I breathed in and out, feeling the passion, feeling the wind in my throat, and feeling the anxiety of the Slytherin flying next to me. Will he catch up? I was stupid enough to think, as I stretched my fingers out to the snitch. Not. A. Chance.
There, I caught it and almost secured the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor. And what did I do next? I turned and looked at Malfoy, who would rather glare back than hang his head. If he wasn't such a Slytherin, he would probably be in Gryffindor because of how proud he was. I gave him his own infamous Malfoy-smirk, and left him stunned when we landed. This was unusual behavior for me, but hey, give me a brake.
I've been through a lot and I've only just started to enjoy the evident fame that has been following me for the past five years. I've decided to enjoy this year, even though we're in the midst of war and Sirius is gone. I mean Malfoy's father is in Azkaban, and he's not acting like his usual snot-nosed self.
"Party in Gryffindor Tower." Hermione smiled at Ron and me as she reached us. I swear that no compliment from Hermione could have made me happier than having her say something so out of her way.
"I bet Seamus has got a hold of some Firewhisky." Ron said eagerly after we changed out of our uniforms and headed for the school.
"That's right." Seamus said, falling into step next to us. "Eight whole bottles, in fact. I actually got them from winning a bet with a Slytherin Seventh Year over who's going to catch the Snitch at this game. I took the bottles, anyway."
I laughed, "Besides, it's not like Malfoy is worth betting on." Ron turned his head and looked behind. Malfoy was right behind us. Ron grinned at him, and I think that Malfoy was either intimidated by there being four of us, or he was worried he might be put in Azkaban, too, but he didn't pull out a wand and curse Ron. We all laughed as he turned a corner and walked away instead.
I was walking to Charms with Hermione and Ron, and it was humorous to see First and Second Years scramble to get out of my way. Either they did it only because they were shy of me, or they did it because they remember their parents telling them what a bad boy I was. Either way, I couldn't say that I didn't like it.
I said hi to many people in the halls, because the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs have only gotten friendlier towards me. We went inside the classroom and most of us sat around talking. I heard Hermione take a deep breath next to me. I looked at her curiously as Professor Flitwick put down a piece of paper in front of her which I saw had a hundred on it when she turned it around. Oh, that's right, my stomach fluttered, we were getting our tests back. I remember I hadn't done very well on it. Flitwick put the paper on my desk. I flipped it around. 43. My heart dropped.
"88, mate. What did you get?" Ron asked me.
"43." I'm so blunt.
"Are you serious?" Hermione said, "I told you to study for that test that other instead of riding your broom."
"Well, the whole school's not going to watch me take my test, but they are going to watch me play Ravenclaw at our next match."
"The match isn't for another two months. And besides, I thought that by now, you would have learned not to care about what other people think."
"Why should I not care?"
"Because being you, you might have any sort of propaganda against you, at any time like you did last year." With that, she turned away as if I had said something stupid and wasn't worth talking to.
"Okay, let her be that way." I turned back to Ron.
"Well, she's right, you know. And how did you manage a 43?" Why was he agreeing with Hermione? I mean it's one 43, no big deal, I can bring my grade up.
We went up to Gryffindor tower after class, dropped off our books, and headed towards the Great Hall. I heard whispers as I entered. By October this was considered unusual behavior. I sat down at the Gryffindor table, where at least everyone was acting a little less odd. Yet, they still sent glances towards me. I turned to Seamus at my right. He would tell me what was going on.
"What's up with everyone?" I asked.
"Well...uh....okay, tell me, Harry, did you really get a 43 on the test?" Oh, so this is what it's all about.
"Yeah, so?" I asked annoyed.
"Well, you know, it was an easy test. I think it would be very hard to get a 43." What's the big deal? It was just a test. Why should anyone care?
"Yeah, well, I was busy with practice and all."
"Oh, yeah. We're hoping for another easy beat for Gryffindor against Ravenclaw." I mentally groaned. Ravenclaw. I was terrified of losing. Seamus saw the look on my face.
"No pressure though, right?" he said. I nodded. I can just imagine the week before the match. Gyffindors being loud and cheery much to the annoyance of the opponents. Slytherins not exactly supporting Ravenclaw, but hoping the Gryffindors will bomb the match. I imagined going out and playing far above the stands full of indistinct faces that were looking at you. No pressure at all. And I wouldn't admit to anyone that I haven't been doing very well during practice. Nobody on my team even knew because I was constantly after the Snitch, but I haven't caught it once since our last match.
I turned my head and realized that Ron and Hermione weren't there. I waited for a few seconds and let my mind puzzle over it. They just disappeared, and I hadn't noticed. I blinked twice and saw them walk into the Great Hall.
"Where'd you guys go?" I asked as they neared my seat.
"Well," Hermione said throwing as falsely annoyed look at Ron, "I was going back to get my notes so I could look over them during dinner, for our DADA test on Tuesday, and someone felt the need to escort me there." Ron shrugged sheepishly at Hermione and looked a bit guilty, but he didn't say anything to me. If you asked me, I thought that they both looked a bit guilty. Great, I really didn't need them doing this to me.
