Tap, tap, tap... Tap, tap, tap... Fingers impatiently drummed on the steering wheel and a soft groan filled the car. A male, young, early 20s sat in the car, waiting. "Come on Alois, for fucks sake, what are doing, having a shit or something?" He cursed, smacking his head on the steering wheel, banging it repeatedly. He looked up at the clock on the dashboard, "9:15." He read. He threw his head back on the headrest and sighed. His slate blue hair fell over his face, and he rubbed his forehead, wincing slightly as his fingers grazed over the black silk eye patch, which covered his right eye. Looking around and seeing no one, he reached over to the back seat, grabbing a shabby leather messenger bag and placed it on to his lap. He frantically sifted through the bag and his good eye lit up when he found what he was looking for.
He pulled out a worn pack of cigarettes, his secret stash. Opening the box he wiggled out a thin white cylinder and the lighter - which he also kept inside of the box. Putting the stick to his lips and flicking the lighter in one swift motion, he raised the flame to his mouth. Just when the flame made the connection to the cigarette and he inhaled, he felt that delicious hit of the first drag -
'BANG, BANG, BANG'
He dropped the lit cigarette onto his lap and quickly shook the ember off to the floor, "Aly! Shit! What's the matter with you?"
"Oh Ciel, you shouldn't be smoking those nasty cancer sticks - they're bad for you." Alois mock lectured.
"If I wanted to be told off, I'd call my aunt."
Alois feigned sympathy, and tried to open the passenger side door. Realizing it was locked, he stuck his bottom lip out and pouted. His crystal blue eyes glistened with fake tears as Ciel ignored him.
"Ciel, let me in bitch!" Alois was banging on the passenger side door again. His light golden hair tasselled messily around his slender face as he hammered on the door.
Ciel leaned over and unlocked the car door, then pulled on the handle - popping the door open for his friend. Alois leaped in, tossing his backpack onto the back seat.
"You know if we're late Undertaker will make us do that douchy 'state your trauma' shit". Ciel said. "I fucking hate doing that, you tell him something painful and he just laughs at you like some deranged school girl."
"I don't know why you won't just tell him what he wants to hear?" Alois replied whilst fastening his seatbelt across his slender waist.
Ciel started the car, "what do you mean?", he asked as he negotiated the behemoth navy blue muscle car out of its tight parking spot.
Alois reached over and flicked the black silk eye patch covering Ciels' right eye.
"Man, fuck off." Ciel winced, keeping his good eye on the road.
"You know that's what he wants to hear, why do you just tell him?"
"Because it's none of his business, it's none of anyone's fucking business."
"Hm. Well, you'll have to think of something because it looks like we've hit traffic." Ciel groaned at Alois' comment as he looked at the line to enter the Bay Bridge.
Ciel and Alois had been friends for what felt like forever. They met by chance when they were kids, both sat in a beige waiting room in their therapists' office, both waiting to pour their guts out to their respective people behind the closed doors. Alois Trancy was the first to make contact, gleefully bounding over to the shy, quiet boy with the sad cobalt blue eyes.
They talked, they shared and even though Alois was a few years older, they had a lot in common. Ciel never left Alois' side; he was the only uncomplicated thing in his life. Alois' joyful charm enchanted Ciel and drew out the reserved child, whereas Ciels' peaceful quiet was like a cool hand across Alois' brow - soothing and comforting. They lived relatively close by so they always saw each other every day, hung out, played, napped, studied - they had a rare bond that has remained ever since.
...
The two sat in a comfortable silence listening to The Raveonettes as they drove over the Bay Bridge and, after a while, took an off ramp and drove the busy streets until the pair arrived at the campus of UC Berkley.
Ciel parked his car, grabbed his messenger bag and checked to make sure his parking permit was properly displayed. He looked over at Alois, who was preening in the passenger side mirror.
