Authors: lcopperfield & Janee Rutledge
DISCLAIMER: We do not own Speed Racer. All Speed Racer characters are the property of SpeedRacer Enterprises, Inc. "One's On The Way" recorded by Loretta Lynn and re-released in 2005 ("The Definitive Collection").
Authors' Note: Post-"Clambake" events, per Speed's point of view.
"One's On The Way"
A Speed Racer Short Fanfic
Chapter 1 A Whole Lotta Shaking Goin' On
--The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib
And Better Homes and Gardens shows, the modern way to live.
And the Pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile today
Here in Topeka, the flies are a-buzzin'
The dog is a-barkin' and the floor needs a scrubbin'
One needs a spankin' and one needs a huggin'
Lord, one's on the way.
(Oh gee, I hope it ain't twins again!)--
---Loretta Lynn, "One's On The Way" (1971)---
I should have expected, something like this was gonna happen.
Now, everyone who ever knew me knows, I'm a pretty respectful guy when it comes to other people's personal space. I certainly respect my parents' right to privacy, and what they do behind closed doors is generally none of my business. But the night Pops took Mom out to see "Clambake" after Trixie and I had seen it the night before...
...Well, let's just say, there was an awful lot of rockin' and rollin' going on at our house that Saturday night. And no, I don't mean with Elvis blasting on the phonograph, either.
Let me clarifiy things a bit. You see, it was the weekend following the Great Trans-Country Race, and that messy kidnapping business with Jack Wiley. On Friday Racer X, Spritle, and our mom managed to trick Pops into letting me go with Trixie to the drive-in...Well, you know my Pops. He found out, and it didn't take him long to blow a gasket---until X (actually, my older brother Rex) admitted, it'd been his idea all along to send me and Trixie to the movies! And Mom certainly got the last laugh in on Pops—she stuffed a humongous piece of apple pie into his mouth the minute he began sqawking at me. Way to go, Mom!
But it was the hearty endorsement of the King's film performance by Trixie and myself, that was the clincher. Right after that, Pops had decided to take Mom out on a "date" the next evening---and therein begins the real story.
I was still up when my parents came in around one in the morning. Trixie had left for her place about two hours before. Spritle and Chim Chim were already long gone to candy dreamland, leaving me alone in the living room by the cozy fire, curled up in Pops' favorite armchair with a good book in hand. "So. What'd ya think, Pops?" I asked eagerly, as he and Mom walked in through the front door. (I noticed that even as they came in, Pops and Mom were acting much the same way as Trixie and I did after a good movie---lots of snuggling, hand-holding, and generally acting like a pair of lovestruck teenagers!) "How did you and Mom like the movie?"
Pops was in very high spirits, a sure sign that he had enjoyed himself. "Ha! Son, that was the best recommendation, you've ever given us!" he boomed out, helping Mom with her coat and hanging the garment on a nearby coatrack. "Your mother and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. And you were right about the King, Speed. Elvis was in fine form...as usual." Pops paused, and a big grin lit up his normally-ruddy face. "You know, Mother, it sort of reminded me of our courting days..."
Mom just smiled knowingly at him, and winked. It wasn't often my parents opened up and talked about their private lives in front of us kids, but when they did it was usually fascinating to hear their take on how being a teen now, differed from say, being a teen in the 1930's and 40's.. "Oh, yes. The drive-in, and the rumble seat of your father's car," she teased. "I loved that old rumble seat..."
My dad eyed her wryly. I noticed that Pops was blushing, ever so slightly. "Yeahh. I did, too," I heard him say with a small chuckle. "It's too bad my pops went and sold it, though. That car was perfect, for going up to Inspiration Point."
"Yes. And wasn't it because your younger sister Angela tattled on the two of us one time? While we were ummm....'Rumbling' around in the back seat?" Mom interjected, wincing ever so slightly at the memory.
The blush on my dad's face got even brighter. "I'd rather not remember that," he muttered, half under his breath. "I never did forgive Angela for squealing on us..."
