Summary: We know so little about Helcaraxë and things that happened there. But what if there was a source of information about it - a diary of the second son of Finwë? Now you can see his most private diary, see what he was thinking, how he described the whole journey.
A/N: Orginally published on AO3 (2014-12-08)
Day one - The distant light
Do you know how it feels when your brother hates you? Do you know how it feels when the other brother decides to leave you and return home? They will probably think later that I hated my brothers, but it isn't true.
I love Arafinwë with all my heart. He is wise and kind, his heart is full of love and care. I know he will make a great leader of those who remained in Tirion. He will surely become a great successor to our father. His presence at my side during the march keept me optimistic, but the knowledge he's safe brings me joy and relief. I will take care of your children, Ara.
And I love Fëanáro, my brother, my king, my traitor. When we saw that he had taken the ships we wanted to hope that he would send them back. But that night we saw a great light in the East - the light of our hopes vanishing in flames. I held Itarillë as we looked at the light. An elf came closer to us and bowed his head asking me what we should do now.
He called me the High King.
And when I saw all the elves around me looking at me with confusion amd hope I realized that I must protect them, lead them to our destination - Middle-Earth, the land of the Awakening of our race. Fëanáro failed as their king, he left them to perish, not thinking about them twice, so they turned to me, his brother, son of Finwë, Ñolofinwë Aracáno. I thought: Look, Fëanáro, you made all your fears come true. You didn't want me or Ara to "take your place". Now we are kings of the Noldor and you are a traitor, hated by the majority of the people you should rule, talented son of Finwë. I wish to look into your face once more and ask why you did that. But honestly I never saw you as a future king, you were always too egocentric and focused at your creations, not the people around you.
I made my decision... No, I chose the way I had to choose. We will continue our march North and go to Middle-Earth. We cannot return, we payed too big a price already - not only with our blood. We are sinners in the eyes of many and I cannot disagree with them. We are doomed to shed unnumbered tears in Middle-Earth, but we are the Noldor, the bold and wise elves. And even if our creations in Beleriand were destined to fade... That doesn't mean we shouldn't create them. My people carry many desires and dreams they wish to fulfill there, my children and nephews want to create their own lands and grow in wisdom in the land of Beleriand.
Even I have a desire - I want to ask Fëanáro why he decided to make the light the sign of treachery.
