A/N: Heyy…I've read a lot of Rizzles fics, never had the urge to write one until the show was over. I finally caught up and finished the last season. This show, you guys. Ugh, the feels. If time permits, I plan on eventually writing a monster fic centering on when Jane and Maura first met and leading up to season 4 when I feel they should have gotten together. Lots of ideas.
For now though, I've been itching to start this. A look at their last few weeks at BPD the way I think they went and then leading into Paris.
I google some stuff for accuracy but write mostly just to flow with the storyline. So, if anything seems off, feel free to let me know, but that's why. Bit of a slow start as I get all the beginning details out of the way but it should pick up. Slow burn because that's my fave. Hoping for at least weekly updates, but may be more frequently depending on how crazy my job, my kids, and our activities and obligations are at the moment. T for now, rating will change. Not too many chapters, probs around 10 or so. Let me know what you think…
Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The chief medical examiner of the commonwealth of Massachusetts was standing hunched over a mahogany desk, her upper body heavily supported by her arms. Her eyes were closed, her head bent, a few golden strands of hair hanging in front of her face. A succession of thoughts were pounding through her head, almost compulsively.
I will stay strong. I will get through this. I will let her go. I will.
Again.
I will stay strong. I will get through this. I will let her go. I will.
AGAIN.
I will stay strong. I will get through this. I will let her go.
Maura Isles opened her eyes. "I will," she whispered out loud.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she pushed herself away from her desk. She straightened up and with shaking hands smoothed the skirt of her emerald green dress. She adjusted her lab coat before scooping up the scattered paperwork she had dropped as she had leaned forward to grip her desk in an effort to keep her emotions in check.
Holding her head high, she swiveled and strode out of her office, lab, and into the elevator. As the doors closed, she saw her reflection in the adjacent mirror looking back at her. She looked tired, she looked scared. She looked like she was trying too hard not to look tired and scared. She looked like she lost her best friend. She closed her eyes again briefly. Not yet she hadn't, but soon.
She was losing her best friend.
Jane.
Jane was leaving.
As the elevator brought her up to the object of her thoughts, a hand went to her stomach as she recalled the sinking feeling of dread that had appeared when she'd correctly theorized that Jane had accepted the FBI job at Quantico. The announcement Jane made a couple of weeks ago that she was moving wasn't completely unexpected; Maura had known she was contemplating it, but the confirmation of her decision had caused the M.E. to feel as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her. She'd hidden it well, but it was extremely hard. As much as it pained her, she needed to be strong for Jane, to support her.
That night she cried. She cried so long and so hard that it physically exhausted her to the point where she had literally cried herself to sleep. The next day, she'd covered the telltale signs with makeup, plastered a mask of support onto her face and vowed to stay strong, to keep it together.
Even now, after she'd had some time to process it, the crushing feeling of impending loss still hit her hard every so often and she found herself needing a moment to get herself back together.
She couldn't help but feel a bit childish. She was a grown adult whose friend was simply moving. It's not like she wouldn't ever talk to Jane again. She would continue to call and text, and there was always Skype and actual visits.
However, deep down she knew it wasn't that easy. She'd unwittingly built her life around Jane. For Jane to leave meant her very foundation was going to ripped out from under her, leaving her world crumbling. As dramatic as that sounded, it was close to the truth. She knew her life would never be the same without Jane in it. Not the way she was now. She truly didn't know what she was going to do without her best friend.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jane Rizzoli was trying to figure out if the Chinese food she pulled out of the fridge was still edible. She frowned, poking at it with a chopstick she found in her desk drawer. Was it from Monday or Wednesday? She couldn't remember. She put the cover back on it and let it fall into the trash can near the table.
Her stomach grumbled and she glanced back down at the food she just threw away. Leaning over, she grabbed it again and took the cover off, bringing it close to her face as she took a closer look.
She sniffed it and her nose wrinkled at the somewhat offensive odor. Not convinced it was all bad, she was about to take an experimental bite when she heard the familiar click-clack of some designer heels she could neither pronounce nor afford coming up behind her.
She quickly chucked the container back into the garbage and spun on her heel to face her best friend, her long black waves swinging behind her.
"Heyyy Maur," she called out and grinned, her dimples flashing.
Maura took one look at the too innocent look on Jane's face and narrowed her eyes. She craned her neck to peer into the garbage can.
"What are you- oh!" She gasped in horror as she she saw the container. "Were you going to eat that?!"
She looked back at her best friend whose lips were now pursed as she pretended to find something on the ceiling very interesting.
"Jane Rizzoli!" she hissed, taking a step towards her. "That's from last Friday!"