During dinner, someone from the Ravenclaw table yelled over to our table.
"Hey, Hermione! What did you get on the Charms test?" Hermione looked up. She was used to Ravenclaws asking her these questions, but not having them yell across the room at her.
"I got a 100." The Ravenclaw nodded knowingly.
"You?"
"98. It really was an easy test wasn't it? I mean at least anybody who made it into the N.E.W.T.S Charms class shouldn't have gotten below an 80." And with that he turned back to his friends, but I'm sure he glanced at me first.
Hermione shook her head. "Don't listen to him. Even though I understand his point. So I expect better on the DADA test." How can someone like Hermione be so understanding, yet so merciless?
I headed up to Gryffindor Tower early, to see if I really could get any studying done. As I walked done one hall, I noticed a huge picture of me projected on the wall by magic, probably the doing of one of the Creevey brothers. At least someone didn't care that I bombed my test. I found a spot in the common room, next to the fire. I had my book with me, but I didn't open it. I gazed into the fire, feeling drowsy.
I was inside my crib. What was I doing in a crib...? My parents looked down at me lovingly, but then they changed and instead Sirius and Lupin were standing there, looking concerned. Why? Was there anything wrong? Then I realized what the problem was. I had grown. I was fifteen and squashed inside the crib. Sirius grabbed me and tried to get me out. He didn't like it that I was sitting there. Lupin glanced around looking worried. Then, Sirius suddenly stopped pulling. His face was full of shock as he looked at me. But I couldn't see his face, anymore. Something wouldn't let me see it. It was like trying to look into the sun...only there was no light. And then he fell to the floor, and lay still. Something had killed him....
I woke up suddenly and looked around. It was dark and no one was in the Common Room. It was past curfew so everyone already went to bed. I heard Hermione and Ron's footsteps enter the room. They had just finished Prefect duty and were quietly laughing over something. They separated and headed up to their dorms. I didn't really care much at that moment. My head was tired, but I was completely awake. I didn't want to stay in the Common Room, because I would keep imagining Sirius's head coming out of the fire.
I walked out of the Common Room, hoping no one would catch me. The picture of me was still on the wall, but it had faded and nearly disappeared. Someone had colored-in my glasses. I walked down the hall, towards the main entrance, through the red of the torches throwing light against the shadowy walls. It was kind of dream-like to me, and the torches made the castle unusually warm for an October night. I opened the huge front doors as quietly as I could, went out, and closed them behind me. It was cool outside, and I felt relief in feeling a soft wind rustle my hair.
So what now? I thought. There were no lights inside Hagrid's cabin, and I didn't want to wake him, so I wandered around the grounds. I stopped in front of the Forbidden Forest. I didn't think twice before going in. I walked farther until I stopped at the edge of a pond. The area around it was murky and blue, but the pond was clear as the moonlight shown onto it from an opening in the trees. It was still kind of a depressing sight. I sat down, and leaned against a tree. My mind began to drift and now I felt more conscious and thoughts about Sirius began to take over my head.
Sometimes in life
you feel the fight is over
And it seems as though there're
writings on the wall
Superstar you finally made it
But once
your picture becomes tainted
It's what they call
The rise and
fall
I thought that I could finally find some peace, now that no one thinks I'm a liar anymore and everyone knows about Voldemort's return. Yet, life keeps getting harder.
Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over...
I turned my body around and looked up at the tree. The moonlight was shining through the leaves. It was almost a full moon. Lupin's time was coming up. I looked back down at the tree.
"What the...?" There was something scratched onto the bark. I bent closer to read it.
"Oh, shit." Moony Padfoot. Wow, I really didn't need to know that. My Godfather was a fruit? And Lupin....?
And it seems as though there're writings on the wall
I didn't completely register what I read, but nothing could have surprised me at that moment. I mean finally after being taken seriously at the end of last year, everything comes crashing down. Well, not crashing exactly, but why are people expecting so much out of me? This never happened before, yet when everyone found out I got a 43, they became skeptical.
Superstar you
finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted
It's
what they call
The rise and fall
I did the right thing last year. I showed people the truth, after a lot of pain. And it's helped everyone, but me. I knew what was going on. For 5 years, I've been living with the thought that Voldemort will come after me. Yet, everyone still thinks that a Charms test should be a big deal to me.
I always said that I
was gonna make it
Now it's plain for everyone to see
But this
game I'm in don't take no prisoners
Just casualties
I angrily grabbed a rock, and threw it at the water. I didn't expect it to bounce, but watching it sink made me angrier. Stupid Rock. It seems like today was just really stupid. Stupid test. Stupid Ravenclaws. Stupid Ron and Hermione. What were they so giggly about back in the Common Room anyway? There better not be something going on between them.
I know that
everything is gonna change
Even the friends I knew before me
go
But this dream is the life I've been searching for
I really didn't have a right to blame them. I knew what the problem was. I was expecting to much. Or I cared too much about what others think. Just like Hermione said. She was right again.
