A is for Alive

For the first time in over one hundred years, Magnus felt alive. He felt want. For the first time in over one hundred years, Magnus needed something … someone. Magnus needed Alec, like an addict needed drugs. With that mind-set, that makes Alec his drug.

Magnus needed Alec from the moment they met. Magnus needed him from the moment cat eyes met blue eyes. Magnus needed Alec before he even knew that he needed Alec.

Alec never needed anyone. He never needed to feel alive: his siblings' lives were more important. He needed to keep them alive; that was what he thought the point of his existence was. Nobody had told him otherwise.

Alec never saw a need to feel alive, until he met Magnus. Magnus gave Alec a reason to live, past his siblings lives. And maybe just maybe, Alec will learn to live for himself.

Maybe Alec will never be able to accept himself alone; maybe Magnus can help him learn how to accept him. Alec needs to take the risk; he needs to feel alive.

Alec was taught from a young age that it was his job to protect his siblings in fights, and that eventually extended to protecting his siblings from their own actions. He lost himself along the way, became the perfect protector for his sibling. Magnus made him feel alive again. He needed Magnus … as a friend.

Magnus fell for the shadowhunter the moment his eyes lay upon him. His courage, selflessness and beauty: all aspects of Alec that Magnus loved. Maybe he did not actually love Alec yet, but he knew that with time, he would fall greatly in love. That scared Magnus, yet excited him with anticipation at the same time.

Magnus remembered when he was summoned to the New York Institute, to heal Isabelle Lightwood. He remembered watching her brother pace back and forth as he did the healing, even if her brother was sent out of the room. Magnus remembered the look of gratitude that was sent his way when he was finished healing the boy's sister. But, the thing Magnus remembers the most of when they first met, when the boy introduced himself and truly thanked him for what he had done.


I find myself crouching down on the chair, waiting to hear news of my sister. My idiot of a Parabatai had decided to go out and sort out some demons, and taken Izzy with him. They did not even bother to invite me. Maybe this wouldn't have happened, or they could have both gotten out uninjured, instead of Jace having to pull an injured Izzy out.

I haven't talked to Jace since he returned, too bloody annoyed with him to even think of saying something. I knew that whatever I said, I would regret it later. So, I chose to stay silent. Jace tried to comfort me while we were waiting for the warlock to get here, but I couldn't accept it. Jace had to go and leave me out of it. Every time I have been there, nobody has gotten seriously injured, not injured enough to need a warlock.

Jace had been sent out before the warlock had even managed to arrive; he couldn't keep his mouth shut on anything. "That Downworlder will heal her. Everything will be okay. You need to stop worrying." I had found myself muttering the 'comforting' words Jace had spoken to me. I can confirm that it was not the least bit comforting.

When the warlock had entered, I had already started to pace back and forth. He threw a brief greeting my way before moving to Izzy to begin the healing process: The long healing process.

My parents entered every half an hour to check the process. Each time, they sighed at that I was still pacing back and forth. After their third check, they kicked me out of the infirmary. I knew I looked like I was running with my tail between my legs, but I can't just say no to my parents.

That is how I found myself sitting in a chair outside the infirmary, tapping my foot, unable to keep it still. My hair was a mess – caused by the constant running of my hand through it.

My mind goes back to what caused this, anger running through my crimson blood. I knew I would forgive Jace eventually, but I can continue to stay infuriated a little while longer.

It was hours. I stood outside for hours, waiting to hear news. I remember my parents just walking past me, not even bothering to tell me how she was doing.

It would have been different if it was Jace who had been injured, I would have been able to tell how he was because of our Parabatai status. However, with Izzy, it's a dreaded time. I cannot tell. Nobody bothers to tell me.

It was him who bothered to stop. The one I grew to love. He told me what was going on, like he knew. Or, maybe he was required to. I don't care. I needed to know whether my sister had been healed.

His cat-like eyes were filled with compassion, not that I honestly cared at this point. I needed to know what to expect.

"She's fine."

That. That is what I needed to hear. A breath was released. 'Had I been holding my breath?'

"You should go and see her," he said, winking before turning.

"W-wait." Finally my voice was working. "Thank you. I appreciate you coming to help."

The man turned back around. "It's my job," he had a slight smirk.

"I know. I just thought that I should thank you."

"It was no problem, Blue-eyes. You should call me some time." With that final comment, he turned around and walked out of the room.

"I don't even have your number!"

'Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!' My inner voice was yelling at me, I should listen to it. However, I found that I could not. For whatever the reason, I needed this.

He stopped and gave a twirl of his hand, sparks emitting from it. "Check you phone now," he yelled back, before finally walking out of the institute. I was left to watch the warlock leave.

After that, I forgot about the number. It wasn't until a couple of days later that I remembered about it. I was laid awake, thinking about life. That was when I remembered about the warlock, and the fact that he gave me his number.

I pulled out my phone, looking through for new contacts, which wasn't a hard task. I only had: my siblings' numbers, my parents' numbers, and the number for the institute. There it was. As expected, the Warlock's number was on my phone. I opened the contact titled 'Hot Stuff' and debated whether to change it or not. I sent a text, although I am not truly sure why.

To Hot Stuff: Hi. It's Alec - The Shadowhunter from earlier.

From Hot Stuff: Thought I'd never hear from you.

To Hot Stuff: Sorry, I forgot about the number and suddenly remembered and thought I should send a message and I'm sorry.

From Hot Stuff: It's fine, I was just joking.

And that is how I found myself engaging in a conversation with a Downworlder. We agreed to meet up and go grab something to eat. Hopefully, somewhere quiet. My parents would probably kill me for associating with a Downworlder. Oh god, my parents were going to really kill me. And, I found that for once I did not even care.


Alec knew that Magnus would finally make him feel alive. Whilst, Magnus knew, Alec would let him remember what it felt to truly live once more.