In the Village of the Leaf, there stood a mountain. On this mountain were engraved faces of the past Hokages. On these faces were painted marks that made them look pathetic. The first Hokage had a bloody nose and a black eye. The second had buck teeth and was crosseyed. The third had lipstick and swirls on his cheeks. Finally, the fourth was crying and had a handlebar moustache. Hanging on the faces was a board of wood and on it was a boy. He had messy blonde hair, a pair of goggles and had on a plain white shirt, probably to not stain his famed jacket. It was instead tied around his waist. He was laughing at a job well done.
Naruto: Ha! I can't wait to see the look on their faces!
???: No need to wait, Naruto.
Naruto looked down to see a crowd of people watching him. The Third Hokage was also in the midst of the group. The people yelled at him, calling him pathetic and a loser, which saddened both the Hokage and the boy. Instead of crying, Naruto yelled back laughing.
Naruto: Losers! Wannabes! None of you have the skills to do something like this!
Naruto went back to painting, ignoring their banter. Hokage smiled, for the boy was just trying to make his own fun when they all hated him. He was left all alone, nobody liked him or sympathized for him. Suddenly, Iruka showed with a boy in tow. The boy had dark hair slicked back, obviously being the cool one. He also had a blue t-shirt with no collar, saying that it'll make him look like a fag. He wore khaki shorts and had on white arm and leg warmers. He too had on a pair of goggles. The Third Hokage frowned as Iruka angrily tugged at Sasuke's ear.
Iruka: I apologize for being late. I had to round up his partner in crime.
Sasuke: Dang it. I should work more on my stealth.
Iruka drew in a large breath and shouted at the top of his lungs.
Iruka: NARUTO!!! HOW DARE YOU RUN OUT OF MY CLASS!!!!!
Naruto: Iruka-sensei! Aw crap! You just had to get caught, Sucks K!
Sasuke: Screw you, Natto Balls. I was already tired from getting the paint-
Iruka slapped Sasuke in the back of the head. The Third shook his head and walked back to his office.
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Inside the class, Sasuke and Naruto are tied back to back on the floor. The class is laughing at them.
Iruka: Because you boys ditched my class in order to corrupt the mountain, I will now place a Copy Jutsu test on everyone!
Class: WHAT?!
A few minutes pass as most of the class has finished turning into a replica of Iruka. Only Naruto and Sasuke are left. Naruto poses and covers everything with dust. Iruka looks on to see a beautiful naked blond girl standing where Naruto was. Blood starts dripping out of his nose. Sasuke then gets behind her and poses. A dark haired beauty appears, posing with Naruta to make a pyramid. Iruka loses it and gets blown out of the class from the rush of blood.
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An hour later, the boys barely finish cleaning with Iruka watching them. They began walking along the street with their pails of dirty water in hand. It was all peaceful until Sasuke had a glint in his eye. Naruto turned to look at Sasuke, who was secretly flipping him off while scratching his chin. Naruto threw his pail at Sasuke while the Uchiha returned fire.
Iruka: BOYS! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!
Naruto: Sasuke is a horrible person. I'll never save him if we are on a team. He has a demon in him and everyone hates him!
Iruka (Shocked): Ngwhat?!
Sasuke: Back at you. Teammates are useless. Hope you run off like a pansy that makes dogs in order to destroy the village.
Iruka (Nervous): Hey there...
Naruto: Caged animal!
Sasuke: Spinning eyed bastard!
Iruka: Boys! How about a meal at the noodle shop?
Naruto + Sasuke: Cool!
Iruka sighed. The boys were treading on contriversial territory that they didn't even hear of. The sensei thought a change of subject could help them. He put his hands on the boys' shoulders and they all smiled towards the small restaurant. Unbeknownst to Iruka, the boys high fived behind his back.
The group at down on the long bench and waited till they were to be served. A shop owner chastises on Naruto and Sasuke's behavior before he asks them for what they want.
Iruka: Just a ramen, please.
Naruto: Miso ramen! Extra miso!
Sasuke: Sushi!
Naruto: Sushi? Lame!
Sasuke: Hey, the author isn't an otaku like the other fic-writers so let him choose the most generic japanese food that comes to mind.
Naruto: Fine.
They finally got their food and began eating. Iruka watched them intently. Naruto was garbling down the noodles while Sasuke slowly picks one sushi at a time.
Iruka: Naruto, Sasuke. What do you want to do for your future?
Naruto: To be the Hokage!
Sasuke: To be an ANBU like my brother.
Iruka: You two have dreams. Why waste them on pranks? Why not finally pass the test!