Jane grimaced. "Huh," she murmured. "That was even worse than I thought." She smiled at Maura hopefully. "Lunch?"
Maura nodded and held out her hand containing the paperwork. "Labs came back on the John Doe and Raymond Gardner," she began as Jane took the papers.
"You were right about the benzodiazepines."
Jane fist pumped triumphantly. "Yes!" She crowed. "I knew it was because of the, of the, the uh-"
"The benzodiazepines," Maura supplied helpfully.
Jane stared at her blankly.
"Sleeping aids. They both had traces of it in their systems."
Jane fist pumped again. "Yes!"
A young officer walking by gave her a sidelong look and Jane glared at him. She raised her hand, her fingers in a V, and pointed first at her own eyes and then at him. He quickly looked away, eyes wide.
Jane smirked and then looked back down at the papers, toothy grin back in place as she bounced in place like a little kid.
"Korsak owes me a beeeeeer" she sang, grabbing her phone to text him.
Maura smiled wistfully as she watched the detective type happily. As serious as Jane could be, and after all of the horrible things that happened to her, she still had an extremely silly side. It was one of the many, many things Maura loved about her.
She started to head back to the morgue. "Let me just grab my bag. We can head over to that Greek restaurant I've been wanting to try." She glanced down at the garbage as she passed and then back at Jane.
"We'll be passing the bakery on the way back in case you'd like to pick through their dumpster for some dessert."
Jane chuckled as she pulled her jacket on. She flipped her hair out from the back and pointed at Maura. "You got jokes, Maur."
Maura shrugged. "Well, I learned from the best."
"Can't argue with you there," Jane murmured, looking down at her phone as it vibrated. She looked back up at her best friend proudly. "I knew you had an inner smart ass that was dying to come out. You've come a long way, Dr. Isles."
Maura chuckled but felt a knot form in her throat. Because of you, she thought as she pressed the button on the elevator. I am who I am today because of you.
"Meet you outside in five," Jane called out from behind her. "No stopping to check emails, Maura! I'm starving!"
Maura threw a look back at Jane, but she was smiling as she got back into the elevator. The smile faded as the ever-present sense of loss slowly crept back. She had never had any real best friends. Or even anyone she felt remotely this close to. Plenty of acquaintances, colleagues, co-workers, lovers, family, but no one compared to Jane. There was no one on earth she loved or had ever loved as much as she loved Jane Clementine Rizzoli. The detective's family even surpassed her own family. The Rizzoli's were the family she never had.
The loud and boisterous family dinners with the Rizzoli's far outweighed the quiet elegant dinners with her own parents. The frequent shows of affection that Angela Rizzoli bestowed upon her children were grumpily received by Jane and her brothers but Maura cherished every hug and kiss the matriarch gave her. She wasn't used to such mothering and, at first, shied away from the contact at times when her emotions were high, but she was extremely fond of the woman she'd come to look at as a maternal figure in her life.
She'd never had siblings growing up and at first was taken aback by, but now adored, the bickering between Jane, Frankie and Tommy.
They were fiercely protective of each other and remained loyal despite their flaws. They had taken Maura under their wing almost immediately, much to her surprise. The M.E. felt like the luckiest person in the world when she was sandwiched between them all on the couch as they shouted obscenities at the tv, objecting to whatever bad call the umpire dared to pin on their beloved Red Sox.
Drinking beer and eating pizza in her pristine living room would have once given her extreme bouts of anxiety but she had overcome any apprehension and was simply mindful to have plenty of napkins and upholstery cleaner on hand. Getting the boys to use coasters proved to be a bit more difficult but one look from Jane when she saw a bottle on the table without one usually took care of that issue nicely.
Although already having been an adult when meeting this wonderful group of people, Maura still felt that she did a lot of growing up, both socially and emotionally, because of them. For that she would always be extremely grateful.
It was because of this lack of social experience coupled with never really having had any close female friends, that when she realized her feelings for Jane were changing, she found herself suddenly thrown, once again, into uncharted territory. Unsure if the feelings were the result of a close friendship or if they were morphing into something that surpassed friendship all together, she wasn't sure. She didn't know how to differentiate.
Even though she was aware that she was socially awkward, Maura was also aware that she was attractive. She never had a problem getting dates or attention. She had a few serious long- term relationships. Never one to beat around the bush, if she was interested in someone, she made her intentions known. Though she tended to be primarily attracted to men, there had been a few women that caught her eye. She refused to label herself, she embraced the fact that she was attracted to all different people, regardless of gender. It was already so hard to form a connection with someone, never mind to actually find that one person to share your life with. To cut out fifty percent of the population because of their gender had always seemed senseless to her.
