Every Episode of House in 60 Seconds
Intro: I'm sure many of you are aware if the insanely popular FOX medical drama House. If you're not, you are very lucky. And weird. But lucky. Anyway, House is an hour-long single-camera medical drama that's been around for what, four years? Six years? Something like that. Some dude named David Shore decided ooh, I'm going to take Sherlock Holmes and put him in modern medical setting and then I'll have this whole mystery edge along with the doctor show everyone loves. And then I'll rename him slightly and the other people too. And so you get the central character Dr. Gregory House and all his weird issues. And the show has seemed to succeed in consuming 80 to 90 percent of all Americans over the age of sixteen, and 99 percent of such people in my area. Apparently people are developing a tolerance for graphic anatomical detail and seeing lame adults trying to make themselves look cooler by exposing their meaningless working lives. Anyway, after my parents and numerous friends from school got hooked, I've been getting the gist of the series and have even confirmed some stuff on Wikipedia. Each episode is an hour long, but after all my research, I can pretty sum up every episode in a minute.
Every episode of House in 60 seconds
Random Person: So I was chatting with my co-worker the other day when he suggested…when he suggested…when he… (Becomes delirious)
Random Person's Friend: Are you alright? Random Person collapses and starts making seizure-like distress movements. Friend starts to panic. Oh my God, someone call 911!
Brief opening credits: a few diagrams of human body systems plus the name of the show and creator.
Random Person is being dragged into the hospital by House and his medical crew.
Crew Member: Let's see, irregular patterns here, infected parts there…I say it's the common disorder XYZ.
Other Crew Member: XYZ.
Another Crew Member: XYZ.
All other crew members nod except for House. He is pensive.
House: It's this other condition in which the patient is exposed to Element Z and it triggers this mental stuff which ultimately extends to the physical and results and everything you see here. It affects one in every twenty thousand people who meet these very specific criteria.
Other Crew Member: Oh, you mean like that condition that doesn't exist?
House: If you morons were smart, you'd be able to examine the evidence in front of you and come to the proper conclusion without being all tripped up by the common everyday excuses. I'll prove it to you.
House goes over to interview Random Person's Friend.
House: So, is it true that your friend enjoys these certain activities?
Random Person's Friend: Yes.
House: And is it true that your friend gets these certain reactions to certain stimuli?
Random Person's Friend: Uh-huh.
House: Then it's true. Walks back over to the patient and starts poking the patient's body. The patient starts freaking out and emitting random body humor. He then pats the patient quickly who then returns to normal. (To the crew)You see?
Cuddy: You're weird. But you are oddly interesting.
Wilson: Ok, let's take this somewhere else. House and I will talk about it at home. And no, we are not a gay couple.
The crew exits with the patient.
Conclusion:And that is virtually every episode of House in sixty seconds.
