Dan Vs. The Demon Sisters

-Prologue-

It was a typical morning for Dan. He awoke as sunlight streamed in through his dingy window, finding a gap in the blinds to travel through, and shone directly onto his face. His eyes slowly opened, then quickly snapped back shut. He grumbled to nobody in particular about somehow blowing up the sun for hurting his eyes, then found the strength to rise up out of bed and go to the kitchen to get something to eat. He stepped around a broken lamp that in the past had hung over his bed, the fixture now having found a new home on the floor after a fit of rage from its owner. Opening the fridge, he found that there was still some cake left from Chris's birthday party that had taken place the previous week. As he picked up a piece in his hand and began eating, he reminised about said party. He had gotten Chris an authentic spy micro walkie talkie that he instructed him to keep on his person at all times, in case kidnappers ever took one of them (probably Chris) hostage and destroyed their phones to keep from being traced. Dan had taken the cake when Chris and Elise refused to reimburse him for the walkie talkie. Hey, it's not like he was made of money, Dan wasn't about to just give stuff away. Oh well, he thought, at least they remembered to use non-dairy milk to make the cake. They had probably forseen that Dan would crash their party, but come on, it would've just been Chris and Elise there if he hadn't, what kind of a party is that?

Dan finished his makeshift breakfast and headed out the door. Locking it behind him, he took a look around, to see what fresh nuisances the world had cooked up for him today. The first thing he checked was his car, which had a habit of attracting all sorts of trouble for him. A quick inspection told him that there were no signs of damage aside from the usual dents, scratches, and missing parts. Satisfied, he climbed in, attempted to start the engine, got out, kicked the car, clutched his hurting foot, got back in, and successfully started the car. Checking to make sure no pedestrians were trespassing behind his parking space, he pulled out, and headed down the road. As he drove past his apartment building, however, he noticed something unusual next to it. A new, much taller building had been erected next to it. Looking at the large sign next to the main entrance, he read "Démon Arms Apartments". A small banner underneath it advertised that they would begin accepting tenants within the coming month. "Heh, Demon Arms," Dan chuckled, mispronouncing the building's name. "Sounds pretty sinister, probably won't be too many people moving into that place. They don't even have a parking lot! Where do they expect people to park?" Dan laughed at the assumed stupidity of whoever owned the building. He then continued on his way to Chris's place, for a day of grocery shopping, movies, and eating out (all on Chris's dime, of course).

The sun was much lower in the sky by the time Dan returned to his apartment. He drove past the new building a second time, and chuckling at the error they had made regarding the parking situation once again. It had been a decent day, all things considered, Dan thought. He only got in a two minute fight with the attendant at the supermarket regarding the stock of lactose-free milk, the restaurant gave him a free bowl of soup after he complained about the temperature of his original bowl, and he got ejected from the movie theater half-way through the movie, much later than usual. All in all, it was a good day. Dan locked up his car and proceeded up the stairs to his apartment, ready to crawl into bed and rest for tomorrow. As he approached the door, however, he noticed a note had been afixed to it. Dan didn't think much of it, however. "Stupid solicitors, leaving their garbage on my door," Dan grumbled. "Obviously they're new here, or they'd know what happened to the last guys that tried to get me to join their stupid charity run." Dan snatched the note off the door, crumpling it up and putting it in his pocket, and turned the doorknob to walk into the apartment. Right here, Dan sensed something was amiss. Hadn't he locked the door before he left this morning? Suspecting that there might be burgalars inside, Dan rushed back to his car and grabbed the crowbar he kept in his trunk. He scooted back up to the door, and slowly pushed the door open from the side. He didn't sense any movement from within, so Dan proceeded cautiously inside, crowbar raised over his head. He made a few sweeps of the house before he decided that nobody was inside, and began checking to see if anything had been stolen. Nothing seemed to be missing, but he noticed that a few things had been moved, as if they had been picked up, examined, and put back in approximately the same place. Dan scratched his head, wondering what had happened, and he suddenly remembered the note that was posted on the door. He fished the now crumpled note out of his pocket, and began searching for clues as to what had transpired. What he found though, was so much worse.

The note read as follows:

Dear Sir or Madam

We are happy to announce that your building has been bought out by the Démon Arms Apartment Corp., in order to make space for a parking garage for our newest apartment building. In light of this, we are requesting that all tenants of this building move out of their apartments by the end of the month, so that we may begin demolition of the building, as well as construction of the garage, as soon as possible. In your absense, we have personally conducted an examination of your living conditions, in order to evaluate whether or not you will be a suitable tenant for our apartment. You will recieve the results of your examination in the mail within the next week.

Sincerely

The Démon Sisters, owners of Démon Arms Apartments

The last sentence of the note was scratched out, however, and written underneath it was what appeared to be the results of Dan's inspection.

This is, quite frankly, the most disgusting apartment we have ever seen. There will be no need to wait for the results of your examination, because I can quite safely say that you have failed spectacularily, Sir or Madam. Please vacate this building by the end of this month.

Miss Scanty Démon

Dan could hardly believe what was happening. "This is ludicrous!" Dan shouted, crumpling the paper in his hand. "They've got no right to do this to me! They can't just boot me out of my home!" Dan was storming around the apartment, kicking various pieces of clothing and garbage everywhere. "I've lived here for years and suddenly they just want to turn my apartment into some guy's parking space? This will not stand!"

Dan clenched his fists in rage. Some way, he would be sure to get back at the people responsible for this. He looked at the note again, looking for the signature that would tell him the identity of his newest enemies. He located it, and engraved their identity into his mind. He threw his arms up into the air, and, after a quick intake of air, he bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"DEMON SISTERS!"