dining room to try to calm down. She stopped and took a deep breath. "Sev," she repeated, out loud. 'Not 'sir.' Sev.' "Oh, God." She did not want to turn around and face Severus. "Excuse me," she said and left the room before he could respond.
Severus sat at the table, not knowing how to respond for a few seconds. Highly uncharacteristic of him… Severus suddenly noted that the girl – no, not girl – woman upstairs seemed to do that a lot to him.
Finally deciding to check on her, he got up. Since they were almost finished the meal anyways, he quickly cast a few charms to clean the dining room up and get rid of the dishes before heading up.
As soon as he reached the second floor, he saw that she was in the master bedroom. The door was closed, but there was light shining out from underneath it. Every other light was turned off.
Severus reached out to knock, but then stopped himself. Was knocking formal? Had he ever knocked before entering this room before?
Severus paused as a thought struck him. Severus Snape - potions master, former spy, former Death Eater, receiver of an Order of Merlin, first class, the man who managed to teach a bunch of dunderheads, year in and year out, for almost two decades without going insane – was self-conscious about knocking on his own bedroom door.
Shuddering a little, Severus braced himself and pushed the door open. Hermione was lying on the edge of the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest and staring at him as he entered. He stepped into the room and nobody said anything. Another awkward silence.
'Think, Severus, think. One good statement to make her feel alright and put the normalcy back into our lives,' Severus instructed himself. He opened his mouth.
"You're on my side of the bed."
'Dammit!' Severus thought. Even while the words were leaving his mouth, he knew something was wrong.
Hermione looked over at him and raised her eye-brows. "Sor - " she started to say. But then thought, 'Wait, that was something I would've said in school…' What made it his side of the bed anyway? So, he'd been sleeping on this side ever since they … well, ever since they first slept together. So what? "Am I?" Hermione asked instead. The corner of her lip quirked a bit. "I didn't notice. I don't think I'll be leaving though," she added, matter-of-factly as she absent-mindedly tossed her pillow to her side.
Severus raised an eye-brow and smirked a little. "Don't you?"
Hermione nodded, the quirk at the corner of her lips having grown into a small smile. She crossed her arms over her stomach. "I'm not moving."
Severus walked into the room, struggling to keep his face straight. With a small and wry smile, he gazed down at her. "Well, I suppose I'll just have to sleep on top of you, then."
"I suppose you will," Hermione replied, readily. She was starting to feel nervous, but she liked the feeling. It was accompanied by a feeling of playfulness that came up rarely when she was with Severus.
"Right, then." Severus laid down over her, supporting his weight with his arms, which were on either side of her. He stopped for a second and looked down at her. "You're little more than half my size, Hermione. Do you think you can last the entire night under me?"
Hermione grinned up at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I've done it before," she reminded him, causing him to chuckle softly.
"That's right, you have," Severus said, lightly. A moment passed by in comfortable silence as he brushed some of her auburn curls to the side. He fixed her with a serious gaze then. "I don't think of you as a child."
Hermione grinned when she heard this. "Good to know," she said. Her smile disappeared as she looked thoughtful for a second. Then she looked at him with a small smile. "For what it's worth, I never felt you did."
Severus raised an eye-brow then smirked. "Indeed?"
Hermione nodded solemnly. "But, in all seriousness, did you ever…" Here, she got uncomfortable.
"Did I ever what, Hermione?"
"You know…" Hermione mumbled. Seeing that Severus did not understand her, she sighed. "Don't laugh and don't get angry, alright?"
"Tell me what you were about to say, and I'll decide later," Severus replied.
Hermione almost rolled her eyes. "Well… that thing," she mumbled, her cheeks turning a little pink. She glanced up at him. "Detention."
Severus bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. He allowed himself to give her a smug smirk. "And what made you think I would laugh at that?"
Hermione gave him a look. "I was just curious," she grumbled.
Severus smirked. "Well, to answer your question, no," he said. "I fantasized about giving you detention, yes, but that was because you were such a good girl… It was quite annoying. But I never raped you in any of them."
Hermione had to smile at this.
