I must really have a thing for crack!pairings and psycho!Klarion.

Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice.

Warnings: Action-related violence. Character death. Improbable but non-graphic slash. I wrote a scewed version of Klarion and Barry (shocker!).


In death, Barry Allen's image had taken an all too serious turn. Klarion was amused to see Barry's fellow League members, who had tolerated the speedster at best, mourn the speedster. Somehow the heroes fooled even themselves and now believed their own plastered frowns and teary eyes were real.

No matter how much they cried and gave vapid speeches about the Flash's heroism, Barry's former comrades could not out-perform the former Mrs. Allen. Her involvement with theatre as a teenager still resonated in her dramatic pauses and camera-ready "depressed widow" look. Funeral garb-chic was the new trend the wannabe model sported during the lowering of Barry's casket.

"We will all remember him…."

Once again, Iris stopped and cried, covering her face with her hands before turning towards random male mourners as if sizing up prospects to warm up Barry's former bed. Klarion thought he saw her licking her lips...

"I just don't know how I can live without him."

Bruce Wayne appeared behind her, hugging her in a rare display of affection. Iris might get lucky and ensnare the millionaire by the end of the week. She gripped onto Bruce, feeling the firmness of his muscles.

Inwardly, the wizard laughed at the sight of Iris and Bruce, but Klarion kept a morose facade, not talking to any of the other attendees. Klarion stood disguised in a redhead wig under the alias of being a distant cousin of Barry's. The speedster had created the alias, calling Klarion Keith. The name felt so unnatural and unfitting to Klarion, but Barry always liked teasing him. As Keith, Klariom had even been able to stay at Barry's house on brief "vacations" for "family bonding." Iris was easily fooled by whatever Barry told her, perhaps that is why she had never questioned his lack of physical interest in her. She had accepted Barry, married him, and enjoyed the status among the League it had entailed. Iris stopped questioning who Barry spent his time with.

Klarion was immortal; the witch boy could have waited and outlived Iris, but Barry's death had been fortunate. He shifted his hand inside the pocket of his dress pants, fumbling the Cruciform. Even if he had been without the wand, resurrecting his former lover was possible.

The flaring drive existed with Klarion to see Barry once again and bind him. Klarion's thoughts returned to when he had first seen Barry three years before.


Several months passed after the debacle with Doctor Fate before Klarion was able to heal Teekl and restore his connection to Earth. Several very long months filled with murderous, vengeful thoughts for Kid Flash…. Finding where Mini-Flashette lived only required using petty divination with a crystal ball. Perhaps Klarion was a naturally obsessive person; once he tired with his plot to kill the youngest speedster, that focus demanded redirection to another person...

Discovering where Kid Flash lived also gave him the name of his rival. Wally West lived with his aunt and uncle Iris and Barry West, who had recently married and adopted the redhead. Klarion found their perfect family image repulsive, not caring to question the absence of Wally's parents.

Teekl had been all to eager to stalk Wally throughout his school day, allowing Klarion to see what Teekl saw through their psychic link. The redhead was predictable, boring, and only worsened Klarion's opinion of the Young Justice team.

As noon came around, Klarion became bored; there was only so much searching/semi-burglarizing the Allen home he could do before he lost interest. The witch-boy wanted something to happen; luckily, the door opened. Wally was still at school being watched by Teekl, Iris was away visiting her sister, and Barry was supposed to be at work. Maybe Captain Cold had finally found out the Flash's identity and came for revenge...

Barry West came home during lunch, dismissed for the day from his job as a forensic scientist. He planned on eating quickly before patrolling Central City just like any other predictable day. Despite his image as an ADD trainwreck, the Flash was becoming complacent. The Flash had become apathetic towards Iris and Wally lately; they no longer interested him. Something far more tempting and delicious than anything the Flash could have made for lunch came in the form of a bipolar witch-boy...

"Oh, Mr. Allen. I didn't expect you home this early." Klarion drawled while perched on the countertop, before returning to his usual fit of grating, boyish laughter that rang throughout the kitchen.

The boy had not expected an aggressive and physically fit Barry to pin him against the counter, mashing their mouths together into a demanding kiss. Klarion might still hate Wally, but his biases of his rival's pseudo-father dissolved away into the heated kiss. Barry, after acknowledging his dull life, seized the opportunity to experience something new and forbidden. Klarion wasn't really a teenage boy: Barry needed to think that this was somehow okay despite how alluring and twisted it felt.

Barry's status as a married man might deter normal humans obsessed with morals, but to an immortal wizard like Klarion, he could experience pure, unadulterated lust...

Despite this, Klarion had not expected his attraction towards Barry to slowly morph itself into romance-novel worthy love. Barry stirred emotions within Klarion that the witch boy had formerly found repulsive. No longer did Klarion only interact with Teekl; Barry Allen was his only real connection to Earth.


The witch boy sat above the freshly piled ground, drawing the Cruciform. The ground began shaking, bulging up and cracking as Klarion began chanting a necromantic spell.

"Barry…" Klarion whispered, quickly grasping the hand that shot from the ground. He felt warmth radiate from the hand; Barry West would at long last belong to him.


"I don't remember her, but I think I should." Barry began, before looking shyly away from the woman back to his lover.

"She doesn't matter. She hurt you and that's all you need to know, right? Do you trust me?"

The older man strolled over to Klarion, wrapping his thicker, muscular arms around the lithe boy's waist.

"Of course I trust you. I live for you and because of you."

"I will take care of everything…." Klarion mumbled into Barry's chest.

"Who is she?" Barry asked in a husky voice, purposely arousing Klarion into telling him.

Klarion stepped a few inches back, sneering once at the bound woman and noticing her squirm within the magcial red rope Klarion had conjured.

"She was your wife."

Barry held Klarion closer, kissing a trail across the boy's neck onto the sensitive skin beneath his ear. He whispered so that only Klarion could hear, "She really doesn't matter."

Klarion and Barry continued kissing as Iris Wayne began screaming. The red rope binding her constricted tighter, roughy cutting into her skin.


"Please, don't do this….father." Wally West's eyelids trembeled, pleading to be sparred the fate of his teammates.

The Flash sped toward the boy, staring at him face to face. "I don't remember you."

"And it doesn't matter if he does." Klarion walked over to stand next to Barry. "We can be perfect. Forever. Without him and the Justice League."

"Without the Justice League," Barry said confidently before phasing his hand into Wally's chest, then abruptly pulling away.

"Let's go home," Klarion spelled Barry's hand clean, grasping it as they teleported away from the remains of the Young Justice team.


AN: The title is a song by Lydia Lunch. I'm feeling like I should leave this as a one-shot or should I expand it into a couple more short, chapters?

Anyway, I wrote this to take a break from my fic "Yes, I'm a Witch" which has an Artemis/Klarion pairing.