I've been really obsessed with Hikaru no Go lately, so I really wanted to write a fic for it. This isn't a traditional HikAki, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go or any of its characters. I only own my own ideas.
Touya Akira wasn't sure when it was exactly that he fell in love with Shindo Hikaru. Even looking back over the five years since they had met, he couldn't pinpoint an event, a game, a day, anything when he had made the realization that he was hopelessly in love with the boy. All he knew was that he was. It had built up slowly, over a long period of time, until it ate away at his very being. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, having an unrequited love for his rival, but there wasn't much he could do about it. He would rather never play go again than tell Hikaru about his feelings. Their rivalry and friendship was too important to him to risk, and spilling the beans about something like this was sure to drive a knife into their current relationship. So Touya loved in silence, watching Hikaru as he rose in the ranks of the go world, always just a hairs breath short of Touya, but constantly threatening to catch him. And Touya wouldn't have it any other way.
It was two weeks after his eighteenth birthday when his mother broke the news. He was eating dinner with his parents during one of their rare visits home when his mother announced, seemingly out of nowhere,
"Akira-san, your father and I have arranged an omiai for you." Touya paused briefly, chopsticks suspended in midair. Years of practice at remaining cool and collected was the only thing that allowed his face to stay impassive. Inside, his heart was racing.
"Oh?" he replied nonchalantly, as if the subject of his marriage was a daily topic of conversation. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting this. There had always been an unspoken understanding that his marriage would be arranged provided he didn't find a suitable girl on his own, and with his busy schedule and antisocial nature, that had been highly unlikely. But he hadn't expected it to occur so soon.
"You don't think I'm a bit young for that?" he asked as politely as he could, not wishing to offend.
"I was eighteen when I married your mother," Touya Kouyo added, sipping his tea. Akiko smiled fondly.
"I was only sixteen then," she said wistfully. "I didn't even know a thing about go except that my grandfather played on weekends." Touya had heard the story before. His mother had told him when he was much younger. How his great grandfather had met Kouyo at a go salon, and had been so impressed with the young pro that he had introduced him almost immediately to his granddaughter. The couple had been married a month later. Touya had never met the man, or at least, he couldn't remember him as he had died when Touya was one, but both his parents spoke of him with deep respect and affection. Touya had been raised to respect his elders, and he wasn't one to disobey his parents when he didn't have to. Suppressing the urge to refuse the omiai outright, he asked simply,
"So, whom will I be meeting?" His mother smiled.
"Her name's Tsuda Kumiko, and she's the daughter of one of my childhood friends," she explained. "We ran into each other the other day and one thing led to another, and we decided that you two might be an excellent match. She's sounds like a cute and sweet girl. She attends Haze High School but will graduate this spring. Oh, and she plays go." Touya's ears perked up at that. If she played go she may be able to understand him just a bit. "We arranged for you two to meet this Sunday," his mother continued. "It's your choice if you want to go or not, but your father and I agree that this is for the best. We worry about your health when you're at home alone. A wife would ensure that you were well fed and cared for, even when we're not around. You could study go without worrying about things like that." Kouyo didn't reply, but his silence was all the affirmation Touya needed. He nodded his head.
"I will meet her," he agreed.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Later that evening, Touya lay on his futon lost in his thoughts. An omiai. Marriage. It was a big decision, but not one that hadn't crossed his mind. He thought about his parents. They had had an arranged marriage, and it seemed to work for them. Touya had never given his parent's relationship much thought, but he did now. They were very compatible. His mother was gentle and caring, always performing the necessary duties of wife and mother without complaint. His father was stoic and serene, never showing much affection, but he respected his wife and provided for her needs. In his eighteen years of life, Touya had never once heard them argue. Touya couldn't exactly say that they were in love, but he couldn't exactly say that they weren't. They seemed content with their peaceful existence, and it was clear that they wanted the same thing for their son.
Touya rose and approached his dresser. Opening the drawer, he pulled out a flimsy cardboard box. Inside was a watch. It was made of cheap plastic and lost one minute every hour. The band was black with white polka dots and instead of numbers, twelve black and white dots decorated the round face. It was by far the tackiest thing Touya owned.
It had been two weeks ago, his birthday. He and Hikaru were playing a game at his father's go salon, just as they had done several times a week for the past three years. There was nothing particularly special about the game or the subsequent fight, but as Hikaru rose to leave, he had paused briefly.
"Oh yeah, before I forget, here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the box, tossing it unceremoniously into Touya's face.
