Chapter Jihyun & Karana- Gratefulness

„Karana, can I ask you something?" Jihyun stopped eating his breakfast and looked up. It was an early morning in their small apartment in the big city. Jumin had offered Jihyun to organise a way more comfortable home, but he had declined. Of course, he did. Jumin had been confused. Of course, he had been. Karana smiled at how they were such close friends and yet, on the surficial level, lacked the ability to understand each other. Jumin still had tried to convince his friend, but Jihyun still declined. It got so heated up, that they had almost started arguing. It was then, that Karana had interfered. With a gentle smile, she had taken Jumin by his hand, had pulled him away and carefully explained, why Jihyun did not want to take his offer. Jumin always listened to her like the rest of the RFA did. Rika had tried to be their salvation, but ended up to bring a piece for it to them- Karana. Over the past two years the members of the association had grown close again. They had been at the danger of drifting apart, but they overcame it and became even better. Even Zen and Jumin started to respect each other. Karana had been able to understand what all of them needed.

"Karana, is something wrong?" His voice was concerned. Beautiful, mint-coloured eyes searched for her gaze, desperately trying to find out, what she was thinking about. Karana blinked several times and just realised that she had been deep in thoughts for a few minutes.

"I am sorry, Jihyun.", she apologised. She finally looked up from her own breakfast and smiled sweetly at him. Jihyun knew she did not use that smile on purpose, but it never failed its effect on him. He could barely be angry at her, when she smiled like that. Although he rarely was. Actually, the only reason was, when she was sacrificing herself too much for him. She did exactly, what she did not want him to do. "Of course, you can ask. What do you want to know?"

There was curiosity in her voice and Jihyun smiled at the brightness that always radiated from her. Her breast-long hair shone like chocolate in the morning sun.

"When it all got to its peak…" He hesitated for a moment as if he should really ask that question.

"Ji…", she said softly, always using the nickname to encourage him. It sounded similar enough to the name he used for so many years and yet was different. He took a deep breath and tried to shake off his insecurity that got over him.

"You were already in love me back then, right?" It had taken all of his courage to ask. He tried to hold her surprised gaze, but he still was not strong enough. He lowered his eyes in shame. He still felt bad for hurting her, because of his problems. Because he could not return what she felt for him, although she had been the best that ever happened to him. He had felt like he should love her, but he had not been able to. She had understood him.

Karana frowned and thought about the answer for a while.

"To be honest, Jihyun, I don't know. At that point, I did not think about what I felt for you. All that mattered to me was to help you."

Jihyun stared at her in wonder, definitely needing some time assess her words and truly understand the meaning behind it.

"To help me?", he repeated after a few moments of silence. "Not saving me?"

"No…I hoped that my help would save you, but that was not my intention." The words came slowly from her mouth as if she carefully thought about every single one. "I guess this goes to the same direction as your original question, right?"

Karana bowed her head to the side, a thoughtful gaze in her blue eyes.

"You are right." Jihyun breathed out and a sad smile twitched around the corners of his mouth.

"Then ask me your question. The answer to both is the same." With a quick movement, she stood up and sat down on the chair next to Jihyun. Carefully, she rested her hand over his and squeezed it. Her warmth gently came over and slowly spread through every inch of his body. A warmth that often pulled him back from his darkness. Her warmth made him ease up. Still, it took great courage of him to ask the question burning in his soul for so long. Although her warmth was there to comfort him.

"In all this time, when I thought about to sacrifice myself, you never pleaded me to stay. You never showed any despair or fear that I would turn my back on you. All you said was trying to make me see the truth. How could you, when you…" His voice faltered for a moment, the following words binding a know in his tongue and his throat felt dry. Actually, a small part of him still wanted to run away as he had difficulty to handle all her kindness. "…when you already loved me?"

"Because this was not, what it was about. It was not about me.", she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "If I did, the circle would have never ended. It would have been another woman clinging onto you and forcing her wishes onto you. I told you, I am not Rika. I would never do that to you. I am neither obsessed with you, nor am I selfish. Pressuring you into staying would not have helped you. All I could do for you was to make sure that you see the situation as clear as possible."

