Title: Falls Apart
Author: Amy Lee
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer et. all own everything. I, unfortunately own squat, nadda, zippo.
Rating: Not sure where everything will go... but for now, let's say mature.
Inspirations: Story idea came from personal experiences, Sheryl Crow's song Picture and an immense love of gossip magazines. I hope you all enjoy.
Feedback: Would be cherished and loved. Shall I continue?
Prologue.
Yesterday seems like a life ago
'Cause the one I loved today, I hardly know
You I held so close, in my heart oh dear
Grow further from me with every falling tear –Ben Harper
One minute.
One minute was all it took for my world to crash and burn before my eyes.
I stopped in horror. My breath caught in my throat. A mixture of emotions playing through me: shock, confusion, terror, denial and utter despair. As my boyfriend, Edward Cullen sat with a mysterious woman. His long slender digits gripped the yellow mesh shorts covering her round ass. The duo interlocked in what appeared to be a very heated kiss. My world spun madly out of control, simultaneously in slow motion and fast forward.
I didn't know what to do; scream, cry, run away, politely wave and break the couple apart, hit the nearest object next to me till my knuckles were bloody and raw. I decided on the later. With all the strength I had in me, I swung at Edward's arm. One, two, three times. The kiss finally broke apart.
I stood frozen in place.
His eyes.
I can't even begin to try and describe what I saw in them that moment. They were slightly unfocused, either due from excessive alcohol consumption, the kiss, or being caught. It wasn't what sent shivers down my spine though; it was the raw emotions I saw in his eyes. His eyes were filled with anger and pain, guilt and confusion, and something more, something I couldn't place. Maybe love?
I hit him again. I felt the tremors rack through my body. My legs starting to shake uncontrollably, I wondered if they would come off. My lungs were closing in, making it impossible to breathe.
"Oh my God," Was all I managed to choke out as I fell to the floor. I felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck- I wish I had been hit by a Mac truck at least that would be less painful. Anything would be better than this.
I didn't care if I was making a scene, I didn't care how many eyes were on us, I didn't care that the paparazzi were only feet away from us their cameras clicking away in a frenzy. I didn't care about anything.
Edward kissed another girl. My Edward, my Edward who constantly badgers me about getting married, being together forever, loving me so hard it hurt, Edward had just been kissing some unknown woman with fiery red hair. And I was made to witness it.
"Oh my God," I spoke again softer.
It hadn't even been a minute since the kiss took place, yet it felt longer. Minutes, weeks, years could have passed. I covered my eyes with my hands.
I felt Edward reach down to console me. His hands felt foreign to me, I jerked away at the touch.
I forced myself up into a sitting position to stare up at him. Looking at him now took everything I had left in me not to die. My fists clenched together, I was lunging at him. I pounded away with satisfaction, soft thuds created when my fists hit his chest.
Edward did nothing; just took in my anger.
"I hate you." I bit out in a whisper. My hands not ceasing their assault on the man I loved more than words could describe.
"I hate you." I said with more force this time.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." I repeated growing louder with each statement.
By the end my punches subsided, tears finally breaking free. Defeated. Looking back at Edward, still crouched on the floor where I had just been, his groin an easy target for me. I swung my leg back, swiftly kicking him with all the pain I had in my body.
The second my foot hit his groin I watched gleefully as he fell back in pain. Edward grabbed his groin in immense pain.
I kicked him again. I hoped it hurt him as much as he hurt me.
Falling back on the floor, my body wracked with sobs.
Everything felt surreal. This could not be happening. Some cruel trick my eyes were playing on me. Surely I must have imagined everything I just witnessed.
I wanted to know why; why had it happened, why had he kissed that woman, why hadn't he pushed her away, why did he hate me so much? I wanted to know how; how did the kiss happen, how could he do something like that to me, how he could live with himself? I wanted to know what; what that woman had that I didn't, what would have happened had I not seen the kiss, what would happen to us? I wanted to know who, who had started the kiss?
I couldn't breathe, I felt as if I were fighting for my life. Everything hurt. I didn't even have the energy to push him away when he finally scooped me up into his arms, carrying me into a private section of the club guarded by security and away from the curious onlookers. Placing me on a couch, he lay with me, his arms wrapped tightly around me, as he soothed my cries.
Feeling his arms around me, only made it hurt worse. For the past three years those arms had been my safety, my comfort, my love. Now they were tainted. The arms responsible for the hole in my heart. Finally I pushed him away, curling in a ball on the edge of the couch, teetering dangerously close to falling off.
