The Really Secret Garden
By: Majin Vegeta
Beta'd by: Mia Skywalker

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers or it's cool characters, if I did I wouldn't have to type this disclaimer. And this won't even have self-insertion in it! Watch for Fibrizo in here!!!!! ::Drum roll:: And now let the fic begin!

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One day Lina, Amelia, Gourry, Zelgadis, and Xelloss were wandering along a path in the forest. All of a sudden Gourry, of all people, found a sign.

Gourry: Hey look guys, a sign! ::Points to the sign::

Amelia: Isn't it kind of weird for a sign to be in a forest Mr. Gourry?

Gourry: I don't know.

Lina: Of course it is!!!!!

Zelgadis: ::Walks over to the sign and reads it:: It says, "You are now in a forest."

::Everyone sweatdrops::

Lina: Who would write a sign like that?!?!?!?! ::Looks around and spots Xelloss:: It was you wasn't it?

Xelloss: Wasn't me. ^_^ ::Hides a marker behind his back::

Lina: But I caught you with a marker.

Xelloss: Wasn't me ^_^ ::Hides a piece of wood behind his back as well::

Lina: But I caught you with a piece of wood.

Xelloss: Wasn't me. ^_^

Lina: YEAH RIGHT! Fireball! ::Fireballs Xelloss::

Xelloss: ::Is burnt to a crisp and teleports behind Lina:: My my, so violent Lina. ::Waves finger around:: My my my.

Lina: SHUT UP!!!!!

Zelgadis: Well that was stupid.

Amelia: Mr. Zelgadis you're so mean.

Zelgadis: Well it was though.

Amelia: Yeah but still.

Gourry: So I guess that sign wasn't helpful?

Lina: NO YOU BAKA!!!!!!

Gourry: Oh yeah. ::Blinks and spots another sign:: Look another sign.

Xelloss: Now that's something you don't see everyday in the forest. Two signs. ^_^

Lina: You better have not written that sign too Xel!

Xelloss: I assure you I didn't. ^_^

Lina: Yeah right! ::Spots Gourry by the sign:: Hey Gourry what's that sign say?

Gourry: ::Looks at the sign and tries to decipher the characters but has a horrible time because he didn't know how to read:: Ummm I can't read it.

Lina: ::Walks over to the sign and starts reading it:: BAKA!!!!! ::Whacks Gourry over the head:: The sign says "Lina-san head west to find me! PS: Xelloss is a Namagomi!!!!" Uhhh, I wonder who could have written that?

Amelia: Gee I don't know.

Gourry: What's a Namagomi?

Xelloss: It means 'raw cabbage' Gourry. ^_^ I wonder who in the world could have written such a horrible thing about me. ^_^

Lina: Oh it isn't that tough Xelloss!

Xelloss: Whatever do you mean Lina? ^_^

Lina: Exactly what it sounds like!

Zelgadis: I don't know who wrote the sign but don't you think we should go that way? ::Points to the west::

Amelia: Mr. Zelgadis is absolutely right! We have to get to the bottom of this!

*********

And so Lina and company started heading west, hopefully finding the mysterious person who wrote the sign.

Filia: Why doesn't anyone know it's me?

Xelloss: Sore wa himitsu desu!

Filia: ::Hits Xelloss over the head with mace:: NAMAGOMI!!!!

**********

Lina: ::Looking around in the new spot of the forest which has many signs in it:: Ok this isn't funny anymore Xelloss!

Xelloss: It wasn't me. ^_^

Amelia: We already used up that joke.

Zelgadis: And it's still stupid and pointless.

Xelloss: ::Teleports up onto a tree branch and looks around:: Hey look at that! ::Points to a flashing sign that reads "This way to the Really Secret Garden" on it that only he can see:: ^_^

Gourry: Huh what?

Lina: That is your famous catch phrase isn't it?

Gourry: ::Nods:: It sure is!

Zelgadis: What do you see up there fruitcake?

Xelloss: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Lina: STOP SAYING THAT! DIGU BOLT! ::Fires at Xelloss::

Xelloss: ::Who is now electrified and covered in black ash:: The violence, it must stop! ^_^

Amelia: Uhhh Miss Lina I'm going to have to agree with Xelloss about that.

Lina: ::Glares at Amelia:: OH?

Amelia: Or not!

Zelgadis: ..... ::Flies up to where Xelloss is and looks in the direction he pointed in:: You guys aren't going to believe this but he actually saw something.

Xelloss: Told ya. ^_^

Lina: Well what is it Zel?

Zelgadis: A big flashing sign.

Amelia: Well let's go that way then! ::Everyone flies off and Lina grabs Gourry::

********

And so Lina and company started flying towards the big flashing sign that advertised the really secret garden. They landed right under the sign.

