Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy R.M. does.

Prologue

June 3

Can't seem to stand on my own two feet because for so long now I've only been taught to crawl.

Time stands still at the most unwanted moments, forcing you to relive pain and anguish countless times because everyone fails to see that you're stuck. When you've been stuck for far too long those memories that cut through your flesh became a drug that you couldn't live without. So many times you try to resist, pulling that knife away from your wrist, but then you find yourself lost, your body urns, it aches for the one minuscule moment when there's nothing. That beating in your skull seizes and you can finally, for the first time, hear yourself think. So that blade you thought you didn't need is welcomed back with open arms, but you never touch the hands. Instead that rusted metal hides its wounds so that no one can take it away. Like a secret, it seduces those close listeners, easily blinding by the lies that create a prefect image of reality. Reality becomes more like hell with each tick, consuming your breath with every tock. The constant ticking ringing inside your ears, your fail to hear the pleas, feel the cries, but not once can you block out the voice, those emotions you have to day by day tell yourself are no longer there, but deep inside you feel them unconsciously as if it were the simple task of breathing. When you've tried so many times and fail what left is there to do? The failures that happen sting like a bee, a single prick that could be as deadly as knife or be as elating as an sweet drug, but that sing only last so long. Without the stinger the bee can't live and the threat is gone. But what if the poison sunk deep? What if it slowly kills you from the inside? You have no choice but except reality, but reality never seems appealing and you give yourself away to these delusions without regret. Sooner or later there will be nothing left but an open desert and death waiting at your door.

But let him come, I'll gladly fall into its embrace.

All I wanted to hear someone say is that it's alright,

But all those voices just taunted.

I see no reason for this façade anymore.

I've lost my breath from screaming too much.

I'm just too tired to stand.

There nothing left to do but wait.

Wait without fear I can no longer withhold.

So let me rest, allow me to close my eyes,

Even if the light fades, I just couldn't do it one last time.

RH