"Careful Shindo!" Touya yelled. "What's this?"
"A birthday present, idiot. It's your birthday today isn't it?" Touya stared at him dumbfounded.
"How did you know?" Hikaru rolled his eyes.
"Touya Akira's birthday is practically a national holiday in the go world," he said sarcastically. "And just so you know, I wasn't planning on giving you a present or anything, but I saw this in a store window yesterday and thought you'd like it, so since it was your birthday today and everything, I thought I'd just get it." Touya didn't have a good response to that, so he simply returned his attention to the box and opened it. And stared. He was happy. Incredibly, unbelievably happy that Hikaru had remembered his birthday and thought to get him something. He opened his mouth to thank him, but all that came out was,
"You seriously thought I would like this? What the heck is this thing?"
"It's a watch," Hikaru spat, stating the painfully obvious. "It reminded me of go, so naturally I thought of you. But if you don't want it…" he reached out his hand to grab the gift back, but Touya clutched it to himself reflexively, snatching it out of Hikaru's grasp. Hikaru gaped at him, and Touya blushed slightly at what he had just done.
"Um," he said awkwardly, pointedly avoiding Hikaru's eyes. "You went to all the effort of buying it, so I'll keep it. Thank you." Hikaru considered him for a moment, then shrugged.
"Whatever Touya. See you tomorrow." All Touya could do was nod.
Touya looked at the watch now, allowing a small smile to spread across his lips. It was the only thing Hikaru had ever given him, and although it was cheap and childish, Touya treasured it despite himself. Not that he would ever be caught dead wearing it, but just owning something Hikaru had picked out for him raised his spirits.
Touya sighed. Maybe if he went to this omiai and liked the girl, she could distract him from his romantic thoughts towards Hikaru, something he thought would be better for everyone involved. He would meet her, he decided. It wasn't like he had to marry her if he didn't want to. His parents would never force him to do that. Having come to a conclusion, he crawled back into his futon and willed himself to fall asleep.
ooooooooooooooooooooo
Touya arrived at the meeting point early. He was decidedly nervous and thought that collecting his thoughts in the cool morning air would do him some good. He had no idea what to expect. He had never been on a date before. Heck, he had never even spent the afternoon with a woman who wasn't his mother or Ichikawa-san, and even with her all they did was play go. This was an entirely different experience, and Touya had no idea what to do. He slipped his hand into his pocket and squeezed Hikaru's watch. In a last second decision, he had shoved it in his pocket just as he was leaving that morning for the date. He refused the wear the horrid thing, but having some part of Hikaru close to him was comforting.
He started when he heard a soft voice, almost a whisper, call his name.
"Touya-sama?" the voice asked. Touya turned and found himself facing a girl who he could only assume was his omiai. She was much shorter than him, with delicate eyes and bright cheeks that were currently tomato red. She hid her face behind her angelic, curly brown hair, looking utterly overwhelmed and just as embarrassed as Touya felt. She was indeed quite cute, like his mother had said. Touya was accustomed to meeting strangers, but this was different, and he felt his palms begin to sweat.
"Nice to meet you," he said as kindly as he could, allowing himself a smile. "I'm Touya Akira. You're Tsuda-san correct?" Tsuda nodded.
"Yes. Tsuda Kumiko. It's a pleasure to meet you, Touya-sama." Touya blushed a little at being addressed this way, but couldn't find a good way to correct her at the moment.
"Would you like to get some tea?" he offered, trying desperately to sound confident and collected. Tsuda nodded. They walked in uncomfortable silence towards a tea shop that Touya had staked out earlier, as he wracked his brains trying desperately to think of something to say. Nothing came to him, so he led her inside and ordered tea, paying for both of them as his mother had advised. Tsuda flushed as she mumbled a thank you, taking the proffered tea. They sat at a booth in the corner, sipping their tea, and Touya willed himself to break the awkward atmosphere.
"So, you play go?" he asked. It was the only thing he could think of. Tsuda nodded.
"I'm in the go club at school," she told him. "I play every day, but I'm terrible. Nothing like you." Touya smiled weakly.
"As long as you love the game, that's all that matters," he reassured her, and she grinned self-consciously. "So how long have you been playing?" Even if go was the only thing he could think of to talk about, at least they were talking, Touya reasoned. That had to be better than silence.
