Title: I'll Be Bonnie, You Be Clyde
Rating: PG (with options for higher ratings later on)
Pairings/Characters: Rory, Jess, Rory/Logan (implied), Rory/Jess (eventually)
Warnings: none
Word count: 3401
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to the Palladinos, WB/CW, and Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions.
Summary: What if Gilmore Girls had 100% more bank robbery in it? S5 finale AU

A/N: Thank you to finnigan_geist for encouraging (and beta'ing) my completely stupid ideas.


In which Rory has a Plan; Jess flirts; The French are suspicious; Who knew Rory could drive like that?; And there is a kind gesture of fingerprint removal.

Rory reached up, adjusting the rearview mirror of Logan's Porsche. She took in a flash of her own face – flush with excitement and fear both – before tilting it to just the right angle. There was nothing behind her except an old beater that looked half way to being junked. No cops here. Good.

Dropping her hand, Rory glanced over to the empty passenger seat and the piles of paperwork she'd swiped from Logan's apartment. Her lips twisted into a smug smile. For all the disdain Mitchum had for Logan, he certainly trusted him with a lot of very important account numbers.

Rory shuddered at the name – even the thought of Mitchum Huntzberger sent a cold thread of anger tingling down to the base of her spine. If she had any doubts, any regrets, they evaporated at the thought of that condescending, obnoxious, infuriating man.

She didn't have the right stuff for reporting? Rory Gilmore wasn't the right person for the job? Oh hell no. She was the right person for every job, and she'd damn well show him she could take risks with the best of them.

Last night, at Honor's engagement, she'd burned with embarrassment after Logan rejected her plan of stealing Mitchum's yacht, but today, she could acknowledge how utterly stupid an idea that'd be. What did she know about boats? This morning, in the wispy near-dawn light, as she stared up at the ceiling of Logan's apartment, fuming as her thoughts ran in circles, a much better plan had occurred to her. She didn't know boats, but she knew manners and money. She'd thrown the dead weight of Logan's arm off of her chest, and gone on a hunt for all the financial documents she could find.

Nodding to herself, Rory snatched up the papers and slid on her oversized sunglasses. The door handle felt smooth under her steady hand as she opened the car, stepping gracefully from it and striding toward Mitchum Huntzberger's bank. Just because she wasn't on his newspaper, that didn't mean he wasn't going to pay.

The bank doors opened automatically before her, cool, cycled air stirring the tendrils of hair escaping from her bun. She walked confidently to the nearest teller, presenting the carefully picked over documents with a flourish.

"I would like to make a withdrawal – in fact, I'd like to close the account!"

The teller slowly popped her gum, taking the sheaf of papers in boredom.

"Right," she drawled. She sorted through the papers, looking up to squint at Rory. "Miss, you'll have to take those sunglasses off. Security reasons."

Rory fiddled with the arm of her glasses, fighting her instinctive compulsion to obey. It was a rule . Rory followed rules. But it would be unearthly stupid to take her glasses off right now.

"They're medical," she muttered, dropping her hand.

"Got a doctor's note?" asked the teller. Rory choked. The bank checked those? Oh God.

But the teller ignored her, going back to the documents. She swiveled over to her computer, typing in the account numbers.

"This is a lot of money, Miss Huntzberger," the teller eventually said, doubtful look more than making up for her bland, professional tone. "There will be a waiting period, and I'll need secondary confirmation from your… father."

"No!" Rory shouted. Her voice echoed throughout the cavernous bank. The milling crowd of businessmen in designer suits behind her turned to stare at her. Rory waved pathetically, wincing as she turned back to the teller. Just for a moment, out of the corner of her eye, she could swear she saw someone familiar down the line of bank tellers.

Rory snuck another look as she tried to think of a plausible story. Three tellers down, leather jacket draped from his slim shoulders, a young man leaned forward onto the granite counter. His hair was long, wild with tousled curls that Rory remember from that dorm room encounter nearly a year ago now. One hand was tucked deep into his coat pocket, the other resting on… God, the teller's hand? That cad!

Wait, no. No way. Absolutely no way. Rory was not watching Jess Mariano flirt with a bank teller while she was trying to rob Mitchum Huntzberger of his fortune. That would be stupid.

"No… I," God, why couldn't she think? She needed a lie! A good lie that would get her to the money. Instead, she blurted out, "I'm his wife!"