"Now, my dear," Severus said, in a very down-to-business tone. He buried his face into the side of her neck and hair and nuzzled her a bit. "Did you ever fantasize about your cruel and scary potions professor?"
"No," she replied.
Her response came too quickly and her tone was too… insisting. Severus grinned into her neck. He would let it slide this time, but he knew he had a bit of veritaserum lying around somewhere. "Very well," he muttered.
"Mm hm," Hermione mumbled, sounding a little sleepy.
Severus got up again and looked her over. "Though I always found that it is quite un-adult to just flop into bed for the night in the clothes you wear during the day." He had never really thought that- he was just out to provoke her.
Hermione looked up at him sleepily. "Do I have to?" she asked, softly.
He stroked her cheek. "Well, if you're still so much a child that you need someone to change you," he said, a small smile playing across his lips. "I'd be more than happy to help."
Hermione looked at him through eyes that were already half-closed. She pouted. "Sev, I'm tired," she said, a whine to her voice. "I can't tonight." Her eyes were already starting to close.
Severus simply chuckled and pressed his lips firmly, but softly against her own. Her eyes fluttered open a little and she smiled a bit. "Good night," he said.
Hermione nodded a bit. "I love you," she said, barely audibly, and then she was asleep.
Severus carefully unwrapped her arms from around his neck and placed them down beside her. He considered changing her, but decided against it. He may wake her and if he was to get aroused, there was an even bigger chance of waking her. He got up and changed into a pair of black pajama bottoms and decided not to wear the shirt for the night since it was incredibly warm. (A/N I can't believe I went this long without putting a shirtless Sevvie-kins in there :P) After turning out the lights, he got into bed and wrapped an arm around his wife's waist, pulling her to him. He was lulled to sleep by the feeling of Hermione's breath against his throat.
About an hour passed in dark and silence with no movements or sounds coming from the occupants of the bed.
But then, Hermione started moving a little. At first her movements were small, barely having any effects on the man beside her. But then, her breathing became uneven - ragged even and she started to softly murmur and moan things. Severus, who had been jostled to the thin line between sleep and wakefulness by her actions so far, was completely woken when he heard the word "professor."
Suddenly fully awake and alert, Severus sat up and looked down at his wife, who was still asleep and … dreaming. He was quite thankful that he had become so advanced at legilimency that he could read people's minds by conjuring up in his mind's eye, a picture of his victim's eyes. "Legelimens."
Severus was so shocked (pleasantly) by the scenes unfurling in Hermione's mind that he didn't notice her turn away from him and move closer to the edge of the bed.
In retrospect, this made sense. Severus usually slept on her other side, and since he'd let go of her when he sat up and she was dreaming about him, of course, she would turn to where he usually was to feel around for him.
But he wasn't there. So, the show that Severus was engrossed in and thoroughly enjoying came to a sudden halt, when Hermione slid out of bed and crashed onto the floor.
Hermione yelped and looked around in shock, a little disoriented for a second. Why was she lying on the floor?
Hermione then looked up and saw Severus smirking down at her from the bed, a triumphant look on his face. She blinked a few times and as realization dawned on her, she went quite red and slapped both hands over her face.
"You know what we can do?" she heard Severus ask. "We can convince Albus that Hogwarts needs housesitters and spend the rest of summer there."
Hermione only groaned in irritation, still covering her face with her hands.
"Oh, come now, Hermione," Severus continued. She could only imagine the look he would have on his face. "You can… bring your uniform and pretend that you're back at school."
"No!" came her muffled and indignant reply.
"Think about it… If you want, I'll… teach you a few things."
"Argh!" Hermione sat up and even removed her hands, though her face was still red enough to put the Weasleys' hair to shame. She glared at Severus, who still looked quite amused with a smug smirk gracing his features. "Listen," she said. "Dreams and fantasies are entirely different."
"Your point being?" He asked, looking innocently curious.
Hermione beat her head against the mattress a few times. Then she stopped and turned and glowered at him. "Don't read my mind!"
