AN: I enjoy writing about the silly adventures of the crew that I just decided to make a continuing collection of fluffy stories about them. There's no real chronology to these, as they all take place during whatever point of the series I see fit when writing. And a preemptive sorry for the lack of Brook in this one! He's sleeping, I guess, but he'll get plenty of shine in the next chapter. Lemme know what you guys think of this first go-round in the review box! Thanks!

Story 1: Cyber Kong

Time: After Fishman Island

"NAAAAMIIIIIII"

No.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

No.

Okay, so Luffy always had a gift to transcend basic aggravation by using his rubber abilities to get on her nerves every which way she went. So him stretching his neck so far out that he slipped into her precious survey room in the library and stuck his obnoxious, grinning face right in front of hers wasn't anything Nami didn't have sufficient experience with. But on this day, and this week, with her mood as it was?

Erratic weather wasn't anything new on the Grand Line. It was just a part of what made the Grand Line the home of the most treacherous seas on planet Earth. However, the past week had been the most chaotic yet; if Nami didn't know any better, she'd have thought that bitch Mother Nature was imposing some sort of final exam on her navigational skills. In just a few days the Straw Hats had endured thunderstorms, galestorms, hailstorms, meatstorms (don't ask), category four hurricanes, category five hurricanes, monsoons, cyclones, and just about every other catastrophic weather outbreak the clouds could conjure. And since she was the only person on the ship that possessed anything beyond a passing knowledge of meteorology, she had her work cut out for her.

So when Luffy decided to bug her for something assuredly stupid while she was studying her meticulously drawn maps in a futile effort to make extract the safest path for their travels to the next island, suffice to say she was not very happy.

"What the hell do you want?" Nami growled.

Luffy's smile grew wider. "Oh c'mon, it's a sunny day outside for once. I'm not gonna answer 'til you smile!"

Nami could only stare blankly at the wall and undergo another one of those bouts where she wondered how she wound up with such a harebrained captain. Conceding that Luffy's gaze wasn't going to let up any time soon unless she did what he asked, Nami contorted her face into the most unsettlingly rigid, miserable smile a human could muster up.

"What. Is it. Luffy?" Nami grit through clenched teeth. As Luffy laughed at her anguish, the navigator wondered what kind of asinine nonsense could possibly drive Luffy to bugging and teasi-

"We got a whole bunch of treasure outside!"

Oh, that kind!

In a flash, Nami's smile turned genuine and she blazed past Luffy to dive into her sweet oasis of gold. Hell, her vision was so clouded by wondrous Berries that she nearly stumbled off of the top floor! That snapped her back to reality, and when she looked down the Sunny's grassy surface, she became confused when all she saw were Usopp and Zoro standing around.

"Uh, Luffy, where's the treas-AUGHHH!"

A cold, metallic arm roughly scooped Nami up and leapt from the library all the way up to the foremast. Nami shrieked loudly and futilely tried to wiggle her way out of the steel grip while her captor began climbing up to the top of the mast. If this was a kidnapping, there was going to be hell to pay.

When Nami looked up to see who had grabbed her, she was stunned. The bulky, red arms, stylish hawaiin shirt, metallic nose, absurd blue hairstyle of the day…

"Franky, what the hell are you doing?!"

The cyborg pervert had a vacant, feral look in his bloodshot eyes. He was growling aimlessly, his focus lent solely to his ascent up the immense wooden pole. Nami grabbed Franky's huge arm and tried to punch her way out of his clutches.

"Okay seriously Franky, whatever this is, it isn't funny!" Nami wailed. To make matters worse, she could have sworn Luffy was laughing from below. Oh, how she was going to murder the rubber bastard.

Down below, Usopp, wearing shades, a stylishly retro brown overcoat, and a top hat, held a tone dial to his mouth and turned to face a nonexistent audience with a solemn expression. "What a horrible turn of events!" he proclaimed in a humorously serious tone. "It would appear that the crazed Cyber Kong, in his rampage, has decided to claim an unsuspecting maiden as his hostage and…what's this?! He's climbing to the top of the tower! What could his motive be?!"