"Karana…" His voice broke with the last syllable of her name and a small tear rolled down his cheek. Although he did not feel sad. It was she opposite. "You are amazing. I still don't know how I deserve you, but I am glad, that you think I do."

Jihyun raised their joined hands and breathed a small kiss against her palm.

"Love is not about deserving, darling." She gently rose her hand to his cheek and stroked it. "Love chooses it goals. It is only about the feeling itself. I love you, Jihyun."

"I love you, too." He finally said with a smile and it was immediately returned. Karana stroked his n hair out of his face. It had taken a long time and even more twists and dramatic turns, but he finally started to understand, what love truly meant. It was not about endless and unconditional support. It was about wanting the best for the other. Even through the darkest time, Karana had been at his side and did that for him. Even pushing away her own wish to be in a relationship with him just to ensure he could finally break free. She truly was the most caring person he had ever met. She had been patient and supporting, while he struggled to learn, who he truly was. Every time he looked insecurely around, she stood beside him and smiled, encouraging him to take the next step.

Jihyun leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. She wrapped her arm around him and pressed a gentle kiss into his hair. He breathed out softly and allowed him to enjoy the moment. Jihyun loved those peaceful gestures and he relaxed against her.

"Darling, you know I love those quiet moments, but your practise starts in half an hour and you're still not dressed." Well, he was dressed in his pyjama. His head jolted up and his eyes searched for the clock. Karana was right.

"Damn it." Jihyun rarely cursed, but that meant he was eased up. Karana chuckled and started to clear the table, while rushed into the bedroom to get dressed quickly. A few minutes later, he came back, still trying to find the sleeve of his shirt. Karana chuckled and shook her head. He could be really cute. "And I was not able to finish my coffee."

"I know, honey, that's why I filled the rest into a to go cup." She smiled and held it out. Jihyun just closed the last button of his shirt.

"I love you, Karana, but I truly do right now." Karana laughed brightly and teasingly pushed him towards the front door. He laughed as well and grabbed his instrument. Karana was still impressed that he was talented in every kind of arts. He could paint, he took awesome pictures and was able to play several instruments. She was pretty sure, he could sing as well, tough he never did. He had not found the courage yet. Karana hoped he would someday.

"I know, honey, and now, off you go. See you later." Jihyun was just about to leave, when he stopped and turned around one last time. He grabbed her hand, pulled her close and kissed her good-bye. Karana's eyes fell shut. They always did, when he kissed her. It was like a gentle wind breathing away everything that made her feel bad. In those moment both of them were sure that all that drama and rough times had been worth it. Karana's heart began beat faster with every passed moment. Yes, this was where both of them belonged.

"I love you, Karana. Thank for supporting me. I am glad that I have you by my side." He took one of her brown strands and let it glide through his fingers.

"Ji…", she said gently and pushed against his shoulder. "You really have to go."

"I know.", he whispered. "But right now, I don't want to."

"It is your dream, Ji, and you were so excited about it. Don't turn it down just because you don't feel like you're good enough. I will believe it for you. Go now, we'll see each other tonight."

He sighed and looked at her with an irresistible smile. It was hard for her, too. She wished they could stay in bed for the rest of the day, but they both had responsibilities.

"You are way to responsible, darling, and understand me too well."

Karana laughed.

"And if you don't go now, I am going to make you."

"Oh?" He playfully raised and eyebrow and a smug grinned appeared. That was even rarer than him cursing. Normally, Jihyun was always polite and sincere. It was hard enough to get him into flirting modus. It was adorable and sexy at the same time. Still, he really should go. Finally, she pushed him out of the door.

"Good-bye." With these words she shut the door right in front of his nose and she heard Jihyun's chuckle from the other side. Then, his steps moved away. Karana breathed out and leaned against the door for a few moments. Now, she could get to her work.

