Lance hunches his shoulders as his father yells. He tries to shrink into himself, to escape the scathing words, but there is no escape from his father's anger. He knows that well by now. His father's large hand shoots out and grabs him by the chin, lifting his head so that he is looking directly into his father's face. It is bright red, and there's spittle at the corners of his mouth. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, you piece of shit," he growls, and his fingers dig into Lance's face painfully. His eyes well with tears, and his father snorts derisively. "It's useless," he sighs. He pushes Lance backwards, and he almost falls. "You're useless. I don't know what to do with you anymore. I give up." He turns to leave the room, but looks over his shoulder one more time. "Why can't you be more like your brothers? Such a disappointment." Lance cries when he's gone. It's not the first time he's heard those words from his father's lips, but he tries so hard to make him proud, tries so hard to make sure that each time will be the last time.

As it turns out, this is the last time. Less than a week later, his father leaves in the night and never comes home.

x

Lance holds his shoulder ramrod straight as Iverson yells. He's crashed the simulator, again, and his eyes string with the effort of holding back tears. He's become an expert at holding them back, and he knows that nobody can tell, but he still feels shame that he has to work so hard to keep from crying when he's only being told things he already knows. He's been called into the office, so his friends aren't here to witness this, and for that he is utterly grateful. Somehow, they have yet to see him for what he really is. He'd like to keep it that way as long as possible.

"Utterly useless, this one," Iverson mutters, throwing his arms in the air dramatically. "I don't know what to do with you anymore. Can't even get through a basic simulation without fucking it all up. I don't know why the Garrison continues to waste precious resources on a worthless piece of shit like you." Suddenly he's in Lance's face, finger wagging less than an inch away from his nose. His face is red and there's spittle in the corners of his mouth, and Lance can't help but flinch. "Are you even listening to me, boy? Do you even care that you're an embarrassment to this institution? To me?" He places a hand on Lance's chest and shoves, hard, and Lance stumbles backward into the closed door. The knob catches him in the kidney, and he gasps and barely manages to stay on his feet. "Get out of my face. I give up, there's obviously nothing I can do to make you less of a waste of space. Such a shame we lost a talent like Keith Kogane and got you in his place. Such a disappointment."

Lance manages not to cry as he walks back to his dorm room, but only just. He's painfully familiar with the words, but they still hurt even after all this time.

x

Lance stands tall and rigid while Shiro yells, but he can't meet his gaze. His heart thumps painfully in his chest, and shame burns his cheeks. He's not even sure what he did wrong, but Shiro's temper has been on a hair trigger lately and Lance is sure he deserves it, anyway. The rest of the team is there to witness his tongue-lashing, and Lance's stomach churns with embarrassment. "How are we supposed to function as a team if we can't count on you to have our backs? I can't even fathom how you could leave Allura unprotected like that." Oh, so that was it. She had called for help, and he had been so busy taking out the ion cannons that he had left it to someone else to come to her aid. Fucking stupid. Of course he should have been there for his teammate.

"Shiro, I don't think you're being fair-" Hunk starts, and Lance is grateful for the attempt, but Shiro cuts him off.

"If anything I'm going too easy on him!" he continues, throwing his arms up in the air. "If we don't have each other's backs, how can any of us do what needs to be done? Allura could have been hurt, or worse, and you didn't even lift a finger to help. When Keith was Red Paladin, he never would have left a teammate in danger like that." He's stopped pacing and stands a couple feet in front of Lance, facing him dead-on. "What were you thinking? Were you so caught up in showing off that you weren't paying attention? Did you turn your comms off? Do you not care about keeping your teammates safe?"

"Shiro," Allura says softly, but with warning, but he continues unfazed.

"Or are you just that fucking useless?"

Quiet gasps fill the room as the truth is finally laid out in the open for them all to see. He's not sure how he's managed to keep it a secret all this time, but leave it to Shiro to finally see through him. His eyes burn, and a lump forms in his throat, but he remains calm.

Shiro takes a step toward him, hand outstretched, and Lance can't help it - he flinches away from the movement. His cheeks flush, and he finally looks up to meet Shiro's eyes. He means to apologize for fucking up, for overreacting, for being a worthless piece of shit, but he's stopped dead in his tracks when he sees horror and regret in Shiro's gaze.

His hand still hovers in midair, but he is unmoving. He glances between his hand and Lance several times, then his hand drops like dead weight. "Lance, I… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean… I didn't mean that. That wasn't fair. He glances at his hand again. "I would never… you know I would never…?"

He can't seem to get a full thought out, and Lance can't handle any more embarrassment. He's also overcome with the need to make Shiro feel better, because he's been under a lot of pressure lately and he was only speaking the truth, anyway. He decides to make a joke out of it, his go-to defense mechanism, and he manages a wobbly smile. "It's okay, Shiro, I promise. I was just hoping you wouldn't notice."

He knows as soon as the words leave his lips that he's fucked up, he's revealed too much, there's no humor in his voice, only heartbreak. Shiro sucks in a surprised breath, and his face crumbles. Lance forces out a laugh, but it's more of a sob, and he starts backing up toward the door. "I'm sorry, really, it won't happen again," he mumbles, and before anyone can fully process what just happened, he's down the hall and disappearing into his room.