Her attraction to Jane had confused her, at first. Jane was truly beautiful but it was so much more than that. There was no denying that there was an instant connection between them, but she had never felt so bonded with another human being before. That feeling continued to grow in its intensity. She couldn't pinpoint it and her inability to put it into words frustrated her to no end.
Until it hit her. This wasn't mere attraction. She knew she loved Jane, of course, but suddenly the meaning behind that love was clear. She was in love with Jane.
She smiled as she thought of the day she realized it. It wasn't the day Jane shot herself or one of the umpteenth times she put herself in danger. It wasn't the day she pretended to be her girlfriend to get rid of Giovanni, it wasn't one of the multiple occasions she'd literally saved Maura's life. It was the day Jane stood up for her to her mother. To Constance Isles. Jane hadn't cared about who her mother was, how much money she had, her influence. She cared about how she treated Maura. That night, after the gallery, she'd gathered what she could from Jane but the detective hadn't really said too much. She just implied that she had talked to her mother about a few things. Her mother had filled her in later. She'd hung up the phone and promptly burst into tears. She knew it then without a doubt. She had fallen in love with her best friend.
She sighed and picked up her bag before heading back up to meet Jane.
The detective was pacing on the sidewalk.
"Finally," she called out, falling into step beside Maura. "I was about to duke it out with that pigeon over there for his french fry."
Maura rolled her eyes."Recent studies have shown impatience could be a sign of cellular aging."
Jane pulled her aviators out of her pocket and put them on. "Makes sense. I can actually feel myself aging whenever I'm waiting for you to get ready."
"I do not take that long!" Maura defended herself looking up and meeting Jane's smirk. "And that's not what it means. Impatience could be an indication of shortened telomeres which have been linked to aging and certain chronic diseases."
"It could also be an indication that you take too long to get ready."
Maura huffed. "You're impossible,"she murmured but she was grinning. She would miss this easy banter with Jane, she enjoyed it immensely.
Although it went against her grain to not act on her feelings, the thought of losing Jane absolutely terrified her and so she kept quiet. She was content with just enjoying Jane's company, figuring if anything were going to happen, it would eventually.
Never one to guess or assume, she started paying attention. She analyzed every touch, every conversation. They bordered on flirting, but Maura was hesitant to call it that since she had no experience to draw from. Joking and bickering with friends was something she saw all the time.
Jane never liked anyone she dated, and was borderline hostile towards some. She seemed to always insist that Maura could do better. She was with the M.E. almost 24/7, staying over way more than was actually necessary. She knew it was partly due to Jane's protective nature. To test that theory, she'd lightly tested the boundaries. She'd tried different tactics here and there to gauge Jane's interest. She said things a particular way or took a gesture or touch a little too far over the 'friendly' line.
She thought at first that her feelings might be returned, but chalked it up to wishful thinking. Jane hugged and touched her frequently, though that didn't necessarily mean anything, but Maura would catch a certain unexplainable look in Jane's eyes sometimes when she looked at her.
As time went on and nothing more developed, she resigned herself to the fact that it simply wasn't meant to be. Especially now. Jane was exceptionally withdrawn lately. The closeness and hugs Maura had come to expect and rely on were dwindling. Jane barely touched her anymore.
Jane herself admitted that she was hard to love, and she was right. It certainly wasn't easy loving Jane. She was stubborn and hard-headed. Sarcastic. She drank too much beer and coffee. Ate too much pizza and too many burgers. She was sometimes reckless. She never put herself before anyone. Risked her life every day for others. It made her a phenomenal police officer, one of the best BPD had ever seen. It also made her a lousy friend and daughter. Only in the sense that people who loved her worried. Constantly. It was ironic, because Maura never felt safer than she did when she was with Jane.
"This food better be good. I threw out my Chinese for this." Jane's voice startled her out her thoughts.
They had reached the restaurant. Maura glanced up at the building, heading for the door. "You mean that container consisting of warmed up Bacillus cereus and Salmonella? Yes, I'm certain that this food will be better than that."
"It was cold Salmonella and Bacilissis-whatever. I hadn't heated it up."
"Jane, how many times do I have to remind you that it's beneficial to try new things. It broadens your palate." She stepped up to the entrance. "Thank you," she murmured as Jane reached around her and held the door open for her. She shivered slightly as she felt the taller woman lightly touch the small of her back as she walked in behind her.
And even though it wasn't easy loving the brash detective, she did. Every day Maura Isles fell a little bit harder for Jane Rizzoli.