Karana had started to work as a freelance editor. Therefore, she had been more flexible in her schedule to be there for Jihyun, when his memories overwhelmed him or he started to doubt himself. Sometimes, tough, she felt cooped in. Their shared flat had only two rooms. Their bedroom and one room, which was their living room, office, dinning room and an open kitchen. Jihyun had saved some money from his time as a photographer, but they decided for a small flat. Both of them had changed their careers and therefore needed to watch their money. Before she had been kidnapped by mint-eye, Karana had worked in the human resources department of a middle-class plastic fabricant. The job had been alright and definitely not as stressful as Jumin's or Jaehee's. She had enjoyed it, but afterwards she had decided to do something that she liked more. Over the past two years, she had been able to establish herself in the self-publishing market. Her speciality became to assess weather a character stayed consistent in a story and if his character development was realistic. Right now, she had around three books and some minor projects per month. The income was enough to pay the rent and most of the groceries. The rest was provided by Jihyun, though he still did not earn much.

Karana sighed and pushed herself from the door. Today, she had to edit around one hundred pages of a psycho-thriller. Those books were always exhausting, because she should check if the behaviour of the sociopath was correct. She had to become the characters for a while and live through everything to make sure, if it was believable. For that, she definitely needed tea.

A few minutes later, she sat down at her desk. It was not much more than a slim table right in front of the window with a wide view over Seoul. Her desk ended at a jut that separated the kitchen and dining area from the living room. In front of that wall stood a huge book shelf stuffed up with books about psychoanalysis theories, sciences and mythology. On the left side of her desk was a big lounge that filled almost half of the living room. Karana had asked for such a big one, because she often sat on the lounge during work as well.

With a few clicks she opened the manuscript and continued her work. Her eyes flew over the screen while she accurately read every word and valued every dialog and action. For her luck, her customer had a profound knowledge of psychology. Therefore, the story was quite coherent and did not need much editing. Next to her laptop rested her mobile phone. The RFA messenger was still installed and every now and again she peered over wondering, if she should check it. She never did, because she wanted to focus on her work. Her goal was to finish as quickly as possible without a decrease in quality, because she wanted to cook for them.

Three hours passed and it became noon. The sun just started to shine through the window and warmed Karana's left hand. Now was the time to change her work to the lounge or otherwise the sun would blind her. Just when she settled down, her phone started humming and announced a call. Karana picked it up as she sat down on the lounge and looked at screen. She shook her head when she saw, who was calling.

"Mr. CEO-in-line.", she greeted Jumin on the phone. Karana closed her laptop and leaned back. She knew why he was calling. "How do I deserve the pleasure of your call?"

"Hello, Karana.", he greeted her with a sigh. She knew that he bit down a remark because of her joke and stuck to the ritual of greeting. Karana loved teasing him and he knew that. She was pretty sure that he was pinching his nose right now. "How are you?"

"I am fine. Thank your for asking, Jumin.", she said sweetly. "Jihyun is fine as well. That is why you called, right?"

"Yes." Jihyun had decided to cut loose everything that had defined him beforehand. Otherwise he would not be able to find out, who he was. Therefore, he barely logged into the messenger and did not talk often to Jumin. Karana knew that it was not easy for his child-hood friend and that was why Jumin called her regularly. Jumin had just got his friend back just to let him go again.

"He has a practise today.", she stopped and blinked for a few times. "And I realised just now, that you called exactly the day and time that he has one. I should definitely talk to Sae again about providing you our schedule."

Jumin always called, when Jihyun was not there. Jihyun knew that Jumin called regularly. Karana had told him that Jumin was concerned, but he still wanted to keep the distance.

"He's just worried like the others."

"I know, Jumin, believe me, I do. It is the first question I get in the messenger no matter who is online. It is like my only purpose is it to provide all of you with information about Jihyun." She mocked, although it was not completely untrue.

"I am sorry, we are all just concerned."

"I would be as well, so don't worry. I should start to make a standard entry message. Would save us all time."

"That was quite a bitter sarcasm.", he said in his deep voice.

"I just noticed. Wasn't intended, sorry. I am grateful that all of you are caring so much and I understand."

"I will make sure the others get more creative with their greetings."

"Much appreciated. Thank you.", she chuckled. Although Jumin and she were completely different characters, both were good friends. Karana understood him best next to Jihyun and Jumin respected her for saving Jihyun- and for adoring Elizabeth the 3rd. Well, it was also unpreventable because of their friendship.