Usopp helplessly watched Franky make his ascent up the mask and grimaced at Nami's frightened cries for help. Not because he was worried about her, of course, but because of what awaited once the fun was over. He spoke into the tone dial once more. "Can't you hear it?! The loud, pained cries for help from the beautiful maiden! Who can save her?! What brave warrior shall step up to topple this insidious monster once and for all?!"

As Usopp spoke, a loud voice from behind him began singing dramatic super-hero melodies. Luffy, sporting a thoroughly amused grin, gradually raised his voice while it spewed a facsimile of triumphant instrumentals to contribute to Usopp's dramatic scenario.

Usopp turned around to face the Captain. "Wait, what's this?! Is that…Monkey D. Luffy?! The great hero of Sunny Town, thought for months to have met his tragic demise?! In this city's darkest hour, he has risen to save it once more!"

Standing on top of the crow's nest, Franky let out an animalistic roar and wildly swung the mortified Nami in his grasp. The torrent of emotions enveloping Nami made the last week of hellish weather look like a stable climate. Whatever this stupid game was, the crew was not going to escape her wrath.

"If you stupid assholes don't let me down right now, you're getting charged so much money you'll need an accountant as the next crewmate!" Nami furiously shrieked.

"My word, what a mouth on this woman!" Usopp yelled, flinching at Nami's voice. "This isn't your ordinary damsel – she's not going out without a fight! But Cyber Kong doesn't seem intent on letting up for even a second, so what shall our hero do?!"

"Don't worry Nami, I, Monkey D. Luffy, protector of light and doer of good and all of that fluffy stuff, shall save you!" Luffy valiantly proclaimed, raising a tightly clenched declarative fist.

Just as the protagonist of this strange scenario was going to make his earnest leap into the treacherous rescue mission, a familiar face burst out from the kitchen.

"Nami, what's going on?!" Sanji cried out, wearing an apron that was covered from top to bottom with flour stains. "I heard your terrified wails for help and just had to leave the kitchen to be by your side!"

"Jeez, and we're just doing this ironically," Usopp snidely muttered under his breath. "What's this, another hero has emerged from the shadows?!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Sanji demanded, staring in horror at the scene going on atop the foremast. He couldn't stand to see his beautiful, orange-haired navigator so fearful. "Franky, you shitty ass cyborg, if you don't put Nami down this instant I'm gonna kick your metal ass and trash a week's worth of Cola!"

Franky bellowed another roar in response while Nami pleaded for Sanji's help. Luffy broke character and laughed at his profane chef, as he had been secretly hoping from the very beginning that Sanji would figure out what they were up to, just for this moment where he got to see the look on his face.

"Luffy! Usopp! Are you guys just gonna stand there with thumbs up your asses?! Help her!" Sanji's spirits sank when the Captain and Sniper merely giggled and shrugged, callously apathetic towards Nami's dilemma. That left only one other person to address, and he was simply sitting on the grass that his hair resembled.

"Zoro! You're really watching all of this nonsense idly, too?! Why are you all letting Franky turn on the crew like it's a joke?!" Sanji seethed.

"Cool your jets, Eyebrow Man," Zoro snickered. "Chopper accidentally swapped Franky's Cola with vodka and energy drinks, and they're making him go kinda nuts. Chopper asked us to subdue him while he works on a solution, so Usopp and Luffy are having fun with it."

Sanji's face skewed into an enraged glare at his crew's nonchalant reaction to all this. "Fun?! Franky going on a rampage and scaring Nami to death is 'fun' to you guys?!"

Sanji looked back at the mast, and his cigarette fell to grass when he saw Franky lift Nami up horizontally and thrust her repeatedly above his head like she was a dumbbell and he was lifting weights. Her screams of helplessness were viruses in the ears of the Love Chef.

As Nami kept rising and falling into Franky's hands, her thoughts became consumed with vengeance. O Mighty God, if I die today, please reincarnate me as a vicious Sea King in the calm belt so I can brutally murder my crew!

