Hello everyone :) This fic takes place right after Knockdown, a continuation of that night. This is definitely AU, because we all know that Knockdown ended with them never talking about "it.". Plus, I also took a quote from Countdown that hadn't happened yet, but I loved it so much I wanted to use it. Hope you enjoy :) Reviews are always welcome, and much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read :)


"That was amazing. The way you knocked him out, I mean. It was…"

Kate Beckett sat on her couch, knees pulled up to her chest, a glass of wine held tightly between her hands. It was well after 1:00 in the morning, but sleep was not even in the realm of possibility. She pressed her lips together, replaying over and over again the past 12 hours. They had kissed. She and Castle. Rick and Kate. Kissed.

She brought her mind back to the wine and the reason she had poured the glass. Josh had just left, waving his leather jacket as a goodbye instead of actually saying the word. He'd come right over after his flight in from Africa, her voice mail saying they needed to talk drawing his attention. She'd known for weeks that they were over. Beckett had just needed to go through the formality of it. He'd taken it all in stride, until his name came up. She'd faltered then, unsure of the best answer to give. Because truthfully it was about Castle long before tonight.

She thought about her whispered confession to Castle just a few days ago.

"I just wish I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him and we could dive into it together."

Beckett had known then that it wasn't right with Josh. Kate had known then that her feelings for Castle were stronger than she let on. As Kate sipped on her wine, she felt her eyes glaze over as she thought about her partner, her friend, her plucky sidekick. She'd felt his presence missing every time Castle left the precinct, but she chalked it up to needing him to pull her pigtails-to remind her that there was a lot of good that came with her job. Beckett would tell herself that it was only his mind she found intriguing when she couldn't stop the smile that landed on her lips more frequently now, listening to Castle spin wild theories about whatever case they happened to be working on.

"That was amazing."

She couldn't quit hearing Castle's voice. As she touched the tips of her fingers to her lips, Kate was immediately pulled back to the feeling of his lips crushing against hers, his warm hand cupping her neck as he held her close. She thought about the trust she had put in him as he spun her around, catching her confidently. He'd been so in control, so sure. It had just been a ruse, she reminded herself again. It had all been for show, just to save Ryan and Esposito.

"Did I actually moan?" she asked out loud, needing to hear the truth to be able to understand it.

She let her mind replay the kiss again, the feel of Castle's strong hands holding her firmly, as if this was the most natural thing in the world for them. His lips-the perfect amount of pressure against hers, causing a pool of heat to begin to build in her stomach. Beckett had known he would be a good kisser. He'd had plenty of practice, she thought with a stiff smile. Still, Beckett had been more than pleasantly surprised to get to experience it for herself. Just thinking about it-her hands confident as she gripped his head to hold him close, the way his breath mingled with hers before Beckett had launched herself at him, the look in his eye that said it wasn't just a ruse…Beckett couldn't stop the small moan that escaped even now.

Damn it. What was she supposed to do now? Did she just ignore the truth staring her in the face, like she had for the past three years? Beckett thought briefly of the previous summer, when she finally admitted that Castle was what she was looking for. When he left with Gina…she promised herself then that the next move would have to come from him. Then she met Josh, and it was easy because he didn't expect much. He was completely okay with "one foot out the door" Kate Beckett. In fact, he lived his life by the same motto.

As she swirled her wine around in the glass, Beckett released the breath she had been holding. She let her mind replay her partnership with Castle. His goofy theories, his ridiculous smart ass comments, his crystal blue eyes that she could get lost in, his warm hands finding a way to touch her, comfort her when she really needed it..."Go back to thinking about the smart ass comments, Beckett."

Beckett shook her head, deciding a shower and at least an attempt at sleep would help her move past the feelings of wanting more. The knowledge that she wanted more of Richard Castle, specifically more of the way he looked at her tonight-so raw, so pure, so lustful-was a strange enough concept when she hadn't been had any wine and when she'd slept.

A knock on the door stopped her. Beckett grabbed her service gun she had deposited on the coffee table, wondering if Josh had come back to collect whatever he had might have left at her apartment. The man on the other side of the door caught her off guard.

"Cas-Castle?"

He stood away from the door, his good hand shoved into his jacket pocket, his other arm cradled against his chest. Castle stared at her for a long minute, his blue eyes piercing her. She wondered if he could actually see her heart beginning to beat faster against her chest. She cleared her throat, holding her gun behind her back, and said haltingly

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Castle didn't wait for her to ask him in as he brushed past her. Had it just been yesterday when Castle had come to her apartment for the first time? When he was just a "plucky sidekick"? Castle turned when he was standing in the middle of her living room. Beckett shut the door softly, leaning against it for a long minute. She took her time setting her gun on the table by the door, letting her eyes rake over him. She noticed in a new light the way his jacket molded to his muscular arms, his tee-shirt fitting snugly to the contours of his body. She let her eyes linger on the faint 5 o'clock shadow that was peppering his jaw. Beckett bit her bottom lip, forcing thoughts of his stubble chafing her skin as he kissed her away. She finally asked again

"What are you doing here?"

He rocked back on his heels, finally pulling his hand out of his jacket. Castle gestured to the space between the two of them, saying as he narrowed his eyes

"I'm done with this, Kate."

She felt her heart stop, literally. Beckett immediately closed the distance between them, his words causing fear to explode within her. Done with this?

"Done with what?"

Castle remained quiet, but Beckett could read the questions in his eyes. Green eyes locked on blue, and she shivered-just barely perceptible-as she saw his eyes darken with desire. He took a step towards her, his voice dropping dangerously low.