Naruto: I don't want to show off.
Sasuke: No, you just suck.
Naruto: You little!
Iruka watched them, the boys turning into men. Stupid men but men nonetheless. Naruto and Sasuke then took off their googles.
Naruto: We understand sensei.
Sasuke: That's why we're finally going to graduate.
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Iruka and the dynamic duo part ways and the boys stroll together. They stop at a fork in the road. The place has a lone bench with a bust of the Fourth Hokage behind it. A small garden of flowers grow around it while the stone sidewalk placed it in it's vertex. It's kinda like the place Sasuke and Sakura sat at the first time. Except one sidewalk leads to a festive community with bright lights and cheering. The other led to a barren, broken apartment. It looked desolate and inhabitable.
Naruto: Fun day huh?
Sasuke: You said it.
The two boys stare at each other, their eyes connecting and twinkling with passion. Suddenly, Naruto barfs out chunky onion soup type of liquid. Naruto starts laughing.
Naruto: You know I hate yaoi, you turd.
Sasuke: I love you Naruto.
He vomits again.
Sasuke: Looks like they're celebrating my brother's new raise.
Naruto: He gets everything, doesn't he?
Sasuke: Jealous?
Naruto: Not in the least! ......You, uh, wanna spend the night?
Sasuke: Nah, sorry. Whenever my brother celebrates, I gotta be there with him.
Naruto: Alright. Catch you later best friend!
Sasuke: Seeya, bester friend!
Sasuke runs home to see a riot rather than a celebration. In front of his own house too. Itachi is standing there, leaning against the door arms crossed. He is in his ANBU attire and is rolling his eyes.
Uchihas: How dare you protect your brother! He is friends with that monster!
Sasuke: What's going on?
All the Uchihas face him slowly. They all just stared at him for a minute. Itachi had an eyebrow raised. The crowd started swarming towards him. At the last moment, Itachi appears in front of him, sword half-drawn.
Uchihas: He is friends with Naruto! You madman! Teach your kin to respect the clan!
Itachi: The clan that made him? I already feel pity on all of us. Like we have any respect now.
The clan began to back away until they all retreated into their homes. One boy the same age as Sasuke stood there though. He had dark spiky hair that was combed down, making him look raggedy. He had on a white sleeveless shirt and dark green pants with a bandage wrapped around his right leg.
Sasuke: Kieru.
Kieru: Sasuke.
Itachi: Excellent mission today, Kieru.
Kieru: Thank you, senpai. The old man couldn't pay for an A-Rank mission so we obeyed the village's orders and drew back after we got him to his water village via motorboat.
Itachi: Did you listen to his story?
Kieru: We have heard it but it is merely a personal matter. I hope that the daimyo can take care of his own country.
Itachi: Understood.
Sasuke: That drunk dude? How did he end up having an A rank mission?
Itachi: Sasuke, please leave that for another time. Both of you, let's talk in a more quiet place...
Sasuke's home was quite basic for a residency. Just look at the examples in the manga and anime except with festive colors instead of emo darkness. The three of them sat around the low altitude table which I now call the Kneeling Table.
Itachi: Before mother and father come back, I want to talk about Naruto.
Kieru: Right. This whole protest was caused by him.
Sasuke: What's up with Naruto? He seems fine.
Itachi: |:[
Kieru: 8[
Sasuke: Besides his addiction to practical jokes and his idiocy in class.
Itachi: Yes, there is a secret about Naruto (Clasps his hands together). A fatal secret. DUN!!!!
Sasuke + Kieru: A SECRET!!?
Itachi: YES! BUT YOU MUST NOT REVEAL THIS SECRET TO ANYONE!
Sasuke + Kieru: WHAT IS THE SECRET THAT WE MUST NOT REVEAL TO ANYONE?!?
Itachi: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS THAT YOU MUST NOT REVEAL TO ANYONE!
Sasuke + Kieru: TELL US THE SECRET!!!
Itachi: IT IS..........not important-
Sasuke + Kieru: WHAT?!!
Itachi: Listen Sasuke. Don't hang out with Naruto anymore. It isn't his fault but he is a demon.
Sasuke: How can I avoid him just from that?
At that moment, Sasuke's parents walked into the house. They looked content with the day's work until they saw the three boys together.
Father: :[
Mother: 8[
Itachi: |:[
Kieru: 8[
Sasuke: ': |
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Inside the plain classroom were students that were trying to angst.
Boy: My father shall be avenged when I become the greatest ninja of all time!
Girl: War, travesty. It will end by the tip of my kunai!