Severus raised an eye-brow at her. "So now you think you're in a position to be making demands?" He ignored the disbelieving look on her face. "Never use that tone with me, young lady, I'm your professor."
At this point, Hermione was so angry, she was practically choking on her words. Finally, she took a deep breath and forced herself to count to ten. Then, when she decided she was calm enough, she got up and picked up a pillow.
Severus rolled his eyes. "What? You're going to sleep on the couch now?"
"No." She threw the pillow at him.
Severus looked defiantly up at her. "And you're going to make me?" He asked, an amused smile tugging at his lips.
She glared at him.
Severus suddenly decided to be nice – this standoff could go on for a while and one of them was going to end up on the couch tonight if he wasn't… So Severus opened his mouth to propose a truce:
"You know where I would like to go? My desk."
Oh, that was a long way off from "Let's just sleep and forget this ever happened." Severus couldn't help it, though – being nice was just not his nature.
Hermione looked ready to murder him.
Severus raised an eye-brow at her. "What?" he asked. "I like the one in the study. It's so much more spacious than the one in the potions classroom at Hogwarts." 'I should stop talking now,' he thought. "And there are no exam papers on the one in the study," he added. "I noticed that they seemed to keep getting in the way."
"Argh!" Hermione picked up the pillow and stalked out of the room herself. However, she was barely out the door when her feet lost contact with the ground and she was flying through the air, back toward the bed. "Severus Snape, put me down this instant!"
"As you wish."
And she was falling down to the floor, only inches away from the bed. "Sev!" she screamed. She stopped in mid air, about half a foot away from the wooden floor.
Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and fixed an angry expression onto her face as she was gently levitated back onto the bed. Once there, she laid down, once again on his side and refused to even look at him.
"Well?" Severus asked.
No response.
"Aren't you going to thank me?"
"For what?! That wasn't funny and I'm not talking to you!" With that, Hermione turned so that her back was to him.
To her disbelief, Severus chuckled and once again wrapped his arm around her waist. "Now who's acting like a child?"
Hermione didn't move, but let him pull her to him.
"I'm not out to embarrass you," he muttered, laying his head down on top of hers. Her cheeks were hot.
"Mmm…" Hermione mumbled, her features softening. She yawned softly, feeling quite sleepy again as she allowed herself to relax.
He brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "We… don't have to discuss this if you don't want to," he said. He felt Hermione nod slowly, already letting fatigue catch up on her. "I would, however, prefer it if we do." Hermione stiffened a little beneath him and he felt her back go a little rigid against his chest. His breath tickled her ear and his voice was at its silkiest when he whispered, "I've been wanting to discuss it with you for a very long time."
Hermione was almost completely overcome by sleep, so she couldn't find her voice to question him. But as she looked up into his cobalt eyes, one last thought drifted across her. What had he said to her? "I fantasized about giving you detention... I never raped you in any of them." Severus caught the shock that flickered across her eyes just before they closed.
Severus kissed her moist lips once again, drawing a little whimper from her sleeping form. He smirked and buried in face into her hair and let sleep overtake him, but not before making a mental note to owl Albus in the morning.
finis
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A/N
Creatress: Wow, that was long…
Snape: And embarrassing.
Mione: Tell me about it.
Creatress: You two need to loosen up.
Mione: Right…
Creatress: grins So I posted what you guys see in the Mirror of Erised. Big whoop.
Sev & Mione: …
Creatress: Please review. Be nice. Don't be mad that I may've left too much to your dirty little minds. :D Oh, and if anybody didn't understand the last part, Sev just meant that Mione was ready and willing in all of his fantasies, so he never had to rape her. Haha, I love the double meanings behind his words:D
Sev: bangs head against wall
Creatress: Anyways, here's a preview of my next fic!
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"Have you married a jerk?" the heading of the article asked. Hermione blinked, and was a little startled when she realized that she didn't have an answer. Well, he's a jerk sometimes… About 98 of the time… Then next line jumped out at her. "Of course, you haven't!" the magazine told her. "He's just got IMS – Irritated Male Syndrome!"
coming to fanfiction . net in about a week
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Creatress: REVIEW!! (please:) )