"Since my first year in junior high," she replied. "My friend dragged me into the go club and I really liked playing, so I stayed." Something clicked in Touya's head. His mother had said that Tsuda went to Haze High School. Maybe…
"Did you go to Haze Junior High?" he asked. Tsuda nodded. Touya took a deep breath. "Then do you by any chance know Shindo Hikaru?"
"Shindo-kun?" Tsuda mused. "Ah! I do know him! He's my best friend's childhood friend and was in the go club with me for a few weeks before he became an insei. You know him from the pros right?"
"I've known him for a while," Touya replied eagerly. "We met in sixth grade and have been rivals ever since. I play him all the time at my father's go salon. He's probably my best friend."
"You seem close," Tsuda noted, and it was then that Touya realized how bright and animated he had become when the topic had turned to Hikaru. Blushing slightly, he simply nodded.
"I guess so." They drank their tea in silence after that, but it was decidedly less awkward than it had been before. Touya took the opportunity to study her hands. It was a habit of his from years of playing go. Her fingers were long and smooth, her nails well groomed, spotless, and evenly trimmed, a perfect example of someone who cared about cleanliness and order. Her outfit was well put together too, he noticed, her light blue blouse matching her black skirt well, complemented by her humble earrings and the playful bow in her hair. She was, he had to admit, adorable.
It wasn't until they had finished their tea and left the shop that Touya realized, with dread, that he had no idea what to do next.
"Um," Tsuda began, "if you don't mind Touya-sama, I made some bentos for us. We could eat them in the park. Only if it's not too much trouble!" she added quickly, as if afraid she had offended him. Touya smiled softly, tremendously grateful that she had planned something for them to do.
"You didn't have to do that. Alright, let's go find somewhere to eat." They headed to a park with a giant playground swarming with small children celebrating the long awaited weekend, and sat on a bench to eat the bento Tsuda had prepared. It was delicious.
"You're an excellent cook," Touya complimented her, tasting another bite of tamago roll. She flushed deeply.
"Thank you, Touya-sama," she muttered nervously.
"You know, you don't have to call me that," he told her. "Touya's just fine." Tsuda gaped at him in horror.
"Oh no, I could never do that!" she gasped, her face a rich shade of magenta. "It's so…informal."
"Yes, but Touya-sama makes me feel uncomfortable."
"Oh," she said, crestfallen. "Then, Touya…san?" Touya smiled.
"That's much better." They ate for a while, watching the children play, before Touya forced himself to break the silence once again.
"So, what are you planning on doing after graduation?" he asked, grasping at straws for conversation topics. "You're almost done with high school right?" Tsuda nodded.
"I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "I thought about going to college, but I don't really have the grades for it. I guess I'll just get married and start a family…" she gasped, and her face turned purple as she realized who she was saying this to. Touya blushed too and they turned away from each other, too nervous to look the other in the eye. Touya searched desperately for something to say that would bring the situation back to a more normal plane. Another activity! That was it. But what exactly do people do on dates? He thought vaguely about asking her to come to his father's go salon with him, but quickly nixed the idea. As far as he knew, no one, not even Ichikawa-san knew about the omiai, and the last thing he needed was everyone in the salon ragging him about it. He cast around for anything in his limited experience that would clue him in on what to do, and had a mental image of Hikaru's friend Waya complaining the other week about some girl he had been seeing recently.
"Makes me take her to the aquarium every damn day! Doesn't she know I have better things to do with my time than look at fish?"
Thanking Waya for what had to be the first time in his life, Touya offered it as a suggestion. Tsuda mercifully agreed, and they spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the halls of the Tokyo aquarium, obscurely lit by the eerie reflections off the water, and marveling at the rainbow of colors decorating the sea life. Touya thought he might almost appreciate Ogata-san's fish tank after this.
Touya walked Tsuda home, again at his mother's insistence, as the world darkened around them and the moon appeared from behind a low hanging cloud. When they reached the gate, Tsuda turned to him and bowed deeply.
"Thank you very much for today, Touya-san," she said. "I had a wonderful time."
"I did as well," Touya replied, returning her bow. "Thank you for spending the day with me."
"Um, Touya-san," Tsuda said sheepishly, looking anywhere but at Touya. Touya felt his stomach do a somersault. Was she going to ask for a kiss? Now? He was definitely not ready for that. "Um, if it's not too much trouble, I was wondering if you…would like to spend next Sunday together as well?" Touya breathed a surreptitious sigh of relief.
"Actually, I can't next Sunday," he told her, and her face fell.
