AN: This is my second foray into Bones FF. It's set in the next year or so, and will likely turn out more than a little revisionist. The story will be multi-chaptered, probably between 7 and 10 chapters. Just a warning: my updates will probably be sporadic. I don't have the whole story written yet, but I have a complete outline, and most of the second chapter written. It might take awhile between updates. I do my best to make sure my work is the best it can be, but that means it takes multiple revisions, rewriting, editing, and more time.

I don't have a beta, so any mistakes are my own. Reviews are welcomed and encouraged, but I won't hold chapters hostage for them. If I'm done with a chapter, I'll post it.

Thanks for reading, and my apologies for the super-long AN. Enjoy!


"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
-Anatole France


It had been just over six months since Booth, Brennan and the rest of the team reunited. Although reunited might have been too generous of a word—its connotations were rejoicing, laughter, happiness. The return of these individuals included little of the sort—it was grim, determined, largely devoid of any real joy. Little had changed in that regard in the intervening time.

Temperance Brennan sat at her desk, reading over the case file for a skeleton from modular bone storage. One of the interns—a kind, well-mannered, bright young lady named Emma Marshall—had performed all of the preliminary work on the remains, and Brennan was simply reviewing the girl's accurate findings. Without warning, she dropped the file and reached up to rub her temples. The pounding headache that rested behind her eyes had not abated since that morning, and Brennan felt like she could scream from frustration. The pain was dividing her usually guaranteed focus, and she could find no respite. A deep sigh escaped her, and she couldn't summon up the desire to feel upset from something that she would have formerly deemed a weakness. A tap on her door startled her, and she looked up to see Angela, her face creased in sympathy.

"You could hear that sigh in the parking lot, Bren. Everything okay?" Brennan smiled ruefully, knowing that Angela was exaggerating, but also that she had a point.

"I just have this awful headache. I've had it all morning. You know I dislike taking unnecessary medication, but I was willing today. Even the ibuprofen I took isn't helping." Brennan also knew that her voice carried a distinct whine to it, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care that much.

"That sucks, sweetie. I wish there was something I could do to help."

"Don't worry, Ange. It'll go away eventually. It's just making it harder for me to focus on my work." The two women sat in silence for a few moments, before Angela spoke again.

"You know sweetie, I'm really proud of you." Brennan looked up at her, confusion and wariness warring for a place in her expression.

"Why? To my knowledge I haven't done anything recently that was uncharacteristic or worthy of pride on your part." Angela chuckled.

"Just, in general, Bren." Seeing that Brennan still didn't understand, Angela sighed and continued. "Ever since you came back from Maluku, you've been different. You're more open with me, Hodgins, even Cam. Like now, for instance. You just admitted that you are in pain and that it affects you. That's something that you would have struggled with before. You go for drinks with us, and make jokes on the platform. You're just…more open to human interaction with everyone." A strange look flicked across Brennan's face, and Angela quickly amended her thoughts. "Okay, well not everyone, but a lot of people. You even outright praise the new interns—they know right away whether or not you like them." A small smile finally appeared on Brennan's face. Success.

"Well, Angela, you know how you told me to find something that completely changes what it means to be human? I did—at least I realized what being human was, and that alone was no way to live a life. I still don't really believe in all the socially accepted rituals and mores, like marriage, but friends…friends are important." Brennan gave a half smile. "I may be alone romantically, by my own desires and doings, but I won't be really alone." Angela gaped at her. She knew that Brennan had changed, but to hear her admit to it outright was something of a shock. Brennan's next words almost made her cry. "You have a lot to do with that, Ange. Even before I left, you helped teach me about friendship. You and Booth." Brennan's face closed off slightly and Angela got a small glimpse of the old Brennan. Deciding that the current situation was probably best to broach the topic—what with Brennan's uncharacteristic emotional honesty—she decided to ask the question that had been killing her with curiosity since their return all those months ago.

"I know you probably would rather not talk about it, but Bren, what's going on with you and Booth these days? You're both different. Even since he and Hannah called it quits." Brennan looked back up at Angela sharply, and then her face softened. She released another sigh, knowing that she should tell someone. Angela misunderstood the sigh, and tried to backtrack. "I mean, you're still working fantastically together, but you don't seem to get along the same way you did before." Angela braced herself for an excuse about adjusting, or time apart changing people or even outright denial, so Brennan's answer surprised her.

"Well, Angela, it's not really that complicated. Booth told me he was going to move on. He came back with Hannah—a clear indication that he had—and I recognized the need to allow him a healthy, adult relationship with a woman who he truly cared about. I understood, despite what people may think about me, that my former relationship with Booth would have caused problems with any normal woman." Here, Angela couldn't suppress a chuckle, thinking that Brennan's statement was an understatement. Brennan gave her a friendly glare, and continued. "As such, I distanced myself so that Booth and I had a cordial, friendly, professional relationship. And even after they broke up, Booth was dating other women casually. I knew that if we reasserted our former behavior, it would be detrimental in the long run." Brennan took a deep breath.