Zelgadis: Not a really good secret is it?

Fibrizo: ::Who came from who knows where:: Nope!

Xelloss: There is the appearance of Fibrizo in this fic boys and girls! ^_^

Everyone: Yay!

********

Lina: ::Whispering to Zelgadis:: So where do you think Fibrizo came from?

Zelgadis: ::Whispering to Lina:: I have no clue.

Amelia: Uhhh guys the fanfic started again!

Lina: Oh yeah! ::Looks around and doesn't see anything except for the big sign:: WHO THE HELL WOULD MAKE A BIG SIGN WITH NOTHING HERE!?!?!?!!?!

Xelloss: The author. ^_^

Lina: Besides him!

Zelgadis: Who knows?

::Some really strange voices start coming from nowhere::

Voice 1: ::Who sounds like a valley girl:: Hiya! Like welcome to the totally awesome Gnome's Spot!!!!

Voice 2: ::Who sounds like an old guy who is hard to understand:: Aye welcome ta the Gnome's Spot aye. State yer business aye.

Zelgadis: This has to be a sick joke.

Amelia: A joke that isn't that funny.

Lina: STUPID AUTHOR AND HIS STUPID JOKES!

Xelloss: We're trying to find a place called the Really Secret Garden. ^_^

Voice 2: Aye why would ja want ta go to that place aye?

Amelia: It's the plot of this fanfic!

Voice 1: ::Giggles annoyingly for no apparent reason:: Like wow! You came to the totally awesome Gnome's Spot for that? That's totally awesome!

Lina: ::A large sweatdrop forms behind her head:: Just tell us how to get to the garden.

::The source of voices 1 and 2 reveal themselves as a valley girl gnome and an old gnome::

Old Gnome: Aye the garden is in the direction the sign points aye.

Valley Girl Gnome: He's like totally telling the truth!!!!! ::Bounces her head around for no reason::

Gourry: But it doesn't point anywhere!

Xelloss: He's right. ^_^ Why did you make a sign that doesn't point anywhere? ^_^

Old Gnome: Aye! Because it would take too long aye!

Valley Girl Gnome: Like duh! ::Sticks tongue out at Xelloss::

Xelloss: Yeah. ^_^ ::A bunch of thorns appear out of no where and impale the two gnomes:: Oh my where did those come from? ^_^

Lina: We all know you did that Xelloss!

Xelloss: Did what? ^_^

Lina: Never mind, let's just get to bottom of this garden business!

Amelia: ::Looks around:: But that sign is completely useless if it doesn't tell us where it is. The fiends who made that sign were unjust!

Gourry: ::Spots an arrow drawn in the soft dirt:: Why don't we just follow that arrow?

Zelgadis: Why am I doing this? ::Looks at the arrow Gourry mentioned:: Not a bad idea.

*******

So Lina and company followed the arrow that was drawn in the dirt. They followed the direction of the arrow until they stumbled upon a village with many straw huts around.

Zelgadis: Will this fic ever end?

MV: ::Who appears out of nowhere:: My, my, Zel-san, aren't we impatient?

Zelgadis: You said this fic had no self-insertion!

MV: I lied!

Zelgadis: Go figure

*******

Lina: ::Whispering to Amelia:: Can you believe that guy? He's such a liar!

Amelia: ::Whispering to Lina:: No! He's so unjust!

Xelloss: The fanfic started again. ^_^ And that joke is a bit old. ^_^

::Three strangely dressed little kids with green skin walked up to Lina and friends::

Lina: Oh look it's a bunch of cannibals.

Kid 1: Me no cannibal!

Kid 2: Who you people?

Zelgadis: I'm Zelgadis, and this is Lina, Gourry, Xelloss and Amelia.

Lina: Hey Gourry you fit right in here!

Gourry: Thanks!

Kid 3: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Kid 1: What you doing?

Kid 3: Me make way to destroy world!!!!

Amelia: That's unjust!!! ::Jumps to the closest high place:: I won't let you get away with destroying the world!!! (Insert a Sailor Moon type speech here)

Lina: Yeah, yeah, yeah, destroy the world ok. Do you know the way to the Really Secret Garden?

Kid 2: Really secret garden? Yeah! That is over there! ::Points to the north and another sign that reads "Really Secret Garden! Getting Closer!"::

Lina: For crying out loud!

Kid 1: Me no want to cry!

Kid 3: SHUT UP ME FIND WAY TO DESTROY WORLD!

Kid 1: What is it?

Kid 3: First you have to... ::Getting cut off by a fireball that kills the three kids instantly::

Zelgadis: Well at least this time we found out the way to this garden. Good job Lina.