I fought to suppress a smirk. I could just see it, Grandpa Racer reading Pops and Mom the riot act for making out in the back seat of his car while Aunt Angela got away with tattling just because she could...Hmmm, now that sounds awfully familiar. Reminds me of a certain baby brother of mine.
Don'tchya just looove, younger siblings???
At length, talk turned to other matters. "Speed? How was Spritle tonight?" Mom asked, before we all trooped upstairs for the night. "Did he behave himself?"
I nodded. "Yes, Mom. Trixie left about eleven, and Spritle and Chim Chim were both asleep long before she left," I replied casually.
Pops loudly cleared his throat, highly pleased. "Well, that's good! Now I think it's time for bed, it's well after one-fifteen. And Speed, don't forget. You're cooking dinner tomorrow night...and you'd better do it right or no racing for you next weekend!" With that dire warning, Pops started upstairs. Mom followed right behind. "Good night, son."
I stood at the bottom of the stairs, red-faced and swallowing hard. Boy, even after having a good time at the movies tonight...Pops just HAD to rub that into me! "'Night, Mom. 'Night, Pops."
I clicked my heels together, then made a dash up the stairs to my room and bed.
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Soon enough, the last lights in the house went out, and everyone settled down for a good night's sleep. Or so I thought.
It wasn't unusual for Mom and Pops to stay up a little later than the rest of the family, oftentimes sitting in bed and discussing the events of the day before formally retiring. Most nights, nobody paid any attention to the low conversation coming from their master bedroom. And I highly doubt I would've paid much attention to what was going on, if it hadn't been for a tiny knock at my bedroom door around two-thirty Sunday morning. "Speed?---Speed? Are you awake?"
At that, I let out a very sleepy groan. Spritle!! Now what does he want?? I rolled under my covers, and tried to ignore him as best I could. The little fellow was persistent, however, and eventually I gave up on the idea of getting a good night's sleep. Groggily I crawled out of bed, turned on my over-the-bed lamp, then made it over to the door and opened it. "Spritle. Do you know, it's two-thirty in the morning?" I mumbled. "What are you doing up at this ungodly hour??"
A cross-looking, pajama-clad Spritle stood in the hall, his chubby little arms folded across his chest. For a moment, I was surprised that Chim Chim wasn't with him, but then I realized that my little brother probably had to do some little boy business and that the chimp was most likely asleep. "I had to go to the bathroom. But now I can't get back to sleep. There's too much noise," he complained.
I blinked my eyes, puzzled. "Huhh?? Too much noise--??"
My little brother pouted. "Speed, don't you hear all that squeaking and rocking, and such? It's coming from Mom and Pops' room!" Spritle said, tugging at my pajama sleeve. "You gotta come with me, and have a listen!" Still tugging on my sleeve, he urged me to come with him.
Truth be told, I didn't feel it was right to intrude on our parents like this, and I told Spritle just that. "You know, Spritle. It's not polite, to spy on Mom and Pops," I began, peering out into the corridor from the safety of my room. "What they do behind closed doors, is none of our business--"
Well, if there was one thing that Spritle was good at (besides, looking for a candy or sweet bribe!), it was looking downright innocent. And he was definitely playing that attribute, for all it was worth. "Spying?" he echoed, looking up at me with such innocent wonder. "We're not spying, Speed. I'm just proving to you, there's noise and it's keeping me awake!"
I just shrugged my shoulders, and made a face. "Whatever you say, Spritle. Whatever you say."
Cautiously, Spritle and I tip-toed our way from my room, down the hall towards our parents' bedroom. As we approached, I quickly heard what my baby brother was trying to tell me: that room sure was rockin' and a-rollin' all right, and it didn't take me long to figure out that we had no right being there. Mom and Pops' bed was DEFINITELY noisy----squeaking back and forth (LOUDLY, I might add!)...Pops was definitely in a romantic mood, and I swear I even heard Mom, and she sounded like she was in ecstasy. "Ohh, Dragon....," I distinctly heard her moan. "I so love it when you get all romantic like this..."
But it was the laughter and Pops' sly comment that really convinced me, we were definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time. "I salute you!"
