Closet

A sort-of prequel to 'Small'. Pro-gay rights. Mentions homophobic bullying. "I just want to hold hands with another. Is that so wrong?"


The kids -well, we're not really kids. Teenagers, is the better word. The teenagers at school have noticed something about me. Something different. Something they don't like. They call me names. The hurtful words echo in my head, day and night. In the papers, people are still being killed for this, in dark alleyways. I don't want to be next.

My friends, to some extent, accept me. But I have a few who have left me, and one or two who won't let me hug them anymore ... because we are the same gender, and they worry that I'm "attracted" to them. I love my friends -but not in the romantic way. I've had small crushes.

At first, I was confused. Why should I be attracted to my same gender? Shouldn't I like the other? Shouldn't I feel nervous around the other? Why can't I? I tried to change myself, to force myself. But you can't help who you love -gender shouldn't be in the equation.

Every school day is a battle. Me against the world. Well, almost. Only one friend stands beside me the whole time. They are the same as me. In fact, they've told me that they love me ... and I think I might love them as well. I hold their hand. Others mock and laugh and jeer at us, calling us wrong, sick. I just want to hold my lover's hand. Is that so wrong?

Is it really so wrong? Is it really a sin? How can love -the purest thing there is- be a sin? How can making someone feel special, feel happy, wrong? Why must I hide who I am, to avoid more ridicule than I already handle? Why must I hide in the closet, where monsters from childhood are hidden?

I am no monster. I am simply a person -they are the monsters.

I reach for the doorknob. My lover looks at me with wide, fearful eyes.

"Are you sure?" they whisper, staring at me. I nod. I'm tired of hiding who am I, in this dark, narrow space.

"Whether we'll be accepted, I don't know, but I'm ready to leave, and show pride for who I am," I say, trying to sound more confident than I feel. We will be ridiculed, exiled, hated, scorned. Yet we have each other at least, and there are others like us. We can find each other, some day.

I turn the doorknob and closet doors open.

We hold hands at school. I even kiss their cheek. We make each other happy. That was the original meaning of gay, wasn't it?

"Hey freaks go home!" someone yells at us. I turn my cheek, but the words still hurt. For a moment, I regret making this decision. Perhaps we should have waited until graduation.

"Leave them alone!" someone says at the person. I turn around, daring to believe that someone stood up. I recognize the person. Straight, Catholic. Stereotypes say they would hate us...but this person doesn't. "They're happy, so shut up!" The mocking person turns on their heel, embarrassed, and stalks away.

The person is fuming when I walk over to them. "Thank you," I say quietly. Their expression softens.

"It was about time somebody did it," they say, and smile a little.

And I have renewed hope. Because this stranger cares, even though they have no reason too. The chains of the closet won't bind us anymore -for we have leaders who will help and care and love. It's all we wanted to have in the beginning, hope and love and happiness, and though others will stand in our way, love conquers all.

Even if it isn't the norm, it's still love. Shouldn't that be all that matters?


I think that this is sorta what one of the Loonatics went through in high school, but still struggled coming out to their teammates. One day, I hope to be a person who will stand up for others -not just homosexual people, but all people who are discriminated against. Who agrees? :)

Please review.

"There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." -Gandhi