"You're Shira Huntzberger?" the teller asked slowly. Her eyes raked up and down Rory in clear amusement. "No. You're not."

"Did I say…?" Rory cut herself off, "No, I am his mistress, Giselle!"

Oh God. Why was she French now? What was she doing?

"Uh huh." The teller had gone from bored to exasperated. One hand snaked under the desk. Rory stared at it in horror, realizing she was fingering the silent alarm. Or not-silent? Oh God, what if it wasn't silent? "Miss, I'm going to need to see identification right now, or you and security are going to have a little talk."

Rory snapped her head around in shock, suddenly realizing that the guards were closing in on her. Silent it was. From the corner of her eye, she could see the dark form that couldn't be Jess pulling a very large stack of money toward him from his teller. He stuffed it into his jacket pocket, where it outlined a distinctly rectangular shape underneath another, very recognizable shape.

Why would Jess have a gun?

Rory's thoughts slowed to mud as she stared at him, peripherally aware of the approaching guards. One took his nightstick off his belt; the other removed his cuffs. She was about to be arrested, and Jess was walking out, having already robbed the bank.

She did the only thing that came to mind. She screamed, pointing at Jess.

"Bank robber!"

The guards stopped in confusion, sharing a look. Bank robbers didn't usually admit it quite so forcefully. Behind them, Jess barely reacted. Very smooth, Rory had to admit. He just doubled his pace, ducking quickly between soccer moms and business men to make his way to the door while the guards floundered. Rory made a stabbing motion with her hand, and the guards turned in bafflement to look behind them – where Jess no longer was.

Rory took advantage of their distraction, running flat out to Jess's side. She hooked herself under his arm, halfway hoping it would look like she had been taken hostage at the very same moment she hoped no one was looking their direction at all.

Jess looked down, jaw dropping and eyes widening as he recognized her. His feet stalled.

"Rory?"

"Jess, move!" Rory hissed. "The guards!"

Jess nodded shortly, hustling her out the door. Outside, Rory whipped off her sunglasses, and grabbed Jess by the hand when he tried to divert himself to his car – the beater she'd almost recognized from before.

"My car is faster," Rory said. She shoved him toward the passenger door, unlocking the car keylessly before jumping into the driver's side. Her heart was pumping incredibly fast – like that one time she exercised.

It felt good.

Rory swiveled the wheel, her tires screeching as she pulled out of her parking space. She flopped one arm over the back of her seat, turning to look quickly at her blind spot – and the guards rushing out of the bank – before slamming her foot down hard on the pedal. She expected sirens any second. They needed to get as much space between them and the bank as possible.

"So," Jess started. His voice was slow, deliberately casual. Rory could see him settling himself from the corner of her eye – she commanded herself not to look, keeping her eyes on the roads heading out of New Haven. "Fancy meeting you here."

Rory laughed, giddiness overtaking her as they hit the city limits sign. She tossed a grin over at Jess.

"Guess you got your wish."

Jess crossed his arms. He didn't exactly look happy. Which Rory couldn't figure out at all.

"Oh?"

"I'm finally running away with you!"

Jess's lips twisted.

"Yeah. Stop the car."

"What?"

A sudden siren split the air, followed by many more. They weren't out of this yet. Rory peered into her rearview mirror, hands clutching at the wheel with determination as she took in the sheer number of police behind her. Locals, county, staties. She thought she might even see a private security car or two.

"I said," Jess replied, pitching his voice louder, "Stop the car. Let me out. I'll take my chances with the cops."

Rory smiled to herself. Sometimes, she'd really missed Jess.

She moved her hand off of the stick for just a second, patting at his hand; he flinched away for some reason.

"That's sweet! But you don't need to do that! I think we'll make it!"

She made a hard turn, off the interstate and back into the twisty, small streets of small town Connecticut. The police slowed behind her, falling into single file. She was losing them. God, this was amazing. She hit the controls on the side dash. The car clicked and whirred, pulling the top down.

Rory threw her arms up, exulting as the wind coursed past her face. Jess reached out from beside her, grabbing the wheel to steady it. Suddenly, forcefully, she was reminded of their tutoring session years ago. Only this time Jess wasn't the bad boy – she was.

Well. Bad girl. Bad gender neutral, young American.