"In your own time Aly." Ciel huffed as he pulled his navy pea coat over his grey Nor Cal hoodie, pulling the hood out from behind him and smoothing it down across his back. He wore a lot of bulky layers to try and beef himself up, he had always had a lithe figure since he was a child but he was a man now and wanted to look like one. Alois finished fidgeting with his hair and raced over to Ciel and, locking their arms together, he skipped them along to class.
When they finally got to their lecture hall they were late. Opting to sneak in the back, Ciel gently pulled the heavy door open to spy any empty seats in the back. As he spotted a clear row, he smiled to himself, thinking that he and Alois could slip in unnoticed. A faint voice was heard and Ciel scanned the room to see who it was.
Excellent, Gregory is 'stating his trauma', this Goth always has some horrific story, Ciel thought to himself as he grabbed Alois' hand and slowly pulled him into the room.
"My parents got me this puppy one year for Christmas. It was all I ever wanted and they finally thought that I was ready for the commitment," Gregory started. Gregory Violet was an enigma - a stereotypical goth, jet black hair with one white streak at the front, large, heavy combat boots, leather trousers and a long sleeved black shirt. His nails were black, his face was pale and his eyes ringed with black kohl liner. He was usually face down buried in a sketch book, and Ciel often wondered why he was a Psychology major instead of an artist but there were just some things that he didn't question.
Ciel and Alois found their seats as Gregory continued, "those fools didn't think to put holes in the box and they left the puppy in its box by the fire. Needless to say, when it came time to open presents, I was greeted with a lifeless dead puppy. It was at that moment I realized that death was a constant part of life."
There were audible gasps from the lecture hall, 'Sweet Jesus.' Alois muttered. Undertaker, who was stood at the front of the room, reclining against a desk, took a moment to analyze Gregorys' story. His eyes were covered by a thick layer of sliver grey fringe, the rest of his long hair tied in a lose pony tail at the back. He wore a simple, yet elegant charcoal suit with matching vest and a crisp white dress shirt underneath. The class was focused on him, waiting to see what he had to say about the sad story. His body began to tremble and shake, and he doubled over clutching his sides before exploding in a fit of laughter.
"Kekeke, ah, wonderful Gregory, absolutely wonderful!" he chortled. Gregory sat down, unamused by his professors laughter. Undertaker started to turn around, grabbing his white board marker and walking over to the board, he stopped for a moment. "Phantomhive, Trancy - stand up and state your trauma!" He shouted as he hurled the marker at them, hitting Alois square in the face.
'Dammit' Alois whinged, rubbing his head and standing to his feet Ciel shortly joined him. Undertaker turned to face them. "Well?" He asked.
Alois nudged Ciel to go first. "My parents divorced when I was nine and I had to live with my mom," he started, Undertaker nodding along, "I had - there were problems and I ended up having to live with my aunt Anne." He stated.
"And how was that traumatic for you?" Undertaker leaned precariously against the desk at the front, crossing his arms and bringing his right one forward to his chin rubbing it gently.
"It was traumatic because my dad just left, he went back to England and left me. Don't get me wrong I love my mother, I just don't like..." He stopped for a moment not wanting to divulge too much. "The situation, I don't like the situation." He finished. Ciel felt uncomfortable having to bear his soul in front of people he didn't really know and especially his incredibly unprofessional Professor, Undertaker.
"Well, given the minuscule piece of information given, we'll just have to assume it was traumatic for you then." Undertaker scoffed and Ciel sat down. He rubbed the bit of marred flesh above his right eye, it was traumatic, he thought to himself. "Trancy - you'd better do better than that", mocked Undertaker.
Alois straightened himself up and smiled, "when I came out - "
"Yawn!" Interjected the Professor, loudly, "everyone here knows you're as camp as a row of glittery pink tents belting out Elton John, try again."