"Oh, well, that's ok, don't worry about it…"
"No," Touya cut her off, not wanting her to misunderstand. "It's not that I don't want to see you again, it's just that I have the Wakajishisen next Sunday." Tsuda's face brightened.
"Oh," she exclaimed in relief. Touya felt thoroughly awkward, but decided he should take the initiative at this point.
"I can't do Sunday, but Thursday would work. Would you like to get dinner after my match?" Tsuda nodded, joy glowing in her eyes. She thanked Touya again and disappeared inside the house.
As soon as he was alone, Touya released an enormous sigh. He put his hand in his pocket and squeezed the watch.
"What am I doing?" he wondered to himself.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Pachi. Pachi. The cry of go stones rang through his bedroom, but Touya wasn't really concentrating on the game he was recreating. The sound of the stones relaxed him, and right now he desperately needed to think.
Tsuda Kumiko. She was, for all intents and purposes, perfect. She was quiet and calm, reserved and responsible. She would speak when Touya wanted her to and remain silent when he didn't. She would have dinner on the table every night, draw his bath, clean the house, and do laundry and other chores without complaint. As she played go herself, she would understand his busy schedule and why he spent countless hours studying the game. A life with her would be peaceful, simple, organized, just as his parents' life was. He could learn to respect her and care for her, and she would do the same in return. It was the life his parents wanted for him, one that would suit his needs and allow him to be content.
He paused in his game to draw the watch from his pocket and registered, once again, how truly awful it really was. Since it was all in his imagination anyway, he let his mind wander over what life would be like if he could be with Hikaru. Loud was the first adjective that popped into his head. Loud and crazy and chaotic. Touya could almost see the neighbors banging on the door at two in the morning telling them to kindly shut up and go to sleep like normal people. Hikaru was everything Tsuda wasn't. He was uncouth and rude, liked to toss his belongings everywhere, was a horrendous cook and had no sense of propriety or discipline away from a go board. There would be fights and screaming matches just because they felt like it. Emotions would run high and tension would ooze from the house like thick jam. It would be anything but peaceful.
Touya sighed again and brought his brain back to reality. Looking at the two potential lives, there was no question which one was better for him, which one was the right answer, the one he knew he should choose. But as his head battled with his heart, he had to admit, that the right one wasn't the one he really wanted…
ooooooooooooooooooooo
Touya had managed to win his game, but it had been close. Closer than he would have liked, but his opponent had been tough and Touya was not in his top form today. He left the game room to find that Hikaru was waiting for him.
"You win?" he asked. Touya nodded.
"You?" Hikaru grinned broadly.
"Not even a challenge. So whaddya say, you wanna head over to your dad's go salon and warm up for the Wakajishisen?" Touya shook his head.
"I can't today." Hikaru gaped at him.
"What? You're turning down an offer to play go? I never thought I'd see the day. What's going on? You don't have study sessions on Thursdays do you?" Touya blushed a little and avoided Hikaru's gaze.
"I…have a date," he admitted. When he looked back at Hikaru, he saw that the boy's jaw had dropped all the way to the floor and his eyes were bulging out of his head like some of the fish Touya had just seen at the aquarium.
"YOU?" he gasped, utterly flabbergasted. "You go on dates? Like a normal person?" Touya stiffened.
"I resent that." Hikaru smirked and elbowed Touya in the ribs.
"You dog you," he teased. "So who is she? Anyone I know?"
"Actually yes," Touya said as calmly as he could. "Tsuda Kumiko. She was in the go club with you in junior high." Hikaru thought hard, scratching his head.
"Oh, her," he realized finally. "Akari's friend. So you like that kind of girl huh?" Touya froze at that statement, but Hikaru didn't seem to notice. "Well, good luck with that." The elevator door opened and Hikaru turned to step inside, but before he could, instinct gripped Touya like a jolt of electricity and he grabbed Hikaru's wrist, yanking him into the privacy of the stairwell.
"Touya, what the…" Hikaru began, but he didn't have a chance to finish as Touya flattened him against the wall, pressing his lips to Hikaru's in a desperate moment of overflowing emotions. Finally Touya pulled away, and released the death grip he had on Hikaru's wrist. Hikaru rubbed it protectively, still trying to process what had just happened.
"Touya, what…?"
"Your answer?" Touya asked darkly, fixing Hikaru with his patented death glare that he usually reserved only for the fiercest of go games. Hikaru balked.
"Answer? What answer? What the heck's wrong with you Touya?" But Touya didn't back down. This was the moment of truth. This single encounter would define the rest of his life. His eyes bore into Hikaru, causing the other boy to gulp.