Lina: I didn't fireball them though.

Zelgadis: You didn't? Then who?

Amelia: I was me! ::Flies down from the really high place:: I wasn't going to let them get away with destroying the world!

Xelloss: Yes you said that in your long speech Amelia. ^_^ Multiple times! ^_^

Lina: Anyway, let's follow this lead! ::Lina and company walk in the direction of big flashing sign number two::

*******

And so Lina and company walked toward big flashing sign number two.

Lina: STOP WITH THESE STUPID NARRATION PARTS! DILL BRAND!

And so the guy who writes these stupid narration parts died. ::Dies::

*******

Lina: ::Looks around the sign and isn't surprised by the fact there isn't anything there:: This is getting tedious.

Zelgadis: I told you that from the beginning.

::Out of nowhere a group of bandits appears::

Bandit 1: HAHAHA!

Bandit 2: HEHEHE!

Bandit 3: HOHOHO!

Bandit 1: We're the merry bandit trio!

Bandit 2: The merry bandit trio are we!

Bandit 3: So stop and pout and have a bout and give us all your money!

Bandits in Unison: HAHA, we're the merry bandit trio, HEHE, we'll take all of your money, HOHO and have a nice day!

Xelloss: Wasn't this joke used in that One Day fanfic as well? ^_^

Zelgadis: Yes it was, only now it's slightly different and stupider.

Lina: GO AWAY YOU STUPID BANDITS! DRAGU SLAVE!!! ::The bandits disappear into nothingness::

Gourry: Ok so this isn't the garden either?

Everyone but Gourry: NO!!!!!

::They all follow the direction big flashing sign two pointed in, this time Lina and company arrive in a garden and a little wooden shack nearby::

Xelloss: Look it's a garden. ^_^

Lina: Thank you Xelloss.

::A person with all pink on comes out of the shake and bows to the new arrivals::

Person: Ahhh yes? Do you want something from the Not So Secret Garden?

Amelia: Yeah! Where in the world is the Really Secret Garden?!?!?!?!

Person: Ahhhh yes it's only a few yards from this one. You can't miss it!

Zelgadis: Thanks.

Person: Ahhh yes don't mention it Mr. Zelgadis.

Zelgadis: How did you know my name?

::The person gets an evil grin on his face and takes off the pink clothing, it turns out to be Kopii Rezo::

Xelloss: Oh look Zel's long lost dead grandfather was resurrected just for this fic. ^_^

Kopii Rezo: Xelloss is correct! Now you all will die!

Lina: DRAGU SLAVE! ::Kopii Rezo is destroyed::

Zelgadis: I wanted to do it this time.

Lina: Too bad Zel!

Amelia: Let's get going guys!

::Lina and friends follow the directions Kopii Rezo given them and they find themselves in a garden with all cabbage in it. A small white sign in the center of the garden reads, "You have found Filia's Really Secret Garden!" Filia is nearby planting some cabbage::

Lina: What's up with this garden?

Zelgadis: Who's the girl?

Xelloss: Most importantly, why is this garden so secret? ^_^

Everyone but Xelloss: Sore wa himitsu desu!

Xelloss: I see. ^_^

Filia: ::Hears all the various noises and looks up:: Oh hi guys! ::Runs over to Lina and company:: Why are you here?

Amelia: ::Whispers to Lina:: Do you know her?

Lina: ::Shakes her head:: Do you?

Amelia: Nope!

Zelgadis: Who are you?

Filia: It's me Filia!

Xelloss: Sure it is. ^_^

Filia: NAMAGOMI!!!! ::Gets her mace out from under her skirt and pounds Xelloss on the head with it several times::

Gourry: That must be Filia all right!

::Everyone thinks a little bit and then suddenly remembers who Filia is and laughs at the situation::

Lina: So you're actually growing cabbage Filia?

Filia: Yes I am Miss Lina. Sorry about the whole secret thing.

Lina: No problem.

Xelloss: And that's the end. ^_^

Zelgadis: Stupid ending.

::Filia's secret garden disappears and everything goes back to normal::

Zelgadis: Better ending.

Xelloss: That's all folks! ^_^

******

That's it everyone! Hope you liked reading my fic! Give me some feedback please!

Zelgadis: I'll give you some feedback.
MV: Yeeeeeeees?
Zelgadis: This was your most stupid and pointless fanfic ever.
MV: Awww Zel you're so nice!
Zelgadis: And you're crazy.
MV: Thanks! Anymore feedback?
Fibrizo: Yeah! Write more fanfics with me in them!
MV: Ok any other feedback?
Valgaav: YOU SUCK!
MV: Hmmm note to self, write more fics with Val in them.