Naruto sat up in the desks, away and alone from everyone. Suddenly, Sasuke walked in, now bearing a high collar.
Naruto: Sucks K! Over here! (Waves)
Sasuke ignored Naruto and sat at the very opposite side of the class. The class quiets and stares, murmuring amongst themselves.
Boy: They are sitting apart?
Girl: What's happening? Sasuke's finally coming to his senses?
Girl 2: I knew he'd give up on that loser...
Iruka then walked in, happy about the test he was about to give.
Iruka: Alright class. You are to make a doppleg-
Iruka became as silent as the class. Naruto and Sasuke are sitting apart and not talking. Was this a joke? It couldn't be...
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Mizuki: Alright Sasuke. Let's see your skills.
Sasuke: Sigh... (Poses) Shadow Clone Jutsu.
A clone of Sasuke appears next to him, just as sad as he was.
Iruka: Uh...great job Sasuke.
Sasuke: Sigh...
The clone poofs away and Sasuke turns to leave. Naruto walked in and they bump shoulders. Naruto looks up to Sasuke but gets no answer but
Sasuke: Sigh...(Walks off)
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Girl: Ha that Naruto loser couldn't pass!
Outside on the schoolyard stood all the graduates, with Sasuke being one. His goggles were replaced by a ninja headband. He stares at Naruto, who is sitting alone on a swing.
Mother: Useless child. He deserves it.
With that, Naruto runs off and out the gate. Sasuke reaches his hand out but couldn't move his legs.
Sasuke: Sigh...
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Sasuke began walking home, very depressed. He suddenly heard a voice behind the wooden gate he was walking along.
???: Master Mizuki? What are you doing here?
Mizuki: I have to tell you something.
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Naruto: Ninja Centerfold! Beautiful Woman!
The Third Hokage was instantly knocked out. Naruto laughed and ran through the hall.
Naruto: I gotta find that room! I have to graduate! I have to catch up to Sasuke!
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Naruto jumped onto the roof of a building, carrying a large scroll over his shoulder. He was about to reach the forest, the place Mizuki told him about.
???: Naruto!
Naruto turned to see Sasuke at the other end of the roof top.
Sasuke: Naruto? What is that?
Naruto: Sasuke? What's wrong with you today?
Sasuke: I...uh...
They both fell silent and caught their breaths. Sasuke was about to say something but he felt a presence.
Sasuke: Run. Someone's coming. I'll hold him off!
Naruto: We'll meet later.
Sasuke: Gotta go.
Naruto: Sasuke?
Sasuke: Yeah?
Naruto: Thanks.
Sasuke: W-well it was all I c-
Naruto: For being a baka!
Sasuke: You piece of-
???: Sasuke!!!
The mentioned ninja turned to see Kieru down in the street below. He had just finished a janitorial mission.
Kieru: Who are you talking to?!
Sasuke: Uh...myself! I'm being emo right now! (Turns to see that Naruto vanished)
Kieru: The hell?! Is that part of being an Uchiha too?! No wonder my mom was all pissy. You talking to Naruto anymore?!
Sasuke: No! My pop is strict on the rules!
Kieru: Well alright then! I'll report it to them!
As Kieru left, Sasuke began contemplating.
Sasuke: How bad was the fox?
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Sasuke walked into his home to meet his entire family at the Kneeling Table. Sasuke was confused.
Sasuke: What's up?
Father: Naruto. He-
Itachi: He knows.
Father: Do not speak in my place boy!
Itachi: Father. I can kill everyone of the Uchihas with my skill so don't think you're high and mighty.
Father: You can never EVER reach that level!
Sasuke: So does that mean I can talk to him now?
Itachi: Go ahead.
Father: Now wait just a minute! You have absolutely no authority to tell him anything! I'll have you know-
Sasuke: Cool! G'night!
While their father screamed as Sasuke ran up the stairs, Itachi smiled confidently.
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Author's Note: Well this is my fic. It doesn't correctly parallel Kishimoto's story but doesn't have to since its in an alternate universe. Sorry for anyone expecting Zabuza and the water village. I don't plan to put them in. And sorry for not putting in the Naruto+Iruka+Mizuki part. (I'm pretty sure every Naruto fan knows that by heart so I didn't feel like typing it out.) And I made Sasuke a spotlight stealer. Sorry, won't happen later. And if any of you can find a better japanese term to replace my mumble-jumble, let me know.
Basically, don't expect a perfect translation of the story. Things won't happen and more will happen. It's a jump away from the norm and to the new.
Go ahead and flame.
