Riley remembers stinging kisses on his neck and moist fingers at his mouth, questing but not forcing, cool but not clammy, cold but not aloof. There were lots of nights like that, back in Sunnydale, towards the end, but he tries not to think about those. No; the night he can remember is quite a bit closer to home.

Besides, back in Sunnydale, he had Buffy and a career and honour of course to consider, so he'd never gone… the whole way, so to speak, with those vampire girls who looked so alluring and who held him in a kind of thrall he still couldn't quite comprehend. The night that Riley remembers, he had none of that; he had only a burning desire for things to change, for the life he once knew to be past. In that case, Riley knows he got his wish. Things have changed.

He knows that it isn't a night from Sunnydale he remembers, because he can barely remember anything past the night he acquiesced. Past… past last night. With a few exceptions.

Riley thinks hard, and remembers his past life.

Riley was quite the bully when he was younger; quite the small-town, corn-fed rebel. He remembers slicking back his hair and swaggering down the cobbled street. He practiced his shooting – he said that he wanted to be a good soldier – and he'd always do it at midnight, because a soldier has to be able to shoot well in all conditions. The townspeople had never seen a gunfight, but by Riley's eighteenth year they all knew the sounds.

Riley knows the feel of wood-dappled sun behind the farm when there's work to do, and the incessant chattering of insipid children who follow his every move.

Riley remembers his first days in the army, but he doesn't like to. He knows what it feels like to be high, to be strong, to not know what you're doing or who you are. It doesn't feel anything like this.

He hit another boy once, hit him so hard that his nose never did heal, and his father dragged him away for a verbal beating. He shot another soldier once, mostly by accident, and he remembers with painful clarity what happened when he returned to the barracks and met the man's friends. He remembers pointing a loaded gun at an innocent woman and Buffy dragging him away… just dragging him away. Keeping him out of danger. That's what she did.

He chokes, feels sick, and then smiles, a toothy – too toothy - grimace.

Riley remembers what it was like to be human.