"How could you?"
If Edward hadn't been so in tuned with me, he would have missed the question, it coming out so soft.
Rolling me over, he gently commanded me to look at him. After a few more seconds of prodding, I turned to face him, my brown eyes brimming with fresh tears.
"It's not my fault." He began.
I listened as he spoke, listened as he explained the situation, as he told me the woman- a fan of his, had started the kiss, how he had merely been trying to push her away. Edward Cullen was a worldwide heart throb. Practically every woman from ages ten to one hundred was in love with my boyfriend. They swooned and drooled over his tall slender body, his gorgeous moss green bedroom eyes, his chiseled face, and smoldering grin. His story might have flown too, except I had witnessed what had happened, I saw Edward's hands cup that woman's ass, I watched as his tongue snaked into the woman's mouth.
"You kissed a girl." I finally stated, saying it out loud for the first time since it happened. It hurt, my chest felt heavy at the announcement. As the actions finally sunk in.
"Bella, I never meant to…" He trailed off, before amending, "I never wanted to hurt you."
He never wanted to hurt me? I listened in disbelief. If he never wanted to hurt me, why had he kissed that woman?
I wanted to know what I had done to deserve this. What cosmic power had it in for me that I'd have to witness what I did? Because surely I must have done something terribly wrong that threw some planet off its axis. It was the only explanation.
I wasn't sure what to do as Edward continued to speak calmly. I briefly contemplated why he was so calm, was it for my sake, because his calmness was scaring me; I being anything but calm right now.
I wanted to know what to do. I had just witnessed my boyfriend, my lover, my other half, kiss someone else. I watched as he kissed another girl's lips, I had stood in shock as my heart broke in two. My mind told me to leave and never look back, my mind yelled at me for even sitting on the couch with the bastard. But my heart kept shouting not to lose him. My heart told me to forgive him.
I wanted to die. My heart and mind engaging in battle.
"Edward." I finally said, cutting off his rambling that I hadn't even been listening to. "You kissed a girl." Every time I said it I could feel myself grow number. I wondered if one day, I'd say that he kissed a girl and nothing would happen, it'd be the same as asking how the weather was. "How can I ever trust you?"
"Because Bella, more than anything I know I love you." Edward answered. "Because more than anything I know I will never hurt you again."
I felt the tears kick themselves up a notch. My body starting to tremble again. I wanted to believe him, I wanted to forgive him, but I didn't know how. How could I ever trust him again, when every time I closed her eyes I saw him and that woman kissing on the couch? How would I ever live without him?
I didn't want to know the answer to that. I didn't want to know what it was like to wake up in the morning without Edward.
"I love you." I started, looking dead straight in his eyes, "But I don't trust you." I finished, taking a deep breath.
"Maybe you shouldn't do either." Edward answered back, running his hands through his hair, an action he always did when he was deep in thought. "Maybe, this happened for a reason."
I looked up at him again in shock, not quite sure if I'd actually heard right. The pained expression on his face all the answer I needed. "So what, you're just giving up?"
"You don't trust me."
"Edward, you kissed a girl." I stressed again, wondering when the fact would seep through his head. "How can I trust you?"
"You can't. I fucked up. And I lost the best thing of my life."
He said everything so calm, I hated it, I wanted him to get mad, I wanted him to scream and cry, and pound his fists against something hard, but he did none of it. How could he be so calm at a time like this? Did I mean that little to him?
"You… don't… want me?" I asked, the Mac truck that hit me earlier backing up to run me over again.
"Of course I'll always love you."
The words stung deeper than the image of him and the woman kissing.
"How am I supposed to live without you?" I asked, my expression pitiful, my life holding no meaning anymore.
"Time heals all wounds."
"So that's it? Three years and you're giving up, walking out?" I finally questioned, growing mad.
"Yes." Edward simply answered.
Edward's head resting on his hands, I got up from the couch. A security guard walked towards me, extending a protective arm, to help escort me out of the club with as little interference from paparazzi as possible.
One lone tear traveling down my cheek, I gave Edward one last look, pausing hoping he'd run after me, tell me to stay, but he did nothing; and so I left.
As I was walking out of the club I saw Alice and Jasper walking in. Their faces were filled with happiness, their fingers entwined together.
Alice paused a moment to look at me with confusion, "Have you been hurt?"
I heard the security guard speak to Alice, his voice was muffled. The waves of pain coursing through me were only heightening. I was pulled under the current, and did not resurface.
TBC?
I would love to hear what you all think. =)
