facing tomorrow
Tifa: I wonder what Aeris felt...when she was on the altar...?
Cloud:
I'm sure she wanted to give her life for the planet...
Tifa: Really? I wonder? I don't think that's it at all. I think she didn't think she would die at all, but that she planned on coming back all along. She always used to talk about the 'next time'. She talked about the future more than any of us...
The early rising moonlight did nothing to hinder her beauty. If anything, it enhanced the ethereal lift to her features, the gracefulness that lurked behind her movements. Emerald eyes flitting out to distances unseen, gentle face set in concentration as her hair fanned out behind her, cascading down her back because it had come unbraided in sleep.
Here, away from camp, away from the others, here, in the grass, where the press of the sea on her left and the forest at her right, she felt the ache, the burning ache in her chest, the emotional ache in her heart, grow faintly tolerable.
Scuttling, slow footsteps sounded behind her before the figure stood, just as silent and hushed, beside her.
"You're awake." Tifa mumbled and with a small sigh, lowered herself to sit by Aeris.
Aeris cast her eyes to her friend, their depths swirling. Tifa blinked, ruby eyes staring back in turn before her face broke into a wry smirk.
"You think too much, Ancient." Was all Tifa whispered, resting her head in her hands.
"There's a lot to think about." Aeris said, flicking her eyes back to the ruins of the Temple of Ancients, which once stood, looming, dark and hulking in the distance, the world - time - all around them seemed to be frozen, stagnated in this place where few people have - and ever will - roam. Her eyes went to Tifa, seeming lost in her own thoughts before flicking back to the sea once more.
"There's always a lot to think on lately, it seems." Tifa agreed, more so as an afterthought then anything else. For with Tifa, talking with Aeris wasn't really like talking, it was more like feeling. Conversations like this were more so like talking to herself, so alike were their thoughts and emotions.
And so, the two sat for a few beats, in silence, in the eerie, swallowing silence, save for the crashing waves.
... The bond between Tifa Lockheart and Aeris Gainsborough wasn't like common misconceptions. It wasn't forged because of their mutual affection for a certain spikey headed blond - no, not at all - not even because way back in the slums of Midgar they were the only females and they HAD to turn to each other - as if. The bond between them both was an instant one, curling hot and thick, sweeping them both up in an uncanny understanding that they both valued, even as it surprised them.
The silence stretched for a moment longer until Tifa decided to break it. "... you're not sleeping, Aerith."
"Neither are you, Tif." Aeris spoke softly, turning to her friend and smiling. Not the gentle lift of lips which usually graced her features, it was a genuine smile, a true one. Tifa nodded and smiled back, just as freely.
With a small scooting motion, Aeris launched herself closer to the fistfighter, leaning her head on her shoulder, taking in her nearness, the closeness of a friend, for a few stolen moments before she allowed her thoughts to nag at her again. She pushed at them for a moment, letting the temporary peace settle over her. Her eyes darted to the forest, the moonlight glinting off the leaves, the tall trees seeming to gleam angrily.
She clenched her eyes tight and pushed away at the thoughts again, sighing softly, directing her thoughts to the woman beside her. Aeris was amazed at Tifa's drive, the unwavering will, the staggering determination. That simple strength that seemed to ooze from her. Oddly enough, Tifa admired Aeris for much of the same.
"... Aerith... what's wrong?" Tifa blurted out before she could stop herself.
Aeris tensed, for a moment. A long moment. "I..." The Ancient lifted her head off of Tifa's shoulder, looking away.
"Oh." Tifa could not hide the open hurt she felt at Aeris' sudden withdrawal. "You want to be alone then?"
Aeris found she couldn't speak, so she just shook her head no.
Crimson eyes suddenly trained on her. "Then, what?"
The weight, the weight of her fellow party members emotions, the pressing danger of the current situation - the weight, oh Planet the weight - the doubt which swirled around in her head, the force, the obligation to her destiny was an all too clear thing for the flower girl.
Aeris sighed deeply, still lost in her thoughts.
When most found out what she was, they were hesitant at her unnatural instinct even as they idolized her Gift. Though many did not know of the doubt, the fear or the uncertainty of every decision, wondering if each option picked was the right choice...
"... Aerith. You can tell me."
Those five words alone snapped her out of her reverie.
Slowly, so slowly, she turned to Tifa, shaking her head, as she usually did when something was too harsh, too unpleasant to deal with.
Tifa reached forward and squeezed her hands, whispering; "What could you be thinking about so hard to make you look so burdened?"
The future... Aeris wanted to answer, but she just patted Tifa's hands in an action that was almost Motherly. The future... It was the one thing that Aeris was the most unsure about, the one thing she feared, the one thing she tried to avoid... but she knew, that no matter what, she had to face tomorrow... had to face the Destiny her Mother spoke of so often when she was little...
"It's nothing Tif, I..." She trailed off again, betraying her anxiety. "I just... I'm just so worried."
"About? ... Cloud's okay. He fell into a deep sleep shortly before I came to see you. He was having trouble going to sleep. I mean, who wouldn't? ... Not after what Sephiroth did with the Black--"
"... it isn't that." Aeris cut her off.
Tifa's brow furrowed, innocent confusion arising to her face. "Then what?"
"... I... Tif... I'm afraid."
Tifa nodded, having heard the same words before, sobered. "Afraid? Why? Oh... because of Sephiroth..."
Aeris shook her head once more. "No!" She said with such force, with such anger, that Tifa's eyes widened in shock at her companion's outburst. "That's not it. I'm afraid. Of the future. Of what it holds... tomorrows another day, but I can't help thinking of..."
Tifa grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. "Look at me, Aeris. Dammit... look at me."