"So, please tell me how he's doing."

"Well, as well as one could expect. It was a rough time and falls back into it every now and again, but to be fair, so do I."

"Everyone does- me included." There was sadness within his voice. Something that happened rarely.

Karana leaned back until she rested against the arm rest. She had a feeling that this phone call would take longer. She did not mind. Karana enjoyed talking to Jumin.

"Jumin, listen, I know it's hard for you that Jihyun keeps you distant. I hope you understand, why he needs to. Believe me, he doesn't enjoy it."

"Yes, I understand now, after you explained it, but I cannot prevent to feel disappointed. I only get information about what is going on through you. We were so close back then."

"Jumin…" It must be hard for him. They used to live next door, but then Jihyun and Jumin moved to different cities and after Rika's death, Jihyun almost completely disappeared. When Karana was forced into the messenger, Jihyun appeared more frequently only to withdraw himself once again. Under normal condition Jumin likely would not care, but Jihyun was one of the few he truly cared about. "I am sorry that it makes you sad and I promise you, I'll talk to him about it, but I won't talk him into getting back in touch."

"No, you wouldn't. You would never force him to do something he isn't ready for."

"Never." It was not just a confirmation. It also was a promise to the hidden plea of Jumin. "But starting anew and finding out who you are isn't easy, Jumin."

Her voice had turned dark without her notice. Jumin stayed silent on the other end of line and therefore Karana was able to notice that he was not at the office. Otherwise she would have been able to hear other people talking to each other in the background.

"May I ask you something, Karana?" Karana frowned about the serious tone of his voice. Jumin always was quite serious, but he was much more relaxed around her. He rarely used his CEO-in-line tone, how Zen jokingly called it.

"You're the second asking me that today."

"I will ask later, what Jihyun wanted to know." He breathed out. "So, may I?"

"We are friends, aren't we, Jumin?", she asked instead of answering. Jumin did not respond immediately.

"I see you as my friend, yes." She smiled in relief, because his hesitation had made her nervous. Although both got along well, it was always hard to tell what Jumin was thinking. He rarely made friends. "But why are asking?"

"Because as long as we are friends, you can ask me everything anytime. And I just liked to have a confirmation.", she admitted. Jumin laughed. "So, what is it?"

Just then, Jumin seemed to be getting serious again. Sadly, her attempt of easing up his mood did not last long.

"When you said, it isn't easy finding out who one is…it sounded like you experienced it yourself. You had to go through that, right?"

Karana froze for several moments, her eyes wide and her mind blank. Like always, Jumin was quite observing. She had not realised, how sad her voice had turned. Otherwise she probably would have tried to hide it. Still, they were friends and therefore she should tell him, but on the other hand, she did not want to talk about it.

"You already know the answer, Jumin.", she whispered quietly and closed her eyes. She was no longer able to hide the pain within her voice.

"Karana…"

"I am quite sure that you already know, that I was alone before I met you. Otherwise, Rika couldn't hold me captive for so long without no one reporting me missing. I am sure you checked the missing reports, when it became clear I was a hostage."

"I did indeed." Jumin paused. "I just cannot imagine, how you possibly could not have any friends. You are such a kind, caring and nice person."

"I am, now, but only because I improved."

"What do you mean?", Jumin asked confused.

"I hope, you have time. This story is long."

"I have time.", he answered immediately. "I won't hang up now, when you want to tell me something important. Even if my schedule would demand it."

"Thanks, Jumin." Karana took in a shuddering breath. "Like you once said, I have huge emotional intelligence. Actually, that was my problem. When I see someone, I instinctively know what they need and want to help them."

"That's a good characteristic."

"Thank you for saying so, Jumin." She smiled sadly and hurled herself together on the couch. Her eyes wandered through their little, comfortable nest. The white walls, the little kitchen. They had chosen every piece carefully. Something she had not have for a long while. "Most enjoyed it at the beginning. They liked that I tried desperately to cheer them up, but when we reached the point, where they needed to rethink their choices, it hurt them too much. They pushed me away; saying I should not stick my nose into their business."

