A/N: Howdy, this isn't my first fanfic but I'm so very critical of myself that if I don't believe that I have done my best then I won't allow my work to stay up. Hopefully this one will be the beginning of something beautiful.

Chapter preface: Zuko's recap of the past year (The other chapters won't be written this way.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar, however I do own all of my ideas.

Sweet Tea

Journals

It has been about a week or so after my new allies and I celebrated in Uncle's tea shop. They all seemed so happy, so care free now. And for a second I thought I could be that way as well, I had Mai who loves me and real friends, but nothing last forever. When I arrived to the Fire Nation with Mai at my side I knew things would be difficult, the once blood thirsty noblemen would want to know the immediate course of action in which I was to take. The army would need to be rebuilt, a national procession for those who had lost their lives during my father's war, the towns and town's people had worries of weakness and fears of starvation. The avatar was of little reassurance to these people, to my people. I was the one who would have to answer for my father's sins, even the Gods would rain done their vengeance if I did not succeed.

Everyday these worries continued, more treaties to sign and more trials to prove my ability, for each I threw everything I had into it. Meetings would last for days without sleep, how could one deal with these bitter old men! Uncle had decided to stay at his tea shop, he believed in my strength as a leader, his confidence was one of the things that allowed me to wake each morning. Slowly a year past, and I had reestablished trade with the other nations, things were good. And shortly in one full moon cycle I could take some leisure time as the marvelous anniversary of the end of the war would begin.

Many saw this as a memorial for our defeat, others saw it as a ceremony for the dead. They came to me to make a final decision, how would we remember this, how would my people and the world look at this one moment. My mother often would tell Azula and I about the creatures in the spirit world. One of which bore the appearance of a great bird, its curse as well as its gift was immortality. This bird's death was caused by its own greed and malice if it could not contain the raw rage inside that very emotion came to life in the form of fire. That fire did not just lite its feathers but incinerated the fowl, and its grave was its ashes. But out of those same ashes came life, the bird would awaken as if like a new born and try to live its life better the second time around. This would be the premise to the festival, great death for great life. A Phoenix festival.

When things finally began to slow down I tried to reconnect with Mai, she had become more distant over time. Her eyes were growing colder when she looked at me, the lovely venom in her words could not be wasted on me. All my time and all of my energy was focused on work, I never meant to hurt her. But...I can't help but wonder about these amazing sapphire eyes that visit me in my dreams. Mai's golden orbs touch nothing inside me. Dear Agni! She has given me so much, Mai betrayed her friends, her home land, and her family just to protect me! She's given me her love endlessly, and her body. All in the hope I would finally come around and make her my official Fire Lady.

Dammit, those sapphires, that jewel that no region could ever duplicate. I see her under me when I bed Mai, I see her in the stars and the moon. Hundreds of miles a way she can pull my thoughts and my loins. I hate myself for it. I never say her name, it is my deepest fear that if I do I will never stop. My Jewel doesn't need a name she is the sea, the sky, the very blood in my veins. FUCK! WHY DO I TORTURE MYSELF!

The last week before guess arrive starts tomorrow, she will be here and so will Aang. They all are coming, I must keep her off my mind at all cost. As a gift I received three concubines one of my nation ,Una, one of the Earth Kingdom, Raja, and one of the United Water Tribes,Lsai,. I have taken the water girl so many times...I'm sicken with myself. Mai hates me to the core of her soul, she won't look at me any longer, and I can not bare to look at her with the feeling of shame hanging from me like dirty linen. And still I bring Lsai to my bed ,and every night multiply times I hear her screams echo through my chambers, she must be so scared. I stare into her eyes making myself believe her lakes are the powerful oceans that my Jewel commands. Then I send her back to the harem, like the toy doll she is.

Lsai has been sent to the hospital ward, she had to be carried out. Agni,what am I becoming?

They arrive today and as a good friend and Fire Lord I must meet them.

A/N: R&R all opinions welcome.