"So yes, we are different. But this is how it has to be now, Ange. I'd really appreciate it if you could make sure the others don't try and blindside Booth with the same question. I'm fairly certain that he is unaware of the deliberate nature of my actions. Such information would only cause him pain." There was a beat of silence, and then—

"Brennan, you love him." Angela wasn't asking a question, or trying to convince Brennan of anything. She was making a statement, half out of shock and half out of sadness for her friend.

"Yes, Ange, I do. That has not been in question for some years. However, he has moved on, and I will not let our dysfunction rob him of a happy life. I assume, since he informed me of his love for Hannah that his feelings regarding me have changed. This is the way that life happened, Angela, and there's little I can do to change my circumstances. I am happy with my life, secure in the knowledge that I have friends and a family who care for me deeply, and a satisfying professional life. Why would I ruin that at this point?" Angela still gaped at her, and Brennan sighed once more.

"Angela, I would appreciate it if you supported me in this." The slight plea in her voice snapped Angela out of her shock, and she sent a sad smile to Brennan.

"Of course, sweetie. I understand. Sometimes, life doesn't work out the way we want it to, but that doesn't mean we can't still be happy with it." Brennan smiled an equally sad, though grateful smile at her friend's uncharacteristic willingness to not be a romantic and insist that she and Booth belong together. Angela rose from the seat she had sunk into, and started towards the door. "I hope your headache goes away, sweetie. And I really am proud of you." In the doorway, she almost bumped into Booth, and they both took an unsure step back.

"Whoa there Angela—you should watch where you're going!" The grin on Booth's face reassured Angela that it was a joke, and she chuckled while patting his shoulder and walking away. A saucy grin lit up her face.

"I think you should probably watch where you're going, G-man. But then again, maybe you were just looking for an excuse to have full body contact with a beautiful woman." She winked at him. "I'm flattered, but remember Booth, I'm a married woman—and Hodgins has a jealous streak." The blush on Booth's face made Angela laugh harder, and as she walked away, she saw Hodgins grinning at her antics from the platform.

Brennan rolled her eyes at her friend's behavior, and began to rise from her post at the desk. She looked at Booth expectantly.

"Do we have a case, Booth?" He blinked over at her, and shook his head. Brennan concealed her surprise—it had been over a month since Booth came to the Jeffersonian without case-related reasons. Another byproduct of their new normal. Instead, she quirked an eyebrow at him, silently asking why he was there. She was grateful that even now, their non-verbal communication was excellent, and knew that whatever the reason Booth was in her office, he was uncomfortable. His body language was screaming it. One side of her mouth curled up, almost unnoticeably, as she reveled in the fact that she could still read him.

"Nope, no case Bones. Actually, I'm just here to give you some…" he struggled for a moment for the right word. "…news, I guess." His tone switched from nervous to businesslike, and Brennan knew that he was disconnecting from her. The thought that he did that now made her sad, but she quashed the feeling brutally. "I'm here to let you know ahead of time that the team here is going to be working with Agent Jenson for the foreseeable future. I'm going an undercover, and I have no idea when I'll be back." He saw Brennan begin to blanch, and misunderstood her. Another thing different. "Don't worry though, Bones. Jenson is a great agent. He's thorough, polite, and very skilled with investigative work. I'm sure you'll work with him just fine. Look, I can't stay long. I'm going under in the morning, and I've still got other stuff to do. You okay with this?" He barely gave Brennan enough time to breathe before he spoke again. "Okay then. I'll see you… later, I guess." Booth turned to the door, and was halfway there before Brennan's voice stopped him.

"Can you wait one minute, Booth? I'd like to talk about this with you." He sighed at the steel in her voice, knowing that if he didn't turn around and behave like an adult instead of a scared teenager, she would follow him until he listened to her. He turned.

"Well, there's not really anything to talk about. This is a career making operation. The Bureau has been working this case since before I left for Afghanistan, so when they gave me the opportunity to go under and help close it, I couldn't really say no." He looked at her steadily, hoping that she'd just take the explanation and let her go. Brennan blinked at him, seeming to process something.

"Gave you the opportunity." Something cleared in her face. "You mean this was your choice." Brennan's voice was quiet and calm, with a hint of some unidentifiable quality lurking below the surface. She was swallowing back the need to grab him and keep him from leaving her, while he was hoping that she'd just let him go without fuss. After all this time, he had no defense against tears or pleading or even anger from this woman. She opened her mouth and shut it a few times before speaking again. "I find… I find that I am insulted that you made this decision without talking to me. You expressed similar feelings when you thought that I'd accepted the position with the Maluku dig without first consulting you. I understood your feelings then, but now I find I have more empathy towards them." She fixed her eyes on him, and the clear blue seemed to burn him. It had been awhile since she had turned this kind of gaze on him. Booth sputtered before answering.