She threw another smile at him over her shoulder – and really, he'd only gotten prettier with age, how had she missed that last year? – and took the wheel back. She pushed the Porsche to its limits. They were nearly at the border with New York when she finally slowed. She turned to look behind them warily; she could feel Jess do the same, although his gaze was directed at her.

There was no one there. She'd done it. She'd robbed Mitchum – okay, well, Logan. And a bank. Sort of. She'd run away with Jess, finally. Actually, thinking on it, she might have kinda kidnapped him. Although he was a bank robber, so she didn't really think he had the high ground there.

But that wasn't the point! The important thing was that she'd taken a risk! All her life, she'd been playing by the rules, keeping her head down and being shy, and now she was finally standing up for herself, doing whatever she wanted.

Taking whatever she wanted.

Flush with excitement, Rory pulled the car to a stop. Jess turned to her, sardonic look on his face demanding an explanation. Rory ignored him, doing what she'd wanted for such a long time – or the past few minutes, anyway. She reached out, pulling Jess into a long, satisfying kiss.

Or not long. Abruptly, Jess seized her by the shoulders, pushing her away. Rory touched a hand to her mouth, shocked.

"Rory!" Jess snapped, shaking her. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Rory furrowed her brow, mouthing Jess's words back at him. She didn't understand the question. She'd just had the best time of her life - admittedly, in a criminal fashion she really didn't think she could tell her mother about, even if she could go home, which probably wasn't likely given the horde of cops massing on the highway where her dust was still settling. Dust from a car, of course, which was also stolen, and they probably had the plates of now, and what about her face? She'd kept her sunglasses on the whole time while she was in the bank, but maybe those weren't good enough, maybe they had her on tape for the whole thing, and she just knew that teller would rat on her…

"Rory!" Jess shouted and Rory snapped back to herself. She struggled to take in a full breath, staring at him in horror. Oh God, oh God. What had she done? She robbed a bank?

Jess bit at his lip, big hazel eyes studying her in concern. His hands fell from where he'd been gripping her, one giving her an awkward pat on the arm before her drew back.

"What's going on with you?"

Rory stared at him, trembling a little with the force of her realization.

"I don't know," she mumbled.

That apparently was not a good answer. Jess shook his head, pressing two fingers across his lips before dropping his hand to swear. He pulled on his door, stepping out of the car. Rory felt a stab of panic. He couldn't leave! She let out a strangled cry, fumbling with her own door to follow him.

"Hey!" she shouted, rushing around the car to his side. Jess hadn't moved – hadn't run, thankfully – and was instead surveying their location. Rory had pulled to the side near a copse of trees, several miles out on a dirt road. The only sounds she could hear were the chirps of birds and the quiet trickle of a nearby stream. Whatever cars passed nearby were blocked entirely by the trees. "Where are you going?"

Jess frowned, shading his eyes with his hand as he looked down at her. He waited a long beat – pressuring her to notice his unmoving feet in that irritating, silent, Jess way he had – before replying baldly, "I'm not going anywhere."

The words stung. Rory obstinately refused to feel stupid, waiting him out for further explanation.

"I'm trying to decide if this is a good place to ditch the car," Jess continued with a put upon sigh.

"We can't ditch the car!" Rory replied. Jess looked over at her. "It's my boyfriend's!"

Somehow, again, that was not a good answer. Jess's frown deepened, and he took several long strides away from her. She hurried to keep up with him, cursing the stupid decision that morning that led her to believe heels were proper bank robbing attire. Every few paces, Jess would stop, bending down to pick up a stick or branch.

"We're going to burn it?" Wait, no. That didn't make any sense. "Oh, we're going to hide it?"

That made much more sense. In confirmation, Jess slanted a silent, sarcastically congratulatory look over his shoulder at her. Quickly, she joined in collecting branches. She wanted to pull her own weight, after all. In short order, they had a pile large enough to disguise the Porsche from immediate recognition. Rory placed the last branch on it mournfully. Jess had a point – and her brain did too, since she did realize the cops had the license plate. But it was a good car, and she had more than a few fond memories of its backseat. She just hoped it wasn't entirely ruined by sap before Logan retrieved it.

And on that note…, Rory thought, dropping down to the grassy ground. She looked up at Jess, brushing her hair nervously from her face.

"I guess we should talk, shouldn't we? About the kiss?"

