"Where is my Soul?"

by Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rated: T- references

Genre: Drama/ Angst

Summary: Mohinder: What have I done? Where is my soul? What is the monster I've become?

Pairings: Mohinder/Maya

Characters: Mohinder Suresh, Maya Herrera, Molly Walker, Sylar

A/N: Set directly after "The Butterfly Effect"

Disclaimer: Not mine… oh well.

What have I done? Why did I not think this through? Every choice I've made since that day has been wrong. I should not have sent Molly away, should not have tried to share abilities. I should have destroyed the serum. I especially should not have tested it on myself. Most of all, I should never have… done what I did with her. She did not need me making her life more complicated. She is worried about me now. She waits all night for me to return. She calls everyone she can think of. She paces. I did exactly what she told me not to and she was right. It is evil.

What is this monster I've become? I have not looked on my own reflection in three days. I have not eaten nor slept. I roam in the dark, alone, fearsome. I must hide from the light of day. I can feel the mutations getting worse.

Where is my soul? I feel that I must have none, for anything human in my heart is gone. I have no soul. I am a monster. I must get my life back. I write her a note, but my hand shake, so. I feel I have had straight caffeine pumped into my veins for several days. I cannot shut my eyes. I am hungry, thirsty, but I do not eat or drink. I watched her from the window. She read my note and cried. She seemed relieved and said,

"Come back." I decide that now I must. I jump into the apartment from the fire escape. She drops the note. A scream catches in her throat, but as the seconds pass, she whispers,

"Mohinder? Is that you?" I nod. I have no idea what my voice must sound like. She comes closer. I am shocked when she hugs me. I catch my reflection and I am hideous, but… my eyes have not changed. I am still me. She takes my distorted hands and looks only on my eyes.

"I love you no matter what," she says, "we will get through this together."

Now I know I still have a soul, for at her words my heart leapt within me. She could not love a monster. She had done so before. All I know is I am still human, still alive, still possessing of a soul, and I have hope. For the first time since all this started… I have hope.

THE END

Special credit to: Switchfoot and their song "Easier than Love"