Jacob has an anger management problem, Edward is a closeted gay, Bella is an attention seeking loser and imprinting swings both ways!!
The Anti-Twilight Story
A\N: My friend Daniel is the one that came up with the idea of this story. I thought maybe I should give it a shot and just to warn you, I do not like Twilight and therefore, have not read it. So, to all you Twilight fans out there who may spot mistakes, don't tell me I made the mistakes. Thank you.
BELLA'S P.O.V
"BELLA!" I cried, in the middle of the hallway. Geez was it that hard to get anyone to notice me! School had started almost an hour ago, and only Edward and Jacob (who was mysteriously at my school now; no one knows why or how) had said my name twice each.
How was it that I could create attention?
Oh, I know.
"MR. PETERSON WEARS A THONG!" I cried, flailing my arms in the direction of a substitute teacher.
When that statement had only gotten me 50 attention, I decided to do something drastic.
Unfortunately, there is only five minutes to get to class.
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EDWARD'S P.O.V
"Where is Bella?" I muttered, hidden safely in the biology lab supply closet. I had something totally un-fabulous to tell her.
"HAS ANYONE SEEN EDWARD?" cried Bella, as only Bella would enter a room screaming and seeking attention.
"I'm like, totally here, Bella." Opening the closet door, I stepped out and found her standing on the nearest table, reaching for the ceiling's pipes.
"Bella, get down." I told her. "I need to tell you something, gorgeous."
"WHATEVER YOU SAY, EDDIE!!" and with that, Bella fell straight forward. Luckily, she appeared to be totally un-injured, 'cause like, she was getting lots of attention, so she was, like, totally fine.
"Bella, honey, I need to, like, tell you something." I started, but sadly, guess who had walked in the door?
Jacob.
Now, you may think that we're, like, total enemies 'cause like, he's a hot werewolf and I'm, like, a sassy vampire, but like, we so totally aren't.
Because I want him.
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JACOB'S P.O.V
"Bella!! What are you doing with this sassy vampire??" I demanded, huffing and puffing like the wolf in The Three Little Pigs.
"HE'S JUST TELLING ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT, JACOB!! AND I'M NOT WEARING UNDERPANTS!!"
"Well, I came to tell you that there's an anger management group today in half-an-hour!! You don't have to be all sarcastic, Bella!!"I cried. Why is everyone so mean?
On the way to my seat, I broke two desks, 5 chairs, three people's legs and Mike Newton's nose. I'd call that a job well done.
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ANGER MANEGEMENT TEACHER'S P.O.V
Hello. My name is Doctor Prowley and I have a Ph. D in Psychiatry.
I also help various students in the state of Washington to solve their problems.
Today, though, I only had three students: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.
So the lesson started off normal enough. Jacob confessed he had an anger problem, then punched multiple holes in the hole.
That I could handle.
Then Bella exclaimed that her father was to marry the President.
I've had more bizarre cases.
Finally, when discussion reached Edward, he only turned to Bella and told her that he will tell her something at the movies tonight at eight.
I should have become a juggler.
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JACOB'S P.O.V
Well, that sucked. Instead of telling Edward what he really was, the teacher simply got up and walked out of the class, muttering the recipe for salmon soup.
And Edward asked Bella on a date! That's unfair! I am angry!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
"Luckily there's only one cinema in Forks." I thought. Wait, what's with the thinking?
I Am ANGRY!!
GRRRRRR
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Bella's P.O.V
"EDWARD, THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO THIS MOVIE!! NOW I WILL THROW POPCORN AT THE MAN IN THE WHITE SHIRT BEHIND ME!" I whispered.
"Ow!!" growled the man behind me.
Oops. It was Jacob.
"I'M GOING T O GET POPCORN, EDWARD! THEN LIE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOBBY! HAHA HA HA!"
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EDWARD'S P.O.V
Lucky for me, after Bella left for the lobby, Jacob climbed over and sat in her seat.
"Why did you bring Bella here?" he muttered, his face inches from mine.
He's so hot when he hates me!
"Because I totally…" I started, turning me head to face him. Big mistake. Our noses were touching and I couldn't take it much longer.
" Because I totally am in love with you, Jacob"