Immediately, I tried to stifle a horrified gasp. And I thought, Elvis got me and Trixie going--! At once, I moved to put my hands over Spritle's ears. Naturally, he squawked. "Hey! Speed, what's the big Idea---???"
I made a face. "Really, Spritle. You shouldn't be hearing this!"
Spritle threw me a dirty look, and yanked my hands away from his ears. "So? It's probably no different than when you make 'pillow talk' to Trixie," he shot back, and I felt myself blush with embarrassment. "Besides, if Mom and Pops keep this up, we're gonna end up with another sibling!"
Boy, did I ever wince at that pointed comebacker! Spritle might only be an eight-year-old, but he was as sharp as a tack on some things. Nothing escaped his eye, it seemed—or, his ears. "SPRI-TLLE!!!!" I hissed, glaring at him. "Not now!!! Hush it, will you???"
Too late! Whatever romantic overtures were going on inside our parents' room, they were quickly dispelled by our careless bickering outside. As she and Pops snuggled under the bedcovers, Mom suddenly bolted upright in bed, startled. She looked alarmingly towards the bedroom door, then hastily smoothed out her pink silk nightgown. Pops, naturally, was still in romance land. "Dragon, stop!" she suddenly exclaimed in a soft voice, gently shaking her husband's shoulder. "Did you hear something out in the hallway?"
That certainly got our dad's attention in a hurry. "Huh? Did you say something, dear?" Pops murmured, still in a half-dreamy state.
"I said, I think there's someone out in the hall..."
Instantly, Pops sat up and glanced towards the door. His eyes narrowed, as he could hear me frantically imploring Spritle to "be quiet!" He drew a sharp, highly-annoyed breath, then emitted one of his infamous low growls. "Hmm! I think certain pairs of ears are at our door, instead of being in their beds where they belong!" Pops fumbled with the switch on the lamp next to his side of the bed, then turned it on. He rose from the bed, and fetched his robe from the huge walk-in closet. "Excuse me, dear. I'll be right back."
Mom nodded. "Thank you, dear. But don't take too long," she replied, with a wink that meant, she was still quite "in the mood."
Pops just grunted. "Don't worry. I won't be."
The footsteps coming from within told Spritle and me, we had alerted the "Dragon" to our presence. Boy, would we ever be in big-ggg trouble, if Pops caught us anywhere near his and Mom's bedroom! "Gee! Now you've done it, Spritle!" I snapped in a low, irritated voice, as we stood frozen in place by the sudden turn of events. "Pops is on to us!"
Spritle's saucer-like brown eyes widened. "Me!!!" he croaked hoarsely. "It was YOUR big mouth, Speed---!!!"
I winced. "Oh, be quiet!"
Suddenly, a familiar roar shattered the moment. "SPEEEEED???!!! SPRI-TLE???!!! IS THAT YOU OUT THERE???!!!"
Spritle and I exchanged alarmed looks. Ohh, boy, We sure woke the dragon, all right. When Pops used that loud, blustery tone of voice on us, we knew it was time for us to vamoose—and fast. "Quick! We gotta get back to my room!" I said, nearly panic-stricken. Without further fuss I scooped my protesting little brother up under my arm like a football, and beat a hasty retreat back to my room. Naturally, Spritle tried to squawk and complain, but I playfully clamped a hand over his mouth and kept it covered until we were safely back inside the confines of my bedroom.
Once inside the room, I unceremoniously dumped my baby brother onto my bed. "Hey!!! Watch it!" Spritle yowled, at the same time giving me the evil eye. "I'm not a football, you know...!"
"Be quiet! We need Pops to think, we're still asleep!" I snapped back in a low voice. "Or do you want him breathing down our necks for this? And the punishments he'll give us this time, will be worse that what we got for the spaghetti prank!"
At that, Spritle's saucer-like brown eyes widened. "Worse??" he repeated, somewhat fearful at the thought.
I glared at him. "Yes, worse. A whole lot worse!"
Suddenly, there was a light knock at my door. Light, yet still hard enough to recognize it as that of our dad. "Speed? Are you awake?" I heard Pops call out a few minutes later.
A worried Spritle looked up at me. "It's Pops! What'll we do now?" he cried out.