Alois fidgets for a moment, thinking, "when I was little, my brother Luka and I wanted a puppy..." He began, Ciel looked at his friend solemnly, this was the first time Alois has spoken about Luka since the incident. "I remember asking our dad for a Border Collie, we wanted one so badly. One day dad comes up to us and says that today is the day, we're getting a puppy. Luka and I rushed to get our coats on and we trotted out to the car where our mother was waiting for us. We drove for miles until we arrived at this farm. Dad met with the breeder and then he showed us to the puppies. Imagine our surprise when we found out that they were Old English Sheepdogs not Border Collies!" Ciel noticed his friend balling his fist. "Out of this litter, dad said we could pick whichever one we wanted. I chose this little one called Lacy, it looked so much like a puppy version of Luka, bright eyes and playful. We told dad that this is the puppy we want, he nodded and goes to the breeder. Luka and I squealed with joy I - I remember it like it was yesterday." He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. "As we get ready to go, dad tells us to let Lacy go, we asked why and dad says because he's chosen Oliver to be the one we come home with instead. I was furious! What's the point of asking what we want if you're going to do whatever the fuck you want anyway Dad! I mean- "
"Kekekekeke! Sit down Trancy, sit down." laughed Undertaker. "Take note Phantomhive - pure emotion, wonderful." He continued to giggle as he went to the white board, grabbing another pen from his podium.
"I know you all are curious as to why I ask you to state your traumas, aside from having some of the best giggles of my life, there is a reason." The professor turns to the board and quickly writes in big letters THE ART OF LETTING GO. "We, as psychologists, expect our patients to open up, to tell us their problems and they in return want us to help them get over whatever emotional demons plague them. We don't want them to necessarily forget or even forgive but we do want them to move past it - that's what we're here for, to help our patients move past the trauma that afflicts them, to heal them. We have to help them let go."
The lecture continued, with everyone furiously writing or typing what their professor had to say. Without a doubt, Professor Undertaker, as he liked to be called, was one of the best in his field. No one knew why he insisted on being called Undertaker or even his real name but there had always been rumors that it came about because his specialty was dealing with grief and severe trauma - he's the guy you call when there's been a terrorist attack, high school shooting or plane crash. He was incredibly eccentric but equally incredible at his profession. However good he may be dealing with traumatized people, Ciel often wondered whether he had laughed at their stories too.
Finally towards the end of the lecture, Undertaker turned to Ciel and uttered a slight giggle. Ciel couldn't see his eyes as they were hidden away under the copious amount of fringe but he knew he was staring straight at him, "It is when you truly let go is when you can begin to heal." Ciel shifted in his chair at that comment, wondering what he meant. "Kekekekeke, anywhoo - I have assignments for you all. I think I've gotten to know many of you over the last few years in this program and I have designed a personalized thesis for you each to explore." The professor walked over to the podium and picked up a bunch of envelopes, and then walked around the room handing one out to each student. "Inside these envelopes is your thesis. Open it, read it, think about it and if you have any questions, come see me. Once you leave, kekekeke, you can start your research. Your papers need to be 25,000 words and guess what my little lambs, it's 85% of your final grade. Kekekeke." He giggled at the groans of each student as he handed them their assignment. Walking up the stairs to the back of the hall, he handed Alois his envelope, then bent over to Ciel and whispered in his ear, "you need to learn how to let go and stop thinking you can control everything Ciel, because you can't. You're my favorite and the most promising, don't let your need for control - control you." he then stood upright again and gave the young man his envelope. "I think you'll like this assignment or you won't kekekeke, either way I'm going to have fun watching you. Kekekeke." He then sauntered away, still giggling at his last comment.
Ciel opened his envelope and studied it. As he did so, Alois looked over his shoulder, "wow, he's got you pegged." He chuckled.
"Shut up Aly." Ciel snapped as he continued to read the letter.
Dearest Ciel,
I worry about you; you never let yourself feel anything other than what you want to. That's not good for you my boy, it's unhealthy and destructive, and so your thesis is on Dominance and Submission.
Of course you know that this needs to be well researched and I wouldn't expect anything less from my best student.
Oh and Ciel, in you research, I expect you to submit, trust me; it'll be good for you to let go. :-)
Good luck.
"The bastard drew a smiley face on my letter." He jeered. "This has to be a joke! What a perv, there is no way I'm going to do this assignment."
