Disclaimer: I do not own anything of J.K's. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similar events, names are coincidence. This is my one disclaimer for the whole story. Again, I disclaim any HP properties.
Summary: It is the gangs' seventh year at Hogwarts. Pressure is a normal thing to cope with in life. Especially for Gryffindor's Prefect, Hermione Granger. With exams coming up, stress becomes overwhelming. Hermione starts to find ways to deal with stress, and bad habits begin to form. Unexpectedly, someone notices.
Setting: Seventh Year, assuming Harry defeated Voldemort his third or fourth year. (Obviously I know what happened-have all books- but I don't want to get into any war scenes or predicaments just yet)
Warning: Anyone uncomfortable with topics of anorexia, bulimia, self-injury, or suicide please leave now. THIS IS FICTIONAL!! (I don't know how many times I need to write this...DON'T TAKE THIS LITERALLY.)
Author's Notes: This is a reply to my reality-challenge (see my website). Please review kindly. Constructive criticism welcome, but no flames please. This is not meant to offend anyone. The title, by the way, means Fading Soul. (It's Latin) Oy! - This is hurt/comfort. NOT A MARY SUE!! At least I don't intend it to be.
Pallor Animus
I have become comfortably numb.
Chapter 1: A Story of a Girl
Come on, one more minute and I'm done.
A nearby clock began to ring. Once. Twice. Three times. It didn't stop until it reached its tenth gong.
Finally, I can go to bed.
Hermione Granger shut her Advanced Potions book and held onto it tightly like a secret. Her curly brown hair bounced as she ran from the library to the Grand Staircase. Late night studying was beginning to bother her, as it left her with limited slumber. If her body didn't rest for a certain amount of time, mornings would bring nothing but drowsiness and lack of concentration. She wanted to study some more, just in case, but couldn't stay awake.
Once climbing the staircase, Hermione noticed an animal nearing her. It was Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat.
"I'm Prefect, don't forget," Hermione said to the cat, but more to herself.
The irritated cat meowed and bounded off in a different direction. Sometimes Hermione wished to be an animagus so no one could bother her. Maybe it would allow her some peace and quiet as well.
She got to her room and plopped onto a sea of warm blankets. Being prefect had its advantages, especially when it came to luxurious living. She didn't like to brag, but her satin sheets were more than comfortable. And her bathroom was always tidy and sparkling, thanks to the house elves. Hermione hated the thought of house elves having to practically be slaves, but at least her environment was tolerable.
"Goodnight, Hogwarts." Hermione quickly changed into a red nightgown and fell back into bed. She tucked herself in and shut her eyes tightly.
Sleep never came easy for Hermione. Her mind was always racing with worries and ideas leftover from the day's events. Since she'd been studying all day, her mind was fixated on Advanced Potions. Severus Snape made sure to give everyone homework and tests, even with midterms coming up. He never had any compassion for his students. Not once had he excused the class from weekend work. Hermione hated going along with his curriculum. Then again, his teaching ethics continued to make students work. If he decided to become more affectionate, the class would probably become lazy.
This made Hermione wonder what would happen if she, The Know-it-all, stopped working one day. Snape would probably have a field day with nasty names for her. But she couldn't force herself not to study or complete her lessons. Even if they drove her crazy in the long run, she had to finish all work up to the last period.
If asphodel is added to the wings of a dragonfly, thought Hermione, and mixed with the roots of a . . . what was that plant? Damn it, I'll fail for sure.
0o0o0o0o
"Morning, all." Ron was the last to join breakfast the next morning. "I see we have our standard toast and jelly this morning. That's why I snuck in the kitchen and ate bacon before I joined you."
"Pig." Ginny mumbled.
Harry laughed, "You've been sneaking back there for the past week. You better watch out or you'll gain a million pounds."
"Oh well. It's worth it. The pancakes are worth it, and bacon every once in awhile won't affect me."
"You might not gain the weight, Ronald, but that doesn't mean your body will appreciate the sudden grease intake. You might as well eat sticks of butter and wash it down with five gallons of slimy animal fat." Hermione's descriptive words disturbed Ron.
He stopped eating.
"Ease up, 'Mione," Ginny said in defense, "Ron's been skipping supper to get some extra studying in. Mum says if he fails, she'll start giving him hand-me-down underwear."
"I don't think she means it," Ron added, "but I don't want to see her go mental."
Hermione laughed, "I understand now. I've been up late studying too."
