Chapter 1 – Ashes to Ashes
Sousuke slowly pushed himself up from the pavement, the billowing smoke and flames in the building next to him continued to devour every last trace of what had been left of Gauron. He stumbled for a moment, despite the impact on the roof of the compact vehicle parked next to him, he felt completely numb. "Chidori." Her name came out as no more than a whisper against the crackling of the nearby flames. Images flew past his mind's eye, recalling the last time he had been graced with the sight of her smiling face. The pain in his heart was practically throbbing, his ears still ringing from the explosion that had forced him back into the poorly lit street. "Chidori is…" Millions of details about her that he had committed to memory were working against him; the way she wore her hair, the color of her favorite sneakers, everything down to the pleasant scent of her apartment teased his senses. "She's dead…"
There. He had said it. Vaguely his thoughts reminded him that even if he hadn't said it that it wouldn't have made it any less painful. Steadily, the pain within him grew. The darkness inside was reaching out to him; it was tempting him with what his rational mind would have recognized as empty promises. The echo of Gauron's insane laughter only helped to spread the growing torrent of mental suffering the man's earlier words had caused. He felt his head lower to stare at the ground, as if weighed down by the overwhelming thoughts it carried. A stray piece of glass broke free from the second floor window, scratching by his cheek as if fell. A thin trail of blood trickled down his face before dripping down to the rough, blackened concrete. He didn't flinch, he wasn't even sure if he could feel anything anymore.
Everything he had worked for, suffered for, everything that had made him feel alive had been ripped away as if it were no more than a simple slip of paper. It had all disappeared in the moment that Gauron had recalled just how she had been taken from him. 'Her body was mangled and there was blood all over that cute little school girl uniform…' Just as the pain surrounding his heart began reaching unbearable levels, he felt himself give into the all consuming darkness within. Off in the distance he could hear the distinct sound of hurried footsteps, and moments later the form of Corporal Yang rushed from the shadows. "Sousuke, sorry but we had to follow you out here. Mao and the others are fighting the Venom without counter measures to the Lambda Driver. We've already given our coordinates to the Daanan, and they're going to be sending the Arbalest. We need you."
A sour taste formed in Sousuke's mouth as he listened. 'She needed me too,' he thought as Yang and his partner stood still, awaiting his answer. Yang's actions only made the deep hatred within Sousuke's gut grow. Who was he to take such liberties with him anyway? Sousuke remained frozen in place, the light of the fiery building providing the only illumination on the heavily shadowed street. "Come on man, you're the only one who can do this-"
"She's dead," Sousuke interrupted Yang. The other man's words passed over him, leaving no trace that he had even been paying attention. Unable to take Yang's drabble any longer, Sousuke had finally broken his moment of silence. "It's this damned curse. I let her die, and then I kill him." Silvered grey eyes that used to reflect and catch everything within their gaze, faded into a dead stare. "There's nothing left for me now." Yang must have finally understood Sousuke's meaning, as the slightly older man's eyes widened in shock. Sousuke remained still, unmoved by anything. He'd tried living with his emotions, and now the only one he ever wanted to share those with was gone. Why couldn't he just be left alone to wallow in his misery? He'd failed. Fuck Mithril and fuck the mission; he'd failed to protect the only person that meant more to him than any comrade or co-worker ever could.
"Kaname's dead?"
"I never had a future to begin with. Have fun killing yourselves, die for all I care." His focus momentarily fell to a large shard of glass near his feet. Lost in the reflection of eyes he thought had been left behind long ago, he felt the last of his emotions begin to slip away, falling into the darkness that threatened to consume him entirely. "In the end we're nothing. Just chunks of meat." The distant tremors of the M9s gently rocked the ruined vehicle beside him as he stared at the lone piece of glass on the ground. He just couldn't take it anymore. Apparently Yang had grown tired of his silence, as he decided to speak once more.
"Are you insane? You sound just like those terrorists!" Sousuke stared blankly back at him with disdain. How could Yang ever hope to understand? Yang had known a real life before the military; he'd had a family, people who cared for him and still did. He could never hope to understand the loneliness of being raised as a weapon; someone who is only needed as a way to keep the blood flowing. Sousuke continued in his silence, the blank hatred in his eyes burning fiercely. Hoping to try a scare tactic on the jaded young man, Yang pulled out the gun he had secured in his shoulder holster. "Fine, you wanna talk like a terrorist, then I'm gonna treat you like one!"
"C-Corporal!"
"A soldier who's lost his soul is nothing more than a killer. We can't let him go free like this." A quiet sigh found its way out of Sousuke's throat. He was beginning to find Yang annoying. All of his self-righteous talk was making him feel nauseous. Who was Yang to judge him? What right did he have to simply dismiss Sousuke's pain? Unable to stand quietly any longer, Sousuke spoke, his own voice sounding foreign to him somehow.
"You don't even have a clue do you?"
"More than you do."
"Is that right?" A dark shape dropped out of the dark sky, taking the form of the Arbalest with its landing parachute deployed. The faint roar of the booster jets attached to its back grew louder in volume, and as soon as Yang and his partner heard it, they ran to get out of the street. It landed hard on the pavement, tearing up at least four blocks of the vacant street. Sousuke remained unmoving; welcoming what could be his final meeting with death. Giant clouds of dust and gusts of wind kicked up as the Arbalest crashed by him, the harsh winds blowing out the fire from the still burning building. Sousuke felt his frustration grow as the giant machine raced right by him, causing deep grooves in the hard ground beneath it. Once it had stopped, Sousuke turned to stare at the cold green eyes. Those same empty eyes stared back at him, and Sousuke could feel his gaze harden. "Piece of shit."