"I can't keep doing this. Acting like it was the way you knocked him out. It wasn't the way you knocked him out that was amazing, Kate."Her eyes searched his face. She bit her bottom lip again, but Castle immediately shook his head and muttered

"You have to stop doing that."
"Doing what?"

He shoved a hand through his hair. Beckett's eyes followed his every movement, completely thrown by his sudden appearance and his declarations. Castle opened his mouth, but quickly shut it again. Kate narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What is going on, Rick? You come over here in the middle of the night, tell me you're done with this, and then tell me I have to stop. Why don't you just tell me what is wrong."

"Because it's too damn hard, Kate!"

His words stunned her. They stood in silence, the air around them crackling with electricity at his admission. Castle's chest was heaving, his breathing labored. Beckett took another step towards him, seeing the frustration welling up inside him. He shook his head before continuing, beginning to pace in her living room.

"Do you know how hard it is to be a bestselling author and feel so inadequate with words around you? To feel so completely helpless when it comes to telling you how I feel? To know you have a boyfriend and I'm supposed to just press it down and ignore it and act like I don't care when the truth is tonight I felt more alive when I kissed you than I have since Alexis was born?"

She blinked furiously; trying to determine if he was really saying this, or if it was some cruel joke her mind had decided to play after she'd had a little bit to drink. She whispered "Castle." He, however, appeared to not have heard.

"You asked me why I keep coming back. Well. Here it is. It's not about the books anymore, Kate. We're so in sync, Beckett. We work so well together. I know I can be a complete idiot, and a jackass, and I push you when you tell me not to and I open old wounds." Castle stopped pacing and faced her fully. Beckett saw the insecurities he felt reflected at her. She saw his determination to keep going, to finally get it all out in the open. Castle shrugged helplessly and words began to pour from him. "But I also know you, Kate. The way you smile when you find another piece to solve a murder that's found a way to your desk. The way you hold your coffee cup with both hands, like it's a lifeline. I know the way you push your hair back behind your ear-to give yourself an extra minute to gather your thoughts. I know the way you let your wit keep everyone at arm's length, afraid to get close to them. I know the way you hold it all in, and won't admit that you were actually in love with Royce. And that you won't admit that you don't love Josh. The way I know that kiss meant more to you than just a ploy to save Ryan and Esposito. That I know how truly grateful you are for me, I can still feel it in the way your fingers wrapped my hand." He held the bandaged hand up, as if she had forgotten. "I know you've come such a long way in dealing with your mother's murder-just look at today, Kate. Look at how it would have eaten you alive two years ago. You're so strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're the best detective in the NYPD for crying out loud."

Beckett once again tried to get his attention, calling a little louder this time. "Castle." Still, he ignored her.

"I see the way you respect Ryan and Esposito, and the way they protect you. The way Captain Montgomery knows that you will fight tooth and nail for every victim that comes across that murder board. I see the way you look at your father's watch, the simple reminder of what you two have survived together. I see how amazing you are, every day. Your beauty, your passion, your drive, your intellect. You're everything, Kate. And I want to dive it to it with you. And I know I probably have no right-"

She finally yelled "Rick," knowing the use of his first name would get his attention.

He stopped, suddenly looking as though he'd crossed a line. Beckett let her gaze flicker down to his mouth, feeling the tension rise in the room as her mind automatically replayed their kiss. Beckett smiled softly, her bottom lip automatically sneaking between her teeth. Castle practically growled at her.

"Stop biting your lip, Beckett."

"Why? If it bothers you so much, do something about it."

Castle's head snapped up. Beckett took the last step that separated them. She touched his chest gently, testing the waters. Castle remained perfectly still. She placed her hand directly over his heart and the smile that sprang to her lips when she felt it begin to beat faster under her fingers practically illuminated the whole room. Kate tipped her head up, tilting her head slightly as she whispered

"So I guess now would be the time to tell you that Josh and I broke up."

Beckett watched as the emotions play over his face. The small flicker of sadness at the thought of causing her heartbreak, the genuinely happiness he felt over knowing she wasn't dating Dr. Motorcycle Boy anymore, the panic that maybe she didn't feel the same way he did, at least not as fully. She pressed up on her toes, her lips mere inches from his. Their breaths mingled together, just as it had hours ago. This time, there was no misunderstanding. However, Beckett knew words were needed. Castle needed to know where she stood.

"You were right. It wasn't just a ruse."

Beckett waited. Her eyes moved over Castle's face, her gaze dropping to his lips. The simple movement was enough. Castle's arms found her waist and he pulled her firmly against his chest as his lips claimed hers. It was better than before, more aware. His tongue teased her lips apart, his teeth finding the bottom lip she so frequently chewed on. He nipped lightly, and Beckett heard the moan that escaped her lips and floated into his mouth. Castle used his tongue to sooth his bruising, but he did not relent. Beckett slid her hands into hair, once again fusing him to her. Castle pulled away from her lips, only to stake claim to the patch of skin where he saw her pulse jumping. Beckett pushed her body into his, his lips and fingers igniting the smolder that had been building inside since she'd seen him standing outside her door. Or truthfully, if she admitted it, since their kiss earlier this evening. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders, causing Castle to stop his ministrations and meet her eyes. She knew what he was asking-knew that if they continued there was no going back. She pressed open mouthed kisses to his exposed neck, whispering

"Let's dive into it, together, Rick. We're ready."

His fingers dug into her back with his good hand and Castle's whispered "we're ready" got lost against her lips as he kissed her again.


Again, thank you for reading. It truly is appreciated. I'm trying to decide if maybe this would be better with another chapter...any thoughts?