Blurry sea green eyes traced the lines of her worried friend's visage.
She took a steadying breath, beginning easily. "... Aerith, out of all of us, you're always talking about what lies ahead. You always remind us that our actions affect more then just ourselves. I mean, in this mission, it's not just AVALANCHE anymore, or about ShinRa. It's about the Life of the Planet, and all the lives that hang in the balance."
After a long pause, Tifa shot a scathing glance at the attentive Ancient. "You've always talked about the future, the millions of positive outcomes and... and now, you're afraid? I don't... I don't understand..." Tifa trailed off, her brow furrowing.
Aeris gritted her small hands into fists, tightening around the object she had been clutching in her right hand all this time, eyes narrowing in an expression that looked so skewed, so wrong, on her unsuspecting face.
"I... I don't want to face it. I don't want to face tomorrow." She blurted, venting her lone fear, the biggest one of all, before Tifa.
"... we all don't want to face the future, not just you. I'm scared as hell about what's going to happen in the morning." She admitted easily, brushing her sienna bangs from carmine eyes.
Aeris sighed. "No Tifa. It's that... feeling again. That nagging gut feeling. The feeling you said that you felt even before we came to the Temple of Ancients, remember? You said that you felt something bad was going to happen. Well, I'm feeling the same way. It... won't leave me alone." Aeris shook her head, trying to control her thoughts, her raging, behemoth sized thoughts, but it was no use. "I know what I have to do Tifa, I'm just so afraid... because I don't want to do it."
Tifa's eyes widened and Aeris opened her hand, revealing the milky pale green orb she held in her hand.
Her head cocked to the side. She had seen the object many, many times, decorating her friends hair. Aeris had told her it had been her Mothers... Long, gloved fingers reached out to pluck the object from the flower girl's extended palm, and gasped.
"It's warm..."
Aeris nodded. "It always stays warm. It's not like other Materia."
Tifa 'hmmed', rolling the object from hand to hand. "What are you getting at, Gainsborough?"
She sighed heavily, let her eyes wander to sea a moment before her mind drifted back to her current standings. "I... I don't know. For once, I don't know. And thats what worries me."
Tifa shook her head. "We never know, Aeris. We can't. I mean, take the day as it comes, right? I know what you're feeling. That bad ache hasn't really left my heart either... but it'll pass, I guess." Saddened, she placed the warm sphere back into Aeris' hands, closing the Ancient's fingers around it. "You taught me to live in the moment Aeris. Don't forget that. Tomorrow, come what may, whatever it is, we'll face it. Together, ne?"
Aeris swallowed, nodding, hand tightening vehemently around the piece of materia, her knuckles whitening in the process.
"Together." Aeris repeated and stood. Tifa, sighing softly with relief, stood as well.
For a moment, they watched the inexplicable meeting of sand and sea before Tifa crushed Aeris in a hug.
Shock crossed over Aeris's features briefly, battling back tears before she returned the embrace.
"Don't worry too much, Aer. In the morning, we'll all have a group meeting and settle on our next plan of action. Maybe you'll feel better then, hmmm?" Tifa muttered and Aeris's nodded, and for once, her mental demons abruptly quieted and Aeris nodded with a mixture of relief and security.
"Sure. I just..." She paused, finding the words. "... I've never felt... You're the first person I've ever told this to, Tifa." Her laugh was bitter. "And you say I'm the strong one."
Tifa exhaled, patting her friends back. "You are strong Aeris. It's just... that when self doubt comes in, it tends to wear away at your self esteem. Believe me, I know. Besides, you're always centered, and you've helped me and listened to me vent all this time on our journey... For once, I want to return some of the strength that you've given me."
Aeris pulled back, sniffling slightly.
Tifa's allowed a half cocked smirk to litter her face. "Feelin' a bit better?"
She shook her head. "Granted, I'm not up to par, really, but I'm a bit better Teef." Aeris patted her shoulder. "I know the days events have been bothering you, too."
Tifa rolled her eyes. "I'm trying not to let it get to me, Aerith."
She reached over and patted Tifa's slightly calloused fingers, holding tightly. "It amazes me how strong you are in situations like these."
Ruby eyes darted Aeris' way a second before she responded lowly. "I try. All we can do is be there for each other, and try to be strong, for one another... Right, sis?"
Aeris nodded resolutely, releasing her hand, her smile rueful. "Right, sis."
Tifa sighed, looking down, toeing her foot into the ground. "I'll... leave you be for a bit and head back."
Then Aeris turned, meeting Tifa's gaze one last time, the expression conveying what the rest of her could not before she walked up the slight grassy slope, dark pinioned brown hair swaying at her back as she disappeared into the dark fringe of trees.
Then, it was just Ancient and the sea, which simply stretched out in a rolling mass of churning black waves under the vast night sky and the press of a billion blinking stars.
She swallowed roughly, rubbing a shaking hand across her forehead. Live in the moment, take each one as it comes. Now, tomorrow... it doesn't seem so frightening... whatever it is, Tifa's right, we'll face it together. We have to be strong, for each other, because we're all we have in this fight for the World. Aeris firmly nodded. I'll come back, I'll be back when this is all over...
Aeris, gripping Holy more for comfort then necessity, turned and finally headed back to the shelter of camp.
Authors Note:
Well, this one-shot was... interesting to write. It didn't come out how I wanted, but it's still one of my favorites.
I personally, think Aeris did not know she was going to die. But, as expressed in this fic, her intuition was trying to tell her otherwise, through her bad feelings, her fear and apprehension...
Whelps, that's my short n sweet spin on the evening around Aerith's death, the same night she ran off to the City of Ancients. XD;
ja ne