"Karana…" Karana would have never thought it would feel so good to hear concern in one's voice. It made her feel like she finally was good enough. Jumin seem to gulp on the other side of line, probably imaging how it must have felt for her.

"Therefore, I needed to learn not just to see what people need…I also needed to learn to assess, when I am about to cross the line." She closed her eyes and licked over her lips.

"You should not have to." Jumin tried to encourage her. "If they do not appreciate it, they were not worth it."

"Jumin…"

"You are awesome just the way you are." A small smile appeared on her lips, when his words sank in. "Don't you ever dare to change that."

"Thank you. Before I met all of you, I just started to doubt myself, because everyone had left beforehand."

"We won't." Jumin paused and seem to think for a while. "That explains, that no friend reported you missing. What about your family?"

"I have none.", she answered with a quiet voice. "Jumin, please believe me, what I am going to tell you. It is all the truth."

"Why are you saying that?", he asked confused.

"Please, just do."

"I promise, Karana."

"Okay." She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but the words failed her. Her heart felt heavy and it was like the words were blocked. She tried to speak them out, but it was not easy. She never had spoken about it. She had never dared trying to express her demons with words. Karana had rather kept it hidden, because she did not want to look back. She wanted to strip it away from her soul, leaving the darkness, where it should be- far behind her. It should never define her again, but probably it was time that she worked her own problems out. "Okay…"

"You are unsettling me…Karana, what happened to your family?"

"Sorry, that was not my intention." Karana blinked slowly and licked her lips again. Her gaze wandered off, when she started talking: "My father was an alcoholic and abusive. As long as I could remember, he was beating up my mother. He slapped her, threw her against a table or a wall. There was not a single, quiet day. My mother had no strength left anymore and accepted all of it so that it was finally over. After a while, he got bored, I think, at least he turned his attention to me."

"How old were you?" Jumin pressed every word through clenched teeth. Karana was almost able to feel his supressed anger. Although he did not care for women, he would never tolerate such a behaviour.

"Five." She bit her lip and shook her head as if it would chase away the memories. "One day, I came back from school and heard screams through our door. I rushed in and found my parents in the kitchen. My father was threatening my mother with a knife. I was sure, he was going to kill her. In this moment, all I wanted to do was to protect my mother. Therefore, I ran towards him and pushed him away, hugging my mother. If he wanted to kill her, he needed to kill me first. My father got angry and he beat me up. I've never felt such an agony like that day… I felt like he was crushing every part of me- not just my body. At one point, I passed out, but it woke my mother up. She broke a bottle of his vodka on his head, picked me up and rushed me to the hospital. I had an emergency surgery and hardly survived. He had broken several rips. One punctuated my lunge and it therefore collapsed."

"Karana…" Jumin's voice broke and he swallowed. On another occasion she would be proud of making Jumin speechless. But not now. Every word was a struggle and she needed to force herself to talk about it. Her heart ached with every memory that appeared in front of her eyes. "So that is why you don't like drinking alcohol."

"I crossed a line back then. I am sorry." At one day, Jumin drank a few glasses of whiskey and Karana had been very insisting that he drank nothing more. Jumin had been quite angry. Probably, because she was not completely wrong about not drinking anymore. She smiled bravely, but her body was shaking. Karana had thought she was over it, but it seemed like she was wrong. The past was not left behind through not thinking about it.

"I understand, now. You were worried." Despite what Zen said, Jumin was pretty empathetic, when he wanted to be.

"Still, I was way too harsh and should not have interfered…it kinda caused a flashback."

"Don't worry, Karana. It's fine.", he soothed her and Karana could not suppress to breath out in relief. Of course, Jumin would not bother with being angry for long. It was way too inefficient. Something that Karana truly appreciated of him. He was not unforgiven and he truly liked her. When most of the RFA were resentful against him, because of much work he gave to Jaehee, Karana understood him. She thought the same, but she tried to make him see it and not just blaming him. She knew what huge responsibility he was carrying around. "You don't need to go on, if you don't want to."

