My name is Marietta Crosst, I'm fourteen years old, and my life sucks.
I can already tell what you're thinking, "Oh, join the club! Mine too!" or for some of our more mature audiences, "Teenage angst! It'll get better!" I wish I could say it does get better, or did get better. In fact, if anything, I think I started out on top of a hill and violently tumbled down it. If you're wondering, I'm positive I haven't hit the bottom yet.
See, I live in New York, in Manhatten. So, right away you can tell my life isn't exactly fun. Torturous traffic, obnoxious tourists, and a dirty, enclosed city. I've always hated cities, much prefer forests and natural areas.
My dad and I used to go out a lot, emphasis on used to. Hikes, or hunting. Dad likes to hunt. Sometimes we'd take the car and go camping for a few days whenever he could afford to get away. He runs a little pawn and antique shop. It's filled with queer little items. He lets me take things from there, sometimes...or I just nick them when he's not looking. Though I don't think they're ever missed. That, or he doesn't have the guts to ask for them back.
It's just my dad and I, mom disappeared a long time ago. I never met her, but dad says he sees her in me. I'm honestly not sure if that's a compliment. I have this strange feeling she wouldn't be very proud of me. From what hes said of her, she seemed...I don't know, prideful. Strong. Independent. Someone who'd shake the earth as she walked on it.
Maybe I'm exaggerating, but dad always did tell me she was more then an average person.
So why would I think she's not proud of me? I don't know. Have you ever had a gut feeling that something is going to go wrong? It's like that, except I know where ever my mom is shes shaking her head because her daughter is a screw up.
I have dyslexia and ADHD. Now, that isn't what makes me a screw up. Who even says that about someone like me? Harsh, much? Back to my original point, if you asked me when my life went wrong, I'd tell you it was the day I was born. Dramatic, I know, but accurate. Dad says mom left me with him and then disappeared into oblivion. He says she had to, but really I just count that as the first two lives I've ruined out of what I'm sure will be many.
I can't seem to do anything right in school either. I've almost flunked numerous times. I don't count that as my fault. It's hard to focus, you know? The detentions and suspensions, definitely. Though in my defense, I swear some teachers just have it out for me. Anyway, needless to say it's frustrating for my dad. I've been sent to more schools then I can count, though my current one looks hopeful. It's hard for him to make ends meet. I kind of feel horrible for it, but what can you do?
Like I said though, my current school looks hopeful. I'm doing alright there so far, even met a girl named Holly who seems awfully nice. Too nice, even. Apparently she just transferred too, but I can't think of a single reason a girl like her would be kicked out of a school. "But Marietta!" You say, "She could of just moved!"
No, no, she dutifully informed me she was kicked out.
I dutifully replied that she's a liar.
We've stuck together like molasses though. She keeps me from being too, well, terrible, and I help her not be so dull. She has this strange affinity for plants, it's the weirdest thing. I could swear once or twice I've caught her talking to a bush or something. She always blushes and waves me off, and then swears up and down she just so happened to be singing next a plant and, wow, how strange is it that she looked like she was talking to it?
Can you feel my doubt? Still, even with her strange habits, I like Holly. To be honest, I've never really felt like there was a place for me. Like no matter where I go, I don't belong. Like I shouldn't exist. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just such a persistent feeling that there's something inherently wrong with me.
...maybe that's why I'm so self-deprecating.
Where was I going with this? Oh! Right, Holly. Shes probably the first real friend I've had. Who sticks with me despite all the stupid and bad choices I've made. For once, she actually sort of makes me feel like theres a place for me. That doesn't happen very often.
Seeing as how I feel about her and my life in general, I don't think I can be blamed for what happened next.
My name is Marietta Crosst, and this is how I found out that there is not a single place in the universe I belong.
