A cat called Caranthir.
A tale about an Elven cat who helps Bilbo in Mirkwood. A little tongue in check in parts.
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There was a cat called Caranthir who dwelt in the halls of the Elven-kings palace in Mirkwood. He was a playful kitten and enjoyed his early life. He was of the race of cats who had come from the Elven-lands across the seas and so different from other cat species. Caranthir was of the royal breed and so well looked after by his mother when he was a kitten, and then by the Elvenking and his family, his niece in particular.
It was in fact Thranduil's niece, Tauriel who christened the playful, happy kitten Caranthir as he liked scampering around her and jumping all over the place. Kittens of this type were certainly good at jumping! And always landed comfortably. A strange thing, though, to name a cat after a maverick Elven-lord, but I am told that cat names can be humorous! Caranthir grew to be mostly black with a few white spots, especially on his paws.
Cats of his species could grow mighty. Their fur was of the essence of silk, they grew claws and teeth of steel and could see in pitch, and I mean total pitch black, which was useful in Mirkwood, of which its tallest trees they could jump. Perhaps I should also say that Cats like Caranthir could poo more, than other felines as well. In fact, in the backyard of the Elvenkings halls, there was a ditch which was full of the smelliest cat-poo in the world. Even Goblins did not dare to approach it and in this case I can't say I blame them.
Once he became an adult Caranthir took to wondering around the underground halls, creating his territory. Sometimes, he noticed that strange things could occur in the said halls. Take, for example, the appearance of the Dwarves. One evening, he saw something quite extraordinary in the cells. Down in the cells, which were unpleasant, but not cruel thirteen prisoners suddenly appeared. Dwarves, even! The cells were nearly full.
This was very rare. The Elvenkings realm was a happy one. And as most of their enemies were Goblins, who were not taken prisoner very often the cells were mostly unoccupied. In fact, normally there was only one occupant of the cells,the kings butler, Galion. I am afraid to say that Galion was rather over fond of some of strong Elven wine such as good Dorwinion. He did have a habit of drinking too much of it and then drinking songs in the feast which were so rude you would be shocked! So, what could the Elvenking do to the unfortunate butler? Put him in charge of prisons that were usually empty, save for him, 'so he should dashed well be used to it at least,' Thranduil had declared.
But on this occasion there were Dwarves! Now then, Dwarves and Cats had an interesting relationship a bit like Dwarves and Elves. Some Dwarves, I am sad to say could be cruel to cats or use them for their own benefit. But the good ones of Durin's folk did not take part in such activities. Caranthir had heard of such tales, but been a sensible cat, thought them exaggerated. Cats of his type didn't put up with cruelty for long. Also, he did wonder why his Master had imprison the Dwarves. He was a cat who liked to roam, he would hate to be locked up himself.
Also they didn't look cruel. One of them he especially spend time with, Balin and comforted him, though the Dwarf was a bit envious of Caranthir's ability to slip in between the bars. Caranthir found more out about what the Dwarves were doing than the Elves ever did. He thought Thranduil was mean for locking them up, but he couldn't see how he, a humble cat, could help.
The other surprise was that of the Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins. Caranthir noticed the strange creature wandering around the halls, clearly invisible to the Elves. But then Elves were like that at times. Caranthir noticed that he could, often see things they couldn't. He thought they were practically blind at times! So, he trotted up to Bilbo as the Hobbit looked like he was doing something he wouldn't be visible and looked straight up at Bilbo and gave him a meow.
Bilbo was surprised. He was used to cats, his next door neighbour, Hamfast, kept a few. So he said, 'You can see me? Oh, of course you can, you're a cat, cats can see everything.' Bilbo thought he was invisible with his magic ring, of course. But Caranthir gave another cry and leapt into Bilbo's arms. Not a very high jump to be truthful, as Bilbo wasn't that tall.
Though, Caranthir did think that perhaps the Elven-lord should be told about this and made an attempt to do so. Now, you and I know that there were some creatures in the wild at that time who could speak to us two-legs but sadly Caranthir lacked this particular skill. And it is hard to say, in cat, 'There's a strange invisible creature wondering about your halls.'
His case wasn't helped by the fact that one of Thranduil's nephews, Owain was with him. Owain was a bit of a dandy I'm afraid and a bit over-fond of the finer things in life such as clothes, drink, food and all too often his own bed. Not of been vigilant in guarding the realm against the creatures of the wild. 'Look at all these fine things I have bought from that trader in lake-town. Some all the way from Lorien. See these scarfs, shirts, ties, buttons, gowns and much tasty food, even wine!' He was saying to Thranduil.
'Golden scarfs, very nice! I like that Dorwinion wine as well, just hope I can stop Galion drinking most of it,' replied the Elven-lord.
'Never mind Dorwinion wine, what about that creature wondering around your tunnels whom you are apparently unable to see!' Caranthir tried to say and pawed Thranduil frantically.
'He looks a bit upset!' said Owain,
'It's those Dwarves, I expect,' said Thranduil putting Caranthir on his lap, stroking his head.
'Oh, what a cute kitty,' cried Owain petting him also with his yellow hands. Owain did have, I suppose, an Oriental look about him. 'Here have some cheese.' Caranthir then gave up. Two-legs, he thought, rolling his eyes. Still, if they couldn't be bothered neither could he and settled upon been cute and eating the tasty cheese.
Though he was cute, Caranthir wasn't the cutest cat in Middle-earth. Over in the Elven-woods of the south, there were a breed of cats related to him. All white they were, and didn't look like a hair was out of place for them! Caranthir was scruffy by comparision But he was more practical. And tougher. Not a mouse ever got away once he noticed it. Also he was known to prowl the dangerous forest of Mirkwood outside the palace. Sometimes he got into a toe-to-toe fight with the giant spiders and I have never heard of him losing.
