...
Pure crack. I don't hate twilight, a friend asked me to write and post this when he thought of it, and I agreed because he wouldn't stop saying 'ORRRRRRRR...'
Sigh...
You are an avid twilight hater and you have recently heard that Bella has been killed! You scream out in joy, you party out till your parents kick you out, and you can't wait to find out who did it. Until…
You are given the suspect list by some random person who somehow knows what's going on (me?)
And the suspects are…
Edward, Jacob, Jasper, Charlie, ORRRRRRRRR…. Some MYSTERY GUY!
You can't wait until you find the answer for yourself, so you don your stupid looking detective hat and wander off into the mystical sparkly realm of Forks to search for the killer.
You look high. You look low. You look in the branches. You try to look for Bella's body, hoping that it's mutilated beyond recognition. How you'll recognize it seems a mystery. All you know for sure is that it will be your next Facebook Display picture.
Anywho… You follow a mysteriously good smelling trail of blood into the forest. It leads you through a winding path, through a weird perfect sparkly meadow with a discarded condom or two, and ultimately you find the end of the trail with some splotches of blood.
You are immensely disappointed to see her body is perfectly intact, with no blemishes whatsoever. She does look like she swallowed a piece of shit or something, though.
You are reasonably satisfied. You take a picture or two and move on towards… some voices coming from nearby.
The blood trails, mysterious in their origin since Bella was unpunctured, were fresh. You are ecstatic to know that the killer may be nearby.
You move onwards, heart leaping into your throat until…
AVADA KEDAVRA!
…
Oh :P
From some weird vantage point, you see Voldemort kick Bella's body and move away after he kills you, off to duel with Harry in another magical fantasy universe.
And from thenceforth, the slit-nosed maniac was known as 'The Saviour who must not be named!'
…or 'He who must not be named, but respected.'
Yayy. Team Voldemort FTW.
...
^.*
