A/N: Nagato, Konan, and Yahiko for the purposes of this story are all around the age of Kakashi, Asuma, and Iruka. Meaning, when the ages are given, instead of Nagato being roughly in his late 30s, he would be 24-26 like Kakashi. I hope it makes sense... And that you enjoy this story.
Nagato sat in his room, his earbuds in his ears, one foot tapping to the beat. He was deep in thought, as so often happened when he had nothing to occupy him. He was thinking about how far he, Konan, and Yahiko had come. About where they would go from where they were now.
When they were young, around twelve, their parents had died. It was a massive tradgedy, one man had caused it all, he had gone cross country on a murdering spree. Hundreds had died. He used a machine gun to do it. Some died quicker than others. The three had been best friends since they were younger than that, and together, they ran and hid from the authorities. Eventually getting part time jobs and staying at homeless shelters until they made enough and foudn a place that would rent to the three of them. For a while, they stayed in hotels, but eventually, they became old enough to rent an apartment. After a few years of that, they moved up to renting a house, one they would own after a few years of payments.
Now, the three of them were getting ready to attend university. Konan was going into art, with political science a second, Yahiko was going into political science flat out, and he wasn't sure what he was going to major in just yet. Different things sounded interesting, but he hadn't yet made a decision.
As annoying as it was, they were being made to live on campus for their first year of schooling. They'd already talked it over with the owner and he was agreeing to let them have that year off of payments, since no one would be at the house, they wouldn't be using any utilites or anything. They did still have their part time jobs, but the majority of that money would be going towards university expenses.
The three of them would likely be split up while living in the dorm. They didn't really know others that would be attending, so they were all skeptical about it.
Nagato disliked the idea of attending university. He knew it was necessary, so they could buy the house and be the owners. And then work towards owning the other things they lusted after. As much as he knew that was sensible, he still wondered why.
Like, what was the point of all of it?
Go to school, get a job, go to school some more, get another job, then die.
That's what everyone did, more or less. So what was the point of it all if the end result was the same? Why waste the best years in school? Why did they need money? For what purpose? Why couldn't everyone simply share everything they had with everyone else?
He sighed and stood from the wheeled chair he had been sitting in. He stretched, popping his back a few times, then cracking his knuckles and wandering down the stairs to find himself something to drink and see if the others had anything to do. He found a can of Yoo-Hoo! and drank some of it as he wandered the house, but the others, it seemed, were busy packing for the coming move into their dorm.
Heaving another sigh, Nagato returned to his room with the can, resigning himself to begin packing as well. Not that it would take him long. One box, filled with clothes, a set of sheets and a couple blankets, a few books he had yet to read, and everything else he wasn't ready to put in yet as he still had a few days. He finished the can by the time he was finished. He laid on his bed, that was covered with his spare sheet set, gazing up at the ceiling through his hair that hung in his eyes.
He felt it, honestly, he did. That emptiness, the bleakness. It happened every time he thought about the future.
It was something the others didn't know about. He had wanted to die since his parents had. Before that, even. That day though..., that day was probably the day he had consciously acknowledged it for the first time.
He didn't see the point in living at all. If all that would eventually happen, was death. That was all that awaited all of them. No matter how hard they worked, how many things they had, the happiness those things spurned always faded. It would always just leave them empty. So why try at all? Why continue on, day after day?
Those were the questions he asked himself, every day when he woke. He didn't want this anymore. He was tired. Tired of being tired. For some reason though, he never acted on his greatest desire. He continued to plod on, toward the end he knew he would be rewarded with after many more miserable years.
He wanted to spare himself and the others the years of misery, to just end it now, get it over with so they could move on with their lives and he could be done with his.
What was holding him back?
He rolled onto his side, facing the wall as the tears began welling in his eyes, soon they were cascading down his face. He shook slightly, with emotions held back as the tears continued to fall. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly, but still the tears continued to fall.
He didn't understand it, any of it. He couldn't stop wanting death, but something was keeping him from it. No matter what he did, he always got better.
Drinking too much caffeine, eating unhealthy foods, sleeping far beyond what was necessary.
None of it was working.
He still woke in the morning or night, he was still amongst the living.
Nagato didn't know how much longer he would be able to continue like this. Not that he wanted to, but whatever was holding him back..., he wasn't sure if it could hold him back for much longer...
