Omg cries tears of pain as I type this... could you write zosan and "Didnt you see what I did?!" Or "I can't breathe!" - Utukis

Warning: This fic contains graphic violence. If you're easily upset or disturbed by mentions of blood and gore, please avoid.

And a big thanks to kumiko for helping me with the title!


It was a slow decent. The disease attacked your brain, but slowly, quietly, not taking effect until much later, when it was too late to halt progression or reverse the damage done. It was a silent killer.

That was how Chopper had explained it to them.

It sounded so clinical that way, laid out so simply. The disease, incurable and untreatable, attacked your brain over a long period of time, and then you died. The explanation didn't begin to touch on how it felt to watch your love one experience the disease. It didn't describe the hallucinations they would experience, it didn't mention the mood swings, and it didn't even begin to touch on the screaming.

This was the way Chopper should have explained it:


The hallucinations started out mild. Zoro's eyes would chase a fly or follow a shadow that wasn't there. Sanji hadn't thought anything of them, and Zoro had shaken them off. He was tired, he would explain. It had been a long day, he'd lost a lot of blood, he was going crazy. Jokingly, of course. Sanji had heard every excuse in the book, but it took to that point to realize something was off. Zoro was a skilled swordsman, his eyesight was perfect, and his focus was incredible. For small, invisible bugs to be constantly assaulting his vision, there had to be something wrong.

But neither of them mentioned it, and no one else had said anything either. Maybe it was denial; after all, it was impossible for Zoro to be sick, and no injury would take him down for good. Maybe it was their own selfish desires. If they believed nothing was amiss, then nothing would be amiss.

It wasn't until Zoro's mind began to break that they realized they had been wrong.

Sanji had been the only one there. They had been washing dishes, like most days, only the dishes had gone forgotten in favor of each other (like most days). Zoro pressed Sanji against the counter, kissing him for all he was worth. Zoro's kisses always left Sanji dizzy. Zoro showed no more mercy in kissing than he did in battle.

Something change, however. Zoro's kisses faltered, slowed, as if those phantom bugs had distracted the marimo again.

Sanji pulled away, just enough to mutter, "pay attention to me, dumbass," against Zoro's lips.

Suddenly Zoro jerked away. Not just his lips, his whole body tore away from Sanji as if the cook had burned him.

"What the hell?!" Zoro spat and wiped at his mouth in disgust.

"Oi!" Sanji snapped. "You don't need to be an asshole."

"What the hell are you?!" Zoro suddenly cried.

"What?" Sanji stiffened.

"Answer me! What the hell are you?! Where is Sanji?!"

"Marimo, what the hell are you talking about?" Sanji snapped. If this was a joke, he wasn't amused.

"Where is he?!" Zoro shouted. "Did you hurt him?!" His hands flew to his swords.

Sanji stared at him in disbelief. This wasn't a joke. Zoro was looking at him as if he were an enemy. They fought plenty of times, sometimes even in anger and loathing, but even in their most serious fights, Zoro had never looked at Sanji that way.

Chopper had to use a sedative to calm Zoro down, and that was the first day they realized something was seriously wrong.


The mood swings were the hardest, in Sanji's opinion. He had only seen Zoro cry once. After his dreams had been nearly shattered and the reality of the world had come crashing down on him, as he swore himself to Luffy and promised both his captain and himself that defeat would never happen again. That was the first and last time Sanji had ever seen Zoro cry… until now.

Zoro sobbed quietly into his arms, tremors wracking through his frame. Sanji held him tighter, as if doing so would still the tremors and return things to normal. It had been a long day for all of them. The tears now were just the tail end of things. Sanji hoped Zoro would cry himself to sleep.

The day had started normally. Zoro had woken up and began his usual work out, like every morning before. Chopper encouraged Zoro to exercise, for once. Almost the complete opposite of his usual demands. When Zoro was working out, they could almost pretend everything was still normal.

Zoro made it through breakfast just fine as well. No breakdowns of freak outs, he ate his meal and listened to the casual conversation around him, just like he always did. It didn't stop them all from sitting on the edge of their seats as if expecting more.

It was after breakfast that he finally cracked. Luffy was the first on the scene, and their captain was the only reason Usopp got away without a scratch.

"I'll fucking kill him!" Zoro shouted, straining against Luffy's rubbery grip. "Let me fucking kill him that pathetic, shit eating long nose!"

Usopp flinched. The worst part about Zoro's rage spells were not the threat of physical damage. They had taken his swords from him already, but Zoro could cut even deeper with words.

"Zoro," Sanji approached calmly. "You have to calm down. Breathe."

"I can't breathe!" Zoro snapped, lashing towards Sanji. "Not with a smoke stack like you around!"

It was hardly an insult compared to the usual Sanji got.

It took Zoro fifteen minutes to regain enough reason and sanity for Luffy to let him go. The deck had cleared by then, the rest of the crew having fled below deck to avoid hearing their swordsman turn on them. It was hardest to remember the Zoro they used to know during those times.

Zoro sank into the grass, tearing it out in fistfuls and throwing it towards Luffy and Sanji. "I hate you," he growled.

"No you don't, Zoro." Luffy said.

"I do!" Zoro snapped. "I HATE you!"

Sanji sighed. He needed to get started on lunch, but he couldn't leave Zoro like this. "Zoro, help me cook."

"Why the hell would I do that?!" He sounded almost like old Zoro.

"Because I need some help and you're being a useless sack of shit right now," Sanji said, standing and lighting a cigarette. "Let's get going."

Zoro was silent after that. Cold, distant. He worked almost robotically, following Sanji's orders and working methodically and without argument. It was almost a relief, thought it broke Sanji's heart to see Zoro so apathetic.

When dinner was done, Sanji gave Zoro a break, having him sit at the table while Sanji washed up. Zoro stared at the wood of the table, his mind elsewhere, and Sanji left him to it.

"Sanji."

Sanji turned off the water and dried his hands. "Yeah?"

"I didn't mean it," Zoro said.

"I know."

"I love you," Zoro looked up, finally, and straight into Sanji's eyes.

"I know," Sanji said again.

Zoro did end up crying himself to sleep that night.


He only got worse.

In his clinical, cold manner of explanation, Chopper had told them to expect that, but watching it happen was much more horrifying.

"Didn't you see what I did!?" Zoro exclaimed, brandishing his hand outwards as if he were displaying a grand prize. He sounded proud, gleeful, like a child that had won an award.

Sanji stared dully at the blank space behind Zoro. "What did you do?" He asked.

"I killed her!" Zoro laughed. "She's all over."

Sanji shuddered. The 'she' he was referring to was probably either Nami or Robin, but Sanji didn't dare ask. The sick joy Zoro felt at the idea was bad enough.

"Why did you do that?" Sanji asked.

"For you," Zoro smiled. He was proud of himself.

"I didn't need something like that," Sanji sighed.

"You don't… like it?" Zoro looked back at the blank expanse of wall.

Sanji stared at it too. "I love it," he finally said. "Thank you."

Sanji placed the food down in front of Zoro. The chains around Zoro's wrists rattled as he reached for his sandwich. He wasn't safe for them anymore.

"Anything for you, Sanji," Zoro said with a mouthful of food. "I love you."

Chopper had said eventually this disease would kill Zoro. Sanji thought it already had.