She found him, as she'd know she would, under the big oak tree in the park. Almost hidden in a dip in the massive trunk, just his long legs visible, a curled up Snupadoop on his lap. She had never understood where his height and size came from; both she and Gordon could have been extras in the Lord of the Rings but their son was somewhat a giant. The tiny dog was quietly chewing on one of his fingers in an affectionate manner; a game they had kept up since both were infants. Arthur was slowly stroking the dog, absent mindedly, as though he wasn't really aware of her presence. He looked so lost and so young in his faded, ripped jeans and t-shirt that was about four sizes to small; Carolyn's heart almost stopped beating. He was twenty, but still her little boy and, more than that; today he was her upset little boy.
She took a deep breath in, steeled herself, and said his name very gently. He didn't look up, but she saw his shoulders tense and knew that he had heard. Knowing her son, he will have known she was there watching him. While others thought of Arthur as dumb and unobservant, she knew that he noticed so much more than anyone else ever would. She remembered him as a child lying for hours by the open back door, simply watching the partials of dust float on the breeze. Or on holidays to the seaside, when he could simply watch the waves for hours. He had known about her and Gordon too, despite her best efforts. You couldn't hide much from Arthur.
She said his name again, so as not to spook him as she sat down. She knew to take this slowly or he would simply retreat into himself and be silent as the grave. Carolyn was aware that this was simply his coping method, but it drove her to distraction. He had been silent for two months in his childhood once, all because of one bully in the classroom.
'Arthur I..'But she found she simply did not have the words to continue. How to explain this to Arthur of all people.
'Mum, it's fine.' He said not looking up. Continuing to stoke the placid dog.
'You see, the thing is...what?' Carolyn looked in utter confusion at her son.
He lay back and gazed up at the branches dancing in the summer breeze making shadows dance across his face. Snupadoop seized the opportunity and moved herself to lie across his chest. The little dog rose and fell with each breath. He pulled his knees up bent so that the dog was almost sheltered by his lanky body.
Arthur opened and closed his mouth a few times and then; 'you remember when I was little and Mrs Bathurst was worried about me because of that boy Kevin.' Carolyn said nothing, but nodded, she did remember 'that boy Kevin' vividly. Arthur continued, reaching down to tease some threads that were lose in the knee of his jeans, 'well, she moved me up a class didn't she? Because then we didn't have to see each other and so I could be better and do better. And then, do you remember, my mark in Maths. It got better and Mrs Bathurst said that I was doing really, really well.'
'You got a sticker and a prize in assembly,' Carolyn prompted a smile appearing on her face for what felt like the first time all week.
Arthur looked up at her then and grinned like his usual self, 'yeah!'
His gazed flicked back to the trees, away from her. Arthur never looked people in the eye for long, not even his mother, when having difficult conversations. He had told Carolyn once that it stopped him concentrating, so she let his gaze flicker around, as though he were watching the waves at the beach again.
'Well, this is like that, isn't it? I mean, you will be happier, like I was and get stickers. And it was sad because I had to leave my class and the people I did like, and even Mrs Bathurst, but it was better for me over all. This is better for you.'
Carolyn didn't really know how to react. As he so often had, her son had reduced her to speechlessness. Not something any one else had been able to manage, ever!
'Look Mum, that cloud looks like Gerti.' She followed her sons pointing finger up through the slowly moving branches of the tress. The cloud certainly did look like a plane and was small enough to resemble Gordon's stupid jet. A wind played across Arthur's face pushing the hair back off his forehead. Carolyn turned her face into it, breathing deeply as it seemed to blow all the problems away.
'Can I still live with you?' Arthur's voice was so quiet that Carolyn almost didn't hear him.
'Of course, Idiot boy!' she cried but then her face fell,' unless of course you don't want to. I am sure we could sort something out with your father' (the thought made her feel sick) ' or somewhere of your own...'
'No. I want to live with you. I always want to live with you. You are my best friend.' He said simply. And, because this was said by Arthur, it was said in the most sincere way possible, with no motive or pretence. Carolyn gently lay down in the grass beside he wonderful son and took the hand that wasn't still being chewed by the dog, in hers. They looked up to the sky together. There were clouds, big white fluffy ones, but the sun broke through them in places and the sky between them was a deep, piercing blue. And Carolyn let herself cry then because everything was going to be okay.