Jess stopped in his tracks. He had been pacing back and forth – one hand going to the money in his pocket again and again, as if to reassure himself. The gun he had tucked into the waistband of his jeans, as if to keep it at the ready, should the cops actually catch up to them. The thought was still sort of mind blowing to Rory. Jess. With a gun. Sort of sexy, too, although Rory hated to admit it. She'd thought she was over the whole bad boy thing.

He glared at her.

"How about we don't?"

She really hadn't missed his snippiness. Rory scrunched her nose at him, pulling her legs to her chest as she looked up. The sun was right behind him, peeking over the tops of trees, making her eyes water as she returned his glare. Totally worth it, though.

"Fine, then. Why don't we talk about how you turned to a life of crime!" Rory said, doing her best Poirot solves the crime voice.

Jess looked behind him in confusion, trying to find who Rory was talking to, and Rory had to admit that was a little over the top. Still, truthful. He was a bank robber, after all.

"It just… happened," Jess eventually said.

"Oh, right. Like you just happened to leave Stars Hollow without telling me? And you just happened to tell me you loved me before running away again? And you just happened to ask me to run away with you, abandoning everything I care about?"

Wow, Rory thought to herself. Cathartic.

Jess's features closed down, voice going taut.

"Yeah. Just like that. But instead of sitting there and judging me, Giselle," Rory flinched in surprise, back straightening. She hadn't realized he'd been listening at the bank – or even could. His hearing was a lot sharper than she'd thought. "Maybe you could get your ass up. We need to get out of here. The cops'll find it and we do not want to be here when they do."

"Whatever," Rory said. She brushed off her knees, reaching a hand out to him. Rolling his eyes, Jess extended his hand, pulling her to her feet. She dropped it quickly, stepping away from him to make obvious her continued displeasure with him. Jess just shrugged, walking away to continue surveying the landscape.

"Oh!" Rory said suddenly. "Hey, um, is it okay if I…?"

But Jess was already too far to hear her. Huffing to herself, Rory turned away sharply and walked back to the car. Fine, if he didn't want to help, he didn't have to. She moved a few of the branches to the side, just enough to slide back into the driver's seat. Between the gear shift and the cup holders, there was a small note pad and a pen. Rory pulled the cap off the pen, holding it in her teeth as she wrote a quick note to Logan:

"I'm fine. Don't worry. Love, Rory."

She dropped the notepad onto the passenger side – along with the keys. She stared at them a moment, nose scrunched as she tried to make a decision. Should she wipe her finger prints off? There didn't seem like much point. She was leaving a note, after all, and her prints were probably everywhere already. They'd expect them anyway, theft or no.

However… Rory glanced up, looking through the lattice of branches toward Jess's stiffened, unhappy profile. Carefully, she covered her hand with the sleeve of her jacket, and reached out to wipe down as much of Jess's side of the car as possible.

Happy with herself, Rory scooted out of the car, closing the door behind her and repositioning the branches. She walked over to Jess's side anxious, to find out what was next. It was terrifying, leaving so much of her life behind. Insane. It had all happened so fast, and she still didn't really believe it. She'd wake up tomorrow, back in Logan's bed, go back to class, and talk to her mom on the phone. Wouldn't she?

"What's next?" she asked hesitantly.

"We walk. Away from the highway, toward town. Hopefully they'll have a bus into New York. If not… then I guess we buy."

"Buy?"

Jess looked over at her, dark eyes lit by amusement. He clarified his point by tapping his jacket and the money within.

"A car."

"Oh," Rory breathed.

Wow, yeah. Take charge, criminal Jess… he was sexy. Definitely sexy. He had the same brooding, unapproachable thing he'd had as a teen, but it was a little more justified now. Being sent to Stars Hollow wasn't much reason for angst, really, but being a runaway bank robber on the lam with his ex girlfriend that totally did the trick. Just thinking about it gave Rory shivers.

It was almost enough to cover the growing hollow in her stomach and the creeping feeling that she was, right now, completely destroying her life.

Jess was already walking away, up the dirt road toward the frontage road that would lead them into town. Nervousness speeding her steps, Rory jogged to catch up with him as they walked into the setting sun. She struggled with her thoughts, pushing them away even as she fought to find something neutral and safe to concentrate on.

"We will talk, you know," she eventually said, looking over at Jess. "About the kiss."

She got no response. Yeah, maybe that wasn't exactly safe either.