"It is fine. It needs to get out anyway." She sighed. "My mother passed away, when I was 19. Her lever had been damaged due to an injury of my father. She needed a dialysis for a long time, until her body could not compensate it anymore."

Jumin said nothing for several minutes and Karana noticed how her stomach tensed up. In this moment she felt most vulnerable. Though, she had no idea why.

"I don't know what to say to that, Karana.", he said hesitantly. He could not even imagine what she went through, when Jihyun had been operated. She must had been so scared and yet she had stayed strong and calm. She had given Jihyun every bit of strength he needed to pull through. Right now, he respected her even more than he did back then.

"I learned to be empathetic, because of my father. I needed to be able to asses, when I was about to cross a line. It was necessary for my safety." Karana's voice was thick with tears and shivered under their weight.

"It is a great strength, Karana, although it was born out of bad actions."

"Yet, it is also my greatest weakness."

"How could it possibly be? You were the best that happened to all of us for a long time. Me included." Jumin's voice was soft and sympathetic. Karana could hear that he truly meant it and Jumin never lied. It brightened the dark clouds of her past a little.

"When I think back of that mess with Rika and mint-eye, I start to ask myself, if I could have prevented it. Did I try for too long to save Ray and Rika? What would have happened, Jumin, when I decided for Jihyun's side earlier?" Tears rolled freely from her eyes and Karana started to sob. All this time, she blamed herself for it and she had never vocalised it. It was something she blamed herself for. She should have been stronger, braver…she should have been more like Jumin and she could have prevented most of what happened. Her body started to shiver. She had loved Jihyun back then, she just realised. This was why she had tried to solve everything in peace, because she knew otherwise, he would blame himself. She wanted to protect him from these feelings and preferred to burden herself with it. She could carry it. She knew these nagging feelings too well. She asked herself the exact same questions after her mother died.

"Karana…" A voice appeared from the front door. Karana startled and tried hurriedly to wipe away the tears and snot. A gaze to the door showed that Jihyun was back. He had put down the instrument right next to the door. His eyes showed an expression she could not assess. Something between disappointment, sadness and pity. A combination Karana never wanted to see in those eyes again.

"Jihyun.", she whispered breathlessly.

"Is Jihyun back?", Jumin asked.

"Yes…", Karana answered without breaking the eye contact, although tears rolled over her cheeks. Without any other word, she hung up and putted her phone away. Jihyun hurried over to her and before she was able to realise it, he had pulled her close. Her head was pressed against his chest and when she felt his warmth, another barrier broke. Her sobs became louder and her body shivered stronger. Karana had no idea it troubled her so much. Jihyun pressed a soft kiss into her hair and held her close.

"I am so sorry, my love.", he whispered sadly. "I never wanted to cause you such pain."

"You've never hurt me, Jihyun.", she whispered quietly. "It was me causing you pain. I should have been braver. I should have been resistant to Rika… I should have protected you."

"You never caused any pain to me, darling.", Jihyun assured, while he stroked through her hair. "Since you were manipulated into the messenger, you were nothing, but light to me."

"Jihyun." Gently, he placed two fingers her chin and lifted her head until she had to see into those beautiful mint-coloured eyes. There were no hints of blame. All Karana saw in them was his empathy for her sadness. Jihyun did not want her to blame herself.

"There was nothing you could have done to save them."

"I should have tried. Maybe, if I did not try to convince them, they wouldn't have been desperate. Sometimes, not everyone can be saved, but I refused to believe that."

"That is something I admire of you, Karana." He looked up at her through his long lashes. Despite her self-doubts, she had to admit how elegant and beautiful he was. Although he rebelled against it, he could not completely get rid of the high society in his blood. His thumb brushed over the corner of her mouth, hoping to allure a little smile, but the shadows of her past were still too strong to allow any smile to shine. Jihyun noticed and the soft expression changed into a worried one. Even in the darkest hours, Karana had never faltered or had showed any doubt, but now, it seemed like she was at the end of her strength. Jihyun hoped, he had found enough to help her, now.