"We all have," replied Harry.
Breakfast soon ended with silence and last second studying. Ron, Hermione, and Harry had two classes before Snape's, which meant extra time to worry. Hermione's thoughts centered around her thought the previous night. Maybe if she purposely failed her upcoming test she could prove that someone could stand up to Snape. She didn't think he would do anything about it. It wouldn't be insulting him directly, but more his teaching methods and class in general.
Hermione couldn't pull it off.
Charms class was a bit on the dull side. Flitwick lectured about upcoming finals and hinted different chapters of their textbooks to study. He described certain spells the class stumbled over the first few times of using, and he held an open question session before the end of class came. Not too many students spoke, but all listened. Flitwick was surprised no one fell asleep from the monotonous mood set in the room.
The threesome soon enjoyed their second class with Hagrid in The Care of Magical Creatures. He, too, had planned a test for today. However, it was so easy; it only took the class an average of five minutes to take. Class was let out early as a treat before the weekend. Hermione wasn't too pleased; less time in Hagrid's class meant more time to worry about Snape's test.
"Alright," Harry said, "we just need to remember the most important things in the chapter. You know that old git won't have it in him to torture us yet. He'll wait for midterms and pile the most complicated questions on us."
Ron laughed and added, "Half the questions he asks aren't from the book."
"That's funny to you?" Hermione shot an odd glance at Ron.
"No," He answered, "but the fact that he's that much of a bastard is kind of amusing."
"We have a little over five more minutes before class." Hermione changed the subject, "We should get going."
Harry chimed unhappily, "Fine, let's go."
The dungeons were cold as usual. Ron, Hermione, and Harry entered Advanced Potions and sat in their middle-row seats. A few other students had already entered the room, and were soon joined by the rest of the class. Snape hadn't arrived yet, which gave everyone a moment or two to accomplish some last-minute studying.
Hermione felt a sudden chill. In the midst of her textbook, she realized everything she studied the previous night could not be recalled.
"I'm going to fail," She whispered to Ron.
He replied, "Oh, you're just saying that. Trying to get me nervous, huh? Don't you think I studied as much as Ginny said I did?"
"Relax," Hermione cracked a smile. "You always get this way before an important grade."
A sudden burst caused students to jump. Severus Snape sauntered into the classroom with his nose held high and arms swaying by his side. To Hermione, he reminded her of a soldier ready to attack. As he stood and faced his students, all fell quiet.
"I expect you all to have the proper knowledge for this chapter test. Please take everything off of your desk except for a standard quill and we will start in a moment." Severus took a stack of papers from his desk and began to pass them out.
Hermione's palms began to sweat as her body temperature fluctuated up and down. A ball of knots sat at the very bottom of her stomach. Within seconds, two white sheets of were vehemently placed in front of her. She waited for the shadowy figure of her teacher to pass before she looked up, away from the test. Her eyes focused back on the paper as she forced her hand to hold the quill. Next to Hermione, Ron was scribbling away answers left and right. All around Hermione, the sounds of writing infected her ears like the plague.
Focus, Hermione. Now, try and remember everything from last night.
The quill hit her paper, but failed at moving. Hermione never felt this anxious in her life. She glanced towards Snape's desk and watched as he looked around the room. His face was expressionless. Instantly, Hermione's body froze. She felt an icy stare from the darkness of her professor's eyes.
Severus arched an eyebrow.
"Are we having problems over there, Miss Granger?" Snape asked. "Keep your eyes on the paper until you are complete with the test."
The world ended. Hermione felt the blood rush to her head and redden her cheeks. Embarrassment was Snape's deadly weapon, and he knew how to aim perfectly.
It took a few deep breaths before Hermione was able to focus again. She answered the questions, knowing the majority of them were guesses. There was never a time in her educational life that Hermione felt this unsure of herself.
"Alright," Snape stood up and said, "pass the tests to the end of your row and I'll collect them. Take out your textbooks, but do not open them yet."
Ron asked, "How do you think you did, 'Mione?"
"Let's just say I've never felt worse."
"Miss Granger, there will be no talking." Snape stood beside her and took the pile of papers from her row. He sneered at her and moved on to the next row of students.
Ron whispered, "Sorry bout that."
Harry turned to face Ron and asked, "Do you suppose Snape just wants to pick on her? You were talking too."
"Doesn't matter now," Ron answered, "we have the rest of class to deal with him."