Started believing
that I was the greatest
My life was never gonna be the same
Cause
with the money came a different status
That's when things changed
I heard someone's footsteps far behind, crunching the leaves. It was probably an animal. Or maybe some guy and girl coming in together for some thrill. I wondered if Hermione and Ron would ever do that. No, they knew how dangerous the forest could actually be. I guess they're smarter than me. And besides, neither of them seemed the kind who would go looking for a thrill. Nope, that was me.
Now I'm too
concerned with all the things I own,
Blinded by all the pretty
girls I see
I'm beginning to lose my integrity
Someone was definitely coming. But it was just one person. I crouched closer to the tree, hoping I wouldn't be seen. The person walked out of the shadows and the moonlight shone on his pale white face. Malfoy. Great.
"What are you doing here, Potter?" he said, not looking at me but out into the pond. "Having a good cry over your dad's boyfriend?"
Sometimes in life
you feel the fight is over
And it seems as though there're
writings on the wall
Superstar you finally made it
But once
your picture becomes tainted
It's what they call
The rise and
fall
"No." I said immediately. "How'd you see me?"
"Well, you're sitting right underneath the moon, but I guess I can't expect someone who gets a 20 on a charms test to know that." He was looking at me know. I gritted my teeth.
"Forty-three."
"Oh, I'm sorry. It was a forty-three. How could I have been mistaken?"
"What you doing here, Malfoy?" For a second I thought you were a skank."
I never used to be a
troublemaker
Now I don't even wanna please the fans
No
autographs
No interviews
No pictures
And less demands
"It seems as though we're on the same boat, doesn't it?"
"No." I said bluntly. "It seems as though some force is bringing incredible bad luck upon me, and causing you to run into me."
"No." he said.
"Then you followed me."
"Maybe. Though, I usually wouldn't give you that importance." I didn't want to ask him why he followed me. I just wanted him to leave.
Given advice that
was clearly wrong
The type that seems to make me feel so right
But
some things you may find can take over your life
"Please Go." I said desperately.
"I bet you feel helpless now, don't you, Potter?" Malfoy sneered. "You've lost your Godfather because of my aunt and I've lost my father to Azkaban because of you. Do you think that's fair?" He sounded hateful and on the verge of sounding pitiful.
"Just go!"
"Do you think that's a fair trade?!" he spat.
Burnt all my bridges
now I've run out of places
And there's nowhere left for me to
turn
Been caught in compromising situations
I should have
learned
"Sirius is the closest person to a father I've ever had!" I yelled and my voice echoed through the forest.
"I can't believe you put my father in Azkaban." he whispered. It was a strange thing for him to say. No threats, just disbelief. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Sirius spent thirteen years in prison and now he's dead! Because of your damn Voldemort, your damn father, and DAMN YOU!" I was screaming my head off at that moment. Malfoy glared at me, and no threat was needed. With a soft crunch of leaves, he turned and was gone. I forgot about him in an instant, because he brought that night at the Ministry of magic back to me.
I groaned and felt the pit in my stomach come back. Why's it too late, Sirius?
From all those times
I didn't walk away
When I knew that it was best to go
Is it too
late to show you the shape of my heart?
I looked into the lake and saw my reflection. I could have stopped Sirius from dying. I punched at the water so that my reflection blurred. I fell flat on my back, gazing up at the moon above me. How could I let someone like Malfoy make my day so much worse than it already was? I swore softly under my breath.
Sometimes in life
you feel the fight is over
And it seems as though there're
writings on the wall
Superstar you finally made it
But once
your picture becomes tainted
It's what they call
The rise and
fall
What had I done to make Sirius die? What was wrong with me? Oh yeah, I always had to be stupid and act like a hero, instead of doing the right thing, like Hermione had told me to do. It's like the way she told me this week to study but I didn't, so I had to pay for it. Only, last year, it was Sirius who paid.
Sirius...I begged...I promise I won't be so arrogant anymore. I'll do anything. Just come back.
Now I know
I made
mistakes
Think I don't care
But you don't realize what this
means to me
So let me have
Just one more chance
I'm not the
man I used to be
Used to be
I picked myself up and slowly walked back to the castle. I felt defeated. There hadn't been a lot of fighting for me lately yet I never felt so much restlessness.
Sometimes in life
you feel the fight is over
And it seems as though there're
writings on the wall...
All I've ever wanted to be was normal. When I lived with the Dursleys, I wanted my own parents. Now, I just wanted everything to stop. Was I ever going to be happy?
Superstar you
finally made it
But once your picture becomes tainted...
I reached the edge of the woods, and I took a moment to look at the beautiful castle that I called my first real home. A home where I was of some importance. Too much importance.
It's what they call...
Malfoy was sitting on the stairs in front of the Main Entrance. He looked just as hopeless as I felt. Maybe we are in the same boat. Who knows? I don't know what his life is like, being in a family of Death Eaters...
The rise and fall...