"Rani.", he whispered softly. Karana blinked and looked up at him. Jihyun rarely used this pet-name. Actually, he only did so to emphasise his words, when he wanted to tell her something important. "I know you hate it, but you were the victim. You were a hostage, allured into a fight far too big, even to those, who caused it."

Jihyun breathed out heavily and lowered his eyes. The raging monster of guilt tried to take over him, but it was not about him. Right now, there was not time for self-pity. The woman, who was everything to him, needed his comfort. It seemed just now he was able to see how much strength her life demanded so far. Abused by her father, almost killed by those supposed to protect her, left alone, when she had become too troublesome and then being thrown into a war, that was not hers, screaming with all of her heart for peace and yet, even after the battle was won, she needed to keep going to help him find his life back. Still, she stayed strong and bright, only ever caring about others.

He pulled her close and felt how she stiffed. It was obvious Karana felt vulnerable, something she hated to feel.

"No matter how you'd behaved, it would have never been wrong. Even if all you ever did was crying and being scared, it would not been wrong. No one can withstand being dragged in a fight between the sun and the darkness. And you, my love, tried to push them apart. You tried to prevent them to clash into each other and destroy everything around them." Tears watered his blue-green eyes. All he wanted was to prevent anyone to be hurt, because of the mistakes Rika and he did, but in the end, he had been wrong. He only made it worse. "It was not your task to save them, to make them see. Nobody expected you to."

"I expected myself to…I did not want all of you to suffer the pain of loss again." Karana's melodius voice was almost not audible. A slight shiver ran through her and she hugged herself tight. "I hoped, I could convince Saeran at least …if just for Saeyoung's sake."

"Sadly, they were too caught within the darkness."

"Once, when you're captive by it, it is hard to leave it and step back into the sun. It feels like it burns you alive."

"You know that Saeyoung does not blame you for Saeran's death, right?" Jihyun bit his underlip and stared at the wall. "He does not even blame me, although, I sometimes wish he would. It would be easier."

"Yes, it would be, but then the circle starts again. Saeyoung's forgiveness ensured, it was truly broken. As hard as it might seem, those we harmed, decide when we chasten yourselves enough. We should respect their decision."

"You are right." He blinked slowly and pushed her back just enough to be able to stare into her eyes. Like always, when he needed hold, he let his forehead fall against hers. Karana was not the sun, otherwise she would have burned him alive, but her light was strong enough to chase his darkness away. "But how all of this turned out, Rani, was not your fault. It honours you that you still tried, although you were dragged into this, because of us…because of me."

Jihyun hoped that his words would reach her and helped her just like hers always helped him, but when his own words sank in, he noticed, he was being self-sacrificing again.

"And please, do not say anything, I just realised it myself." He smiled weakly, when she just opened her mouth. "This not about me…I want to comfort you, so don't you dare to try to cheer me up."

Karana raised an eyebrow and let out a little chuckle.

"Threatening me, huh?"

"If I have to." Jihyun smirked. He cupped her face and gave her a brief kiss. "Karana, since I met you, you gave me the strength to fight the demons of my past. I have never experienced it before, how it is like to be supported. Even though you were a hostage due to my past, your trust in me never faltered and your words gave me hope, when I felt like I was going to shatter."

"Ji…" Her heart jumped at the soft words. Jihyun's voice was soft and he gently caressed her cheek. Karana could almost not believe them, but she saw sincerity in his eyes. He was not simply saying it to cheer her up. He meant every word of it.

"You saved me…because of you, I was brave enough to search for my true self."

Karana nodded and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I am sorry. I should not…"

"Don't apologise for it, Rani." He smiled warmly. He took one of her brown strands and gently swirled it around his finger. "I don't want you to hide, how you feel. Whenever you feel sad, talk to me, please. I will try to cheer you up. Promise me please, to be honest with me."

Jihyun took her hand and stroked over its back. He stared at her, his own heart pounding against his chest. Karana meant so much to him. She was the one, who released him of the chains of his obsession. Sometimes, he still had to fight his own patterns, but Karana was very understanding and prevented those. Slowly, Jihyun started to love himself. If such a wonderful person like Karana loved him, he could not be a horrible person. Karana was able to show him the good sides within him. She held him up, while Rika and he had clung onto each other in a desperate attempt not to drown.