"Well, it was different then, Bones. We were different. You've made it very clear to me that you only want a professional relationship with me, so I am doing what I would with any other professional colleague." Without intending to, Booth let venom leak into his voice, and it surprised both of them. Brennan still fixed that gaze on him, and he stifled the urge to squirm or flee. She wanted to have this out right now? Fine—now was as good a time as any.

Brennan felt the weight of his words, and it only surprised her slightly that Booth had realized—at least partially—what she had done to them. Her earlier words to Angela were a combination of wishful thinking and the knowledge that Booth would not respond well to probing from their team. His anger hurt her, but she also knew that it was warranted. She wanted to shut down, to respond that everything was fine and let him leave—like the colleague she was—but a small part of her rebelled and urged her to defend herself. A scoff shot out of her mouth uncontrollably, and she winced at the sound but carried on. The rebellious part of her was winning, it seemed.

"It wasn't like I was doing it for kicks, Booth. I enjoyed and valued our friendship as much as you did!" Her voice was louder, less controlled than she intended it, and Booth's rose in retaliation.

"Well, it didn't really seem like you did! We come back, and there was that hug at the airport. I thought, great, everything is going to be normal again, no awkwardness or anything. But then, it was like you flipped a switch or something. All of a sudden, I only get the "Professional Dr. Brennan," all the time. I spent weeks trying to figure out what happened so that I could fix it, but eventually I had to give up! Apparently that's what you did!" He was practically shouting by the end of his tirade, and Brennan was ignoring the burning at the back of her eyes. She had vowed the night she returned from Indonesia that she would never shed tears over Booth again, and she was determined to stick to that vow. Instead, she let her anger carry her forward.

"Well, I'm sorry Booth, but even I'm observant enough to realize that our kind of friendship would have been bad for your relationship with Hannah—or with any other woman. Our time apart gave me the opportunity to get control of myself so that wouldn't happen." Brennan told herself that these were lies for his own good. They weren't strictly true—Brennan had actually realized just how much she loved him in Indonesia and that she would do anything for him because of that. It was only after the hug at the airport and her introduction to Hannah that she realized anything included breaking her own heart.

Booth stared at her, not quite sure what to make of that revelation. Unfortunately, the angry part of his brain reared up, and intentionally misunderstood her words.

"Oh, so now you're blaming this entirely on me, huh? Just because I decided to go and live my life outside of the little bubble you've created here, you think that this is entirely my fault? I don't think so, Brennan. You don't get to blame all of this on me. I didn't abandon you. I am not going to take the blame for every guy that's disappointed you in some way. I am not a scapegoat for the other losers in your life. There's a common thread there, you see, and it isn't me. If you were equipped with the ability to understand emotion, like any normal woman, we wouldn't even HAVE this problem!" As the words left his mouth, Booth regretted them more than anything he had ever said to Brennan—and that was a lot of things. Brennan just stared at him, unblinking, with a look of shock on her face. Booth almost swore he saw the bright sheen of tears in her eyes, and that did not surprise, although it appeared that way because of his own shock. He opened his mouth, with no idea what to say, or how to make it right, but a new voice stopped him.

"Seeley, I think you've said enough, don't you?" Cam's cool voice washed over the room, and Booth turned to look at her, standing at the door. The thin line of her lips made him hope that he looked the way he felt—ashamed, apologetic, and guilty. He suspected, though, that it wouldn't help him, even if he did. He glanced back at Brennan, but she seemed to have a blank look in her eyes. He opened his mouth again. "No, Seeley. I think you should leave." He stood frozen in place, between a woman that had bewitched him for the better part of seven years, and his ex-girlfriend, who were somehow on the same side. Cam moved out of the door way. "Now." Her tone left no room for argument, and had Booth been in a more jovial mood, he would have enjoyed the motherliness that it held. He started for the door, when once more, Brennan stopped him.

"No. Booth needs to stay." Brennan blinked, and looked toward Cam. The two women shared a look, and Booth saw a smile—small, unhappy, but a smile nonetheless—cross Brennan's face. She spoke again. "Thank you, Cam, but Booth and I should have had this conversation a long time ago. Can you shut the door on the way out? We'll do our best to keep it down." Cam's face softened when she looked at Brennan, and she gave one curt nod. As she turned to leave, she fixed Booth with a look he'd never seen from her before—pity, disdain, shame, disappointment. They all mixed on her exotic features, and then she was gone. Brennan's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Booth, I understand that you have some latent anger towards me about what happened last spring. I do not expect you to forgive me for the way that I hurt you. I never have." Brennan's voice wavered the tiniest bit before she stiffened her spine and her tone. "However, I resent the implication that I do not understand the emotions that got us to the place that we are, and I will not allow you to use my ignorance of interpersonal interactions and my poor romantic choices against me. Let me explain something to you, Booth." Brennan's voice dropped, and she seemed to gather her courage before continuing.