I thought things over for a moment. I began to frantically scan my bedroom, looking around for a place that I could stuff my brother into. Seeing my still-open closet, I got an idea. "Quick! Hide in my closet!" I hissed, abruptly shoving a surprised Spritle into it before he could protest. I shut the door as quietly as I could, hurriedly jumped back under my bedcovers, turned off the lamp over my bed and made like I was still asleep.
Just in time, too, I might add. No sooner had I closed my eyes than I heard my bedroom door creak open. Moments later my father stuck his head into the room. "Speed? Are you still up?--Hmm. I guess not!" He withdrew his head, muttering something about "checking in on Spritle next."
The room fell silent. Then as soon I was sure that Pops was out of earshot, I let a very nervous Spritle out of my closet. "Whew! That was a close one," the little boy breathed, stepping out into the middle of my room. He was definitely relieved, to be out of my closet. "All those white pants of yours, were beginning to suffocate me!"
I winced. "Very funny! But it's not over yet, Spritle. He's going to check on you next!"
Instantly, a look of alarm filled my little brother's eyes. "So what do I do now, Speed?"
"Just go out into the hall, as if you were coming from the bathroom," I replied softly. "If Pops sees you and asks what you're doing up, you just tell him you had to use the little boys' room."
Almost instantaneously, the look on Spritle's face went from alarm to glee in one swoop. "That's perfect!" he declared happily, rubbing his hands together. "Thanks, Speed. You're the bestest big brother, I've ever had." Without wasting another minute, Spritle pounced on me and gave me a great big hug.
I merely groaned. All I wanted to do now, was to go back to bed and think about Trixie! "Thank you! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed—while it's quiet. I don't wanna be asleep on my feet tomorrow when I have to carry out the rest of my 'sentence.'" With that, I jumped back into bed, and hastily pulled the covers up over my head. I'd be darned, if I let my brother's shenanigans wake me up again...
Sadly for me, however, a good night's sleep in my own bed was not meant to be. About a half-hour or so later, Spritle was back at my door with the same complaint---only this time, he had Chim Chim in tow. "Speed!! They're doing it again!!!"
I rolled over onto my side, and emitted an annoyed, very grumpy groan. "Ohhh!!!...Spritle, give it up. Go back to bed!" I muttered, half under my breath.
Still, my brother wouldn't be satisfied until I let him in. "I can't get back to sleep! Mom and Pops are rocking their bed again. Which in turn woke me up, and made me kick poor Chim Chim in the behind and made HIM wake up...!!!" As if to confirm Spritle's story, on the other side of the door Chim Chim hooted softly and repeatedly rubbed his backside in the very spot where Spritle's bare foot had made contact.
Still half-asleep, I stumbled out of bed—again!---and let the duo in. Even as I did so, I could hear our parents' very loud bed squeaking coming from down the hall. Spritle was right---there was no way, we'd get any sleep up here. "All right. That does it," I murmured. I grabbed a couple of pillows off my bed, and tossed them to Spritle and Chim Chim. "Here, you two. Catch!"
"Oof!!!" Spritle grunted. "What's with the pillows, Speed?"
"There's only one place, where we can get a decent night's sleep around here. To the Mach!" I gathered up my bedcovers, then quietly led my little brother and Chim Chim out into the hall. Down the hall we crept, pillows and blankets in hand...Down the stairs and into the kitchen...then through the door that led into the garage. I flicked the switch to turn on the garage lights, and grinned broadly as Spritle, Chim Chim and I gazed on the Mach 5. "Okay, Spritle. The trunk is all yours," I sang out, a big grin on my face. "I claim the front seat!"
Spritle giggled, and Chim Chim hooted in glee. "We'll gladly take the trunk!"
Well, that's how we spent the rest of the night. Spritle and Chim Chim curled up in the Mach 5's trunk, and me sprawled out across the front seats, my pillows propped up against the passenger door. It's kinda funny now, how we managed to eventually get some much-needed sleep in the Mach 5 without alerting our parents....
....Now I think I'm beginning to see why, Pops blames me and Elvis for what came after that.
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