"I promise." Karana nodded and Jihyun breathed out in relief. He raised his hand and carefully wiped away the traces of her tears. It was only the second time he saw her crying. The first time had been after his surgery. He had woken up to her suppressed sobs. It had hurt, because all he ever wanted was to protect her. All the time she had stayed strong, but in that night, she had had no strength and cried because of him, although he never intended to worry her. He had wanted to speak to her, comfort her, but he had been too weak. Although his mind had ordered his mouth to move, no word had left his lips and just a few moments later, he had fallen asleep again.

"I love you, Karana. Thank you so much for believing in me, when I did not."

"My pleasure." Finally, she felt well enough to smile again. She was glad, she had been able to help him. Gently, she cupped his cheek and stroked over his high cheekbone. Jihyun closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. With every stroke, he relaxed more and more into it. The softness and tenderness warming his heart and lightened him up. It took Jihyun a very long time until he realised love was not about deserving. Maybe he did not deserve her love, but it was a decision made by Karana and she obviously found him worthy. "It might sound weird, but when we first wrote to each other, I saw your brightness radiating through the messenger, but also felt a deeply hidden sadness and loneliness. Although it was just an emoji, it felt like the smile didn't reach your eyes. Then, my nature kicked in and all I wanted was to help you being happy again, because I could see, how you were supposed to be…does that make any sense?"

"You truly are amazing, love. Being able to feel it just through text messages." Jihyun opened his eyes and his mint-coloured stared softly into her eyes. He turned his head and kissed her palm. "That you were able to hear my cry for help, although I did not hear it myself."

Jihyun leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathed her in. His heart jumped, when Karana started to stroke through his turquoise hair. Her tenderness warmed every fibre of him and he closed his eyes. Karana instead leaned in to kiss him softly. It was to reassure both of them they made it through. With every passed moment and every move of their lips, the darkness disappeared from their minds. The downturned corners of their mouths turned into smiles. The kiss became ridiculously, kitschy long, none of them willing to let the other catch for air. When they finally broke, Karana snuggled against him and closed her eyes, while Jihyun wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Welcome home, love.", she whispered and Jihyun laughed, while cradling her head.

"Good evening, darling. How are you doing?"

"Better.", she admitted with a smile and almost shyly looked back up in his eyes. "How was the practise? Did you play the third page correctly?"

"Nope." He sighed melodramatically. Both knew what they tried to achieve. They wanted to replace the horror of the past with the normality of the present. Therefore, the situation might lose its terror. Karana looked up and both of them started laughing. His beautiful eyes shone softly.

"I know, I asked many times, but how are your eyes?" Her fingers brushed right next to them. Jihyun had agreed to get the surgery so the last remaining piece of Rika was left behind. His wounds could only heal, when he treated all of them or none of them would. He had been a victim of abuse, although Jihyun still struggled to accept that.

"Fine.", he assured her and leaned in to kiss her palm. "Just like they were never hurt."

"I am glad." A bright smile appeared on her face. That smile that Jihyun immediately had fallen in love with. The smile, which made him believe, he could achieve everything- even escaping his destiny. Right from the beginning Karana had truly cared for him. On the one hand, he had felt its power seeping through him and tucked a smile out of himself, but on the other hand it had made him sadder. It hurt him to know she had been in a danger she had been oblivious of.

When both of them calmed down, Karana noticed how her phone just stopped buzzing. Irritated, she picked her smartphone up.

"Holy moly, 12 missed calls." Karana stared wide eyed at the display. Jihyun leaned forward and rested his head on her shoulder, watching the display.

"Who called? Clients?"

"Nope…three from Yoosung, Hyun and Jaehee. Two from Saeyoung and Jumin called first. Probably to warn me, that he told the others."

"You probably should leave a message."

"Yeah, tough I am sure they are all waiting for me. I should probably tell them, what I told Jumin. I just don't know, if I can again."

"I stay with you. You can lean on me." Karana turned her head to him and smiled, before she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Jihyun." With a final, deep breath, she opened the messenger and logged in.