Zoro laughed when he looked up and found Franky manically bench-pressing the squealing navigator. "Meh, the witch deserves a few frights for bossing us around so much," the swordsman remarked with a shrug. "We'll stop him once he starts getting too reckless."

"I AM TURNING ALL OF YOU INTO THE MARINES!" Nami hoarsely cried. All of this yelling and screaming was making her voice give out, too.

"Dammit, if none of you will save her, then I will!" Sanji crouched down in preparation to leap to the top, but Luffy stuck his hand out to him. The Straw Hat boy was sporting a stern, stoic look on his face…but so sullen it ventured into the absurd.

"Sanji, no. As the hero of Sunny Town, I must be the one to rescue the maiden. I can't afford to have any senseless casualties," Luffy advised, attempting to stifle his rising laughter.

"How noble!" Usopp commented.

"Are you serious?! Oh, whatever, I'll do it! Have no fear, Nami!" Sanji jumped up, but Luffy squeezed him by the foot and shoved him down into the grass.

"No, I'm saving the maiden!" Luffy insistently shouted.

"No, I will!" Sanji spat.

"No, me!"

"No, ME!"

"No, ME!"

"MEEEEEE!"

"STRAW HAT SEASON!"

"COOK SEASON!

"STRAW HAT SEASON!"

"COOK SEASON!"

Even Zoro was laughing so hard he nearly choked on his sake. Leave it to Luffy to suck anybody into his insanity. Seeing the mercurial chef so flustered that he'd return Luffy's absurd arguments without a trace of irony was truly a sight to behold.

"Of all the twists to occur, even I, the venerable narrator, couldn't have seen this coming!" Usopp murmured into the tone dial. "It would appear that a Love Triangle will threaten to tear the entire city of Sunny Town apart! As our two heroes fight for the heart of the beautiful hostage, Cyber Kong's rampage continues on! Will the terror ever end?!"

Having successfully driven Sanji insane, Luffy smirked and unveiled his trump card. "Cook season!" he yelled.

"STRAW HAT SEASON!" Sanji obliviously shouted back.

"Alrighty then! NAMI, HERE I COME!" Luffy stretched his arm to the top of the mast, grabbed hold of it, and catapulted himself into Franky.

"Hey wait, you tricked me!" Sanji snarled, futilely reaching out to grab Luffy as he launched himself skyward.

Just to be on the safe side, Luffy imbued his forehead with armament Haki before slamming it right into Franky's nose, launching him into the blue, sunny skies. As the cyborg rapidly went airborne, Nami slipped out of his grip and began her brisk and violent descent back to the ship. Luffy swung his free arm back and smoothly scooped her up in it, then let go of the mast and grabbed Franky when he descended from the clouds.

"He did it! Monkey D. Luffy has saved the day once again, seizing the treacherous Cyber Kong and capturing both the body and the heart of the distressed damsel! What would Sunny Town do without its savior?!" Usopp regaled, pouring water on his face to produce fake tears. "What a time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen!"

Nami lay lethargically in Luffy's arms, her eyes empty eyes billowed to the size of balloons. She was more focused on catching her breath than anything else. Sanji zipped to her and soothingly palmed her cheek.

"Nami, are you okay?" Sanji purred. "I'm so sorry we're surrounded by so many idiots."

"Not so fast! Our story isn't over yet, as the heartwrenching Love Triangle rages on. How shall Luffy react to Sanji's advances? Who will Nami choose? Why is my nose so damn long?! Find out next time, on…WAIT A MINUTE!" Franky groggily rose back to his feet. "Oh no! Cyber Kong isn't dead just yet!" The unhinged Franky swung his head back and screamed into the sky, then charged at Luffy like he was a bull and the red on Luffy's cardigan had set him off. "And not only that, but Luffy is worn out from their battle and carrying the vulnerable maiden in his arm! How will he persevere through this horrible turn of events?!"

"That's where we come in."

The smooth voice of one Nico Robin emerged from the sick bay, closely followed by Chopper. She'd been watching the action from inside and couldn't stop laughing at how much Luffy and Usopp immersed themselves into their silly playtime drama. Chopper was clutching a large syringe in his arms.