As time went on, he grew more sympathetic and fond of the prisoners in the cells. He checked in on them most evenings and on the friendly Hobbit. Bilbo enjoyed the company of Caranthir. After realizing that Caranthir wasn't going to give him away, it was nice to have some company apart from the locked-up Dwarves. One evening Caranthir gave a loud yawn. Was it time for one of his long sleeps? He could sleep and was capable of doing so for over a year at a time if he was in that mood. Which, I suppose doesn't make him so different from some other cats I have known. Anyway, he passed Galion, who had fallen asleep again due to drinking Dorwinion wine.
Actually, I do hope that Galion didn't suffer too much from his alcohol addiction which he clearly had. Although I have never been told how alcohol effects the firstborn, the elder. do they actually have livers? Though as it happens, just before the events of this tale, Galion made a major effort to stop drinking and had only very recently gone back. On the bright side, I suppose that had he not drunk wine, he would never have fallen asleep and Bilbo wouldn't have had his chance to free the Dwarves.
Caranthir gave a nod to Galion's sleeping body, then noticed that a smell of Dwarves was coming from the lower exit of the palace. This piqued his curiosity, so he trotted along, following the smell. There he saw Bilbo and the 13 Dwarves attempting an audacious escape plan floating along the river in barrels. That was daring of them! If Caranthir did have a weakness it was that he really hated getting wet.
He was about to give them a farewell wave when he heard something else. 3 Elves were heading this way. Tauriel, Legolas and Teodin. They would surely spot the Dwarves escaping. Caranthir thought about it, then decided he would give the Dwarves a helping hand or paw. He did realise that this would mean going against his Master's wishes, but what the heck? Ad anyway, these type of felines only had Masters when it suited them.
Teodin was a Sergeant at arms in the guard and unnervingly good at his job. At least, he did worry Tauriel at times. Tauriel sighed, 'Is this really necessary? Shouldn't we be at the feast with my father?'
Teodin snapped loudly in that manner he had. 'The trouble with this place is that people are getting lax, lazy, ill-disciplined. People like Galion are getting too much influence.' Tauriel couldn't see much truth in this statement, 'What we need to do is to implement my 5 point security plan,' five was quite lucky really. Teodin had a fifteen point plan, but had been advised to cut it down, 'One of the main thrusts is regular, daily checks on the exits of the building. One of which is down here. Some miscreant could swim in and we would never know.'
'Someone could also fly on the roof disguised as a pigeon should we check that?'
'Come on, Leggy, this isn't a joking matter. It is getting wilder outside if you hadn't noticed,' though Tauriel chuckled as she spoke.
Well, fond as he was of Tauriel and Legolas, he wasn't too sure about Teodin! Caranthir decided to help the prisoners. Apart from anything else it gave them a sporting chance! It would be too easy for the Elves otherwise. Caranthir was a cat after all. One thing, though, it did involve scampering across some steps which were lapped by the streams water. If Caranthir did have a weakness, it was that he really hated getting wet.
But this allowed Tauriel to say, 'oh, look, my pussy's all wet!' And she gave her pussy a stroke. A word about Tauriel as I expect you have heard of her. Now, Tauriel was the niece of Thranduil and the highest-ranked female of the wood-Elves. She was also smart, beautiful, artistic, tough, capable of both painting the finest painting and of slaying 10 Goblins in conflict. Now you probably think that life was good for this near perfect Elven-princess, but she did have her problems.
Her father could be over-bearing and interfering at times. Not as bad as some wood-elf kings have been to their daughters, but he did have his moments. Se wasn't sure if he did understand her or her generation. And whilst she did have a lovely suiter, she wasn't sure if he loved her for the real Tauriel inside. Or if he understood her. On a more serious note, she was worried by the situation of the wild outside the Palace. All very well been able to slay 10 Goblins at once, but not much use if they keep on coming back. And if none other amongst the Elves, save possibly Legolas could do the same. And even she had problems with the larger Orcs especially if they were backed up with Wargs. And did one of the younger Dwarves have a little crush on her?
Anyway, she stroked Caranthir, but he wriggled and growled frantically. 'He looks upset, what does he want?' Wondered Teodin. So she put him down and Caranthir lead them down the other end of the tunnels away from the Dwarves. Oh, Caranthir lived to be over 1111 a fine age for a cat for his type. In general, he possibly had a happier life than the Elf he was named after. Caranthir showed them to were some spiders had managed to breach the tunnels underground. Smaller spiders naturally but collectively they could maybe nibble an Elf whilst he was asleep! Still, it was just the thing to impress Teodin. 'Well done, that cat!' He barked, 'Now let us check the lower exit!'
But not before Tauriel with a few high-kicks and a 'ha, ha, ha,' had killed every spider in sight with a few sharp kicks. She could do that. In fact she could kill a giant Mirkwood spider with a well-aimed drop kicks but that's another story!
Tauriel groaned. 'Oh, no, Teodin! We are going to be late for the feast! I am going to need to wash my hair now which will take a while and so does Legolas which takes even longer. You can wander around here in the cold on your own if you wish or you can come with us.' With a little degree of reluctance Teodin agreed. Caranthir quietly crawled away in the dark unnoticed as the 3 walked upstairs to the feast. Tauriel was saying, 'you see the trouble with you Teodin, is that you don't relax enough. There should be a good chance of doing so tonight. On the table we have...' and their voices slowly faded into the distance as they walked away.
So, Caranthir had one final opportunity, at that time, to have a final look at Bilbo before the Hobbit plunged into the underground river atop a barrel as he and the Dwarves escaped the palace of the Elvenking.
The end