Yang watched helplessly as one of the strongest soldiers he'd ever met just stood there, purposely blocking out everything. The older man's shoulders slumped as he heard Sousuke insult the mech that had been sent for him. "It's useless to send this thing; I can't even use it anyway. And I don't want to." The green glass of the Arbalests eyes stared lifelessly back at him, cold and unfeeling. The mere sight of the huge machine was just another reminder to Sousuke of all that he lost when he was recalled. 'It was only because of her that I could use you in the first place. What good are you now that she's gone?' The anger inside him was rising again, unwilling to stay buried in the dark comfort of the void within him. "That's right, just lie there and rust away." Walking over to the face of the Arbalest, Sousuke kicked in one of the glass eye panels, the colored shards dancing against the faint light of the rising sun. Wishing he had saved a few bullets to fire into the machinery, Sousuke turned to look back at Yang. "I'm leaving now. Don't follow me this time."
"Leaving? You mean you're just turning your back on us? What about Mao and Weber? The Lieutenant Commander?"
"They're all the same, just more useless bodies waiting for their chance to die. I won't be their puppet anymore."
"But what about your place in Mithril?"
"Take it if you want it so badly. I've had enough of their heroic bullshit."
"But Sousuke, think about this for a minute. What would the Captain say?" The brief memory of the meeting in her office came to the forefront of Sousuke's mind. It was one thing to require him to test the Arbalests abilities for the purpose of improving its functionality; Sousuke could understand that, no matter how much he hated that machine. But he had been pulled out of Tokyo for purely selfish reasons. He'd always known that Captain Testarossa was infatuated with him, but that's all it was, an infatuation and nothing more. She'd recalled him for her own selfish purpose, and ordering him to have no further contact with Chidori ended up being the final nail in her coffin.
"She's said enough. She pulled me away from the one most important to me."
"Then what would Kaname say if she knew?" Sousuke could feel the bile rise in his throat as he heard Yang ask him the question. 'Son of a bitch! How dare he speak her name as if he cared!'
"Don't you dare say her name!" Moving impossibly fast, Sousuke turned and ran at Yang, raising him by his throat as he yelled. "It's because of Mithril and your precious Captain that she's dead!" Yang struggled against the tight hold on his throat, the pressure of Sousuke's grip keeping him from even the slightest breath. Yang's partner was cowering where he sat, shocked at what one of their own could be capable of.
"P-Please Sergeant, let him go, h-he didn't mean any harm!"
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions Corporal. If you value your lives I suggest you never speak her name again." Dropping Yang from the tight hold on his neck, Sousuke turned and continued to walk down the shadowed street. "Don't follow me again."
Yang choked as air suddenly rushed into his lungs. Turning to look down the street, he couldn't spot Sousuke anywhere. It was as if he had just disappeared, and the silence of the vacated neighborhood felt overpowering in his absence. Reaching to put the hand gun back in its proper place, Yang turned when he heard something like footsteps down the opposite direction. His jaw fell slightly as the shadow came closer, taking the form of a teenage girl in a light blue uniform. "Kaname?"
"Mr. Yang! Mr. Yang, please, where's Sousuke?" Yang's face fell, how could he tell her what had happened? How could he look her in the eye and tell her that Sousuke left everything behind when he believed her to be dead? Yang watched as Kaname's face grew more worried by the second, seeing the faint shine of tears as she waited in suspense.
"Kaname…"
"Mr. Yang, please tell me where he is. I have to find him!"
"Kaname, he…"
"He what? What happened? Where is he?"
"He just left."
"Left? Then, which way did he go? If we hurry…" Kaname's words stopped as Yang held up his open hand to halt her words. Kaname wasn't liking this at all. If Sousuke was around, why weren't they trying to find him? What had happened?
"Someone lied to him about you Kaname."
"Someone lied? About me? What did they say?"
"T-They told him… that you were dead." Yang watched as her hand came up to her stricken face to cover her mouth. A quiet sob escaped her as the tears broke free from her lashes. "He hasn't been the same since he got recalled. It, well it's been almost like he was pushed into a corner or something. He was just so angry and frustrated at everything. He wandered off earlier, and when we found him, he said that you were dead. We don't know who would have said something like that, but it's like he's lost his will to live." Kaname's tears flowed faster down her face as she tried to imagine what it was like to witness Sousuke giving up at anything. 'Why?' she though as her trembling knees finally gave out. 'Why now? I finally made it here Sousuke! I made it all this way here for you! Where are you!?'
"We tried talking to him Kaname. He didn't want to hear any of it." Kaname's tears fell onto the pink bag she held over her legs, the damp material looked almost as dark as blood under the shadows of the first bright light of day. Her fists clenched onto the handles as the tears fell from her normally bright eyes.
"Mao and the others are fighting right now; right?"
"Yes. But, without Sousuke they probably won't last long."
"They need the Lambda Driver don't they?"
"Yes." Kaname brought up a hand to wipe the tears from her face, even though others fell immediately after. A light breeze played with her hair as she sat and contemplated everything that had happened in the last few hours. She'd almost died because Sousuke had disappeared, and now that she was so close…
"Mr. Yang?"
"Yeah Kaname?"
"Mao and the others will be fine."
"Huh? What do you mean? Is there a way around the Lambda Driver we didn't know about?"
"No."
"Then what-"
"Maybe I can do something."
"What are talking about?" Kaname stood, leaving her bag with the other man she hadn't met before. Wiping the tears from her face once more she took a hard look at the abandoned Armslave down the road. Yang stood silently, confused as he watched her walk over toward the Arbalest. "Kaname, What are you doing?"
"It was a Whispered who built this thing right?"
"W-Well yes, but I don't see-"
"Then maybe a Whispered can pilot it."