"WHAT'S THIS?! Why, it's Nico Robin, the infamous vigilante with freakish limb powers!" Usopp spat into the dial. "She must be here to deliver the final blow!"

Before the demented cyborg could reach Luffy, eight hands sprouted from the grass beneath him. Four of them seized each of Franky's legs, while the other four seized his arms. Franky violently writhed in Robin's grip while Chopper calmly walked behind him.

"Since his backside is still flesh and bone, a tranquilizer can still knock him out," Chopper explained. He stuck the syringe in Franky's back, and after a few more seconds of yelling and swinging, his tremors ceased and he sunk in Robin's clutches. Robin released her arms, allowing the unconscious pervert to fall into the grass.

Chopper swelled into his Heavy point and dragged Franky's immense form to the Sick Bay by his leg.

"Chopper, wait! Take Nami with you; she appears to be in shock," Sanji pleaded.

"I'm fine, Sanji," Nami faintly murmured from behind him. This had been most definitely not how she planned on spending the day. All of the screaming and swinging into the sky left her in a daze.

"OH, NAMI-SWAN!" Sanji sang, grinning like an idiot. He took Nami's trembling hand into his and leaned uncomfortably close to her face. "Shall I kill these shitstains in your stead, my dear?"

Usopp stepped away from the scene and stared out into the ocean, allowing the nice breeze to flap his overcoat in the wind. "Well friends, it looks like the day has been saved. Sunny Town's great hero, Monkey D. Luffy, stepped up to plate yet again and took care of Cyber Kong, who has now been tranquilized and will hopefully pursue a calmer, more peaceful life that doesn't involve smashing things. Why, perhaps he'll become a shipwright!"

The makeshift narrator turned back around to observe his crew. "The only mystery that remains is how our damsel with express her gratitude to Luffy for saving her. We all know how that usually goes…"

Luffy gulped. "Hey wait, doesn't the damsel in distress usually kiss the guy after he rescues her?" he nervously stammered.

When a smile spread itself on Nami's sullen face, Sanji helplessly fell onto his knees, the prospect of his love doing the unthinkable drawing painfully near. He wasn't the only terrified pirate, because Luffy's cheeks flushed a bright shade of red, uncharacteristic of the confident captain. A cold sweat trailed down his face when Nami leaned her slender body even closer to his. And when he peeked at her half-lidded, smiling face…dammit, why did she have to look so gorgeous when she was bashful?!

Nami gently stroked Luffy's chin, the smooth, gentle feel of her skin making the Captain anxiously squeak. "Why, Luffy, I would love…"

Her amorous smile contorted into a scowl of true death. She clutched Luffy's jaw so tightly his bones crunched, and then she roughly grabbed the collar of his cardigan with her other hand.

"…TO THROW YOUR RUBBER ASS OVERBOARD!"

With strength beyond what her body allowed, Nami swung Luffy forward and launched him clean over the edge of the ship, sending him toiling into the ocean with a loud splash. And by her estimation, that was him getting off lightly.

"Hammer in the ocean, hammer in the ocean!" Zoro yelled before hopping onto the ship's railing. Usopp shrieked and joined him to aid his rescue. Before they could take their dives, however, Nami grabbed them by the back of their shirts.

When they turned around, they were terrified by the demonically ominous smirk on Nami's lips.

"No, let it marinate for a little bit," she hauntingly seethed, her voice a low growl.

Usopp frowned, but there was no getting through to the enraged navigator. He and Zoro were about to hop back onto the grassy surface of the Sunny, but Nami grabbed onto their shirts even tighter to keep them stationary.

"Oh, and boys?"

"Hm?"

"Enjoy the swim!"

"BUT I WAS JUST THE NARRAT-AUGHHHHHH!"

Nami pushed the other two perpetrators of her treacherous afternoon off of the railing to join their numbskulled captain in the sea (and rescue him once they gained their bearings, but that was all secondary). Feeling satisfied with her payback, Nami brushed her hands together and smiled.

"Lesson learned, dumbasses!"