"I would like to explain to you why I chose to draw away from our friendship." Booth snorted at her clinical tone, but the sharp look she gave him made him immediately regret it. He shot her a contrite look, not trusting his words again, and Brennan continued.

"Last spring, you surprised me. You confronted me with emotions that I knew of, and felt, and my reaction was less than ideal. However, regardless of how you interpreted what I said, I will stand by my argument. At that point in time, my fear of emotional intimacy would have ruined any relationship we had. That would have hurt you—and me—more than my refusal did, so I made a reasoned decision, for both of our goods. I maintain that it was the right one at the time."

"However, after I left for Indonesia, and after I had been there for some time, I began learning about myself. After several months, I realized that I was eager and ready to return home, so that I may have the opportunity to tell you that I had grown—and more importantly, in what ways I had grown. Less than a month later, Cam contacted me, and I returned to D.C. and the Jeffersonian, looking forward to seeing you and informing you of my findings. But you arrived with Hannah in tow, and I realized that you had moved on. I entertained the idea of fighting for your affections, but when you told me that night that you loved Hannah, I knew that I had to let you love her. That's why I stopped doing everything but work with you. Women understand other women, and regardless of your feelings, your spending time with a woman who felt about you the way that I do would have hurt your relationship with her. She knew how I felt at that first meeting. On the island, I realized that I love you—and at home, I realized that meant I had to do the best thing for you. So I did. And I will not allow you to terrorize me for that. I'm sorry for any confusion, or pain I might have inadvertently caused. I had hoped that you were happy enough with you relationship that you would not notice or miss our relationship." Booth stared at her, not entirely believing or understanding what she had told him. Only one thing came to his mind.

"But Hannah and I broke up months ago, Bones. Why the act, still?" Brennan looked at him sharply.

"You are still dating, Booth. You still want what you wanted before, and I will not allow myself to get in the way of your happiness. Regardless of my own feelings, you are moving on, and I am making sure that you can. A relationship between us is no longer a plausible option." She finished with finality in her voice that scared Booth, and he strode from his post near the door to Brennan. He leaned into her personal space, enjoying that even now, when everything between them had changed, she did not back down from him. He could feel her breath on his face, and his eyes flicked down to her lips. It had been months since they were this close, and Booth was unhappy—strangely relieved?—to realize that she still intoxicated him like she had before. She wasn't the only one convinced that he was moving on. Her blue eyes caught his gaze, and his head dipped the tiniest bit. He paused there, a breath away from her, and then pulled away abruptly, remembering his anger and her actions. He couldn't keep the hostility out of his voice when he spoke.

"What about my feelings, Bones? Did you take them into consideration when you made all your important decisions? You didn't think to ask me how I felt about any of this, did you?" He voice was taunting and they both hated the hint of cruelty that it carried. Brennan looked up at him steadily, not wavering even now.

"Your feelings were abundantly clear, Booth." The coolness of her voice made him pull further away, and she secretly mourned the loss of his presence. She was sure in the strength of her argument. Booth had begun dating quickly after he and Hannah ended their relationship, and though most dates were only first dates, he was always more than happy to share the appropriate parts with her. Before, when he knew, he was extremely uncomfortable with sharing anything about his romantic life with her, and she had realized that it was because of his feelings for her. The new developments, his recent openness could only be explained by two things. Either he was trying to make her jealous—and Booth was far too honorable a man to do something like that—or he no longer felt the same affection for her. The realization had saddened her when she made months before, and it still saddened her, but she shoved those feelings down as well. He deserved to be happy—and he seemed to be getting there.

"Apparently, not clear enough. Had you bothered to ask me, this whole situation would have been completely different." There was a glint in Booth's eyes, something that he knew had to look slightly manic, and he forced away the hysteria at how screwed up everything was—how wrong they both had gotten things. He took a breath, wondering whether the next sentence was worth saying. "Next time, Bones, you should fight a little more for what you want." With that he turned and strode quickly from the room. "I have to go say goodbye to my son now, Bones. If I can, I'll call or text you before I'm gone."

Brennan sank down into her chair as Booth strode out of sight. With her head resting on her palms, she was the picture of exhausted. A cleared throat made her look up. Cam stood at the doorway. Brennan smiled ruefully.

"It could have gone better, but at least that conversation is over with." A smile graced Cam's face at Brennan's words and reactions, and she turned and left as quietly as she'd come.

"I felt despair. Though it seems to me now there's two kinds of it: the sort that causes a person to surrender and then the sort I had which made me take risks and make plans." –Erica Eisdorfer