This was written for the KakaIru Autumn Drabble Fest over at LJ.

The prompt was one by Machiavelli: Before all else, be armed.

And no, Naruto isn't mine. Shame that.


"Iruka!" Kakashi said in the most outraged voice he could muster. "What is this?"

An incomprehensible grunt was the only answer the jounin got from his partner, who was bent over a stack of homework scrolls, busy marking.

"Iruka - in the bathtub... what is that?"

"A carp."

"Yes, I can see that. But what is it doing there?"

"I bought it for dinner. And you'll be cooking it," the brunet said with maddening calm and drew a red pencil line all over the scroll in front of him.

"It's alive!"

"Of course it's alive. Otherwise I'd have put it in the fridge."

Kakashi gave up. He knew that he couldn't get any sense or cooperation out of Iruka when the chuunin was working. "When I agreed to make dinner, you didn't warn me that I had to catch it first," he grumbled and stomped back to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later the bathroom looked as if a pipe had burst. Kakashi was soaked to the skin but in proud possession of a slippery, glistening fish! He moved towards the kitchen as fast as his wet socks allowed. The carp tried to escape, but Kakashi triumphed and finally... finally... the flopping fish landed on the chopping board.

"Iruka!"

"Yes?!"

Kakashi almost took cover at the tone, but he was hungry and he had promised to cook. "How do you kill a carp?"

"You hit it."

"Hit it? How?"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Iruka's patience snapped. He jumped up, stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a rolling pin. With one swift whack he dispatched the flopping fish, then turned and glared at Kakashi.

"Was that so difficult?"

"If you know how," the copy nin complained. "You had a weapon."

"Call yourself a jounin," Iruka huffed and went back to his marking. "What's the first lesson we teach at the academy?"