"Oi oi, Touya, calm down and let's talk about this. What…?"
"Your answer," Touya insisted again, unwilling to explain anything else. He knew Hikaru well enough to know that no more words needed to be said. Hikaru knew exactly what Touya wanted. He was sure of it. Hikaru sighed and scratched the back of his head.
"Look, Touya, you know you're important to me and everything, probably more important than anyone else I know, but I just don't swing that way. I'm sorry." Touya felt his heart fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces. He knew he had thrown caution into the wind, he knew what he was getting himself into, but the pain was far worse than he could ever have imagined. But he surprised even himself when his only external reaction was to smile.
"I thought so," he said resignedly. "Sorry." With that he began to climb down the stairs as quickly as propriety would allow.
"Touya!" Touya looked up when he heard his name and saw Hikaru leaning over the banister waving at him. "You better prepare yourself for the Wakajishisen, because I'm going to kick your butt!" Touya just gaped at the grinning face of his rival, unable to speak, unable to move. Did that mean that Hikaru had forgiven him? That he still wanted to be his rival even after that? Touya smirked and said the only thing he could.
"In your dreams Shindo!"
oooooooooooooooooooo
Touya was late for his date. It wasn't his intention, but he had had to make a stop and it took him longer than he anticipated. Tsuda was waiting for him, looking particularly lovely, and Touya apologized for his tardiness.
"That's ok," Tsuda reassured him. "I wasn't waiting long at all." Touya took a deep breath.
"Tsuda-san," he began. "I have a question for you." She raised her eyes quizzically. Touya took her hand and placed the ring he had just purchased inside her open palm. Tsuda was momentarily stunned. She just stared at her hand, not fully registering what was going on.
"Touya-san…" she began, but Touya cut her off.
"Tsuda-san, will you marry me?" he asked, feeling a rush of relief now that the question was out in the open. Tsuda turned redder than Touya had seen her yet. She looked back down at her palm and nodded.
"Ok," she agreed.
"Good. Now let's get some dinner shall we?"
oooooooooooooooooooo
The wedding was held a month later. It was a small, private affair at a quaint Shinto shrine close to Touya's house. He had rejected the idea of a big wedding, saying that he didn't want the entire go world intruding on this very private moment. It was simply him, Tsuda and their parents. They had also agreed to bring one friend each. Tsuda brought Akari. Touya brought Hikaru. The women were off in the corner, fussing over the bride and giggling like school girls, while the two fathers left to go discuss a few things with the priest, leaving Touya and Hikaru alone.
"Are you sure about this Touya?" Hikaru asked, tugging uncomfortably on the formal kimono that his mother had forced him into earlier that day. "I mean, marriage is a big deal. A month ago you didn't even know the girl!" Touya glanced over at his bride-to-be. She was adorned in a flowing kimono of pure white, her face covered from the world with a cloth; the ideal picture of the perfect Japanese bride.
"I'm sure," he said confidently. "She will bring me peace. That's all I can ask."
"Neh, Touya," Hikaru began awkwardly. "About, you know, that thing in the stairwell…" Hikaru trailed off, but Touya didn't need him to finish.
"It's ok," he reassured him. "As long as you'll still play go with me, I don't need anything else."
"You're damn right we're playing!" Hikaru insisted. "I still have to get back at you for beating me in the Wakajishisen!"
"You lost that game all by yourself Shindo," Touya chided. "What was with that move at 3-13? That was pathetic."
"Why you…" Hikaru growled, preparing for a fight, but Akiko cut in.
"Akira-san, are you ready?"
"Coming mother," he told her. "Let's go Shindo." Hikaru nodded, all trace of his anger forgotten.
"Go get 'em Touya!" he cheered, giving his friend and rival a thwack on the back. This is fine, Touya told himself as he glared at Hikaru in return. This is enough. I have his go. That's all I need. He reached absently to his wrist, where he had placed Hikaru's watch. It was well hidden under folds of cloth and, just for today, Touya thought it was ok. He took a deep breath and took a step towards Tsuda and into his new life.
Let me know what you think. Normally I'm a sucker for a happy ending, but I thought of this story and just really wanted to tell it. Thanks for reading!
Note: Some omiai's in Japan really do rush the wedding. Since Touya is from such a traditional family, I figured that it would be expected to marry soon after meeting each other. Anyway it worked better for the story since I didn't want to drag it out. I hope you liked it!
